S/O being excluded from birthday parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with:
-You are in the right to invite a small group of children to your daughter' party and allow her to pick which ones. (you mentioned that fewer rather than more of the class got invited).
-It was right of you to encourage your daughter to invite the other girl (girl B) when she received Girls B's invite. Your daughter didn't want Girl B there, so fine.

I disagree with:
-You should have told your daughter not to tell the Girl B why she wasn't invited, a simple "we could only have so many people" would have been sufficient. (I would have a different view if the other girl was physically or verbally aggressive, not just told jokes in bad taste)
-You should not have allowed your daughter to attend Girl B's party. If Girl B wasn't good enough for your daughter to invite to her party than your daughter should not have taken advantage of Girl B's hospitality.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why people are so up in arms that someone allowed their child to invite just 5 people to her birthday party. Just because this other girl had a party that same weekend doesn't mean the OP had to change their plans. She had a 5 person party. What's the big deal? Are people not allowed to have small parties anymore? And if you opt for a small party, but someone else didn't, that means you can't go to that party? That doesn't make sense to me.

I am generally siding with OP here. I agree with both of the posters I quoted above. IMO to not invite the other girl and then to not go to her party would seem like a double snub. She was already "snubbed" once (not really because only 5 kids were invited) by not being invited to OP's daughters party, but then to be snubbed a second time by the daughter not going to her party would seem like a second kick to the shins. I don't blame OP's daughter for not inviting her. If she had invited her after receiving the other girl's invite, then the girl would surely have known it was a pity invite and then OTHER girls in the class would have felt bad because they invited her to THEIR party and didn't get invited etc. So it really would have opened up a whole new can of worms to issue a pity invite or "reciprocal" invite as all you raving lunatic pp's call it. She invited 5 and that's that. Maybe the daughter had bad manners in telling the girl her jokes are uncouth and she doesn't like to be around them, but someone was going to tell her sometime, so why not OP's daughter. Why not now? I think she did that girl a favor and if there's fall out from it then they both learned an important lesson. OP's daughter will learn to be nicer and fart joke girl will learn to talk about other things. No harm done. I am a firm believer in guiding kids but not stifling them and allowing them to learn some natural consequences to their behavior.

I agree with this poster and want to register another vote in support of Poster Dad #3. I just don't see the malice and poor manners that everyone else on this thread is seeing. Of course, I too am not a fan of bathroom humor and discourage it in my kids, so I am sympathetic to the standards of the daughter. Around the house with your own family is one thing, but the potty mouth girl's behavior at school, if accurately described by the 5-kid-birthday girl, is completely inappropriate. The 5-kid-birthday girl did not volunteer the information to the girl that she was not invited to the party, she responded honestly when asked. It is possible that the girl's feelings were hurt, but I think it is different from being excluded (as the dad pointed out) because of physical appearance, race, disability, or something else that is out of your control. Given that this is behavior most of us consider unacceptable in adults, I don't think 7 is too young to learn that others do not like this kind of talk.

If anyone's behavior was unacceptable in this situation, it was the little shit-stirrer who told the excluded girl about the party to begin with. She obviously did it to foment drama. She is 7 and that level of immaturity is part of growing up, but I hope that *her* parents talked to her about how cruel and unkind it was to throw up in another girl's face that she hadn't been invited to the 5-person party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP- Bullsh*t. OP's daughter has standards and values. Good on her!! I think OP did good 'due dilligence' on the invites. OP I think you should stop reading all of this noise and give your daughter a big hug. Tell her you really respect how she appreciates your family standards. Tell her she's brave to stand up for her values (even with respect to you). And tell her to make sure she is always nice at school and to never make another kid feel bad. I hope that my daughter finds a friend like OP's child because I think it's great that there are a few people left who actually value values.

Ugh! What a double standard. She didn't appreciate her family values!!! If she did she WOULDN'T HAVE GONE TO POTTY-MOUTH'S PARTY. That would have been standing up to her values. You're a potty mouth so I don't want you at my party and I don't want to go to yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I apologize to OP.

My dd's birthday party was Sunday. All the girls were asked to not talk about it at school.

On Monday, one of the girls marched straight up to the Saturday birthday girl and described everything that happened at dd's party on Sunday.

this makes it 100x worse. you made other people's children complicit in your/your daughter's actions. "this is just our secret let's not tell anyone else about our secret birthday club."

of course one of the other girls marched straight up to the other girl and told her. they're 7. and you told them not to do it. you suck.

