Dirty plates don't go on the couch. OP is trying to provide a civilized home for her children where people use basic manners. |
+1 OP was 100% in the wrong here. That’s why she came back with the sob story about all of work she does and how mistreated she is. Because she is so far up her own a$$ that it never occurred to her that this little anecdote might reflect poorly on HER. |
I’m so glad I live with another relaxed person (or slob, YMMV). Yeah, we try to put our dishes in the sink 90% of the time. But once in a while, do we put an empty, kinda clean plate on the couch? Yes we do. Because that’s the awesome part about being an adult, no one is going to yell at you because you ate ice cream for dinner this one time, or stayed up late, or put a dish on the sofa (that you paid for).
I get it, if he’s a gross pig making messes he expects you to clean up, or a weird hoarder & you have mouse droppings everywhere, then yeah, drop the hammer on this idiot. But if he puts an empty plate on the sofa until the end of the movie…that seems within the boundaries of permissible for a responsible adult. And if I were a responsible adult & had a spouse policing my activities to this degree, I’d be annoyed. Why can’t you chill a little & enjoying the perks of being a grownup in your own damn house? There is no law against putting an empty plate on the couch for 45 minutes. Live a little! |
And what kind of message does this send the kids?
That you don’t have to be perfect, in your own home with your family, 100% of the time. It’s okay. Yes, putting your plate away is the goal. If you screw that up because you were really into the movie, and you put it away after the movie is over, that’s okay. Believe me, I grew up in a family where that was not okay. Putting a dish on the sofa was sacrilegious. Guess what was not enjoyable? Movie nights in the sacred sofa. Or, frankly, many family experiences. |
Isn’t it interesting how she didn’t talk about the alleged imbalance in her original post. She spent paragraphs talking about a single plate. Only after posted disagreed did she mention the balance. Based on her posts, I am not that there is an imbalance rather OP thinking she has to take on all tasks Bc her DH doesn’t do everything her way on her timeframe. |
Wow please divorce him so he can find a normal woman to have a life with
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Doesn’t matter. Leaving dirty plates on the couch is as easy and lazy as it gets. Paper plates, correlle, stoneware. Just leave it there. Easy peasy. |
Clearing your spot after a meal is pretty basic house rule around the globe. |
If OP was not married to someone like her DH who refuses to engage in a way that increases conflict and drives anxiety she would be divorced. He is an adult. The kids are living walking on eggshells waiting for mom to blow. ALL THE TIME. Even on the "rare" family movie & pizza nights. What an absolutely shitty childhood for them. The seething, bean counting and lashing out. DH may stay to protect the kids. It is overwhelmingly likely that OP makes extra work/busy work. The whole family would benefit from her getting diagnosed and treated, whether it is anxiety, ADD, OCD, or a mix. But, as long as she is fixated on DH bad, nothing will change. The waking up still enraged about trivialities is scary. No sense of proportion or of valuing the "rare" family movie night experience instead. Don't know how old you are OP but peri and menopause will make your issues worse. If you want to alienate your kids, keep on. If you want to have relationships with them as adults, see a psychiatrist and be honest. You need meds. And if you have past trauma driving the need for control, try EMDR. |
I genuinely hope this OP is a troll. Because otherwise her kids are having SUCH a sad childhood with her as a mom. No value on shared happy times or connection, just control and lashing out. They love their dad and likely enjoy his company a lot more since he is more relaxed. OP always being at him must also stress them out. |
As long as both people are fine living like that. These are the things you should find out before you marry someone 😂 |
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Just for the record, you can put dishes away AND also be chill. Being tidy doesn’t mean you’re an uptight *ss. |
Being “shocked” and enraged for 12+ hours that someone ELSE didn’t IMMEDIATELY put dishes away DOES mean that you are an uptight *ss, however. Just for the record. |
And hire a daily maid to follow your husband around and dispose of them. |
And then HE WOKE UP AS IF NOTHING HAD HAPPENED. That monster. |