“Rich” but Broke - What can we cut?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

+1

If you turn down a public law school and/or a lower-tier private law school with merit aid for an expensive private law school for which you incur crippling debt because "(a)nyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools," and then you get the Big Law job you sought to get, then it's on you to follow through and keep that job for as long as you need to in order to pay off the debt and get your life in order.

I cannot imagine agreeing to put on those golden handcuffs before even getting the law degree (and without knowing in advance whether I'd have the necessary stellar credentials to get the Big Law job) - but hey, everyone's dreams are different. To me, that dream sounds like a nightmare.

-Silver Spring PP who went to the Hyundai of law schools, graduated with $20K in debt, and leads a happy life

The pandemic was an unexpected hellscape for mothers. The DC area was one of the worst places to be, with everything shutting down, lack of childcare, and the teachers unions on a smear campaign against "mommies" for wanting open schools. Of course OP couldn't handle simultaneously being a SAHM and biglaw attorney. No wonder she broke and had to leave her well-paying job, like so many other DC area moms during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Everyone makes this situation sound so dire. OP was not this dramatic. And no, she doesn’t have to rethink all of her choices and live in the shame of who she has become. OP you made a fine choice on housing and maybe the card could have been a little cheaper but what can you do now. Lots of people get caught off guard by kid costs. In a few years, you will see that go down. And over the years your salaries will rise (if not promotion, at least colas) and your mortgage will start to seem cheaper and cheaper in comparison. In the meantime, you save a little less, do a little less but you are going to be just fine.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read all 14 pages, but it seems after your big expenses you have about $4000/month to pay for all your "life" costs - food, entertainment, clothing, etc?

In that context, every little thing you can do to cut back $100 here, $75 there will be immediately noticeable. If you can find ten ways to save $40 a month, for example, that's $400 which might not seem like a lot to some, but it is 10% of your current discretionary spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar HHE, similar mortgage. The cars were mistakes but you can only move forward. Try to save enough to pay for your next car cash and to buy one car every five years. Honestly, we pay more for camps, since cheap camps are crap when the kids get older, but it's still less than daycare. I would save as much ages 5-9 because then sleepaway gets expensive. Our kids do travel sports, which is also expensive. I'm hoping it gets better again when kids are in high school before it gets real bad for college.

I would not go back into biglaw if you like the flexibility your life has now.

Your kids do not need travel sports and sleep away camps if you cannot afford it. Are you fully saving for college? The will appreciate a fully funded college much more than travel sports or sleep away camps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

To be fair, I think OP paid off the $500k loans with the biglaw savings.

I believe that, but they also overextended on a house and cars at a time when they couldn't afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar HHE, similar mortgage. The cars were mistakes but you can only move forward. Try to save enough to pay for your next car cash and to buy one car every five years. Honestly, we pay more for camps, since cheap camps are crap when the kids get older, but it's still less than daycare. I would save as much ages 5-9 because then sleepaway gets expensive. Our kids do travel sports, which is also expensive. I'm hoping it gets better again when kids are in high school before it gets real bad for college.


Who said we couldn't afford it? Yes, college will be covered. Sports and sleepaway has been great for my kids. I didn't have access to either and I can see what it provides them in terms of teamwork, independence, and drive.
I would not go back into biglaw if you like the flexibility your life has now.

Your kids do not need travel sports and sleep away camps if you cannot afford it. Are you fully saving for college? The will appreciate a fully funded college much more than travel sports or sleep away camps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar HHE, similar mortgage. The cars were mistakes but you can only move forward. Try to save enough to pay for your next car cash and to buy one car every five years. Honestly, we pay more for camps, since cheap camps are crap when the kids get older, but it's still less than daycare. I would save as much ages 5-9 because then sleepaway gets expensive. Our kids do travel sports, which is also expensive. I'm hoping it gets better again when kids are in high school before it gets real bad for college.

I would not go back into biglaw if you like the flexibility your life has now.