[Anonymous]

Dadposter#3 - don't think it goes unnoticed that you keep adding to your "story" so it sounds better for you. I seriously doubt that you had a "talk" with your dd after she came home and told you what happened and that she said "but that's lying." Because if you TRULY felt that way, you wouldn't have told that part of the story in the first place.

Let's not forget his first post: He thinks it was "refreshingly honest" of his dd to tell the other girl and that it was "probably useful" for her to hear the consequenses of her potty mouth. Funny, how now he changes it to having a talk with her about not saying that. I'm sure you probably congratulated her for being refreshingly honest. That IS bad parenting!!!

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

[Anonymous]

Why is no one on the potty mouth parents? Really? This is appropriate? It IS refreshingly honest to call anyone on that.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll!?! Seriously, I can't think of a single mom I know that woud condone "queen bee" behavior in a 7 year old?

Agree with most other posters - this was a missed character building moment about social graces and tolerance for other people and especially the oddballs who don't conform to the norm.

At the very least, she should not have attended her party. I want to hug that farty, poopy mouth girl.

[Anonymous]

I also find it hard to believe that the dd likes the potty-mouthed girl. If you don't like someone talking potty-mouth "all the time" then how do you like them? Wouldn't you always be telling them to stop, rolling your eyes at them, telling them you don't want to hear it? Especially with 7 yo girls - they'll call you on it. Something smells fishy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inviting whole class= fine

inviting just boys or just girls= fine

inviting a few kids, but less than half, without explaining it to the ones not invited= fine

inviting the whole class except one or two kids= rude and mean

this!

[Anonymous]

Dad/Poster #3 here.

Some of you are seriously unhinged and to the point of protesting far too much.

I was done with the this thread yesterday and thought it was buried and done. Shocked to see it revived again on Recent Topics.

So, in sum:

1) It was awkward, but I will not in any way, shape or form concede that I handled it badly. Those of you who are so hysterical about it would likely have done the same thing and you know it.

2) Some of you have serious issues, calling my daughter a "bitch" and "snotty" and "queen bee." This wasn't just at the beginning of the thread -- nearly every page contains an insult aimed at my 7 yo girl. Shame on you. I mean that: For shame. You don't have any standing to criticize me after you do that.

3) Thanks to those who've offered support. While I suspect it may be the same two or three people taking endless potshots, it's gratifying to discover that there are some reasonable people who at least took an opportunity to consider my viewpoint and that situation.

4) And for that matter, thanks also to the people who disagreed with how I handled it in a respectful manner. The loons could learn a few things from you.

I'm out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad/Poster #3 here.

Some of you are seriously unhinged and to the point of protesting far too much.

I was done with the this thread yesterday and thought it was buried and done. Shocked to see it revived again on Recent Topics.

So, in sum:

1) It was awkward, but I will not in any way, shape or form concede that I handled it badly. Those of you who are so hysterical about it would likely have done the same thing and you know it.

2) Some of you have serious issues, calling my daughter a "bitch" and "snotty" and "queen bee." This wasn't just at the beginning of the thread -- nearly every page contains an insult aimed at my 7 yo girl. Shame on you. I mean that: For shame. You don't have any standing to criticize me after you do that.

3) Thanks to those who've offered support. While I suspect it may be the same two or three people taking endless potshots, it's gratifying to discover that there are some reasonable people who at least took an opportunity to consider my viewpoint and that situation.

4) And for that matter, thanks also to the people who disagreed with how I handled it in a respectful manner. The loons could learn a few things from you.

I'm out.

Hey dad, OP here...

You didn't respond to me when I asked why Potty Mouth was not invited but your girl went to her party anyway...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad/Poster #3 here.

Some of you are seriously unhinged and to the point of protesting far too much.

I was done with the this thread yesterday and thought it was buried and done. Shocked to see it revived again on Recent Topics.

So, in sum:

1) It was awkward, but I will not in any way, shape or form concede that I handled it badly. Those of you who are so hysterical about it would likely have done the same thing and you know it.

2) Some of you have serious issues, calling my daughter a "bitch" and "snotty" and "queen bee." This wasn't just at the beginning of the thread -- nearly every page contains an insult aimed at my 7 yo girl. Shame on you. I mean that: For shame. You don't have any standing to criticize me after you do that.

3) Thanks to those who've offered support. While I suspect it may be the same two or three people taking endless potshots, it's gratifying to discover that there are some reasonable people who at least took an opportunity to consider my viewpoint and that situation.

4) And for that matter, thanks also to the people who disagreed with how I handled it in a respectful manner. The loons could learn a few things from you.

I'm out.

Hey dad, OP here...

You didn't respond to me when I asked why Potty Mouth was not invited but your girl went to her party anyway...

