Sorority recruitment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From what I understand, the process is less brutal at SLACs. But you may want to ask around. At my school, it was absolutely brutal. There were houses with horrible nicknames that no one wanted to be in.

My daughter attends a SLAC. She decided to rush and was only asked back to the "loser" sorority for the preference round. Her friends went to other sororities or, in a few cases, also only had the "loser" sorority as an option, so they decided not to pledge at all. They all seemed a little PTSD about the whole experience. Putting 20/21 year olds in charge of 18 year olds: what could go wrong?

Maybe they could’ve joined the “loser” sorority (what an awful description) and made it better, bigger and healthier? But no, your kid decided she was too good for them, nice.

NP-Or knew she wouldn't be happy and made an appropriate decision for both involved. Some of you are perpetually miserable and you simply can't help yourself from judging others, sad.

Right? These are the same women saying it’s a “mutual selection” and the girls are “interviewing the houses as well.” But heaven forbid she think her one option is a bad fit and be upset about the emotionally miserable week.

I'm the person with the daughter who had only the "loser" option. I said her friends decided not to pledge. She pledged and is in the "lowest tier" sorority. She likes it fine. To respond to the person above saying everybody always has a choice between at least 2 sororities, that is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The real problem here, and what perpetuates the misery, is that the girls are so status-conscious. This is their own issue and their own insecurity. I was in a mid-tier sorority and didn’t for one minute care about the “popularity” of any of the houses. I wanted to go where I felt comfortable, where the girls were kind, and where I felt I could be myself. Accordingly, heartbreak didn’t ensue when “top” houses dropped me.

This is 100% true. +1
I have posted about my DD who is in a "mid" house and guess what? She has friends in the "top" houses and even in the top frats AND the low frats, and hey everyone gets along! How could that be? Because really the only people who care about this whole tier situation are rushees. Once they are in the house, they have to actually LIKE the people and that is nowhere near guaranteed at a "popular' house. Yes at some larger schools, the tiers do generally dictate the mixers, but again, most freshman guys are not going to get into the top frats, just like most freshman girls aren't going to get into the top sororities. When my DD was disappointed that her only options were mid and low tier houses, I reminded her that her best guy friends were rushing mid and low tier frats, so those are clearly the people she likes and gets along with. In her "mid" house, she mixes with hmmmm 15+ frats? Whereas the top tier exclusively mixes with 4 frats. Four. You tell me which would be more fun.

To the poster who said we have no sympathy for girls who have to drop out because they only have one option and they don't like it, I am sorry to hear that. And one of you has been posting consistently these last few posts about greek like about the "loser house" being the only one left. That sounds like entirely the wrong attitude for your DD and its clearly perpetuated by you. Just by calling that, you're making it so. Also, yeah sometimes it just doesn't work out the first time around, so they should rush again next year when they may have more of an idea what they want and where their friends are.

You keep blaming the moms for using the language the girls use just to tell their story. Not one mom has given the impression that SHE thinks there is a “loser house”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

+1 not to mention, the PP who posted the quote you responded to, clubs can be just as exclusive as greek houses. My DD has tried three times to get onto a particular club sport team, to no avail. She was also in another club sport which was filled with mean and competitive girls. SO... clubs are just as bad. A group of kids together are naturally going to tend to want to be exclusive and competitive. Its their nature. I don't know many clubs that are truly impactful that are completely open to anyone. I'm sure there are many, but at my kids school, the clubs sports teams all have tryouts, the debating clubs have interviews, the finance clubs are super competitive. Your sensitive kids are going to struggle.