Your kids do not need travel sports and sleep away camps if you cannot afford it. Are you fully saving for college? The will appreciate a fully funded college much more than travel sports or sleep away camps

Who said we couldn't afford it? Yes, college will be covered. Sports and sleepaway has been great for my kids. I didn't have access to either and I can see what it provides them in terms of teamwork, independence, and drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

Sexist!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

+1

If you turn down a public law school and/or a lower-tier private law school with merit aid for an expensive private law school for which you incur crippling debt because "(a)nyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools," and then you get the Big Law job you sought to get, then it's on you to follow through and keep that job for as long as you need to in order to pay off the debt and get your life in order.

I cannot imagine agreeing to put on those golden handcuffs before even getting the law degree (and without knowing in advance whether I'd have the necessary stellar credentials to get the Big Law job) - but hey, everyone's dreams are different. To me, that dream sounds like a nightmare.

-Silver Spring PP who went to the Hyundai of law schools, graduated with $20K in debt, and leads a happy life

The pandemic was an unexpected hellscape for mothers. The DC area was one of the worst places to be, with everything shutting down, lack of childcare, and the teachers unions on a smear campaign against "mommies" for wanting open schools. Of course OP couldn't handle simultaneously being a SAHM and biglaw attorney. No wonder she broke and had to leave her well-paying job, like so many other DC area moms during the pandemic.

Not OP, but similar story. And it was the husband who chose to leave big law for quality of life and more time with kids in our family. So tired of people perpetuating these stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

+1

If you turn down a public law school and/or a lower-tier private law school with merit aid for an expensive private law school for which you incur crippling debt because "(a)nyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools," and then you get the Big Law job you sought to get, then it's on you to follow through and keep that job for as long as you need to in order to pay off the debt and get your life in order.

I cannot imagine agreeing to put on those golden handcuffs before even getting the law degree (and without knowing in advance whether I'd have the necessary stellar credentials to get the Big Law job) - but hey, everyone's dreams are different. To me, that dream sounds like a nightmare.

-Silver Spring PP who went to the Hyundai of law schools, graduated with $20K in debt, and leads a happy life

The pandemic was an unexpected hellscape for mothers. The DC area was one of the worst places to be, with everything shutting down, lack of childcare, and the teachers unions on a smear campaign against "mommies" for wanting open schools. Of course OP couldn't handle simultaneously being a SAHM and biglaw attorney. No wonder she broke and had to leave her well-paying job, like so many other DC area moms during the pandemic.

The effect on Big Law mothers was no worse than it was on anyone else.

[Anonymous]

So much hostility, shitty advice, over the top responses, and straight up trolling on this thread. Stay classy dcum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A nanny for 2 kids would be cheaper than your current Day Care costs. I had a nanny for 2 kids for 8 years. She worked 50 hours a week and earned $50,000 until the kids were in school full time. Then she was part time. Depending on how many hours you need, if you pay hourly at $25 an hour, you could find some savings. I have an Au pair now and it works out great and saves a ton of money. Your kids are too young for an au pair.

I appreciate that you recognize in your post that the cost of Nannies has gone up beyond what you were paying. I also know you posted in the spirit of helping so this is not a call out on you or prior posters, but I just did want to observe how varied the human experience is to get a thread where posters (incorrectly) slammed OP for having a nanny (I guess they think daycare for 2 kids is significantly cheaper than 5k a month?) and then someone else suggests dropping daycare in favor of a nanny

Doing the math: 50 hours a week at $25/hour for 4 weeks (assuming 10 hours OT) is 5,500 every 4 weeks. (I know that’s not exactly the same as per month but ballpark). Plus employer taxes, workers comp policy, bonus, annual raises on top of that. Assuming 40 hours a week is about $4400 every 4 weeks with employer taxes, you might squeak out a little savings after accounting for all the other expenses/perks. 35 hours and under certainly but that starts to look like a parent has a part time job.

