Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

[Anonymous]

I would feel comfortable being a SAHM in your position.

[Anonymous]

I love my SAH life. There’s definitely a trade off to have it, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have my own accounts, but mostly just enjoy living my life and having the freedom to choose what to do with my day every day. It’s wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

There is not a 30% chance of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my SAH life. There’s definitely a trade off to have it, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have my own accounts, but mostly just enjoy living my life and having the freedom to choose what to do with my day every day. It’s wonderful.

It’s my goal. I think other posters are just jealous. I will be inheriting millions from my parents and do not plan on working another day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my SAH life. There’s definitely a trade off to have it, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have my own accounts, but mostly just enjoy living my life and having the freedom to choose what to do with my day every day. It’s wonderful.

It’s my goal. I think other posters are just jealous. I will be inheriting millions from my parents and do not plan on working another day.

It's very easy to assume others are just jealous in your position. Most women arent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

So what? Super funded 529s is just for kids. You need to have at least $5mm in own assets as a woman to have about $150k spent budget in present value at retirement. It's a very high goal for most people even with law partner husbands. I've got $4mm and still work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

So what? Super funded 529s is just for kids. You need to have at least $5mm in own assets as a woman to have about $150k spent budget in present value at retirement. It's a very high goal for most people even with law partner husbands. I've got $4mm and still work

Obviously she’d need to downgrade her lifestyle. But if she divorces a high earner she’s going to have to do that anyway. Even high earners would struggle to replicate their lifestyle for a second house and expenses. I’m not sure that staying gainfully employed is the solution you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

[phone]

The 100-200k job isn’t going to do that much for you if you’re divorcing a man like that. A man like that will also try to keep your kids from you. In a situation like that you’re better off just staying married and trying to ignore the DH. Not worth all of that drama and he’s likely busy at work anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the entire thread...did anybody say anything about the potential power you sacrifice when you are financially dependent on your husband? And the tendency of some high earning men to begin to devalue their non earning wives? They may come to resent the pressure they perceive in being the sole provider, even if they chose it. You can become an easy target in the hard times . Even if consciously supporting it, they may lose respect for you. Not all, but some. You also may lose some respect for yourself. You don't have to match his exorbitant income. But working often offers a sense of its own empowerment that may make you accept less bs from him, if he is prone to that, you know what I mean? It gives you a different marriage dynamic, often more of a partnership. I think it gives you more power.. But you may feel you get that without working.

This sounds like you trying to justify your decision. If your spouse resents you, you need to get rid of that spouse. People will find a reason to resent you and blame you if that is their personality.

I personally think it’s pathetic that so many women on here are working out of fear and have bought the story that if not, their husband will resent them. Meanwhile they dealt with pregnancy and childbirth but aren’t resentful their husband didn’t share that burden. Then so many people on here are miserable and they can’t figure out why. I can’t imagine having an opinion of my marriage like PP and thinking my JOB really plays that big of a role in my marriage. And yes I work.

I am a PP and work because I want to AND because I understand intrinsically how a power imbalance can fester in a working man/SAHW dynamic.

I was married to a sole earner and moved to Europe to support his career (he had an opportunity there). We had a toddler, then had a baby there. When I was very early into my second pregnancy I learned that he was cheating. I have never felt more trapped, more powerless. I had no work visa, no real means of supporting myself or getting a career job. It was absolutely devastating.

I had to rebuild my life from the ground up. I came back to the US and was on food stamps/cash assistance. I experienced firsthand the humiliation and intractable stress of poverty - with small kids, no less. My former spouse fully exploited his financial advantage from the day I left, including throughout the divorce process. I am not exaggerating when I say it almost killed me.

I was able to gain new skills and now am in a comfortable career. I am also remarried to a man who makes significantly more money than I do. I would never put myself in a position to be so vulnerable and dependent again. Unless a woman is independently wealthy or has parents who are (and are unequivocally willing to support her if things go south in a marriage) I would NEVER advise anyone to not work. There are just far too many variables in life and generally, he with the most money wins.

So you’re working out of fear. Best solution is to not have kids in case your husband cheats.

No she works for her own self respect and security which only depends on her

That's an odd way to view a marriage and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

Right. That kind of guy is going scorched earth regardless of your $100k job or not.

With a man like that I would be more concerned he would physically harm me or the kids than I’d be worried about not having a job.

[Anonymous]

So she keeps working, and when the evil man divorces her, he wipes out all the accounts, leaving her without her earnings anyway.

In the evil man divorce scenario, the only people "saved" are those who can fall back on family money he can't touch or those who were equally "evil" and hid some of their own assets knowing divorce was likely. Her 100K salary isn't going to cover a place to live near her kids in the $2mil house, double of all their belongings, and attorneys fees.

Live the life you are in now, OP. Be financially smart, but don't live in fear of worst case scenarios. That's no life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women file for divorce 80 - 90% of the time which indicates that men are not the ones who predominantly leave the marriage.
If you are concerned about his "leaving" you then your risk is relatively low. You are more likely to leave the marriage than he is.
If he is making 2+ million a year, then the child support will be significant and you will get 50% of all marital assests.
This looks like low risk-high-reward in your favor to me. In other words, his labor results in community property that you, through no-fault divorce, can take 50% at any time.
Also at 2+ million a year, you will not be doing any significant house work because you can hire cleaners.

You are worried for nothing. He, on the other hand, should be scared out of his mind.

+1000000

I’m part of a 600k HHI and we mostly need my income. My husband is earning about 400k of it.

I can’t imagine my husband making millions a year but me to continue this 200k job under the slim chance he decides to divorce me. Life is short and I don’t get a lot of joy from working. I don’t dislike it but I enjoy traveling and hobbies way more. How sad would that be to miss out on ski trips out west just so I can continue a paper pushing job so my husband doesn’t leave me and our kids destitute?

If ski slopes are more important to you than 30% chance of being potentially destitute in retirement and kids not having college education (yes, college accounts under husband control are easily emptied, too) then indeed you can stay home. I regret not having an easy paper pushing job (remote preferably so I could still enjoy traveling).

Superfund some 529s and be the owner. That is what I did. And once the 5 years is up, I am going to super fund them again. Just do not be dumb. Be involved in your finances. If your husband is not the kind of guy who is ok with this, don’t give up your job.

Alternatively don’t procreate with the type of man who would liquidate 529s upon divorce.

If things are that bad and he’s being that hateful then I don’t see exactly what having a job would even do for you. This guy apparently wiped out millions of dollars, liquidated a 401k, moved money offshore and then closed his kids’ 529s? That’s all a special kind of evil and I’m not sure being gainfully employed is really going to improve things that much.

NP. It’s not that uncommon a scenario in wealthy people divorce. I would say what the PP described is actually pretty average in high net worth divorce.