I wish society didn't encourage people to put off having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents had us in their mid20s. They were newlyweds with starter jobs and no savings. Sure, it worked out fine but I have no doubt my kids are better off having parents that have careers, savings, stability.

I am in the camp that thinks getting married in your early 20s is usually a bad idea and evidence is starting to prove out those who get married later divorce less. Which is better for kids? I would argue for 'older' parents.

Well, actually no, the "evidence" does not really prove that. Prior to age 32 or so, each additional year of age at marriage reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. However, after that the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year. The change in slopes is statistically significant. In other words, getting married after your mid-30s is actually riskier than getting married in your late 20s—and that the best age at which to get married appears to be between 28 and 32. Before that age range, divorce rates are still decreasing; after that window, they begin to climb again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents had us in their mid20s. They were newlyweds with starter jobs and no savings. Sure, it worked out fine but I have no doubt my kids are better off having parents that have careers, savings, stability.

I am in the camp that thinks getting married in your early 20s is usually a bad idea and evidence is starting to prove out those who get married later divorce less. Which is better for kids? I would argue for 'older' parents.

Well, actually no, the "evidence" does not really prove that. Prior to age 32 or so, each additional year of age at marriage reduces the odds of divorce by 11 percent. However, after that the odds of divorce increase by 5 percent per year. The change in slopes is statistically significant. In other words, getting married after your mid-30s is actually riskier than getting married in your late 20s—and that the best age at which to get married appears to be between 28 and 32. Before that age range, divorce rates are still decreasing; after that window, they begin to climb again.

32 is the "best" age if you think staying married is always the best outcome. The PP's post isn't speaking only to the likelihood of divorce, but to the range of factors that can be positively influenced by older age.

One thing people who are older when we married have in common: we know we can enjoy ourselves by ourselves if we have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ Did it occur to you that you did not attract men who wanted to settle down because you were not interested in settling down?

I dated two men seriously, one I am married to. I was open with every guy I ever went out with that I wanted to have kids and was dating with that in mind. I met my future husband at 22. Started dating at 24, married at 27. And +4 for him (so he was 31).

I consider myself a case study in focused dating. And I consider myself lucky, because I'm the only one of my friends married, two kids in and financially and relationship stable at 33. Some have some of those things, but I have all. Mostly it was luck and I still didn't have my first until 31.

Wow you sound smug. But I find that life works in cycles so I’m sure before too long you’ll find yourself taken down a peg or two.

But please don’t wish that on anyone. Everyone does in fact experience grave misfortune but we don’t wish that on others!

Calm down, no one is wishing anything on anyone. Simply stating a fact of life: sometimes things go well, sometimes they don't. The first PP smugly holds herself out as a shining example of how she did it "right," while some of her friends aren't as lucky as her. She obviously feels superior to them, which I think is a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Okay, but those eggs are not your best work. Just saying. You may have had a viable birth, but you would have better kids if you had had them earlier. Mic drop. But I’m sure the ones you have are just adorable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Okay, but those eggs are not your best work. Just saying. You may have had a viable birth, but you would have better kids if you had had them earlier. Mic drop. But I’m sure the ones you have are just adorable!

Eh. Nurture has an equal, if not greater, role than nature. The best thing you can do for your child’s intelligence, well-being, and success is to have a healthy marriage. People who marry in their early 20s generally have high rates of conflict and divorce. Better to wait a few years so you can have a stronger marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

Wow. You are so clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Okay, but those eggs are not your best work. Just saying. You may have had a viable birth, but you would have better kids if you had had them earlier. Mic drop. But I’m sure the ones you have are just adorable!

Wow, aren’t you a world class b!tch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

A living wage existed. Guys could get a blue collar job straight out of high school and make enough to buy a house and support a family on one income. Today that’s not possible for most college graduates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Okay, but those eggs are not your best work. Just saying. You may have had a viable birth, but you would have better kids if you had had them earlier. Mic drop. But I’m sure the ones you have are just adorable!

Wow, aren’t you a world class b!tch.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

A living wage existed. Guys could get a blue collar job straight out of high school and make enough to buy a house and support a family on one income. Today that’s not possible for most college graduates.

This was only true for about a 20 year period after WWII.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous[b wrote:]I hope you support paid family leave and universal affordable childcare, and candidates that push for those policies.[/b]

I do, but in the past, everyone started having kids in their early 20's and none of these things existed.

Wow. You are so clueless.

Really, how? Are you trying to suggest that in the past, when everyone was having kids in their early 20's, that there was paid family leave and universal affordable childcare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Okay, but those eggs are not your best work. Just saying. You may have had a viable birth, but you would have better kids if you had had them earlier. Mic drop. But I’m sure the ones you have are just adorable!

You sound very young, if not by age, certainly maturity. You’ll find as life plays out these hard fast opinions less extreme, hopefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s one of the huge mistakes of today’s society and I silently shake my head in sad confusion whenever I see a pregnant person in their 40s or late 30s. It’s not right. Our bodies know it’s not right, but science makes it possible.

Well, I know a number of women that got pregnant late 30's/ early 40's without help.

+1 and I am one of them. Pregnant with no help at 35 and 38.

Pregnant with no help at 41, second month of trying. I never took hormonal birth control and was incredibly careful with timing and condom usage to prevent an actual pregnancy before this planned one. My child is four, vibrantly healthy, and my pregnancy was uncomplicated. She’s also super adorable and kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids at 31 and 33, which according to current standards is about the perfect age. However, my own parent had me at 23 and 24 and it's weird to me to think that when my parents were my age (46), I was already out of college, whereas my own kids are 12 and 14. I'm a bit torn because I certainly enjoyed my childfree time in my 20's, but hate to think that my kids and future grandkids will be younger when I'm gone. I didn't lose my first grandparent, till I was in my 40s. I understand the benefits of delaying kids, but sometimes, I think society is doing a disservice to us by encouraging this.

Were you married in your early 20s? Had you even met him yet?

Yes, some people consciously decide to wait, and sometimes it's economics, but often it's just that you haven't met the right person yet. I met my wife when I was 29, married at 31, first child at 34. I shudder to think of the catastrophe my life would be if I'd married and procreated with some of the women I'd dated before then.