What are the most common ways women waste their 20s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking they have all the time in the world to work on the personal life piece: home and family. No, you don't. Time moves very, very quickly. Society loves to lie to you every day.

+1000. You will wake up one day and be 30 and will wonder what the hell happened.

Childfree women are the happiest demographic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Your first two statements are harsh with a grain of truth and the third is definitely true.

The last statement.... I couldn't possibly disagree more. Travel early and often. Cheaply if you can. Apply for internships, stipends, study abroad, fellowships, short term jobs, ANYTHING and travel to far flung places in the world FOR FREE or cheaply. This is something you can basically only do in your 20s. Travel, travel, travel! Especially when the pandemic hit, I thanked all the stars that I said "YES" to so many opportunities when I was young. Because you never know what can happen. Pandemics, politics, kids, jobs, money. Adult problems. Use your youth to travel. Get lost on a city's public transit system, stay in a hostel, fumble around in a foreign language. Have adventures, DO IT!!!

Traveling while single (before marriage and babies) is a crutch to avoid reality, waste time, binge drink, eat tourist food, and waste money. Squandering your 20s away being a brainless consumer, seeking likes on instagram. Pointless.

You want to travel, do it in college, study abroad, and if you pursue an MBA, go ahead and take those trips with classmates. But these white collar women age 25 to 35 who think traveling is a personality or a substitute for a husband and kids are lost.

Well, maybe fore you. For many of us, it's a way to learn languages, build an international network, visit the Louvre and the Sistine Chapel, learn how to make sushi in Japan, cycle around Taiwan on innovative electric bamboo bikes, dance samba in Brazil with some of the most talented musicians on the planet, see India's Hyderabad transform itself into a global cyber hub from dust, and learn how to turn on every type of shower handle imaginable. Among other things.

And no, I didn't post any of that on Facebook or Instagram.

Unless you’re in the state department, you’re spinning yarn. A “network” of random hookups and passport stamps you think are social currency. When everyone your age is talking about their tween kids and you’re talking about trips, you look ridiculous. Sorry, just being frank.

Idk but if I’m at a party I would rather hear about their experiences trekking in Kyrgyzstan than about Larla’s band recital.

Sure sure. And everyone just loves the "cool" wine aunt (actually, they all secretly feel sorry for her).

I mean it varies. Some people find “epic” travel stories to be pretentious, other people think incessant taking about one’s kids to be boring. And I love my cool triathlete aunt who is childless (not be choice, sadly) who raises German Shepherds. My hunch is that more than one mommy in the hypothetical group appreciates the escapism of the Kyrgyzstan trekking stories as a break from all the Larlo, Larla, Larleigh extracurricular one-upsmanship.

I LOVE my childless friends. I love them for themselves, but also deeply appreciate how much they have to give because they aren’t burdened by their own kids. They sustained me through the difficult early parenthood years when they could visit with ease. I love my mom friends too, but my “wine aunt” friends are gold. Anyway women’s value is not defined by their status as wives and mothers, in case that needs to be said.

I am a dog lover who raises large dogs, kids (with tons of extra curricular activities, lol), had a career and loads of adventurous travel prior to SAHM with the kids. I guess I’ve had it all, just not at the same time. The trade-off in my case was having kids late (late 30s and 40s). Was lucky with fertility, needed no assistance.

Ok good for you? Life actually isn’t a menu to pick and choose from. My point is that childless women have just as much value as mothers. If you judge a woman based on having kids or not, you’re sexist full stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking they have all the time in the world to work on the personal life piece: home and family. No, you don't. Time moves very, very quickly. Society loves to lie to you every day.

+1000. You will wake up one day and be 30 and will wonder what the hell happened.

Childfree women are the happiest demographic.

Right? Guarantee that there are more married 40 year old women w kids waking up and wondering what the hell happened to their lives I don’t discuss this with my childless friends directly, but I’m fairly sure they consider themselves pretty darn lucky in many ways to be in their positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking they have all the time in the world to work on the personal life piece: home and family. No, you don't. Time moves very, very quickly. Society loves to lie to you every day.

