We spend around 18K a month, where does it go?

[Anonymous]

OP posted lots of details about money. How much everything costs every single month and then supposedly was asking what costs seemed unusually high.

Lots of people weighed in to answer the request.

Then there was lots of push back against those answers. Maybe the push back was from the OP and maybe not.

But no where did OP say ok thanks for giving the feedback I asked for.

Do what really was the pointy of the thread?

[Anonymous]

Meant ....what was the point if the thread? OP did not appreciate any of the people that responded unless I missed the appreciation.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Twice weekly housekeeper?

How's this dramatic? We have someone who comes 5hrs a day 5 days a week. She runs errands, grocery shops, cleans (we have weekly deep cleaners), meal preps, and organizes. I spends exactly zero time doing things I don't like doing. Well worth thr money.

Omg please how did you find her and how much do you pay.We are dying for something like this.

We pay a flat $500/wk-52 weeks a year, but also pay her and our side of FICA.

She's not working this week because we are on vacation, but she is doing a grocery shopping tomorrow and picking up our Easter catering so we come home to a full fridge of food.

We take 4-5 such weeks off a year.

I found her from a neighbor. She was their amazing nanny who was a household manager practically and the kids grew out of needing a nanny. She splits her time between us and another family. We have her from 12-5 M-F

It's incredible. I don't grocery shop, my fruits and veggies and cleaned and chopped and stored, i don't do laundry and, my closets are organized, my home is clutter free, and she now knows exactly what I need for meal prep. I post a weekly menu and she does all the chopping a cleaning, marinating and measuring. I just assemble stuff.

She also picks us prescriptions, gets oil changes, runs to thr post office, and will take the pets to the groomer.

Even Eddie Murphy goes to dry cleaners and run errands, he once said if I outsource everything what the f@ck do I do all day and I don’t want cold Starbucks. I like errands. I don’t consider them work.

Yes, I wonder if you outsource literally everything, what exactly are you doing with your time? Not like scrubbing toilets or folding laundry is fun but I consider some of these activities to be the business of living, so to speak. They give me a chance to think or move around or I play music or talk to DH while I do them.

I can think plenty in the absence of scrubbing toilets and folding laundry. Both DH and I work FT and don't find cleaning and shopping enhances our family time. I'm glad this brings you pleasure though. Maybe if your looking for work you can give my toilets a swirl.

I also won't take advice on running a household from a man who has 5 different baby mammas.

We all work full time. Chores aren’t pleasurable, but doing things for yourself and being competent at running your household should give you a sense of pride or contentment. My parents worked full time and I wasn’t raised to think of household chores as this horrible bane of my existence ruining my life even though my mother was a physician and could have outsourced whatever she wanted to. But she didn’t because she was organized and not accumulating junk constantly and chores did not make her miserable.

Why "should" this give me a sense of pride and contentment? Your virtue signal is strong. I don't find this virtuous. It's tedious and a waste of my time. Of course I can do all this stuff. It's not rocket science. I can also change the oil in my car. I won't ever do that. It does not spark joy or contentment as you say. I mush prefer spending time with my family, reading a book, or simply watching a movie on a random Wednesday night.

Virtue signaling? Ok, you do you. Very few people can afford to outsource everything, and honestly, taking care of your home is not that hard if you have a decent routine. It honestly seems so wasteful. But keep dreaming of the day you can just lay about and do nothing all day. It sounds like you’re having a blast.

I'm confused now, you're changing it up. Will cleaning toilets and doing laundry bring me pride and contentment instead of hanging with my family? Or is it now wasteful to have someone else do that? What exactly am I wasting and which virtue is more noble?

What are you talking about? No one is “virtue signaling,” I don’t even think you are using that phrase correctly. You just seem aggressive for no reaso. I have family abroad who have hired help for every minute detail of their lives, and it’s really not something I would want. My parents grew up with that too- and they did not want it in the US.

If you want to be miserable living your life like a normal person, go right ahead. Rest assured that OP and “I don’t wash my vegetables” lady are not happy, content people. Would you really create a post like this if you were a happy person? Would you really brag about something like that if you were genuinely happy about it? It’s like my husband says about the couples who post too much lovey-dovey stuff on Facebook- something is not right there.

I'm not the OP keep up.

You seem very emotionally involved in my housekeeper. It's kind of odd, but people like you are why I keep coming back to this site. I'm hoping you are just drunk.

I’ve been alive long enough to know that no one happy would write something like this. This is just a bitter, mean person hoping to get some satisfaction out of one-upping someone anonymously on the internet.

Everyone sees you, lady.

Just a poor here chiming in. I don't know...seems this poster who is attacking someone who has a housekeeper is the one unhappy. She honestly comes across jealous.

