Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.

That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?

Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.

Never nursed a newborn have you?

Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.

Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.

Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.

You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?

I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.

That’s a choice and that choice limits you in life meaning you can’t go to events that don’t allow breastfeeding infants who can’t take a bottle. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

On a similar vein, I wouldn't base my deicsion to bottle feed based on whether it would allow me to attend the wedding dinner of a distant brother. And I say this as someone who did need to get my kids on a bottle by around 3 months because that's when I went back to work. But OP should do what's best for her and her nuclear family and if that means skipping the event because having a baby nurse at the restaurant makes brother and his guests squeamish, well that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Brother is getting married. I am married with 2 kids (2yo and 1mo). We aren't particularly close, I don't have issues with him but I know he doesn't care for me much. He is getting married in two "parts":

1. Local courthouse wedding after which my parents are hosting and paying for a small dinner (~15 people) at a restaurant. Parents invited me then I said "great the 4 of us will be there". They said "oh actually kids aren't invited, please find an arrangement for them". With a 3mo old at the time that will need to breastfeed every 1-2hrs this isn't really realistic. I've asked if there's any flexibility for our infant and have not heard back. Nobody else in the group has kids under 18 let alone an infant so this seems quite targeted at us at my brother's behest. My parents have long had favoritism/pleasing this brother at all costs issues.

2. Destination wedding in Western Europe. Smaller wedding and also none of the guests have minor children. Very clear on the wedding website "THIS IS NOT A CHILD-FRIENDLY EVENT" in all caps. We will probably not go.

Am I right to be a little put off? Obviously it's 100% your right to have a child-free wedding but it just seems very targeted at us, and I'm probably more disappointed my parents are going along with brother excluding his niece and nephew from both events.

This is one doozy of a sentence. I think you have a choice how to frame this for yourself and you're choosing to be a victim. If you really believe a wedding is about the kind of experience the bride and groom want, then you'll need to accept that it's in cross purposes to your preferences, but that doesn't make it personal and being upset with your parents isn't fair. Do they have a right, or only if their right matches your needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.

That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?

Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.

Never nursed a newborn have you?

Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.

Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.

Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.

You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?

I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.

That’s a choice and that choice limits you in life meaning you can’t go to events that don’t allow breastfeeding infants who can’t take a bottle. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

On a similar vein, I wouldn't base my deicsion to bottle feed based on whether it would allow me to attend the wedding dinner of a distant brother. And I say this as someone who did need to get my kids on a bottle by around 3 months because that's when I went back to work. But OP should do what's best for her and her nuclear family and if that means skipping the event because having a baby nurse at the restaurant makes brother and his guests squeamish, well that's life.

NP. A lot of this is the baby's decision too. My 1st born REFUSED bottles and formula so I had to breastfeed. It was hard, but we got through it and I had a great supply. She starved herself at daycare (for weeks) and I had to nurse her during my lunch hour. My 2nd and 3rd borns also refused bottles and also hated formula. They both eventually took bottles of pumped milk at daycare, but would never take pumped milk bottles from someone like DH. They just knew I'd be home soon and preferred to starve until I got home.

I'm all about no kids weddings, but no nieces and nephews is really strange. That's like saying no grandparents, only nuclear family allowed. My kids have a stronger relationship with their aunts and uncles than they do with most other relatives and would be really upset to miss an aunt's wedding.

I traveled with a nanny to my best friends wedding and the nanny brought the baby to nurse between the wedding events.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

These are not her people, it's her brother, parents and then people she likely doesn't even know. B&G family and/or B&G friends. Really, nobody is going to miss groom's sister ducking out.

A brother and her parents aren’t “her people”? Then why go?

Agree with avoiding any attention seeking behavior, it’s a bad look.

Well, exactly. She doesn't sound that tight with her family. So skip it. No need for all this drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

+1. OP will probably be sulky and texting her husband the whole time because the baby will surely die in his care for 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

Pffft I like how y'all cut off the quote above that the PP was responding to:
"This is your daily reminder that while your kids may be the center of YOUR world, they are not in fact the center of THE world."

A little empathy and understanding would go a long way on both sides but everyone is too entrenched in their own worldview.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Skip all the events. Send a card and a $50 gift card to Amazon. Sign all 4 names on the card. Done.

Only if you’re a massive overgrown toddler like this person, OP.

Trying to understand how declining and sending a gift from the family is a overgrow toddler move.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

That's why I say decline. Too risky someone will be offended and make it a big deal if the event runs long or gets delayed or op needs to leave before the official conclusion.

[Anonymous]

OP - your priorities are your kids, your DH, your parents and the distant brother and his SO comes last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.

No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.

Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.

And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.

I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.

Just skip both events.

OK? If someone whined at me in a situation like that, I would say, “Yes, sorry, must get back to the baby. Lovely to see you all, and congratulations, Jim and Beth!” Then leave. If people whine or pout, so what? So freaking what? Then what, you’ll explode or drop dead if someone pouts at you? Or the world will keep turning and you’ll just carry on with your day. It’s one of those two things, PP.

Main character syndrome. Is OP actually fantasizing that if she went for an hour people would be begging her to stay? Which people? Neither the B&G or groom’s parents care. Who are the other guests? Presumably the couple’s friends and perhaps bride parents? Why would they be there to see OP? It’s only 15 people. OP isn’t that special.

See, that's why she shouldn't leave though. Leaving before the event is over DOES make it all about her and takes the attention away from the brother which would be very hurtful. Like another hour away from the baby is more important than celebrating her brother's special day? Come on. OP needs to suck it up and stick it out or decline.

Honestly, are you OK? If a mother of a 3mo baby needs to leave to go take care of her baby and breastfeed her baby, that is 100% understandable and acceptable. If someone thinks that it is unreasonable or disruptive, that’s their problem.

Besides, this event is extremely low-key, a courthouse wedding followed by a small dinner. That is an intimate setting with family who understand there is a baby at home.

Anyone “hurt” by that should have been flexible with inviting OP’s whole family so they could be with her and she could breastfeed at the restaurant.

Op asked if there was flexibility and didn't get an answer. I would expect an understanding family would have at minimum responded "no and we understand if you can't make the whole event."

The fact they didn't makes me wonder what kind of response op would get if she ducks out early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

+1. OP will probably be sulky and texting her husband the whole time because the baby will surely die in his care for 2 hours.

And you know this because??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is your daily reminder that while your kids may be the center of YOUR world, they are not in fact the center of THE world.

Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

Go back and read all the posts paying special attention to the ones calling parents "co dependent" or mocking them as bestest firstest ever wanting a participation trophy.

People are absolutely trashing the op for considering her baby's needs over her brother's courthouse wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

Anonymous wrote:And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

+1The anti-child-free-wedding side needs to make shit like this up, to make the other side appear as loony as they are.

Nobody is forcing you to attend their wedding. It you are projecting your hysteria on the bride and groom, they are probably hoping you do decline.

+1. OP will probably be sulky and texting her husband the whole time because the baby will surely die in his care for 2 hours.

And you know this because??

I’m as sure of this happening as those who are insisting OP will definitely cause a scene leaving early. They know this because??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is your daily reminder that while your kids may be the center of YOUR world, they are not in fact the center of THE world.

Also a good daily reminder to brides and grooms that they can invite who they want but they can't force people to attend.

And absolutely NO ONE said otherwise.

Go back and read all the posts paying special attention to the ones calling parents "co dependent" or mocking them as bestest firstest ever wanting a participation trophy.

People are absolutely trashing the op for considering her baby's needs over her brother's courthouse wedding.

She can consider her baby’s needs by simply replying no. But that’s not what happened here.