And in my experience very few people want to keep their kids out of some form of organized school after age 3 (which is ultimately why daycare can make sense economically as it checks this box) so there may be additional costs for preschool. Does Maryland have free preschool?

Finally OP mentioned paying for additional child activities. That may have been what confused folks who initially thought OP had a nanny. What are 2 kids under 3 who go to daycare doing beyond that? I can see paying for swimming but anything else on the weekends seems like overkill?

Apologies if I skipped some information in other posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar HHE, similar mortgage. The cars were mistakes but you can only move forward. Try to save enough to pay for your next car cash and to buy one car every five years. Honestly, we pay more for camps, since cheap camps are crap when the kids get older, but it's still less than daycare. I would save as much ages 5-9 because then sleepaway gets expensive. Our kids do travel sports, which is also expensive. I'm hoping it gets better again when kids are in high school before it gets real bad for college.

I would not go back into biglaw if you like the flexibility your life has now.

Your kids do not need travel sports and sleep away camps if you cannot afford it. Are you fully saving for college? The will appreciate a fully funded college much more than travel sports or sleep away camps

Who said we couldn't afford it? Yes, college will be covered. Sports and sleepaway has been great for my kids. I didn't have access to either and I can see what it provides them in terms of teamwork, independence, and drive.

But the OP will likely not be able to afford that unless income increases somewhere, somehow. They cannot afford to keep spending $5K/month extra on their kids once childcare has ended...they need to be saving some of that money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 35 and so sick of the delusion of some of the older posters on here. "Spend 10k on a car! Drop the 5k nanny! Your house costs way too much!"

It is 2023. Housing and childcare costs are out of control. The average cost of a new car in America is over $48,000. My generation has been crippled by out of control student loans and multiple financial crises, not to mention being forced to parent young children during a global pandemic. Yes, OP has made expensive choices but guess what? This is WHAT THINGS COST in an expensive metro area in 2023.

Eh, I'm the same age as you, but OP is spending a bit much overall. They are living a CCMD lifestyle on a Brookland or Takoma budget. We have the same salary and mortgage, but we don't pay for PK3/4 and have just one car since we live near public transit. CCMD would be fine for OP if one was big law. And no, half a mil of student debt is super atypical. Most of us has more like 20-30k in student debt. Super easy to manage. We just weren't going out buying 48k+ luxury SUVs in school. Hell a brand new toyota corolla is 21k.

Not OP, but I don’t understand this. What student has $60-70K each year to pay private school tuition? Who graduates with 20-30K of student debt after 7-8 years of college and grad school? I’m a lawyer myself and have many, many, friends who went fed just to get their crippling loans forgiven after 10 years. And please don’t start with “should’ve gone to public school.” Anyone who works in Law knows Big Law firms only hire from top private law schools. Who knows what the circumstances were around that debt, but it doesn’t surprise me at all that 2 people had $500K student debt.

If one is "smart enough to be a lawyer" and go to a private law school in order to go into Big Law, then one should be smart enough to stay in big law until they pay off the loans. Me personally, I wouldn't have kids until I had paid off most of the loans and found a job that I could do while managing a family---not that difficult to realize that big law and being a very involved parent do not easily mix (I suspect the big law is the woman and she decided she wanted a more relaxed lifestyle with kids).

If you choose to take on that debt then you need a good plan to pay it off, and that means working in big law until you do ideally. It may mean putting off having kids for another 2-3 years. Whatever it means, you should have a plan, and their plan was not very good on many levels/choices financially

Sexist!!!

Grow up!


They stated they wanted/needed a more relaxed lifestyle during the pandemic with the kids...nothing sexist about that. They stated "their husband had been in a major accident before and wanted the big Acura MDX for vehicles", so it's quite logical to assume it's a women. Majority of the posts read that way.

[Anonymous]

You have an income problem with high fixed costs. I would focus on making more rather cutting at the margins