I find it fascinating that someone can afford this. If I won the lottery tomorrow I'd hire a housekeeper like this. It would be Devine to throw my limited free time into my kids, spouse, friends and....gasp...have time for self care. I glean no happiness from chores. It's exhausting to work full time and run a household. It's a grind.

NP +1. Yep she’s insanely jealous. I also got that uncomfortable feeling (envy) reading about PP’s housekeeper and started justifying it with the whole “she’s a braggy, mean person who’s probably unhappy deep down” until I checked myself and realized that’s just my jealousy talking. Comparing PP to a FB poster is stupid too. She’s posting anonymously- the insecure social media bragger lives to get their name and face out there.

I would also love to have a housekeeper, and especially for a couple of days so they’re not always in your home.

Um OP and the other poster are trolls. If you can’t figure that out don’t bother using this website.

Not sure why you’re so angry.

Fukc the dcUM wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart

Dang son calm down

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You listed where it goes. It’s up to you if you want to raise or lower your budget. If you’re happy with it, don’t worry about it.

Right. I’m not understanding the point of this thread except to brag about how much money she has.

OP is either a troll or deranged

I’m neither a troll nor deranged! And I’m also a very happy person, thank you very much. It’s an important lesson that everyone should learn that there are people in the world with “more” and it doesn’t mean they’re miserable (nor does it mean they are necessarily happy). This lesson applies to me as well as you; there are many many truly wealthy people with far more than we have, and I don’t for a moment question that they aren’t happy (or hard working, or loving, or loved) simply because they are rich. Similarly there are many people less fortunate than any PP on this thread, and they should not assume that YOU must be miserable simply because you can afford the time to relax by reading random threads on dcum.

Anyway this thread has proven quite helpful to me, in that it helped me identify the places our spending is high even for someone with a high income: food and shopping. This actually makes sense, and I want to be more intentional about how we spend money, so while we will likely decide to continue spending just as much, I hope to do so with more intention and awareness going forward.

Also yes we have more life and disability insurance through work, I just don’t treat that as a monthly expense (just as private school, vacation, healthcare, donations, and some others are not “monthly” and are instead taken out on an annual basis).

Thanks all, and to the person who has her housekeeper wash and prep her fruits and vegetables: that sounds lovely, and like a great way to employ someone if you can afford it. I’ll think about adding that in the future!

I realize OP has had to spend the bulk of the time beating back nasty comments, but she did listen to and was grateful for the real advice she got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meant ....what was the point if the thread? OP did not appreciate any of the people that responded unless I missed the appreciation.

It was a troll thread to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Fukc the Dcum wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You’re not fooling anybody, sweetheart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP posted lots of details about money. How much everything costs every single month and then supposedly was asking what costs seemed unusually high.

Lots of people weighed in to answer the request.

Then there was lots of push back against those answers. Maybe the push back was from the OP and maybe not.

But no where did OP say ok thanks for giving the feedback I asked for.

Do what really was the pointy of the thread?

OP here.

I said thanks several times actually! Go back and read!

Also, to the person who suggested I consider how I spend my time, yes, I think that is a valuable thing to do, thanks for the suggestion! I do think as I try to be intentional about spending I will make sure to spend on things that provide me with more time (which is why I feel zero guilt about the housekeeper, even if I feel some guilt about the clothing) and not on things that make more work for me (which presumably too many consumer goods would, although, mostly as I said we just buy things that are higher end).

The point of the thread is that, jumbled in the mix of the posters who merely express outrage at the spending of the well-off, are those who give really thoughtful responses that I appreciate. And, posting on DCUM is helpful because I can't talk about these things in real life with anyone other than my spouse (because I don't want to reveal our habits or income details to anyone IRL), and with my spouse we just affirm each others choices rather than providing an outside, unbiased perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meant ....what was the point if the thread? OP did not appreciate any of the people that responded unless I missed the appreciation.

It was a troll thread to stir the pot.

Probably. Or Maybe just truly clueless that the spending listed was extravagant for food and shopping. So we really got to help out. Lol.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What you spend in one month is what I net in 6 months. $1K per month on eating out? Either you are going to very expensive restaurants or eating out/take out with the kids half of the month or more.

That’s a little more than $200/week. Very doable and what DH and I would spend in our 30’s going out to dinner all the time.

