What distinguishes an "average woman" from an "above average" woman for dating and marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why wouldn't someone having the qualities of and demonstrated talent for good parenting be high on the list of desirable qualities?

Because not everyone is obsessed with parenthood.

Looks to me like most people commenting are not concerned about parenthood at all. Probably they assume that if a woman is hot and has a nice personality she'll make a great mother. If a man is tall and well employed he'll be a great dad. Pretty delusional.

“Probably”? No one claimed hot or tall equals great at parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people think above average people are average and average people are unattractive.

Don’t 90% of guys want the same 10% of women?

Even at my child’s high school, there are very few attractive girls. Most girls are average and below average. All the guys want the same few girls. Dating apps are the same. Even if you are not that attractive, you will still be attracted to the same attractive women.

This is true. I was more attractive in my twenties than in high school because I got my nose fixed and starting taking care of my skin, wearing light makeup and doing my hair (in high school, I was an athlete and just didn't care about those things). I went from almost no attention from boys to having my pick in twenties. The only thing that changed was my appearance.

So you had a nose job and started wearing makeup and guys became interested? Shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it kind of amazing that only one or two comments mentioned anything about an above average woman for dating and marriage demonstrating a potential for being a good mother. For that matter, same with evaluating a potentially above average man. Especially when you think about the potential for marriage, not just dating. Why wouldn't someone having the qualities of and demonstrated talent for good parenting be high on the list of desirable qualities?

The potential for being a good mother is reflected in attributes such as kindness, caring, loving, no drama. Those things you can experience when dating. You can’t experience motherhood skills other then how she is with others kids but that’s far from motherhood.

I’d add being responsible. Part of being a good mom that you would trust with your kids is being responsible and getting things done.

x100. Is the person self aware, emotionally stable, curious, kind, and good at both seeing the big picture and executing tasks to get things done? Are they easily overwhelmed? And do they like and want kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it kind of amazing that only one or two comments mentioned anything about an above average woman for dating and marriage demonstrating a potential for being a good mother. For that matter, same with evaluating a potentially above average man. Especially when you think about the potential for marriage, not just dating. Why wouldn't someone having the qualities of and demonstrated talent for good parenting be high on the list of desirable qualities?

The potential for being a good mother is reflected in attributes such as kindness, caring, loving, no drama. Those things you can experience when dating. You can’t experience motherhood skills other then how she is with others kids but that’s far from motherhood.

I’d add being responsible. Part of being a good mom that you would trust with your kids is being responsible and getting things done.

x100. Is the person self aware, emotionally stable, curious, kind, and good at both seeing the big picture and executing tasks to get things done? Are they easily overwhelmed? And do they like and want kids.

Yep, loving kids and being kind and caring isn’t enough. If you marry someone loving but lacking in executive functioning skills and the ability to be responsible your kids and/or your marriage will suffer.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I had a lot of high quality suitors when I was single and in my twenties.

I am naturally thin with large breasts. I have a pretty face, nice legs and great hair. I’m ivy educated. I always look polished. I wasn’t the prettiest but I was able to attract and more importantly keep the guys. I’m pleasant and a good conversationalist.

So if you are pretty, nice figure, smart and well educated, you are a good catch.

All of those are important, but I'd prefer a state university gal over ivy educated.

Why? Intimidated by women's intelligence or success?

You sound lovely. Plenty of intelligent and successful people go to state schools.

Really depends on where you live. I’m from NY and went to school in Boston. In Boston, I mostly met people from Harvard, MIT, Tufts and occasionally BU and BC. I worked in NYC after graduation and was surrounded by people from elite schools.

I have never lived in Texas or Florida. I’m sure their value system is different. There is tons of money and beauty. Probably not as many Princeton and Yale types.

This is snobbery/elitism, not an actual determination of what well-educated means.

A well educated person in Boston may be different than a well educated person in Minnesota.

No, Boston has a higher percentage of well-educated people. Your take is really myopic.

You sound insufferable. I went to Williams and Columbia and married someone who went to Harvard and from my vantage point going to an elite college/grad school doesn’t make you smarter or better or more educated than anyone else. Your comments are literally making everyone who reads them dumber and I pity anyone who dates you.

[Anonymous]

So would you ever marry someone who had childhood trauma and was overweight? Would a pretty face and good looks and personality make up for it?

Would you date someone like that?

Would you have an affair with someone like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a lot of high quality suitors when I was single and in my twenties.

I am naturally thin with large breasts. I have a pretty face, nice legs and great hair. I’m ivy educated. I always look polished. I wasn’t the prettiest but I was able to attract and more importantly keep the guys. I’m pleasant and a good conversationalist.

So if you are pretty, nice figure, smart and well educated, you are a good catch.

All of those are important, but I'd prefer a state university gal over ivy educated.

Why? Intimidated by women's intelligence or success?

You sound lovely. Plenty of intelligent and successful people go to state schools.

Really depends on where you live. I’m from NY and went to school in Boston. In Boston, I mostly met people from Harvard, MIT, Tufts and occasionally BU and BC. I worked in NYC after graduation and was surrounded by people from elite schools.

I have never lived in Texas or Florida. I’m sure their value system is different. There is tons of money and beauty. Probably not as many Princeton and Yale types.

This is snobbery/elitism, not an actual determination of what well-educated means.

A well educated person in Boston may be different than a well educated person in Minnesota.

No, Boston has a higher percentage of well-educated people. Your take is really myopic.

You sound insufferable. I went to Williams and Columbia and married someone who went to Harvard and from my vantage point going to an elite college/grad school doesn’t make you smarter or better or more educated than anyone else. Your comments are literally making everyone who reads them dumber and I pity anyone who dates you.

And yet you would only marry a man who attended an Ivy League college, right?

[Anonymous]

Pretty but doesn’t have to be beautiful
Someone who has an easy time being happy
Smart, but not necessarily career-driven
Easy-going
Family-oriented

Education, career, height, income do not seem to matter

[Anonymous]

Be rational and pragmatic, don’t be an emotional wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So would you ever marry someone who had childhood trauma and was overweight? Would a pretty face and good looks and personality make up for it?

Would you date someone like that?

Would you have an affair with someone like that?

I highly recommend steering clear of anyone with severe childhood trauma, unless everything else about them is close to perfect. Or even if everything else about them is perfect. A history of childhood abuse and/or neglect makes many things 1000x harder, but especially relationships. And fwiw, neglect can be worse than abuse (the lasting effects on self esteem are virtually unfixable no matter how much therapy you do).

-- a person with childhood trauma and cptsd who has done all of the right things to deal with it who still struggles and will forever.