Spouse lost his job and its ruining our life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

Her job is secure at least. if they both lose employment, they are F'd. Safer to put her energy into getting him employed.

How convenient that she can stay on the mommy track and kick back and complain.

It's called maintaining stable employment. Why do you hate teachers, or her? Weird, chill.

+1. I also wonder what lucrative job options are out there for teachers to begin with? You cannot discount the stability, health benefits, and pension her job brings right now. Not to mention childcare costs go up if you’re no longer off on school breaks.

Maybe she won’t find anything but she should be looking. Just because she sidled up to the easy trough early doesn’t mean she can just complain now rather than at least try to step up.

Minimum she could look at becoming a vice principal or similar.

Clearly someone who has no experience in the field, lol.

And this is lierally the first time I've seen teaching referred to as an "easy trough." Again, lol. You're clueless.

My parents are teachers. I know how the sausage is made. They just think it’s hard because they have never had a real job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Yes, sweetie, and now your situation has changed and you need to find a new job.

Her job is secure at least. if they both lose employment, they are F'd. Safer to put her energy into getting him employed.

How convenient that she can stay on the mommy track and kick back and complain.

It's called maintaining stable employment. Why do you hate teachers, or her? Weird, chill.

+1. I also wonder what lucrative job options are out there for teachers to begin with? You cannot discount the stability, health benefits, and pension her job brings right now. Not to mention childcare costs go up if you’re no longer off on school breaks.

Maybe she won’t find anything but she should be looking. Just because she sidled up to the easy trough early doesn’t mean she can just complain now rather than at least try to step up.

Minimum she could look at becoming a vice principal or similar.

Clearly someone who has no experience in the field, lol.

And this is lierally the first time I've seen teaching referred to as an "easy trough." Again, lol. You're clueless.

My parents are teachers. I know how the sausage is made. They just think it’s hard because they have never had a real job.

Your anti-teacher trash is not helpful. Go troll somewhere else

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

He’s been looking for a year and she said her marriage is dissolving. Maybe it’s time to pivot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

She should get a second job to support her husband in his job search when he isn't working? He needs to take a job or two to earn income and continue his job search.

+1. I don't know why y'all are telling OP to get a second job when her DH can't be bothered to get something part-time while he's looking for something FT.

It’s all hands on deck, that’s how they should approach it as a team rather than her blaming him for trying to advance their family.

She might be able to pick up some tutoring jobs in a second, they pay way more than him picking up some shifts at Starbucks. It depends on his skill set and his ability to find well paid part-time work, but if they both have extra hours, like she does in the summer or after 4 PM, they should try to put them to use the other spouse. Will be available to take care of the kids.

This is stupid.

Obviously, all energy should be focused on husbands re-employment.

But this isn't about helping, it's about being mean right?

He’s been looking for a year and she said her marriage is dissolving. Maybe it’s time to pivot.

Totally - she can start looking FOR HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Hey OP. I posted in the relationship forum a week or so ago with a similar situation about my husband who got laid off and I got absolutely flamed for it. To the point I stopped reading the thread. My husband was laid off and has not taken the job search seriously; I wrote in looking for ways to help him find something and structure his efforts and got called a selfish nag. Despite me saying I was not nagging and didn’t want to be a nag.

He hasn’t done any applying in the last week, no networking, nothing. It’s terrifying to me. I guess I’m just trying to say you’re not alone and don’t let random internet strangers try to read something into your situation that isn’t there. Hope you two make it out of your situation soon.

[Anonymous]

Special needs twins pp- I don’t want to hijack OP’s thread, but trust me we have looked into alternatives to provide good insurance. COBRA is working for now but that will run out soon. Only the most gold-plated employer plans seem to have good out of network coverage for the therapy they’re currently getting, which otherwise would cost about half a million dollars a year. And the therapy center they are currently enrolled in is the only thing we’ve tried where they have made significant progress.

If you haven’t experienced the complexity of what the healthcare system is like for kids with disabilities, you really couldn’t understand. Like they’ll say speech is covered, but then no therapists within an hour are in network and have openings. The quality of therapies offered through the school district is wildly variable. So you basically end up being forced to pay out of pocket if you want good treatment. I wish it were just as easy as getting any job with insurance.

And obviously if we can’t find the money we won’t have any choice but to go with in network providers and public schools. But I’ve seen how kids with minimally verbal autism are often treated and we’ll move heaven and earth trying to make more money and/or get the good insurance again so as to keep them in high quality therapies. When you’ve seen the stark difference in care quality available when you have enough money, that’s hard to give up on for your kids.

And it’s hard to convince your spouse to start over completely and give up his former 7 figure income potential, not when others in the industry keep telling him he’s a fantastic candidate and he just needs to be patient and wait for the market to turn.

