Moms of sons - do you guide your son to be respectful of girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Too bad there are some mentally unstable people out there who will think nothing of accusing their consensual sexual partner of rape, just because. What do you suggest in that case?

My advice is to try to avoid having dealings (sexual or otherwise) with mentally-unstable people.

What do you suggest in the case of non-sexual dealings with mentally unstable people who will think nothing of [doing mentally unstable things]?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Sure. After all these situations with person A and person B you are still unable to define truly what clear consent means. And you won't be able to, human interaction is complicated and nuanced. Accoding to you, many memorable sexual experiences I had because I did not say explicitly yes I want to have sex, I was raped. Sad truth is in this culture there are women who enthusiastically consent and then regret it after, how can anybody be a hundred percent sure?

There was an e patience in my college dorm where an athletes ex girlfriend showed up at his doorstep wearing lingerie to seduce him. Later after that they did not get back together and she accused him of rape that night. He got suspended and stripped from the team. Incidents like that happen, and diminish the validity of rape where a woman is overpowered in the face of strong resistance, be the rapist a stranger or someone she knows.

Nobody is saying that only verbal consent constitutes consent. There are many different ways to show consent. Everybody who has participated in sexual activities with enthusiastic consent knows this, as does everybody who has participated in sexual activities with an enthusiastically consenting partner.

However, I agree that, if Person A is not 100% certain that Person B is consenting, then Person A should not participate in sexual activities with Person B. Or, if that's too technical and complicated: only have sex with people who want to have sex with you.

You can repeat your mantra about consent until the cows come home, but the fact is, no one really can predict what someone is going to say about any given sexual encounter after the fact. There can be enthusiasm, affirmatives, and consent all around, but if you're unknowingly dealing with someone unstable, it is completely in their hands to call it rape after the fact, if they so choose. This happens and will continue to happen - unless perhaps we educate our girls to NOT DO THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Too bad there are some mentally unstable people out there who will think nothing of accusing their consensual sexual partner of rape, just because. What do you suggest in that case?

My advice is to try to avoid having dealings (sexual or otherwise) with mentally-unstable people.

What do you suggest in the case of non-sexual dealings with mentally unstable people who will think nothing of [doing mentally unstable things]?

A. You make no sense; you are simply arguing for argument's sake.

B. You seem not to want to admit that there are women who will falsely report rapes, and this is beyond tiresome.

[Anonymous]

By telling him that he should always treat a woman the way his father treats me (which is supportive and respectful). And when in doubt to think about how he would want his little sister to be treated. You can talk all you want-- kids pick up on how their parents act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You can repeat your mantra about consent until the cows come home, but the fact is, no one really can predict what someone is going to say about any given sexual encounter after the fact. There can be enthusiasm, affirmatives, and consent all around, but if you're unknowingly dealing with someone unstable, it is completely in their hands to call it rape after the fact, if they so choose. This happens and will continue to happen - unless perhaps we educate our girls to NOT DO THIS.

No one really can predict what ANYBODY is going to say about ANYTHING after the fact. Should there be an education campaign focused on telling people not to lie about stuff that might harm other people?

This "oh, oh, oh, consent is so COMPLICATED, how can anybody possibly be expected to deal with it" business is really annoying. If you act like a decent human being in your encounters with other people -- any encounters, including sexual encounters -- chances are good that nothing bad will come of the encounter. There is no 100% guarantee, of course, but there is no 100% guarantee about anything in this life except that you will die at the end of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can repeat your mantra about consent until the cows come home, but the fact is, no one really can predict what someone is going to say about any given sexual encounter after the fact. There can be enthusiasm, affirmatives, and consent all around, but if you're unknowingly dealing with someone unstable, it is completely in their hands to call it rape after the fact, if they so choose. This happens and will continue to happen - unless perhaps we educate our girls to NOT DO THIS.

No one really can predict what ANYBODY is going to say about ANYTHING after the fact. Should there be an education campaign focused on telling people not to lie about stuff that might harm other people?

This "oh, oh, oh, consent is so COMPLICATED, how can anybody possibly be expected to deal with it" business is really annoying. If you act like a decent human being in your encounters with other people -- any encounters, including sexual encounters -- chances are good that nothing bad will come of the encounter. There is no 100% guarantee, of course, but there is no 100% guarantee about anything in this life except that you will die at the end of it.

Okay Pollyanna... all girls are good and if you a just nice nothing bad will happen.

[Anonymous]

Nobody is saying that all girls are good. Nor is anybody saying that bad things never happen to good people. The point is that there is only one way to guarantee that nothing bad will happen in an encounter with another human being, and that is to have no encounters with other human beings. And this applies to all encounters, not just sexual encounters.

