Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

We do the basket for phones in the kitchen. Just like kids have to take their shoes off when they come in, they drop their phones in the basket. This is mostly needed for the kids in middle school (maybe through 9th). Those are the kids who think it's cool to whip out their phones constantly. By 11th grade they're over it. The very few kids who've been all "My mom says I have to keep my phone with me all the time" are the only ones who've broken their phones (two have dropped them then promptly jumped on them on the trampoline, breaking them) or lost them (putting them on the railing of the deck, then knocking it off and not finding it in the brush, or something else). They also will leave it somewhere in the house and then frantically beg someone to call their phone for them. Only one kid dropped it in the toilet, and was furious at me that I wouldn't haul it out. That kid wound up screaming and crying "You do it!" over and over and was never invited back again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

You are an idiot. Advocating for young tweens and teens to have some nights without a cell phone has NOTHING to do with 5+ years when they will be in college as an ADULT. Give me a break with this dumb ass analogy.

This is a teen forum. It’s not just for “young tweens and teens” and I do think age matters here. But so does self advocacy. And so does recognizing that just because OP’s daughter doesn’t want to look at Tik Tok videos on a Friday night, doesn’t mean the other teens agree with her. This is an issue for the girls to resolve on their own as a group, and Mom coming in to force the issue doesn’t help her develop those tools.

This is a Tween and Teen forum LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

You are an idiot. Advocating for young tweens and teens to have some nights without a cell phone has NOTHING to do with 5+ years when they will be in college as an ADULT. Give me a break with this dumb ass analogy.

This is a teen forum. It’s not just for “young tweens and teens” and I do think age matters here. But so does self advocacy. And so does recognizing that just because OP’s daughter doesn’t want to look at Tik Tok videos on a Friday night, doesn’t mean the other teens agree with her. This is an issue for the girls to resolve on their own as a group, and Mom coming in to force the issue doesn’t help her develop those tools.

This is a Tween and Teen forum LOL

Correct. Not just tweens. Not just young teens. There’s a big difference between 11 and 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Students in colleges are adults. So what is your point? Everyone here seems to be talking about middle schoolers?

Do you think middle schoolers and young adults are the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

omfg no one here is talking about the parents taking the phones. They are talking about phone free gatherings. IF the kid wants to come over they understand they all put their phones in the same place and have a night without screens.

Shhh stopping making sense. The over-controlling helicopters don't agree with sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Students in colleges are adults. So what is your point? Everyone here seems to be talking about middle schoolers?

Do you think middle schoolers and young adults are the same?

No, everyone here isn’t talking about middle schoolers, like the parent who was talking about teens drinking in the basement and not wanting them to drive home.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

I’m not offended. But I don’t agree with it. Not because I’m a helicopteranxietyplowhatever. To me taking phones or having a Pinterest basket for them seems controlling, for any age. I don’t need constant contact nor does my kid need constant access, but that’s between us. If you want to use your cute light up/chalkboard to announce your basement Peach Pit Hangatropolis is phone free that’s cool. Just let us know ahead of time so they’re prepared and know what to expect. And if they like your kid enough to toe the control line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

I’m not offended. But I don’t agree with it. Not because I’m a helicopteranxietyplowhatever. To me taking phones or having a Pinterest basket for them seems controlling, for any age. I don’t need constant contact nor does my kid need constant access, but that’s between us. If you want to use your cute light up/chalkboard to announce your basement Peach Pit Hangatropolis is phone free that’s cool. Just let us know ahead of time so they’re prepared and know what to expect. And if they like your kid enough to toe the control line.

Just ask your kid what they prefer and butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

+1

I am shocked how many parents are as addicted to cell phones and doesn't see the issue with kids going back to parallel play

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me more depressed than most on DCUM. The vitriol is amazing- someone asks your child to put her phone somewhere and you are all freaking out. No wonder we’re f$caked as a nation. Srsly bummed out by you people who would be offended by this.

I’m not offended. But I don’t agree with it. Not because I’m a helicopteranxietyplowhatever. To me taking phones or having a Pinterest basket for them seems controlling, for any age. I don’t need constant contact nor does my kid need constant access, but that’s between us. If you want to use your cute light up/chalkboard to announce your basement Peach Pit Hangatropolis is phone free that’s cool. Just let us know ahead of time so they’re prepared and know what to expect. And if they like your kid enough to toe the control line.

This response sounds like a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

Please. How often do you leave the house without YOUR phone? I could question you on all the reasons you think you might need a cell phone when you go somewhere and it would be just as silly. And none of my business.

They are on electronics posting this.

If the posters are posting while they are the in middle of social gathering that is rude and speaks to a larger problem. If they are posting by themselves, then how is that relevant to our discussion here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

Then you tell the child to put away the phone and they aren't allowed to use it except in an emergency. Most homes don't have home phones anymore (we do) so if there was an emergency I want my kid to be able to call me or 911.

Do you think the parents take the kid's phones and break them in half like burner phones?

1. They are in a house
2. The phone is still available if they need it. Just ask
3. The parents are there and they too have phones

It really is not that hard LOL