Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?
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Anonymous
Lol. Like...spending time with their children rather than working for money? |
Anonymous
No I think she's angry about being judged for no reason. |
Anonymous
+ 1 These posters talk out of both sides of their mouth. First it's about the money then it's about intangible things and supposedly no one cares about money. All of it laced with a heaping dose of criticism. None of it stands up. |
Anonymous
| Depends on the neighborhood. Im in Petworth and I know several SAHM, WOHM, WAH and all kinds of in between flex schedule etc. I have never heard anyone make any kind of comment or seen any indication of resentment coming from any side of this debate. I think we all know there are pros and cons to everything. |
Anonymous
criticism = hypocrisy |
Anonymous
| Well I personally think the women lashing out angrily in here (and we can all see it, don't think we don't) are doing so out of jealousy. If you're truly happy with your life, you don't feel the need to compare and try to take others down a notch. You just don't care. If you could go back in time, and you'd make the same choices again then there should be no need to argue with the other "side." Who cares. |
Anonymous
+1 Million One sort of nuance I'll add is that it doesn't necessarily mean jealousy in the sense that they want the opposite role than the one they have - they probably do not at all. But I do think it means that they are deeply angry that society doesn't reward them preferentially for whichever of the 2 scenarios they are choosing for themselves. |
Anonymous
Yes, exactly. With your snarky tone, you are insinuating that I have something against SAHMs. I don't. Bragging about your husbands salary on this thread, though, makes you look sad. These are totally separate things. Methinks you are a braggart. Or just not a nice person. |
Anonymous
Logic? You have a rough road ahead. First, your equal pay slogan has nothing to do with an individual woman's choice to stay at home for a while or forever. It is about two people doing the same job in the same organization getting equal compensation for the work they are doing in the here and now. I believe what you are really worried about is the glass ceiling: the relative difficulty for a women still in child-bearing years to make it to the top based an inherent fear that she will have children and slow down or quit, or based on the reality that she did slow down or quit for a while and his having a hard time keeping up or getting back on track, due to her divided attention between work and family. The fact that more and more men are also slowing down once they become fathers is key to changing this issue, because you will never be able to tell a woman that she is not allowed to raise her own children her own way. And, of course, most workplaces are not family friendly yet, so it is true that childless people and people with a SAH spouse will have a workplace advantage over a working parent relying on paid childcare who has to respond to the schedule and needs of the family. A person pulled in two directions will be at a disadvantage relative to a person with one sole focus in life. But the bigger problem with the glass ceiling is that women who are accomplished and past their child bearing years, who share the qualifications of men up for the same position, are still not getting the jobs at the same rate as men: that has nothing to do with any fear that these women will suddenly become SAHMs, and that problem cannot be laid at the feet of highly educated SAHMS. That is a nonsense cop-out that fails to address the real problems. Second, if you don't know a SAHM mom who "made it" in the sense that you are using that term, you really must live somewhere far away from D.C. I know a lot of former law partners, award-winning journalists, private practice physicians, etc. who are (older) SAHMs now, many of whom embarked on second careers after the kids started school. Also, a lot of people would argue that a person who grabs the brass ring, makes a ton of money, and then lets go and gets to be a SAHP, without sacrificing retirement or financial freedom, is the one who made it. And finally, if you think marriage means the earning parent is master, especially if it is the man, then you really do not understand equality, feminism, or marriage. Your wild rant aside, on both sides people tend to pick on folks at the fringes, and suggest that EVERYONE is like that person. It's the workaholic, materialistic, negligent parent on one side and the gold-digger, gym-rat, negligent parent on the other (the angriest of these folks are usually thinking of their own mothers). No one can pretend those extremes don't exist. However, when a poster acts like everyone is one of those extremes, it triggers a response, because most people know that the reality for women is far from those extremes. Most working moms are in a household where both parents have to work to make ends meet, and they do their best to maximize their schedules to be with the kids as much as possible and they ensure that the kids are well cared for by a responsible adult until they are old enough to be independent. Most homes with SAHPs have one earner who can sustain the family lifestyle, or used to have two earners who saved a lot, or have family money, and the SAHP worked before kids and may work after kids. Most of these women are doing work of value to the community without pay at some point while at home (and have never done yoga in their lives). Most moms I know have mom friends who work and mom friends who do not work, and they are friends with each other: the distinction is a non-issue. This makes me wonder whether the most vehemently opposed posters actually are not moms, because in my personal experience, the only people I have ever heard in person take a hard core line that all moms MUST work, are women who do not have children (and mostly those who also are not married, and one who was a married step-mom to older kids who had 4 parents and 6 local grandparents to split the work), or insecure men who are threatened by or annoyed with the women at work and simultaneously resentful of their own SAH spouse. These people are themselves on the fringes of the discussion. |
Anonymous
Who is bragging? You know their are multiple people posting in here right? I personally haven't mentioned anything about salary. |
Anonymous
Quoted PP here and I agree. They are envious of people who are happy and content for whatever reason because it is so clear that they are not. Happy people do not act like this *waves hands around* |
Anonymous
their = there |
Anonymous
Who are "these posters" exactly? You are conflating many completely different arguments to try and stick it to "someone", and you completely failed. Saying that sometimes women have to work to survive AND that happiness can be found without a lot of money are not mutually exclusive things. Saying that sometimes women have to work to survive and that women who use anonymous boards to brag about their HHI and then call others jealous are annoying is not somehow incompatible. Both are true. In addition, don't you realize that the various posters on here are not the all same people? Please just stop posting until you have something meaningful to add. |
Anonymous
Of course I do. Do you? You responded to my comment as though I have said something anti-SAHM, but I haven't. I wonder why you would make that snarky comment in response to criticism of bragging if you weren't one of them. If you say you are not, fine, but then what is your deal? Bad day? |
Anonymous
Hello Voice of Reason! |