S/O being excluded from birthday parties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inviting whole class= fine

inviting just boys or just girls= fine

inviting a few kids, but less than half, without explaining it to the ones not invited= fine

inviting the whole class except one or two kids= rude and mean

but my question is: would you tell the excluded kid why they were left out?

No, because I would never do it, or allow my kids to exclude just one kid. It's just mean to leave one kid out...I don't care if they have a potty mouth or whatever the reason is, it's mean to exclude one person and is bound to hurt their feelings.

New poster here. OP didn't exclude only one person. Invites were originally issued to only 5 children. Mother offered to invite a sixth after they got the invite from the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

I guess I might be the only one here, but I think you handled this terribly. Ostracizing a 7 year old for talking about poop? Allowing your DD to go to a party when she deliberately excluded the girl from her own? You might want to think about what messages you are sending here. He girl wasn't 'good' enough to invite, but you allows your daughter to take advantage of her birthday party?

I think this should have been a lesson on reciprocating invitations more than you wanting your daughter to teach another girl not to talk about poop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inviting whole class= fine

inviting just boys or just girls= fine

inviting a few kids, but less than half, without explaining it to the ones not invited= fine

inviting the whole class except one or two kids= rude and mean

Agree!

Agree! I've actually never even heard of this happening before I read this thread. How cruel.

[Anonymous]

I had another socially awkward moment. I was chatting with a parent on Friday and asked if they had any plans for the nice weekend. And the parent responded - "Well there is the birthday party on Sunday....". It appears it was a class party and we were not invited. I do not care that we were not invited - we usually turn down Sunday birthday parties due to church anyway. But I was definitely caught off guard.

So parent's - if you are not inviting the entire class - do you communicate it to the parents?

[Anonymous]

I don't know about these whole class party things. I have never done a whole class party, but we have always been discreet and don't ostracize or purposely not invite a single child etc. All kids are not going to instantly love each other or even like each other....which becomes even more apparent when you get to the 6-7 year old range. I really find these forced social events strange. I agree inviting every single person but one child is mean. I don't subscribe to being forced to invite everyone because sometimes some kids just don't get along or like everyone which is perfectly normal. I don't want to be forced to hang out on my birthday with people I don't like. I think say maybe 8-10 people you really, reallly like is a good way to go. I think as they get older they might actually prefer less and the ability to do something more personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

I guess I might be the only one here, but I think you handled this terribly. Ostracizing a 7 year old for talking about poop? Allowing your DD to go to a party when she deliberately excluded the girl from her own? You might want to think about what messages you are sending here. He girl wasn't 'good' enough to invite, but you allows your daughter to take advantage of her birthday party?

I think this should have been a lesson on reciprocating invitations more than you wanting your daughter to teach another girl not to talk about poop.

I completely agree. My child just turned seven, and I would never, ever allow him to ostracize ANY child in his class for any reason. (And thankfully he goes to the type of small school that doesn't allow this as part of the school policy.)

Plus, I have to say that children who are turning seven are not always very good judges of character. I think you should feel ashamed of yourself. It's just not nice. You're talking about little kids here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had another socially awkward moment. I was chatting with a parent on Friday and asked if they had any plans for the nice weekend. And the parent responded - "Well there is the birthday party on Sunday....". It appears it was a class party and we were not invited. I do not care that we were not invited - we usually turn down Sunday birthday parties due to church anyway. But I was definitely caught off guard.

So parent's - if you are not inviting the entire class - do you communicate it to the parents?

Was the parent you spoke to the party host?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inviting whole class= fine

inviting just boys or just girls= fine

inviting a few kids, but less than half, without explaining it to the ones not invited= fine

inviting the whole class except one or two kids= rude and mean

but my question is: would you tell the excluded kid why they were left out?

No. But I would carefully consider why you would exclude one kid. You may also want to have a reason ready if his/her parents ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had another socially awkward moment. I was chatting with a parent on Friday and asked if they had any plans for the nice weekend. And the parent responded - "Well there is the birthday party on Sunday....". It appears it was a class party and we were not invited. I do not care that we were not invited - we usually turn down Sunday birthday parties due to church anyway. But I was definitely caught off guard.

So parent's - if you are not inviting the entire class - do you communicate it to the parents?

This is why I am never specific about who's party we are going to. It could be a relative or somebody outside of the school for all their concerned. Why would they say 'oh= we are going to X's bday party'. Hopefully- they learned their lesson this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

I guess I might be the only one here, but I think you handled this terribly. Ostracizing a 7 year old for talking about poop? Allowing your DD to go to a party when she deliberately excluded the girl from her own? You might want to think about what messages you are sending here. He girl wasn't 'good' enough to invite, but you allows your daughter to take advantage of her birthday party?

