Stop asking student tour guides where they're applying to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

Oh please. If I just lost my job and someone asked me what I do for a living, I’m not going to want to answer the question. That’s my issue. Not theirs. It’s a perfectly appropriate question. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

Oh please. If I just lost my job and someone asked me what I do for a living, I’m not going to want to answer the question. That’s my issue. Not theirs. It’s a perfectly appropriate question. Come on.

You know best. Schools are advising prospective parents not to ask. but again, you know best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

Oh please. If I just lost my job and someone asked me what I do for a living, I’m not going to want to answer the question. That’s my issue. Not theirs. It’s a perfectly appropriate question. Come on.

You know best. Schools are advising prospective parents not to ask. but again, you know best.

No doubt the request is being made by parents of the tour guides who are triggered by someone asking their high school senior what college they are applying to! Must protect little snowflake from any situation that might be uncomfortable for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

Oh please. If I just lost my job and someone asked me what I do for a living, I’m not going to want to answer the question. That’s my issue. Not theirs. It’s a perfectly appropriate question. Come on.

You know best. Schools are advising prospective parents not to ask. but again, you know best.

No doubt the request is being made by parents of the tour guides who are triggered by someone asking their high school senior what college they are applying to! Must protect little snowflake from any situation that might be uncomfortable for them!

You must be so bummed you can't ask this most important question. How ever will you decide if a school is right for your snowflake?

[Anonymous]

I’m not interested in reading through 14 pages of responses. What I will say is that I generally agree it is inappropriate and rude. When someone asked my DD last year, she would just give a response like I’m looking at a range of schools.
But, in this case people touring private schools want to know what kind of colleges its seniors are looking at. It’s perfectly legitimate when looking at private schools to investigate where the graduates go to college. And the tour guide is a logical person to try and get this information from.
If your kid isn’t comfortable answering have him come up with a canned response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I view “how’s the college process going” much closer to “what do you do for a living” than “what salary do you earn.”

Only on this board where parents view their own self-worth and value vicariously through their kids’ private school and college selections is this a deeply personal question. Pro tip: if you want a handbag, buy one. But don’t live through your kids.

Let me ask the sensitive folks, if your friends ask where your kids are applying, is it equally outrageous?

You don't see the difference in asking your friend a personal question vs. asking a total stranger a personal question? Don't be obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not interested in reading through 14 pages of responses. What I will say is that I generally agree it is inappropriate and rude. When someone asked my DD last year, she would just give a response like I’m looking at a range of schools.
But, in this case people touring private schools want to know what kind of colleges its seniors are looking at. It’s perfectly legitimate when looking at private schools to investigate where the graduates go to college. And the tour guide is a logical person to try and get this information from.
If your kid isn’t comfortable answering have him come up with a canned response.

The school will provide the information. This isn't the only way to get it, one data point at a time.

[Anonymous]

The punch line is that I don’t see the question as a personal one. It’s not “what disease is your mom struggling with” or “how is you father doing since being laid off.”

It’s amusing. If someone goes to a mediocre school and is asked later where they went, will they freak out? Will they declare it to be a violation of their safe space? Good luck with the whole employment thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just because someone might provide a canned response doesn’t mean the question was inappropriate. It just means the person might have their own reasons for not answering which most likely has nothing to do with the one asking the question. It doesn’t turn an otherwise normal, appropriate question into a rude one.

This!

Keep telling yourself that. If it was appropriate, they would answer.

Oh please. If I just lost my job and someone asked me what I do for a living, I’m not going to want to answer the question. That’s my issue. Not theirs. It’s a perfectly appropriate question. Come on.

"How has the school helped you through the college application process?" is a perfectly appropriate question. It has relevance to your child's potential experience at the school.

"Where are you applying to college?" is not an appropriate question. In addition to being none of your business, it haswhatever the answer is has absolutely no relevance.

The purpose of a tour is to see if the school will be a good fit for your child, specifically. Knowing where some random kid from the school is applying to school tells you nothing about that.

Get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not interested in reading through 14 pages of responses. What I will say is that I generally agree it is inappropriate and rude. When someone asked my DD last year, she would just give a response like I’m looking at a range of schools.
But, in this case people touring private schools want to know what kind of colleges its seniors are looking at. It’s perfectly legitimate when looking at private schools to investigate where the graduates go to college. And the tour guide is a logical person to try and get this information from.
If your kid isn’t comfortable answering have him come up with a canned response.

No, the question is rude. The appropriate person to ask is the Admissions Director, an adult who is paid to answer all of your questions, even the uncomfortable ones. The tour guide is a volunteer and a minor. You shouldn't be asking a question you know is rude, which you even acknowledge in your first paragraph.

It's incredibly that this has gone on for 14 pages. It was well established in the first page that this question makes kids (remember, tour guides are volunteer kids) uncomfortable. That means a normal, well adjusted adult would refrain from asking kids this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The punch line is that I don’t see the question as a personal one. It’s not “what disease is your mom struggling with” or “how is you father doing since being laid off.”

It’s amusing. If someone goes to a mediocre school and is asked later where they went, will they freak out? Will they declare it to be a violation of their safe space? Good luck with the whole employment thing.

There it is. You want to sneer and judge them for their choices. This is known, which is why these kids are wise to avoid your nasty question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t get the people who insist they have the right to demand information out of every person they meet. It’s so crazy and rude and entitled.

No one is demanding anything.
Also, a wonderful skill for any young person to learn: how to politely avoid a question they don’t want to answer. If for whatever reason they don’t want to share.
I expect people to ask my junior next year, and will give him tools to handle it without it being a big deal.

Clearly they are demanding answers. People here are freaking out about the idea that a child might not respond to an inappropriately personal question. It’s very entitled behavior.

Of course the kids should be armed with generic answers, and it sounds in fact that OPs son is handling the question gracefully. Handling inappropriate questions and rude people is indeed a life skill, you are correct. But that doesn’t change the fact that asking the question itself is rude, entitled, and demanding. Essentially there are two different issues here:

Is the question itself rude and entitled? Yes.

Should the tour guides learn how to and be able to handle intrusive and rude questions? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.

Good, I hope you don't get the answer you're looking for so that you self select out. On a recent tour we got a pamphlet where the graduating class of 2023 matriculated and we found that very helpful information. No need to harass the tour guide there were plenty of other questions to ask that actually mattered.

Actually, at the top schools most students successfully navigated this small talk and we moved on. So yes, I got the answers I was looking for and we moved on. I think it's still the right question to ask. On one tour the student said he applied to 16 schools, because 'it's very competitive' then he told us about the support he received. I never learned his dream school, nor do I really care - his answer was sufficient.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't be serious. That's the tour guide equivalent of cocktail party question. Where do you live/work. Good lord.[/quote]

+1
I will continue to ask. If the tour guide is too sensitive about their personal experiences at the school, they need a different role.[/quote]

How many tours do you go on and why are you obsessed with knowing? Especially now that it exposes you as an obnoxious boor?[/quote]

We've been on 6 tours. I'm interested in how articulate the students are because it says something about their ability to navigate social situations, which is an important life skill. If your kid can't handle it and they are a senior, then it's not the right fit for my child/family. That's information I need to have. I agree it's the equivalent of the cocktail party question 'where do you live/work'.[/quote]

😬😬😬

I really hope you don’t end up applying anywhere. [/quote]

We're already at a great school and are applying to 2 others.