+1000. You will wake up one day and be 30 and will wonder what the hell happened.

Childfree women are the happiest demographic.

Right? Guarantee that there are more married 40 year old women w kids waking up and wondering what the hell happened to their lives I don’t discuss this with my childless friends directly, but I’m fairly sure they consider themselves pretty darn lucky in many ways to be in their positions.

I think people who are doing what they truly want in life are pretty happy . So if you truly wanted kids and a spouse and didn't just do it because you thought you should you're probably happy. Same if you didn't want to be a mom and spouse. Conversely if you did want marriage and kids and it didn't happen you're probably not so happy. Or if you had those kids and have a spouse but regret it you're probably unhappy.

Bringing it back to the original topic the best thing a woman can learn her own mind as soon as possible. Figure out what she wants in life. Not her parents, friends, social media, her boyfriend etc. What she wants and pursue it fervently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Your first two statements are harsh with a grain of truth and the third is definitely true.

The last statement.... I couldn't possibly disagree more. Travel early and often. Cheaply if you can. Apply for internships, stipends, study abroad, fellowships, short term jobs, ANYTHING and travel to far flung places in the world FOR FREE or cheaply. This is something you can basically only do in your 20s. Travel, travel, travel! Especially when the pandemic hit, I thanked all the stars that I said "YES" to so many opportunities when I was young. Because you never know what can happen. Pandemics, politics, kids, jobs, money. Adult problems. Use your youth to travel. Get lost on a city's public transit system, stay in a hostel, fumble around in a foreign language. Have adventures, DO IT!!!

Traveling while single (before marriage and babies) is a crutch to avoid reality, waste time, binge drink, eat tourist food, and waste money. Squandering your 20s away being a brainless consumer, seeking likes on instagram. Pointless.

You want to travel, do it in college, study abroad, and if you pursue an MBA, go ahead and take those trips with classmates. But these white collar women age 25 to 35 who think traveling is a personality or a substitute for a husband and kids are lost.

Well, maybe fore you. For many of us, it's a way to learn languages, build an international network, visit the Louvre and the Sistine Chapel, learn how to make sushi in Japan, cycle around Taiwan on innovative electric bamboo bikes, dance samba in Brazil with some of the most talented musicians on the planet, see India's Hyderabad transform itself into a global cyber hub from dust, and learn how to turn on every type of shower handle imaginable. Among other things.

And no, I didn't post any of that on Facebook or Instagram.

Unless you’re in the state department, you’re spinning yarn. A “network” of random hookups and passport stamps you think are social currency. When everyone your age is talking about their tween kids and you’re talking about trips, you look ridiculous. Sorry, just being frank.

Idk but if I’m at a party I would rather hear about their experiences trekking in Kyrgyzstan than about Larla’s band recital.

Sure sure. And everyone just loves the "cool" wine aunt (actually, they all secretly feel sorry for her).

I mean it varies. Some people find “epic” travel stories to be pretentious, other people think incessant taking about one’s kids to be boring. And I love my cool triathlete aunt who is childless (not be choice, sadly) who raises German Shepherds. My hunch is that more than one mommy in the hypothetical group appreciates the escapism of the Kyrgyzstan trekking stories as a break from all the Larlo, Larla, Larleigh extracurricular one-upsmanship.

I LOVE my childless friends. I love them for themselves, but also deeply appreciate how much they have to give because they aren’t burdened by their own kids. They sustained me through the difficult early parenthood years when they could visit with ease. I love my mom friends too, but my “wine aunt” friends are gold. Anyway women’s value is not defined by their status as wives and mothers, in case that needs to be said.

I am a dog lover who raises large dogs, kids (with tons of extra curricular activities, lol), had a career and loads of adventurous travel prior to SAHM with the kids. I guess I’ve had it all, just not at the same time. The trade-off in my case was having kids late (late 30s and 40s). Was lucky with fertility, needed no assistance.

