S/O being excluded from birthday parties

[Anonymous]

Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

Not the same. Potty mouth can change her behavior. She was told by someone that her potty mouth is offensive. Your daughter can't change being tall. Different issues entirely and in your daughter's case, mean and sucky behavior. Sorry that happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

NP here. OK, that is rude, but you know what? That "Queen Bee" is likely to be abandoned by the other girls in short order. They know that the same treatment could come there way. Best for your daughter to tell the other girl "thank you for showing us all what a loser friend you are." "Don't take anything personally" is a lesson that I learned far too late in life-- PLEASE make sure your daughter sees this. Queen Bee Wannabe's actions have NOTHING to do with your daughter and everything to do with herself.

[Anonymous]

"That "Queen Bee" is likely to be abandoned by the other girls in short order."

How often does that happen in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

Not the same. Potty mouth can change her behavior. She was told by someone that her potty mouth is offensive. Your daughter can't change being tall. Different issues entirely and in your daughter's case, mean and sucky behavior. Sorry that happened.

The "potty mouth" was SEVEN. And do you guys really believe that a seven year old girl talks poop and farts all the time? Am I the only one who sees this for what it is? An excuse to exclude the girl. Who knows what the real reasons are, but I've been around a LOT of little girls (as I have children that age) and this is not something that happens ALL the time.

Yes, there were a bunch of kids excluded. But it is just bad form to not reciprocate a birthday party invitation (especially at that age) when the birthday parties are so close in date (the same weekend, no less). There were so many better ways to handle this situation, but clearly the dad here will refuse to look at it from any other person's point of view. He values only the people who agree with him and ignores everybody else (and no, Dad, it isn't just 2 or 3 people disagreeing with you, I can assure you of that).

The sad thing here is that this type of "mean girl" behavior is implicitly being condoned by her parents, and will likely lead to bigger problems down the road. If it were me, I'd be more interested in teaching my child to be compassionate and nice to everybody, then right (which is clearly the only thing this Dad cares about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

Not the same. Potty mouth can change her behavior. She was told by someone that her potty mouth is offensive. Your daughter can't change being tall. Different issues entirely and in your daughter's case, mean and sucky behavior. Sorry that happened.

The "potty mouth" was SEVEN. And do you guys really believe that a seven year old girl talks poop and farts all the time? Am I the only one who sees this for what it is? An excuse to exclude the girl. Who knows what the real reasons are, but I've been around a LOT of little girls (as I have children that age) and this is not something that happens ALL the time.

Yes, there were a bunch of kids excluded. But it is just bad form to not reciprocate a birthday party invitation (especially at that age) when the birthday parties are so close in date (the same weekend, no less). There were so many better ways to handle this situation, but clearly the dad here will refuse to look at it from any other person's point of view. He values only the people who agree with him and ignores everybody else (and no, Dad, it isn't just 2 or 3 people disagreeing with you, I can assure you of that).

The sad thing here is that this type of "mean girl" behavior is implicitly being condoned by her parents, and will likely lead to bigger problems down the road. If it were me, I'd be more interested in teaching my child to be compassionate and nice to everybody, then right (which is clearly the only thing this Dad cares about).

First, Dad admitted that he could have handled it better at the other girl's party by addressing the fact that they were having a small party and hoped it was OK. He admitted that. Would you like him to flog himself publicly?
Second, seven is not too young to start learning lessons that you need to behave and not talk in certain ways. Dad has said these girls were otherwise friends, and when put on the spot, a SEVEN year old (as you said) reacted in a way that was blunt and maybe too honest. But the other girl can learn from this.
Either the seven year old is too young or she's too old for some of you. At the end of the day, the SEVEN year old is the one who communicated this message to the other girl, not the dad. Why is it HIS fault? He tried to talk her into inviting the girl, she declined, and when put on the spot, didn't react like a mature adult would have. Because she's SEVEN.

[Anonymous]

01:45 - sadly "mean girls" can start in the preschool years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That "Queen Bee" is likely to be abandoned by the other girls in short order."

