Do men regret their divorces?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But he’s also doing the generalizing in other posts here, stop being stupid and obsessing about your ex-wife yourself.

He was responding to a generalization about men. I got cheated on and don’t bleed in public about it, the way women on this thread seem to. Move on.

FFS, you just “bled” about it. Move on yourself.

[Anonymous]

XDH left to date other women and had a breakdown 5 months later and was briefly hospitalized.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely no regrets thanks to there being no children. I've been happily remarried for 17 years and rarely think about my ex. Frankly, my first marriage now just feels like a long bad date. But the experience led me to be more thoughtful about what I was looking for in a relationship so maybe it did me some good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This mentality, that “the wife has to put out no matter how awful or abusive I am, because my sexual needs must always be met,” has made women miserable for thousands of years. You guys suck.

Can you quote a post where someone has said that?

Eff off with your stupid strawman already.

[Anonymous]

I think the grass is always greener, male or female. People don't know what they've got til it's gone....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DWs, if you love your DHs, you will have sex with them. You will make an effort to teach them to be a good lover to you if they are not. If you are not willing or able to do this, then let him know that your marriage is companionate and you do not expect sexual fidelity. If you refuse sex on a regular basis when it is important to your spouse, either you need to be GGG or you need to him/her and out. Marriage is not the priesthood. I certainly did not sign up for a life of celibacy.

Translation:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong. You don’t have to agree with her. Your behavior outside the bedroom is irrelevant and doesn’t weaken your entitlement to her services in the bedroom. If she is “unable,” as you say, to convince you to change your technique/grooming habits/behavior outside the bed (including your abuse if any), then you are entitled to find an AP.

This. So much this. I can't say it enough.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DWs, if you love your DHs, you will have sex with them. You will make an effort to teach them to be a good lover to you if they are not. If you are not willing or able to do this, then let him know that your marriage is companionate and you do not expect sexual fidelity. If you refuse sex on a regular basis when it is important to your spouse, either you need to be GGG or you need to him/her and out. Marriage is not the priesthood. I certainly did not sign up for a life of celibacy.

Translation:

DHs, you have no agency or responsibility for happiness in your marriage. Your DW is responsible for figuring everything out and telling you, a grown man, what is going wrong. You don’t have to agree with her. Your behavior outside the bedroom is irrelevant and doesn’t weaken your entitlement to her services in the bedroom. If she is “unable,” as you say, to convince you to change your technique/grooming habits/behavior outside the bed (including your abuse if any), then you are entitled to find an AP.

This. So much this. I can't say it enough.

This.

You may not be saying it enough, but you’re lying to claim that was the guy’s point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This mentality, that “the wife has to put out no matter how awful or abusive I am, because my sexual needs must always be met,” has made women miserable for thousands of years. You guys suck.

Can you quote a post where someone has said that?

Eff off with your stupid strawman already.

You’ve been avoiding pointed questions on this very distinction for the last 3-4 pages. Even as you curse at other posters in a way that most definitely suggests you’re verbally abusive. Answer the questions, or live with the perception that you think wives should put out regardless of the husbands’ personal grooming or his abusive behavior in other aspects of their marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This mentality, that “the wife has to put out no matter how awful or abusive I am, because my sexual needs must always be met,” has made women miserable for thousands of years. You guys suck.

Can you quote a post where someone has said that?

Eff off with your stupid strawman already.

You’ve been avoiding pointed questions on this very distinction for the last 3-4 pages. Even as you curse at other posters in a way that most definitely suggests you’re verbally abusive. Answer the questions, or live with the perception that you think wives should put out regardless of the husbands’ personal grooming or his abusive behavior in other aspects of their marriage.

Nope, that wasn't me. Different PP. I don't see any men in here advocating that women have to put out "no matter how awful and abusive" the husband is. What I see is women pushing that strawman because they reject the idea that they have any sexual obligation toward their husband who is not awful and abusive at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

[Anonymous]

Mutual friends divorced. He says “hell no!” when asked if he’d go back to her but then proceeds to talk about her and their divorce for over an hour. Makes me wonder...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mutual friends divorced. He says “hell no!” when asked if he’d go back to her but then proceeds to talk about her and their divorce for over an hour. Makes me wonder...

Denial. No matter what decisions people make they still carry scars. You are equally scarred if you stay in a miserable marriage. You know deep in your heart you didn't have the guts to leave and almost can't face people who did it and found beautiful mates. At the same time the ones that ended up with beautiful mates have damage from divorce that never really goes away. Only people with very high emotional capacity can handle the complexity of the wounds with honesty. When most people feel pain they want a fake definite emotion like joy , anger or hate to cover up the actual debilitating reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

Yuck? Are you a child? Because your response is childish. And yes, i am a woman.

When you decide to be married, you accept the responsibilities that come with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re willing to break up your kids’ home so you can get laid, it says a lot about who you are as a person and why perhaps your spouse doesn’t want sex with you in the first place.

It says you are a normal person who desires sex with their spouse, which is natural, admirable, and indeed the basis of the marital contract.

The person who broke up the kids home... is the person denying sex to their spouse, not the person who leaves.

Yes. If you sign up for a monogamous married relationship, you agree to have regular sex with your husband. If you don't, you are ruining the marriage.

Because if your spouse doesn’t shower, or abuses you verbally or physically, or is just plain bad in bed, it’s your fault that you aren’t attracted to them, and not theirs?

What is this, the Middle Ages?

I thought we had moved beyond the mentality where you could beat your wife and then demand sex without any introspection on your part.

Sorry, but you need to divorce your husband, or at least separate, if he is abusing you. If he has hygiene problems, you knew this when you married him so why the change now. Denying your husband sex is never an answer to marital problems. its the same with an affair, deal with the problem. Leave, or prepare to leave but don't play games. If you thought sex was an option when you married, why didn't you just co-parent with them and leave marriage out of the equation? You can be roommates. Oh, wait, that doesn't come with the financial benefits, and status that being married does.

And men . . . you need to reclaim your "B*lls" because your wife is emasculating you. If she voluntarily voids your marriage PARTNERSHIP by denying you sex, then WHY are you still married?

Yuck.

Why is it her fault if you don’t turn her on? Take some responsibility here. Are you the poster who is always asking women if they got fat as a justification for the husband’s affairs? If so, back to you in spades. Lose that extra 50 lbs, trim those nose hairs, stop leaving your toenail clippings all over the place, brush your teeth. Heck, stop sulking around the house and put more effort into the things SHE needs, like flowers and conversation.

Also, XDH developed hygiene problems in the last 2 years of a 21-year marriage.

Yuck? Are you a child? Because your response is childish. And yes, i am a woman.

When you decide to be married, you accept the responsibilities that come with it.

Don’t assume you know anything about me. XDH was the one who cut off sex in the six months before he left, not me. Also, I didn’t leave, XDH did because, he said, he didn’t want to pay for DC’s Ivy any more (and instead he bought not 1 but 2 sports cars in the year after he left and his relationship with DC is in the toilet). It was a relief that he left, frankly, even though my mom and I had to pay for DC’s remaining two years at the college.

So you got me wrong. My issue is with these cavemen who demand sex and deny any responsibility for making the marriage, including sex, work.

Kinda doubt you’re a woman.