Ok good for you? Life actually isn’t a menu to pick and choose from. My point is that childless women have just as much value as mothers. If you judge a woman based on having kids or not, you’re sexist full stop.

DP but of course childless women have value! I think the point of this thread is if you *do* want to have kids, you need to be working to put the infrastructure (a committed partner, gainful employment, etc.) in place by your mid twenties and not screwing around in dead end relationships and jobs. For some people it will work out just fine regardless, but you may have to compromise more on a partner later in life, and it may be harder to conceive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

[Anonymous]

I had all the right pieces/behaviors and simply did not know how to meet men in my 20s. I worked in a female dominated industry and never seemed to meet the men I wanted to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

Yes, bully and emasculate your men with ultimatums. This will definitely lead to a happy marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta lock down a dude with prospects while you're still pretty!

I was at my hottest in my early 30s.

Based on my entirely subjective and anecdotal research, and also recognizing that there is a range for any given individual, I think 27 is the average age at which a woman is at her most attractive.

Wrong. This has been studied many times. Men ranging in age from 18 to 80+ all find women aged 22-23 most attractive. In contrast, women of all ages find men their own age, or slightly older, most attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta lock down a dude with prospects while you're still pretty!

I was at my hottest in my early 30s.

Based on my entirely subjective and anecdotal research, and also recognizing that there is a range for any given individual, I think 27 is the average age at which a woman is at her most attractive.

Wrong. This has been studied many times. Men ranging in age from 18 to 80+ all find women aged 22-23 most attractive. In contrast, women of all ages find men their own age, or slightly older, most attractive.

Barf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't move in with a man unless you are engaged or know that engagement is in the near future. It's much harder to leave once you're living together.

How do you know engagement is in the near future? Are you proposing to him?

DP. Women are starting to propose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the 2 year deadline but I think it’s wise for young women to tell men, bluntly, that they are willing to DTR/go exclusive/whatever but the clock is starting and by year 2 they expect to be broken up or planning a wedding. This kind of conversation, in my experience, scares off exactly who it should.

Yes, bully and emasculate your men with ultimatums. This will definitely lead to a happy marriage.

So women shouldn’t communicate their needs in a relationship and should wait around for men to decide their course?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking they have all the time in the world to work on the personal life piece: home and family. No, you don't. Time moves very, very quickly. Society loves to lie to you every day.

+1000. You will wake up one day and be 30 and will wonder what the hell happened.

Childfree women are the happiest demographic.

Right? Guarantee that there are more married 40 year old women w kids waking up and wondering what the hell happened to their lives I don’t discuss this with my childless friends directly, but I’m fairly sure they consider themselves pretty darn lucky in many ways to be in their positions.

I think people who are doing what they truly want in life are pretty happy . So if you truly wanted kids and a spouse and didn't just do it because you thought you should you're probably happy. Same if you didn't want to be a mom and spouse. Conversely if you did want marriage and kids and it didn't happen you're probably not so happy. Or if you had those kids and have a spouse but regret it you're probably unhappy.

Bringing it back to the original topic the best thing a woman can learn her own mind as soon as possible. Figure out what she wants in life. Not her parents, friends, social media, her boyfriend etc. What she wants and pursue it fervently.

Nah. I very much wanted kids. But kids are a huge financial and personal stressor. They do not increase happiness in the short term!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202102/why-many-single-women-without-children-are-so-happy?amp

This is one reason I like to spend time with mom friends and “wine aunt” friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marrying right after college is cool and smart. You should be in that mentality.

Sleeping around aka "dating" around is gross, unhealthy, and leads to mental despair.

Your laptop, PowerPoint, Excel, email job is not actually important.

Stop being an alcoholic.

Traveling is a time and money sink.

Your first two statements are harsh with a grain of truth and the third is definitely true.