How often does that happen in real life?

If by in short order, you mean after she spends the rest of middle school, high school and college terrorizing others and MAYBE, falls on her face post college at some point, OK. But the mean girls usually keep their power at least through college.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe I read all 15 pages and the Dad STILL never answered why he allowed his DD to attend the other girl's party and not invite her to her own the next day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe I read all 15 pages and the Dad STILL never answered why he allowed his DD to attend the other girl's party and not invite her to her own the next day.

Yes he did. He said the girls were friends generally.

[Anonymous]

Also said that potty mouth wouldn't be as noticeable at Chuck E Cheese as at the smaller party of only 5 guests....

[Anonymous]

Yuck, who wants their seven-year-old daughter going to party with manicures and pedicures, anyway? What a disgusting, but expensive habit to start so early in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Want to hear something really mean? My 13 yo DD, went to volleyball practice and she was the only one who showed up. She was worried that she was early or late. Until her coach came out. The coach informed me that one of the girls on the team was having a slumber party and that is why there was no one there. Obviousy my DD wasn't invited. When she got to school the next Monday she found out why. Because she was too tall and "annoying" according to the Queen Bee. So refreshingly honest, don't you think?

Not the same. Potty mouth can change her behavior. She was told by someone that her potty mouth is offensive. Your daughter can't change being tall. Different issues entirely and in your daughter's case, mean and sucky behavior. Sorry that happened.

The "potty mouth" was SEVEN. And do you guys really believe that a seven year old girl talks poop and farts all the time? Am I the only one who sees this for what it is? An excuse to exclude the girl. Who knows what the real reasons are, but I've been around a LOT of little girls (as I have children that age) and this is not something that happens ALL the time.

Yes, there were a bunch of kids excluded. But it is just bad form to not reciprocate a birthday party invitation (especially at that age) when the birthday parties are so close in date (the same weekend, no less). There were so many better ways to handle this situation, but clearly the dad here will refuse to look at it from any other person's point of view. He values only the people who agree with him and ignores everybody else (and no, Dad, it isn't just 2 or 3 people disagreeing with you, I can assure you of that).

The sad thing here is that this type of "mean girl" behavior is implicitly being condoned by her parents, and will likely lead to bigger problems down the road. If it were me, I'd be more interested in teaching my child to be compassionate and nice to everybody, then right (which is clearly the only thing this Dad cares about).

I defended the dad a few pages back, and I almost put something in my post saying that I thought the potty mouth girl wasn't too young to learn that this is unacceptable behavior IF in fact the daughter was being honest about why she didn't want the girl at her party. I could see that going either way. If it was just an excuse to exclude the girl out of sheer meanness, then it's shitty and I would not be complicit in that as a parent (I only have boys, but I'm sure something similar could still happen). The dad is the only one, besides the girl's mom, who would know if her reason was real, if anyone does. So I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because it sounds like a legitimate reason to me. Let's not paint this one incident with the broad brush of "mean girls" behavior because we don't know if it falls into that category. The situation described above re the slumber party is clearly an example of sheer meanness because tall is a physical characteristic and "annoying" is too general. In this situation, by contrast, the reasoning given was both specific and something that the excluded girl has the power to change, and that all of us would agree is something that she MUST change in the relatively near future. Again, assuming the daughter is reporting the behavior accurately. I hold out the possibility that the potty mouth tale was just an excuse for another, illegitimate reason, but no one on DCUM can say with certainty that that is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yuck, who wants their seven-year-old daughter going to party with manicures and pedicures, anyway? What a disgusting, but expensive habit to start so early in life.

You think getting manicures and pedicures is a disgusting habit? Or you think it is disgusting for 7 year olds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yuck, who wants their seven-year-old daughter going to party with manicures and pedicures, anyway? What a disgusting, but expensive habit to start so early in life.

You think getting manicures and pedicures is a disgusting habit? Or you think it is disgusting for 7 year olds?

This is probably the same person referring to the birthday girl as a bitch. Really classy all the way around.