Now, how come we accept this uncertainty when it comes to non-sexual encounters, but for sexual encounters, it's so intolerable that there needs to be a specific campaign focused at girls to tell them that it's bad to lie about rape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can repeat your mantra about consent until the cows come home, but the fact is, no one really can predict what someone is going to say about any given sexual encounter after the fact. There can be enthusiasm, affirmatives, and consent all around, but if you're unknowingly dealing with someone unstable, it is completely in their hands to call it rape after the fact, if they so choose. This happens and will continue to happen - unless perhaps we educate our girls to NOT DO THIS.

No one really can predict what ANYBODY is going to say about ANYTHING after the fact. Should there be an education campaign focused on telling people not to lie about stuff that might harm other people?

This "oh, oh, oh, consent is so COMPLICATED, how can anybody possibly be expected to deal with it" business is really annoying. If you act like a decent human being in your encounters with other people -- any encounters, including sexual encounters -- chances are good that nothing bad will come of the encounter. There is no 100% guarantee, of course, but there is no 100% guarantee about anything in this life except that you will die at the end of it.

Okay Pollyanna... all girls are good and if you a just nice nothing bad will happen.

LOL. Nobody said all girls are good and all men are evil. NOBODY. But keep making up your phony woman-hating information. If you think that women are so confused about consent and don't know the difference between their friend running up and touching their arm to say hello vs. some stranger grabbing at them, then stay away from all women, and jerk off in your parent's basement like a good little troll.

[Anonymous]

This whole discussion and the irrationality of these posters defining all sorts of suplerflous actions as rape is the reason why this is happening; scary and on our colleges. You guys are zealots.

http://www.vox.com/2015/6/3/8706323/college-professor-afraid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You can repeat your mantra about consent until the cows come home, but the fact is, no one really can predict what someone is going to say about any given sexual encounter after the fact. There can be enthusiasm, affirmatives, and consent all around, but if you're unknowingly dealing with someone unstable, it is completely in their hands to call it rape after the fact, if they so choose. This happens and will continue to happen - unless perhaps we educate our girls to NOT DO THIS.

No one really can predict what ANYBODY is going to say about ANYTHING after the fact. Should there be an education campaign focused on telling people not to lie about stuff that might harm other people?

This "oh, oh, oh, consent is so COMPLICATED, how can anybody possibly be expected to deal with it" business is really annoying. If you act like a decent human being in your encounters with other people -- any encounters, including sexual encounters -- chances are good that nothing bad will come of the encounter. There is no 100% guarantee, of course, but there is no 100% guarantee about anything in this life except that you will die at the end of it.

BS. You can act like a decent person and bad things can happen to you. Tell those black guys that got lynched for supposedly looking at white women during the 1950s. We're saying that things like that happen, especially due to the ever expanding definition of rape by zealots like you, not to include things like hugging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find this question insulting of both girls and boys.

+1

+2

Interesting. I don't find it insulting. Because whether we like it or not, there is still a significant power imbalance in our culture that favors boys/men.

This, times a million.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

BS. You can act like a decent person and bad things can happen to you. Tell those black guys that got lynched for supposedly looking at white women during the 1950s. We're saying that things like that happen, especially due to the ever expanding definition of rape by zealots like you, not to include things like hugging.

Certainly you can act like a decent person and bad things can happen to you. For example, you might go have a few drinks with somebody you like, and then that person might rape you. Nobody on this thread has said that bad things never happen to decent people.

Nor has anybody said that there is no such thing as a false rape accusation. On the other hand, a person might wonder why you are focusing on false rape accusations, rather than rapes. Perhaps you think that false rape accusations are a more serious problem than rapes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

BS. You can act like a decent person and bad things can happen to you. Tell those black guys that got lynched for supposedly looking at white women during the 1950s. We're saying that things like that happen, especially due to the ever expanding definition of rape by zealots like you, not to include things like hugging.

Certainly you can act like a decent person and bad things can happen to you. For example, you might go have a few drinks with somebody you like, and then that person might rape you. Nobody on this thread has said that bad things never happen to decent people.

Nor has anybody said that there is no such thing as a false rape accusation. On the other hand, a person might wonder why you are focusing on false rape accusations, rather than rapes. Perhaps you think that false rape accusations are a more serious problem than rapes?

They are both serious problems. Why would you want to focus on one and ignore the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are both serious problems. Why would you want to focus on one and ignore the other?

Well, you focus on the problems that you choose to focus on, and I'll choose to focus on the problems that I choose to focus on. Though it's interesting that you choose to focus on the problem that is based on the idea that women are crazy and vindictive and routinely lie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are both serious problems. Why would you want to focus on one and ignore the other?

Well, you focus on the problems that you choose to focus on, and I'll choose to focus on the problems that I choose to focus on. Though it's interesting that you choose to focus on the problem that is based on the idea that women are crazy and vindictive and routinely lie.

You obviously not realize that there are more than two people in this discussion...