The last statement.... I couldn't possibly disagree more. Travel early and often. Cheaply if you can. Apply for internships, stipends, study abroad, fellowships, short term jobs, ANYTHING and travel to far flung places in the world FOR FREE or cheaply. This is something you can basically only do in your 20s. Travel, travel, travel! Especially when the pandemic hit, I thanked all the stars that I said "YES" to so many opportunities when I was young. Because you never know what can happen. Pandemics, politics, kids, jobs, money. Adult problems. Use your youth to travel. Get lost on a city's public transit system, stay in a hostel, fumble around in a foreign language. Have adventures, DO IT!!!

Traveling while single (before marriage and babies) is a crutch to avoid reality, waste time, binge drink, eat tourist food, and waste money. Squandering your 20s away being a brainless consumer, seeking likes on instagram. Pointless.

You want to travel, do it in college, study abroad, and if you pursue an MBA, go ahead and take those trips with classmates. But these white collar women age 25 to 35 who think traveling is a personality or a substitute for a husband and kids are lost.

Well, maybe fore you. For many of us, it's a way to learn languages, build an international network, visit the Louvre and the Sistine Chapel, learn how to make sushi in Japan, cycle around Taiwan on innovative electric bamboo bikes, dance samba in Brazil with some of the most talented musicians on the planet, see India's Hyderabad transform itself into a global cyber hub from dust, and learn how to turn on every type of shower handle imaginable. Among other things.

And no, I didn't post any of that on Facebook or Instagram.

Unless you’re in the state department, you’re spinning yarn. A “network” of random hookups and passport stamps you think are social currency. When everyone your age is talking about their tween kids and you’re talking about trips, you look ridiculous. Sorry, just being frank.

Idk but if I’m at a party I would rather hear about their experiences trekking in Kyrgyzstan than about Larla’s band recital.

Sure sure. And everyone just loves the "cool" wine aunt (actually, they all secretly feel sorry for her).

I mean it varies. Some people find “epic” travel stories to be pretentious, other people think incessant taking about one’s kids to be boring. And I love my cool triathlete aunt who is childless (not be choice, sadly) who raises German Shepherds. My hunch is that more than one mommy in the hypothetical group appreciates the escapism of the Kyrgyzstan trekking stories as a break from all the Larlo, Larla, Larleigh extracurricular one-upsmanship.

I LOVE my childless friends. I love them for themselves, but also deeply appreciate how much they have to give because they aren’t burdened by their own kids. They sustained me through the difficult early parenthood years when they could visit with ease. I love my mom friends too, but my “wine aunt” friends are gold. Anyway women’s value is not defined by their status as wives and mothers, in case that needs to be said.

I am a dog lover who raises large dogs, kids (with tons of extra curricular activities, lol), had a career and loads of adventurous travel prior to SAHM with the kids. I guess I’ve had it all, just not at the same time. The trade-off in my case was having kids late (late 30s and 40s). Was lucky with fertility, needed no assistance.

Ok good for you? Life actually isn’t a menu to pick and choose from. My point is that childless women have just as much value as mothers. If you judge a woman based on having kids or not, you’re sexist full stop.

DP but of course childless women have value! I think the point of this thread is if you *do* want to have kids, you need to be working to put the infrastructure (a committed partner, gainful employment, etc.) in place by your mid twenties and not screwing around in dead end relationships and jobs. For some people it will work out just fine regardless, but you may have to compromise more on a partner later in life, and it may be harder to conceive.

OP frames this as women “wasting” their lives by not marrying and reproducing on schedule. That’s not about an impartial assessment of achieving goals … it’s mired, deeply, in sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking they have all the time in the world to work on the personal life piece: home and family. No, you don't. Time moves very, very quickly. Society loves to lie to you every day.

+1000. You will wake up one day and be 30 and will wonder what the hell happened.

Childfree women are the happiest demographic.

Only a childless woman would say such a thing. No greater joy than kids and grandkids and kids and grandkids getting married.