OP has a family of 5. If they go out once a week with everyone, it's easy to spend $40/person. Or, one night out at $25/person ($125) and one fast casual takeout at $15 person ($75). If you aren't concerned about saving money, that's entirely reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I’m a high income poster who posted early on. I am a little curious about the “everyone’s doing it” poster about rich people and fillers etc. I am certainly not doing this and I don’t think many of the people I know are. (There are some I can kind of tell do it because they sometimes show up for the Saturday Soccer games puffy in the 11s, if you know what I mean.). I think our monthly self-care budget is more like $150-200 or so a month. (i actually usually just cut my kids hair in front of a movie because it looks better, and takes so much less time than going to some kids place.). I spent $200-300 every 2-3 months on a cut and color with tip. My spouse and kids are considerably less! If you are a woman you gets a weekly manicure (like some I know in NYC), I can see it all adding up quickly. And I’m really astounded at home much the Botox stuff costs—I just can’t justify spending that much on something like that, no matter how many millions we make.

Also, as an aside, I have no problem with adults who have challenging jobs outsourcing work like cleaning, etc. But I think it’s developmentally inappropriate for kids not to do chores around the house. One nice thing about the pandemic is we now have our kids vacuuming and scrubbing the toilets—an excellent life skill!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high income poster who posted early on. I am a little curious about the “everyone’s doing it” poster about rich people and fillers etc. I am certainly not doing this and I don’t think many of the people I know are. (There are some I can kind of tell do it because they sometimes show up for the Saturday Soccer games puffy in the 11s, if you know what I mean.). I think our monthly self-care budget is more like $150-200 or so a month. (i actually usually just cut my kids hair in front of a movie because it looks better, and takes so much less time than going to some kids place.). I spent $200-300 every 2-3 months on a cut and color with tip. My spouse and kids are considerably less! If you are a woman you gets a weekly manicure (like some I know in NYC), I can see it all adding up quickly. And I’m really astounded at home much the Botox stuff costs—I just can’t justify spending that much on something like that, no matter how many millions we make.

Also, as an aside, I have no problem with adults who have challenging jobs outsourcing work like cleaning, etc. But I think it’s developmentally inappropriate for kids not to do chores around the house. One nice thing about the pandemic is we now have our kids vacuuming and scrubbing the toilets—an excellent life skill!

Have you done it? Once I had started at a good place (ie. natural look), I never looked back. Most people would never guess because I'm pretty low maintenance with my clothes, look. But boy do I value efficiency and this is just simply the most efficient return for the time/money spent.

[Anonymous]

OP I realize that there are two economies. One for the rich and one for the much less rich. Living in DC area is very expensive.
So... 2x week housekeeper probably too much.
Eating out a lot: we did that. A sanity saver.
Cars: we drove new until they died
Vacations: we did it: you only live once. As we lost family members yes this is true.
$10-20K easily.
Clothes: this is where the rich and poor divide. We spent much less on clothes and especially children’s clothes. Just bags and bags and bags of them donated on a $2000/yr budget.
Children: daycare, preschool, babysitter, private for one, college. Low estimate : $2M per child over their 20 years.
As for the joy of cleaning: LOL it makes my housekeeper very happy to have a job. She’s not suffering. I don’t get joy from washing produce but to each their own.

[Anonymous]

As for fillers Botox etc also teeth. Well worth it.

[Anonymous]

the disturbing thing is the lack of self awareness at the budget to the point of asking for advice on DCUM. What?

Very hard to buy that OP can be that unaware of where the very obvious lifestyle extravagances in the household are, unless OP is willfully ignorant and content to live unawares in a bubble of an alternate reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a high income poster who posted early on. I am a little curious about the “everyone’s doing it” poster about rich people and fillers etc. I am certainly not doing this and I don’t think many of the people I know are. (There are some I can kind of tell do it because they sometimes show up for the Saturday Soccer games puffy in the 11s, if you know what I mean.). I think our monthly self-care budget is more like $150-200 or so a month. (i actually usually just cut my kids hair in front of a movie because it looks better, and takes so much less time than going to some kids place.). I spent $200-300 every 2-3 months on a cut and color with tip. My spouse and kids are considerably less! If you are a woman you gets a weekly manicure (like some I know in NYC), I can see it all adding up quickly. And I’m really astounded at home much the Botox stuff costs—I just can’t justify spending that much on something like that, no matter how many millions we make.

Also, as an aside, I have no problem with adults who have challenging jobs outsourcing work like cleaning, etc. But I think it’s developmentally inappropriate for kids not to do chores around the house. One nice thing about the pandemic is we now have our kids vacuuming and scrubbing the toilets—an excellent life skill!

Have you done it? Once I had started at a good place (ie. natural look), I never looked back. Most people would never guess because I'm pretty low maintenance with my clothes, look. But boy do I value efficiency and this is just simply the most efficient return for the time/money spent.

Nope, never done it. I guess the efficiency point assumes that I would otherwise be spending this time/money on my looks. Which I'm not. During COVID, I actually just tried cutting and coloring my hair at home, and I think it actually looks as good as my $300+ treatment at the fancy salon. So I may just have saved myself a bunch of hours and close to $2K a year!