Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

I’m not offended. But I don’t agree with it. Not because I’m a helicopteranxietyplowhatever. To me taking phones or having a Pinterest basket for them seems controlling, for any age. I don’t need constant contact nor does my kid need constant access, but that’s between us. If you want to use your cute light up/chalkboard to announce your basement Peach Pit Hangatropolis is phone free that’s cool. Just let us know ahead of time so they’re prepared and know what to expect. And if they like your kid enough to toe the control line.

This response sounds like a mean girl.

It’s girl over the mom who thinks I need to call her instead of my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

Do you think the parents take the kid's phones and break them in half like burner phones?

1. They are in a house
2. The phone is still available if they need it. Just ask
3. The parents are there and they too have phones

It really is not that hard LOL

Free will is also pretty easy. You should let your kids try it out sometime. They will likely surprise you, in a good way. It’s not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

Parallel play?! We are talking about tweens and teens.

I think the issue here is that people are talking about different things. Huge difference between a basket at the door for a sleepover of a few 12 year old girls and a basement party with older co ed teens. I definitely want my kid having her phone on her if we are talking about the latter. If the former, just let us know in advance so I can ask my tween to check the phone from time to time in case I have tried to reach her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

Do you think the parents take the kid's phones and break them in half like burner phones?

1. They are in a house
2. The phone is still available if they need it. Just ask
3. The parents are there and they too have phones

It really is not that hard LOL

Your kids definitely have secret burner phones. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

If the posters are posting while they are the in middle of social gathering that is rude and speaks to a larger problem. If they are posting by themselves, then how is that relevant to our discussion here?

What social gathering do you go to where the host takes your phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

Parallel play?! We are talking about tweens and teens.

I think the issue here is that people are talking about different things. Huge difference between a basket at the door for a sleepover of a few 12 year old girls and a basement party with older co ed teens. I definitely want my kid having her phone on her if we are talking about the latter. If the former, just let us know in advance so I can ask my tween to check the phone from time to time in case I have tried to reach her.

DP. That PP was spot on about parallel play. You don't see it, because you don't want to look. Others of us do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

+2 I find much of this thread deeply disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

Parallel play?! We are talking about tweens and teens.

I think the issue here is that people are talking about different things. Huge difference between a basket at the door for a sleepover of a few 12 year old girls and a basement party with older co ed teens. I definitely want my kid having her phone on her if we are talking about the latter. If the former, just let us know in advance so I can ask my tween to check the phone from time to time in case I have tried to reach her.

DP. That PP was spot on about parallel play. You don't see it, because you don't want to look. Others of us do.

I have no idea what you are trying to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

If the posters are posting while they are the in middle of social gathering that is rude and speaks to a larger problem. If they are posting by themselves, then how is that relevant to our discussion here?

What social gathering do you go to where the host takes your phone?

Do you think the phone will be sold as soon as it's "taken"? What exactly are you so worried about? If someone at the house really meant to harm your kid you know they actually would take the phone and not even put it in a communal spot that is easily accessible, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

I’ve only experienced it once (three kids, two of them teens) and that was for fifth graders most of whom didn’t have a phone yet anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I didn't read the rest of the thread because DCUM.

OP, my son and his friends all loved their phones. Then at some point they started to talk about how boring it was to hang out while everyone was on their phone. For a while it became a "thing" that they didn't use their phones when they were together, or they had some contest about who could not look the longest. Now I think they all keep their phones, but they are mindful of use. I'm not really aware of the specifics because I wasn't involved in any of these decisions and just heard my kid talking about them and/or observed different things.

In other words, learning to navigate this is a life lesson in and of itself. You can help your kid talk through some ideas. If she really wants to use you as an excuse for "no one can use their phone" that's fine, but she needs to be clear with kids before they come over that that is the rule. Once my son had his own phone most of my texts about him went directly to him and I would have needed a head's up if his phone were going to be confiscated once he arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

Do you think the parents take the kid's phones and break them in half like burner phones?

1. They are in a house
2. The phone is still available if they need it. Just ask
3. The parents are there and they too have phones

It really is not that hard LOL

No one said it was hard.
It’s a little too insistent for my taste. I like to socialize with people who are a bit more easy going. And saying “LOL” after every comment doesn’t make you easy going!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

If the posters are posting while they are the in middle of social gathering that is rude and speaks to a larger problem. If they are posting by themselves, then how is that relevant to our discussion here?

What social gathering do you go to where the host takes your phone?

Do you think the phone will be sold as soon as it's "taken"? What exactly are you so worried about? If someone at the house really meant to harm your kid you know they actually would take the phone and not even put it in a communal spot that is easily accessible, right?

The particular comments you are responding to are about the PARENTS’ use of phones not a teen’s. Teens carry phones when they leave the home for the same reasons adults do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

Do you think the parents take the kid's phones and break them in half like burner phones?

1. They are in a house
2. The phone is still available if they need it. Just ask
3. The parents are there and they too have phones

It really is not that hard LOL

No one said it was hard.
It’s a little too insistent for my taste. I like to socialize with people who are a bit more easy going. And saying “LOL” after every comment doesn’t make you easy going!

Unless you're a teen this isn't about what you like. Ask your kid what they like and let them decide if they're ok with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

If the posters are posting while they are the in middle of social gathering that is rude and speaks to a larger problem. If they are posting by themselves, then how is that relevant to our discussion here?

What social gathering do you go to where the host takes your phone?

Do you think the phone will be sold as soon as it's "taken"? What exactly are you so worried about? If someone at the house really meant to harm your kid you know they actually would take the phone and not even put it in a communal spot that is easily accessible, right?

The particular comments you are responding to are about the PARENTS’ use of phones not a teen’s. Teens carry phones when they leave the home for the same reasons adults do.

And adults are often asked to turn off or mute their phones. You're probably the jerk who doesn't because you're above the rules and nobody's gonna be the boss of you!