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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Nope. Equality is equal pay for equal work. All of you SAHMs are super jealous of WOHMs. We made it, you didn't. You settled for a subservient existence.

Homeschool your daughters if you object. You can teach them useful things like body dsymorphia, yoga, MRS degree, etc... Or just send them to school and they'll pick up on your life choice while you shop at Costco after Pilates.[/quote]

You sound quite disturbed. And mean. Do the life choices of others really make you angry or is something wrong in YOUR life? Do the world a favor and take a break from DCUM - go do your very important work already. Leave your children with a caring nanny as many hours as possible - they will be better off without your influence. Good lord. [/quote]

It's logic. If you can't see it, try a new pose. You'll likely gain perspective in gender bias.[/quote]

Logic? You have a rough road ahead.

First, your equal pay slogan has nothing to do with an individual woman's choice to stay at home for a while or forever. It is about two people doing the same job in the same organization getting equal compensation for the work they are doing in the here and now.

I believe what you are really worried about is the glass ceiling: the relative difficulty for a women still in child-bearing years to make it to the top based an inherent fear that she will have children and slow down or quit, or based on the reality that she did slow down or quit for a while and his having a hard time keeping up or getting back on track, due to her divided attention between work and family. The fact that more and more men are also slowing down once they become fathers is key to changing this issue, because you will never be able to tell a woman that she is not allowed to raise her own children her own way. And, of course, most workplaces are not family friendly yet, so it is true that childless people and people with a SAH spouse will have a workplace advantage over a working parent relying on paid childcare who has to respond to the schedule and needs of the family. A person pulled in two directions will be at a disadvantage relative to a person with one sole focus in life. But the bigger problem with the glass ceiling is that women who are accomplished and past their child bearing years, who share the qualifications of men up for the same position, are still not getting the jobs at the same rate as men: that has nothing to do with any fear that these women will suddenly become SAHMs, and that problem cannot be laid at the feet of highly educated SAHMS. That is a nonsense cop-out that fails to address the real problems.

Second, if you don't know a SAHM mom who "made it" in the sense that you are using that term, you really must live somewhere far away from D.C. I know a lot of former law partners, award-winning journalists, private practice physicians, etc. who are (older) SAHMs now, many of whom embarked on second careers after the kids started school. Also, a lot of people would argue that a person who grabs the brass ring, makes a ton of money, and then lets go and gets to be a SAHP, without sacrificing retirement or financial freedom, is the one who made it.

And finally, if you think marriage means the earning parent is master, especially if it is the man, then you really do not understand equality, feminism, or marriage.

Your wild rant aside, on both sides people tend to pick on folks at the fringes, and suggest that EVERYONE is like that person. It's the workaholic, materialistic, negligent parent on one side and the gold-digger, gym-rat, negligent parent on the other (the angriest of these folks are usually thinking of their own mothers). No one can pretend those extremes don't exist. However, when a poster acts like everyone is one of those extremes, it triggers a response, because most people know that the reality for women is far from those extremes. Most working moms are in a household where both parents have to work to make ends meet, and they do their best to maximize their schedules to be with the kids as much as possible and they ensure that the kids are well cared for by a responsible adult until they are old enough to be independent. Most homes with SAHPs have one earner who can sustain the family lifestyle, or used to have two earners who saved a lot, or have family money, and the SAHP worked before kids and may work after kids. Most of these women are doing work of value to the community without pay at some point while at home (and have never done yoga in their lives).

Most moms I know have mom friends who work and mom friends who do not work, and they are friends with each other: the distinction is a non-issue. This makes me wonder whether the most vehemently opposed posters actually are not moms, because in my personal experience, the only people I have ever heard in person take a hard core line that all moms MUST work, are women who do not have children (and mostly those who also are not married, and one who was a married step-mom to older kids who had 4 parents and 6 local grandparents to split the work), or insecure men who are threatened by or annoyed with the women at work and simultaneously resentful of their own SAH spouse. These people are themselves on the fringes of the discussion.

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