Sad about no longer being attracted to DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People that choose to be "sad" instead of doing something about a problem are pathetic.

Agree. So I got divorced, got happy, lost weight, and became more attractive.

If you had done that while married, you probably woldn't be divorced.

I've wondered about that. But then I remember that I did do it for about a year, minus the happy part. The spark was still missing and nothing improved in our marriage. I just looked better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People that choose to be "sad" instead of doing something about a problem are pathetic.

Agree. So I got divorced, got happy, lost weight, and became more attractive.

If you had done that while married, you probably woldn't be divorced.

If you had two wheels you'd be a bicycle. Getting happy came before losing weight

.

I did it without being happy but it was much harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

NP
They are right. You might have a different attitude being born in another place/time but our culture has a few different popular body types thanks to media and conditioning. The window of what you'd instinctually be attracted to is broader than what you end up finding attractive thanks to culture. Looking at old, even ancient, art tells us that.

The body type that has historically been seen as attractive, throughout the times, is what today we'd call height/weight proportionate. The difference between Botticelli's Venus, ancient Greek statues and today's beautiful women is maybe one size. The times in history when fat women were seen as attractive are outliers.

Not in Jamaica or Fiji as 2 simple examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

Unfortunately I'm struggling with this. Despite my hopes and efforts, I am not very attracted to current partner. I'm not OP. I may give up since we are not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

Unfortunately I'm struggling with this. Despite my hopes and efforts, I am not very attracted to current partner. I'm not OP. I may give up since we are not married.

What are you waiting for? Smh

[Anonymous]

Was it ever specified by OP what “quite a bit of weight” means? Are we talking 20lbs (which can seem like a large difference especially for a shorter woman) or like 75 pounds or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

NP
They are right. You might have a different attitude being born in another place/time but our culture has a few different popular body types thanks to media and conditioning. The window of what you'd instinctually be attracted to is broader than what you end up finding attractive thanks to culture. Looking at old, even ancient, art tells us that.

The body type that has historically been seen as attractive, throughout the times, is what today we'd call height/weight proportionate. The difference between Botticelli's Venus, ancient Greek statues and today's beautiful women is maybe one size. The times in history when fat women were seen as attractive are outliers.

Have you considered something other than European standards of beauty?

Ancient Egypt



Ancient China

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it ever specified by OP what “quite a bit of weight” means? Are we talking 20lbs (which can seem like a large difference especially for a shorter woman) or like 75 pounds or something?

Thought he said 70 pounds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

NP
They are right. You might have a different attitude being born in another place/time but our culture has a few different popular body types thanks to media and conditioning. The window of what you'd instinctually be attracted to is broader than what you end up finding attractive thanks to culture. Looking at old, even ancient, art tells us that.

The body type that has historically been seen as attractive, throughout the times, is what today we'd call height/weight proportionate. The difference between Botticelli's Venus, ancient Greek statues and today's beautiful women is maybe one size. The times in history when fat women were seen as attractive are outliers.

Not in Jamaica or Fiji as 2 simple examples.

Real tastemakers, huh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

NP
They are right. You might have a different attitude being born in another place/time but our culture has a few different popular body types thanks to media and conditioning. The window of what you'd instinctually be attracted to is broader than what you end up finding attractive thanks to culture. Looking at old, even ancient, art tells us that.

The body type that has historically been seen as attractive, throughout the times, is what today we'd call height/weight proportionate. The difference between Botticelli's Venus, ancient Greek statues and today's beautiful women is maybe one size. The times in history when fat women were seen as attractive are outliers.

You're no art historian! Those are examples that are merely on the lower end of proving my point. Botticelli's Venus was still several sizes up from today's thin ideal. This is what many pps would call fat. Just because you and I can see she is beautiful does not mean the average white man/woman, obsessed with their programmed ideal of beauty, sees her the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you. I don't understand why people pretend attraction is controllable. You can control your behavior but you cannot control your basic physical responses.

I am 50 with three young kids. I weigh about 30 pounds over my wedding weight. I don't deny that I am fat and less attractive. If my DH is less attracted to me because of this, it is his own deal. I do not control his sexuality. I freely admit I gained weight because of various life stresses, less time to work out and eating as if I'm still thirty and a gym rat.

