Do men really not care about a woman’s career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are happy and unhappy people everywhere, inside and outside of homes. Mental health crisis isn't a speciality of SHAMs and SAHDs, suicide rate isn't highest among them. There are plenty if unhappy successful people resenting lives and jobs and relationships.

This simplistic idea of one difference defining you is naive and ludicrous.

Talking about being a SAHP when you were educated to expect a different idea of what your life would offer. When you were raised to have dreams and ambitions. That’s a different situation, and yes it will breed discontent over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is a partner in a financial services firm. All of the partners and senior associates are married to someone with at least a bachelor's degree, and all of the partners and senior associates who are under 50 are married to someone with an advanced degree (doctor, lawyer, MBA, and nonprofit). Purely anecdotal, but that's our experience. I see a similar sampling among our friends, but admittedly most of my closest girlfriends are from school.

For the 100th time, please separate the degree from employment status.

Are all partners and senior associates married to someone who work in those jobs?

Remember, hbs alumna sahm more than ttt mba alumna.

The op asked about employment status not educational level.

Too many in this thread of mixing the two.

You think lawyer, doctor, and non-profit are the names of degrees? Those are their jobs. The only one that is a degree is MBA

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

Choose one that is, then! My women friends do everything from run ICU units to make human rights policy. They study RNA, write novels, go on archaeological digs, and are at the top of their fields. They are also devoted to their families. Maybe you are of an older generation, but there are lots of interesting things for women to do nowadays besides stay home and have a hobby. As one of my women teachers once said "we can't let men do all the fun stuff."

You just mentioned a whole bunch of careers that don’t earn a lot of money. Maybe asides from running icu units. They could very well be hobby jobs. Yet again another example that men don’t care about high powered careers. They are pretty much doing hobbies, just a definition of is it a job earning some money or not.

Really? My scientist friend makes $200k and so does the one running a human rights center. No idea what the novelist makes, she’s on many bestseller lists so definitely not a hobby job. Not sure if you are clear on the difference between a career and a hobby job.

The novelist, the human rights center director, and the scientist surely did not make 200k off the bat starting out in their career. They probably won’t have an umc class lifestyle unless they married high earning men - finance, consulting, private equity, tech. And definitely the novelist did not make money off the bat. So the topic of this discussion is do men care about womens job. Obviously to the men who married your friends, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed the only men who are “into” a woman’s career are insecure themselves and intelligensia-type status seeking. For example, the one who has a middling career and lives in the least expensive house in a hoity neighborhood and needs to bring up 47 times that his wife is an NPR reporter.

This is oddly specific.

I know the type of men pp is talking about.

They also have androgynous voices aka “neoliberal voice”

Low T

Straight but you are really not quite sure.

I haven't met one woman working at NPR without a sizable trust, so those guys did well.

Haha. The two people I know at NPR are trust funders as well. /end hijack

Which gets back to the nuance of OP’s original question. A “high-status” guy would value the trust fund heiress with slac degree who works at NPR covering education policy — all of which looks good on paper — over (making up an example here) an Arizona State grad who started a successful commercial real estate cleaning service that’s now a franchise. Many man don’t care about women’s careers … but they do care about status and socioeconomic class. As many folks have explained, these are often not related.

[Anonymous]

Many man don’t care about women’s careers … but they do care about status and socioeconomic class.

Good lord. Shove your “status”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is a status symbol. It’s separate from actually holding a job. The UMC guy marries a highly educated woman as a status symbol. Whether she continues working is another matter.

As a status symbol? How about because you want to spend time with someone who is well educated. You will have to talk to this person over many dinners, long car rides and vacations. They will be co- raising your children. to my way of thinking, education is not a status symbol, but you are probably the type of person who would choose your kid's college based upon having a bumper sticker that will impress the neighbors.

Obviously compatibility is a given. Does not negate that a high educated wife that may not choose to work is a status symbol. It makes moving in certain social circles easier. What the woman does with her education after is not important, a woman with a high powered career doesn’t make her a more interesting partner.