I think this should have been a lesson on reciprocating invitations more than you wanting your daughter to teach another girl not to talk about poop.

I completely agree. My child just turned seven, and I would never, ever allow him to ostracize ANY child in his class for any reason. (And thankfully he goes to the type of small school that doesn't allow this as part of the school policy.)

Plus, I have to say that children who are turning seven are not always very good judges of character. I think you should feel ashamed of yourself. It's just not nice. You're talking about little kids here.

totally agree. You and your kid both sound annoying. "didn't want that kind of talk!?!?" they're SEVEN.

[Anonymous]

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME DAY. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

By the way, my 7 yo girly girl thinks poop and fart jokes, talk, etc. are hilarious. I don't agree, and I'm kinda pissed that my husband taught her the "pull my finger" joke, but sheesh - lighten up, Francis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you don't invite everybody from one group to a party do you explain to the "not invited" ones why they're left out?

I was reading the other thread and lots of people are saying it was rude to exclude the girl and not say why so I'm wondering here if it's normal or expected to address the crowd left out.

Thanks for any insight.

well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

Did your DD attend her party?

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

My daughter doesn't have a potty mouth. But you know, I'd rather she did, than that she acted like a mean little bitch.

Excuse me? Would you like to retract that comment you just made about my child? That finger you just pointed at my child? Take a look at your hand. Three fingers point back at you.

Deciding you don't wish to have a running commentary about feces and gastrointestinal noises at your birthday party is actually a pretty sound reason in my book. Had dd offered up some lesser articulated reason or no reason at all I probably would have pushed harder. But at 7, they're old enough to make guest list selections without the interference of a helicopter mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
well, my dd recently made a guest list for her birthday party that excluded a girl who subsequently invited dd to her own birthday party the same weekend. we urged dd to reconsider, but she was adamant saying the other girl had a potty mouth and talked about poop and farts and she didn't want that kind of talk at her party. Keep in mind these kids are 7.

So, awkward, yes, especially since several girls attended both parties. Sure enough, come Monday, the other girl discovers her invitation wasn't reciprocated and marches up to dd to demand why. DD repeated, frankly, what she told us: That the girl had a potty mouth and thus wasn't welcome at her party.

Kids are so refreshingly honest, aren't they? On the one hand we were horrified. I'm sure the girl's parents despise us now. On the other hand, it was probably useful for the kid to hear that there are consequences for having a potty mouth.

I guess I might be the only one here, but I think you handled this terribly. Ostracizing a 7 year old for talking about poop? Allowing your DD to go to a party when she deliberately excluded the girl from her own? You might want to think about what messages you are sending here. He girl wasn't 'good' enough to invite, but you allows your daughter to take advantage of her birthday party?

I think this should have been a lesson on reciprocating invitations more than you wanting your daughter to teach another girl not to talk about poop.

I agree. PP demonstrated some absolutely terrible parenting here. Amazing that she doesn't recognize it.

[Anonymous]

So your daughter excluded the other girl from her party because she talked about poop and farts, and yet she then attended her birthday party?? Wasn't she worried about excessive poop and fart talk there, or is it ok to hang with someone who talks like that if it's someone else's party? Ay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She did. Would you have had her compound the situation by declining the invitation?

She elected a party theme that was expensive. $50 per kid. As a result, we limited her to five kids. So, it wasn't a case of excluding a single girl from a classroom. Given the subsequent invitation we told her we'd allow her to invite one more child (the other birthday girl) but she had her own reasons for not wanting to do that. Good ones, too, if you ask me.

It was just an unfortunate sequence of events. We allowed her to make her own decisions in this case. She ignored our council. Now she's having to navigate the social consequences. And the other girl is learning that others don't take kindly to talk about poop and farts, I guess.

Count me among the posters who think you handled this terribly. You say, "we allowed her to handle it herself" - but you knew what she was going to do, and despite your apparent prissy attitude, it's pretty mean to not invite someone to your party when she invites you to her own ON THE SAME DAY. You allow kids to make their own decisions when they are the ones who can be affected by bad decisions - that's how they learn. The only think your daughter learned is that you're OK with her being mean and making others feel bad. Parenting fail.

By the way, my 7 yo girly girl thinks poop and fart jokes, talk, etc. are hilarious. I don't agree, and I'm kinda pissed that my husband taught her the "pull my finger" joke, but sheesh - lighten up, Francis.

They weren't on the same day. I didn't say they were on the same day. They were on the same weekend.

I'm glad your daughter thinks this talk is hilarious, but does she talk about in incessantly?