(And yes, I’ve also been intensively looking for work)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should get a second job. He should be working at McDonald’s if he has to.

I have been looking for jobs that pay more money. Ive told my husband he has to give up on finding a new job in his career and just find something else, like working in a restaurant, as you suggest. He hasnt gotten there yet because he is determined to keep his career.

NP. Until you actually find a job that pays a lot more money, I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here. You seem to be criticizing him for the same issue you are having yourself.

Well the purpose of my post was seeking out people who have been in this situation who could share their story. That doesnt seem to be you np. If you read my prior comment, my dh not only supported my decision to work in education but encouraged it because he probably never envisioned that this would happen to him.

Hey OP. I posted in the relationship forum a week or so ago with a similar situation about my husband who got laid off and I got absolutely flamed for it. To the point I stopped reading the thread. My husband was laid off and has not taken the job search seriously; I wrote in looking for ways to help him find something and structure his efforts and got called a selfish nag. Despite me saying I was not nagging and didn’t want to be a nag.

He hasn’t done any applying in the last week, no networking, nothing. It’s terrifying to me. I guess I’m just trying to say you’re not alone and don’t let random internet strangers try to read something into your situation that isn’t there. Hope you two make it out of your situation soon.

He might be depressed. What does he do all day? When was he laid off? Do you have an emergency fund?

If you are not in dire situation and have an emergency fund let him be for a bit. In a couple weeks after getting laid off if he hasn’t started looking, talking about looking or networking then maybe bring it up but be supportive. Ask what he’s looking for. Ask if it’s ok if you speak to your own network about openings. If you don’t have an emergency fund he should really be looking right away and put out feelers. In this economy it just takes longer.

When people get pushed or feel pressure most people actually pull back so it’s kind of a fine line between being supportive while not let him sit on his butt in month 6 and do nothing. That pressure also does not help when interviews roll around. So can you meet a friend for a walk and complain to the friend? Is there someone you can talk to so when you talk to your husband anger and a tone don’t come out?

Just cold applying doesn’t always work anymore. I mean it does sometimes but if you know someone who can get you through the HR screen (which I find more and more difficult now with AI) it is better.

Everyone I know has recently got hired from a network. Their network or someone they know worked with a person in the department. It isn’t a guaranteed in, you have to do a good job in the interview, but if I get a good recommendation from certain people on a potential hire I will interview that person. It’s up to them to do a good job on the interview and have good references and pass the checks but a recommendation or email or call from some people hold more weight.

It is daunting but honestly pressuring your spouse won’t do anything.
Even if they did everything right they might not get a job just how the economy is right now. Everything takes longer and there are way more candidates out there right now.

[Anonymous]

He should get a PT job at night to help out with income. I'd be super pissed if he wasn't doing that, at the least. Costco, Target, any big box store, uber... whatever.

That said, the job market sucks, especially when you are older.

DH is 60, and got aged out at 59. But he has some money saved in cash and retirement, so we've been supplementing with that , plus he's working on a potential startup and taking care of the house and medical appointments for our child who has some mild sn. But, if he did not have savings, I would push him to get a job to at least supplement my income. He likes power tools, so he could always get a job at Home Depot or something.

I would do the same if the situation was reversed.

[Anonymous]

Why is everyone giving such a pass to OP’s husband? At some point you just take whatever job you can get. He needs to get out of the house, earn some money, have a reason to get dressed, etc. It’s been a year, their marriage is failing. You can live on much less than you think.

[Anonymous]

Had the reasonable risk paid off you would be here bragging what a smart and savvy husband you have which allows you to live a cushy life.

It did not pay off (an event out of his control occurred) so your response is to hate on him and consider divorce.

Are you a gold digger or mercenary wife? You only stick around if the money is coming in so you can live your life at his expense.

Did it occur to you that naybe the reason he tried to get a job making more money was to satisfy your greedy, materialistic desires?

If YOU had been content and not kept dropping comments about needing more money this might not have happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone giving such a pass to OP’s husband? At some point you just take whatever job you can get. He needs to get out of the house, earn some money, have a reason to get dressed, etc. It’s been a year, their marriage is failing. You can live on much less than you think.

+1 How can anyone think this is ok. I get that it's a huge ego hit, but needs must.

[Anonymous]

When I lost my job at 49 I delivered food with Uber and doordash and made $400 per week before expenses
After all expenses it was like $200/week. It's not a lot but at least money was coming in. I was the library 3 hours a day working on new skills, reading this forum for tips, applying to jobs etc. I made sure not to read anything about AGEISM so I don't get discouraged. I got a full time job in my field 9 months later. I have a background in statistics so maybe in my field it's different.

Your DH needs a PLAN with goals. And once a week both of you need to meet and find out what he needs to work on and refine the job search strategy if needed.