That's true to some extent, except having a career is shorthand for a lot of things that do make someone a more interesting partner. Having your own life and passions, having a world of people and projects, challenging yourself to meet externally defined goals, being involved in something that is of value and benefit to society, developing your own skills and talents, learning new things, defining your own path... sure, you could volunteer a bit here and there and take up yoga, but that's usually not going to satisfy someone who has any fire in the belly. I see a lot of wealthy women in my circle who did not have careers or dropped out and they are restless. They dabble here and there in old hobbies and take up temporary causes, but they are all a bit dissatisfied with tennis in the morning and dinner planning in the afternoon. They would not admit it because it's not considered acceptable, but you can't educate women to the level that they could be astronauts or judges and then stick them in a car to do drop off/ pick up. It just doesn't work that way.

Let’s be real. Many of these high powered careers aren’t that interesting. My eyes glaze over when a man or woman start talking about their legal work. It’s much more interesting talking to someone who took an alternate path or cultivated their own interests that does not involve work.

Choose one that is, then! My women friends do everything from run ICU units to make human rights policy. They study RNA, write novels, go on archaeological digs, and are at the top of their fields. They are also devoted to their families. Maybe you are of an older generation, but there are lots of interesting things for women to do nowadays besides stay home and have a hobby. As one of my women teachers once said "we can't let men do all the fun stuff."

You just mentioned a whole bunch of careers that don’t earn a lot of money. Maybe asides from running icu units. They could very well be hobby jobs. Yet again another example that men don’t care about high powered careers. They are pretty much doing hobbies, just a definition of is it a job earning some money or not.

Really? My scientist friend makes $200k and so does the one running a human rights center. No idea what the novelist makes, she’s on many bestseller lists so definitely not a hobby job. Not sure if you are clear on the difference between a career and a hobby job.

+1, I am a scientist and want to quit, please tell me where I can find this scientist hobby job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many man don’t care about women’s careers … but they do care about status and socioeconomic class.

Good lord. Shove your “status”.

Lol tell them not me. I went to a state school and don’t work at NPR. I’ve got a pretty face and a nice corporate career though, and let me tell which one men cared about when I was dating.

[Anonymous]

Is there really a single right answer here? I’m not reading through 15 pages. But aren’t there men who prefer a spouse who stays at home raising kids and also those who do not want to shoulder being the sole provider, so appreciate a high earning woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there really a single right answer here? I’m not reading through 15 pages. But aren’t there men who prefer a spouse who stays at home raising kids and also those who do not want to shoulder being the sole provider, so appreciate a high earning woman?

yes. And in both scenarios: He does not care what your job is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ExH had an income requirement for a future spouse. I met it. I thought it was weird.

Mine loved my high credit score and zero debt

I am the PP. Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

Strange, I have one of those jobs and don’t have a trust fund. Married someone high earning but his job is also flexible and he loves it. Not sure where you get all these generalizations from, you need to broaden your worldview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This^. Its not like everyone is doing meaningful work, enjoying doing it, loves their work environment, has life-work balance and making great money. Its quite the opposite for majority. Humans were conned by capitalism into thinking their jobs define them and make them a worthy human being.

If you’re UMC these jobs are within reach. Happy wife, happy life. You might find one of very few women who is content to spend her life as a SAHP putting her dreams aside so you can realize yours. That’s usually not the story.

If you are UMC those jobs are only within reach if you have a trust fund or married a high earning guy. Yet again, point made, he doesn’t care about your job.

+1 he doesnt care about your job unless it’s something that makes other men envious when he name drops it - but also isn’t tawdry. “When Sarah first joined the principal corps at the American Ballet Theatre …”

Absolutely not true for the guys I know. They are proud as hell of their wives’ accomplishments. It’s definitely a status thing to have a wife who is doing something fascinating and ambitious for many UMC people.

UC is different.