It is what it is. Your feelings are your own as long as you do your duty.

Yes people can control who they are attracted to. It’s highly socialized. Some societies are more attracted to fat people. Its all in your head.

Absolutely not. I don't find fat people attractive at all - wife here.

NP
They are right. You might have a different attitude being born in another place/time but our culture has a few different popular body types thanks to media and conditioning. The window of what you'd instinctually be attracted to is broader than what you end up finding attractive thanks to culture. Looking at old, even ancient, art tells us that.

The body type that has historically been seen as attractive, throughout the times, is what today we'd call height/weight proportionate. The difference between Botticelli's Venus, ancient Greek statues and today's beautiful women is maybe one size. The times in history when fat women were seen as attractive are outliers.

Not in Jamaica or Fiji as 2 simple examples.

Real tastemakers, huh.

I’m not sure how many of you have looked in the mirror lately, but even at your best most of you really aren’t that attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my wife and I love our family. We have 2 beautiful children, common values, and compatible parenting styles. DW is smart and has a successful career. I respect her and I am grateful to her for giving us our children.

That being said, she let herself go after the kids were born. She is an attractive woman, but she put on quite a bit of weight (the youngest is 8 by now), and she frequently looks frumpy. Of course I would never dare to say anything and would never cheat, but I am just sad and an anonymous forum is the only place no I can admit it.

Flame away.

Totally supportive of your honesty, I mean he who hasn’t experienced this can flame away but not me! What with the

Paunch
Snoring
Being boring and low energy
Gassiness
Balding
Hair in the wrong places (ears?)
Bulbous nose
Lower libido
Lack of effort in sex
Bad breath
Nothing as firm as it used to be
Pendoulous… scrotum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some women's bodies don't bounce back from childbearing as some other women's bodies do.

Most regular working women don't have the multiple hours per day to put into fitness routines and cooking super clean healthy meals, even if her children and husband would eat that food if she did.

How much of the housekeeping and life management are you doing, OP? How much of the childcare and shuttling to activities are you doing? How much shopping and cooking? How much time are you giving her to sleep, to engage in fitness, etc?

There are seasons to life, OP. Sounds like you have most of what makes a very good marriage and your wife's body paid the price to give you two beautiful children.

So yeah, you can be sad that youth has passed you by and you and your wife aren't hotties anymore, but please don't expect an outpouring of sympathy.

I know you're trying to be empathetic, but I honestly think some people just don't want to be healthy. It takes 2 minutes to open a can of tuna and dump it on a bed of kale.

NP. I find this so triggering. I’m dealing with multiple allergies and a pediatric feeding disorder. I’m already cooking multiple meals. So I throw tuna on kale. Not a single person in my family besides myself will eat tuna. Kids won’t eat kale. So now I’m cooking the meals. Pediatrics feeding disorder means I can’t just do classic cook one meal and everyone eats it or goes hungry. My kid had a BMI of 13.9.

Moral of the story: Anytime you’re tempted to say, “You can just X”, someone else literally cannot just do X. My kid would have died before eating tuna on kale. Nor can we afford to have the entire family eat the one dc’s expensive allergy diet. We have bills to pay, college to save for. For some families, food is exhausting in a way it never was for our parents. I imagine other special needs situations have similar demands in different spheres.

I posted previously that I have friends who eat well. MANY of them eat just salad for many meals. You don’t have to eat the food you cook your family.

In that friend group, I eat the worst. When we go out to dinner, they all order salad or something healthy like a grilled seafood. They don’t eat anything fried or obviously unhealthy like cake.

I won’t eat kale with tuna but I know people who would and do.

I'm like this. I have a super busy schedule and not a lot of time to exercise, so I'm really disciplined about eating. I'm 48, 5'7 and 125 lbs. Imo, breaking the cycle of emotional eating is the secret. People eat when they are sad, stressed, neglected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it ever specified by OP what “quite a bit of weight” means? Are we talking 20lbs (which can seem like a large difference especially for a shorter woman) or like 75 pounds or something?

Thought he said 70 pounds?

70lbs is really a lot- especially for a woman- IMO. I can’t blame OP for feeling the way he does- and I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I would suggest WW and those new drugs. Easy peasy.