NYTs Etiquette - "I Refused to Switch Seats on a Plane. Twice. Was I Wrong?"

[Anonymous]

The guy is on no way wrong for declining to move. The airline and family is at fault. Airlines may you pay a la carte for every single thing about your flight experience. They could make it free to choose your seats beforehand, make this free for people traveling with kids under a certain age, or the parents could pay for this. Don’t cheap out and expect someone else to accommodate you in flight. Ridiculous. I say this as a parent of two young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The guy is on no way wrong for declining to move. The airline and family is at fault. Airlines may you pay a la carte for every single thing about your flight experience. They could make it free to choose your seats beforehand, make this free for people traveling with kids under a certain age, or the parents could pay for this. Don’t cheap out and expect someone else to accommodate you in flight. Ridiculous. I say this as a parent of two young kids.

It's a woman--she signed the letter "Lissa." Why are so many assuming it's a man?

[Anonymous]

No is a complete sentence. It’s your seat. You don’t need a reason or an excuse to keep it. I bought and paid for my Honda minivan. It’s mine. I don’t need to explain why I don’t want to swap it for free with a Civic.

[Anonymous]

I've flown with my kids on government tickets where we could not get a seat selection at all. Or because the government tickets are cheap the airline reassigns those seats first. Once my 9 year old sat alone on a 12 hour to asia. Fun times.

Sometimes it isn't the parents' doing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

I’m sure it’s rare, but that it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

I haven’t travelled yet with my kids (pandemic babies) but as a single person I definitely got moved a ton when I should up at the airport in the last five years. It was annoying but manageable in that context but it would be awful to be separated for my kids. Also a couple people have pointed out the challenges with rebooking if your flights are cancelled or seriously delayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

Yes, it happens and we have personally experienced that a few times on overseas or cross-country flights. It may be the airlines we fly which seem to change aircraft way too frequently so all the seat configurations get messed up. We might have started with 3 seats in a row next to a window and in the new plane it's 2 and the second kid gets randomly reassigned somewhere instead of in the aisle over. It also may be related to how some airlines may have crappier computer systems that don't prioritize keeping young kids with their parents while other airlines might do that.

When we flag down the attendant they try to help but as described on this thread in tons of pages it's tricky. I once had to leave my child with SN alone with a younger sibling on a 5 hour flight. I'm sure everyone was annoyed I was always standing nearby but really what could I do? No one agreed to switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

Yes anytime they change the plane that is to be used to a different one- with different seating configurations- peoples seats get changed around. It’s not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

As a parent I think the letter writer was correct - this assumes the story is told correctly and fully.

We have had our pre-chosen seats rearranged by the airline when our kids were babies / toddlers. We always exchanged equal seats - aisle for aisle, window for window. If this person is being asked to exchange a seat with extra leg room for a “normal” seat, that is not fair or reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

I can confirm it happens. It's actually happened to me for a flight next week for spring break where we had 4 together and now we are 2-1-1.

[Anonymous]

Personally I would’ve said no to the family’s request. Then once the attendant is out of earshot I would’ve asked them what it’s worth to them. If I could get four or five hundred for the seat, I’d switch.

[Anonymous]

I've always booked seats for my family together. The airlines sometimes switch our seats and separate us anyway, even though we select and pay for specific seats. One time I booked a 3-seat row for me, husband, and child (window, middle, and aisle). They split us up into three different middle seats and put my 4 year old daughter in between two grown men. I told the check in lady and she told me to ask the flight attendant. I told the flight attendant and she told me to ask someone to switch. I didn't even get the question fully out of my mouth before one of the men switched with me. That was very kind of him.

I hate that airlines leave it up to passengers to sort out Lord of the Flies style.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

I’m sure it’s rare, but that it happens.

I got moved away from my husband and son because I failed to change my surname at marriage and the airline decided I could therefore be separated from my toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is interesting to hear that families who paid a premium to choose seats together with children got separated, as in all of my traveling, that never happened to me and my kids. I always paid the extra fee to ensure we sat together and regardless of the airline, That’s always been honored. That said, I have definitely been on airplanes where the flight attendants walk up and down the aisle looking for people to change seats to accommodate a family with small children. I always assumed that they did not pay the extra fee and that’s why that happened. But it looks like, from some of these responses, I might have been wrong in that assumption.

I agree with this. My kids are teenagers now, but I have never had a situation where we chose seats before traveling and when we got to the airport, the seats had been moved and we were split up. Does this really happen a lot?

I’m sure it’s rare, but that it happens.

I got moved away from my husband and son because I failed to change my surname at marriage and the airline decided I could therefore be separated from my toddler.

Is your husband incapable of caring for your toddler? One parent for one kid is perfectly acceptable.