Oh shut up for the love of god.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad/Poster #3 here.

Some of you are seriously unhinged and to the point of protesting far too much.

I was done with the this thread yesterday and thought it was buried and done. Shocked to see it revived again on Recent Topics.

So, in sum:

1) It was awkward, but I will not in any way, shape or form concede that I handled it badly. Those of you who are so hysterical about it would likely have done the same thing and you know it.

2) Some of you have serious issues, calling my daughter a "bitch" and "snotty" and "queen bee." This wasn't just at the beginning of the thread -- nearly every page contains an insult aimed at my 7 yo girl. Shame on you. I mean that: For shame. You don't have any standing to criticize me after you do that.

3) Thanks to those who've offered support. While I suspect it may be the same two or three people taking endless potshots, it's gratifying to discover that there are some reasonable people who at least took an opportunity to consider my viewpoint and that situation.

4) And for that matter, thanks also to the people who disagreed with how I handled it in a respectful manner. The loons could learn a few things from you.

I'm out.

Dad/P3,

I think that you are well meaning and I can understand that you do not want to see your daughter called names.

However, I think you are naive when it comes to the culture of meanness and exclusion among girls your daughter's age. I know it seems rational to you for her not to want a girl with "potty mouth" at her party. But little girls her age often arbitrarily decide for some reason that another little girl has unacceptable social behavior, fixing on some surface characteristic (like potty mouth) and exclude and torment that other little girl. It's up to us as parents to intervene. Why? Because next week, those same little girls may decide, for very little reason, that your daughter is socially unacceptable for some reason. And it may be one of the most painful experiences of her life. This is the way girls bully. I don't know if this makes any sense to you at all, but little girls don't physically bully. They emotionally bully. Please don't encourage it. Please do your best to derail it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad/Poster #3 here.

Some of you are seriously unhinged and to the point of protesting far too much.

I was done with the this thread yesterday and thought it was buried and done. Shocked to see it revived again on Recent Topics.

So, in sum:

1) It was awkward, but I will not in any way, shape or form concede that I handled it badly. Those of you who are so hysterical about it would likely have done the same thing and you know it.

2) Some of you have serious issues, calling my daughter a "bitch" and "snotty" and "queen bee." This wasn't just at the beginning of the thread -- nearly every page contains an insult aimed at my 7 yo girl. Shame on you. I mean that: For shame. You don't have any standing to criticize me after you do that.

3) Thanks to those who've offered support. While I suspect it may be the same two or three people taking endless potshots, it's gratifying to discover that there are some reasonable people who at least took an opportunity to consider my viewpoint and that situation.

4) And for that matter, thanks also to the people who disagreed with how I handled it in a respectful manner. The loons could learn a few things from you.

I'm out.

Dad/P3,

I think that you are well meaning and I can understand that you do not want to see your daughter called names.

However, I think you are naive when it comes to the culture of meanness and exclusion among girls your daughter's age. I know it seems rational to you for her not to want a girl with "potty mouth" at her party. But little girls her age often arbitrarily decide for some reason that another little girl has unacceptable social behavior, fixing on some surface characteristic (like potty mouth) and exclude and torment that other little girl. It's up to us as parents to intervene. Why? Because next week, those same little girls may decide, for very little reason, that your daughter is socially unacceptable for some reason. And it may be one of the most painful experiences of her life. This is the way girls bully. I don't know if this makes any sense to you at all, but little girls don't physically bully. They emotionally bully. Please don't encourage it. Please do your best to derail it.

I think DAd/P3 was also naive when it comes to the culture of meanness on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Hey folks, the girl didn't make the cut. Period. Five girls made the cut. There were more girls in the class who didn't go to her birthday party than went. So what's with all the "I can't believe she was excluded." LOTS OF GIRLS WERE EXCLUDED. It wasn't directed just at the other birthday girl. She just had bad enough manners to demand an explanation as to why she, ALONG WITH OTHER GIRLS, weren't invited to a 5-girl party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME DAY. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

By the way, my 7 yo girly girl thinks poop and fart jokes, talk, etc. are hilarious. I don't agree, and I'm kinda pissed that my husband taught her the "pull my finger" joke, but sheesh - lighten up, Francis.

They weren't on the same day. I didn't say they were on the same day. They were on the same weekend.

I'm glad your daughter thinks this talk is hilarious, but does she talk about in incessantly?

Who cares what day it was on. Now we all know where mean girls come from! Parents who ignore or nuture their bad behavior and call it "refreshingly honest". I can only imagine how your daughter would feel being the one crapped (sorry) on. I blame you, not your daughter, because you encouraged her tyranical behavior.