I say this as a mom whose DD was cut from 11 sororities after the first day of rush. So you can't tell me I'm looking a it through rose colored glasses because it all worked out brilliantly for her. It didn't, it was a bit stressful during rush, and a hit to her self confidence, but she is resilient and got past it by focusing on what really matters, which is not popularity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

+1 not to mention, the PP who posted the quote you responded to, clubs can be just as exclusive as greek houses. My DD has tried three times to get onto a particular club sport team, to no avail. She was also in another club sport which was filled with mean and competitive girls. SO... clubs are just as bad. A group of kids together are naturally going to tend to want to be exclusive and competitive. Its their nature. I don't know many clubs that are truly impactful that are completely open to anyone. I'm sure there are many, but at my kids school, the clubs sports teams all have tryouts, the debating clubs have interviews, the finance clubs are super competitive. Your sensitive kids are going to struggle.

I say this as a mom whose DD was cut from 11 sororities after the first day of rush. So you can't tell me I'm looking a it through rose colored glasses because it all worked out brilliantly for her. It didn't, it was a bit stressful during rush, and a hit to her self confidence, but she is resilient and got past it by focusing on what really matters, which is not popularity.

I posted this on a different thread. The clubs haze also, here are the last two organizations to be referred to the judiciary committee for adjudication...Club gymnastics and the University Guide Service. When people get together and form "tribes" than tribal behavior both positive and negative will happen, the Greek system is an easy target.

https://studentaffairs.virginia.edu/subsite/hoos-against-hazing/reports

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

+1 not to mention, the PP who posted the quote you responded to, clubs can be just as exclusive as greek houses. My DD has tried three times to get onto a particular club sport team, to no avail. She was also in another club sport which was filled with mean and competitive girls. SO... clubs are just as bad. A group of kids together are naturally going to tend to want to be exclusive and competitive. Its their nature. I don't know many clubs that are truly impactful that are completely open to anyone. I'm sure there are many, but at my kids school, the clubs sports teams all have tryouts, the debating clubs have interviews, the finance clubs are super competitive. Your sensitive kids are going to struggle.

I say this as a mom whose DD was cut from 11 sororities after the first day of rush. So you can't tell me I'm looking a it through rose colored glasses because it all worked out brilliantly for her. It didn't, it was a bit stressful during rush, and a hit to her self confidence, but she is resilient and got past it by focusing on what really matters, which is not popularity.

I posted this on a different thread. The clubs haze also, here are the last two organizations to be referred to the judiciary committee for adjudication...Club gymnastics and the University Guide Service. When people get together and form "tribes" than tribal behavior both positive and negative will happen, the Greek system is an easy target.

https://studentaffairs.virginia.edu/subsite/hoos-against-hazing/reports

^ at UVA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

+1 not to mention, the PP who posted the quote you responded to, clubs can be just as exclusive as greek houses. My DD has tried three times to get onto a particular club sport team, to no avail. She was also in another club sport which was filled with mean and competitive girls. SO... clubs are just as bad. A group of kids together are naturally going to tend to want to be exclusive and competitive. Its their nature. I don't know many clubs that are truly impactful that are completely open to anyone. I'm sure there are many, but at my kids school, the clubs sports teams all have tryouts, the debating clubs have interviews, the finance clubs are super competitive. Your sensitive kids are going to struggle.

I say this as a mom whose DD was cut from 11 sororities after the first day of rush. So you can't tell me I'm looking a it through rose colored glasses because it all worked out brilliantly for her. It didn't, it was a bit stressful during rush, and a hit to her self confidence, but she is resilient and got past it by focusing on what really matters, which is not popularity.

I posted this on a different thread. The clubs haze also, here are the last two organizations to be referred to the judiciary committee for adjudication...Club gymnastics and the University Guide Service. When people get together and form "tribes" than tribal behavior both positive and negative will happen, the Greek system is an easy target.

https://studentaffairs.virginia.edu/subsite/hoos-against-hazing/reports

^ at UVA

There's a reason my kid had no interest in UVA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize op, if your daughter will be traumatized if she is not given a bid to a “top” sorority, she should consider whether sorority rush is right for her. If she is open minded and looking for a group of girls that she might be compatible with, then she will likely do well.

The trauma is not about “top houses”. It’s about getting dropped by all but one house (and maybe one they didn’t like) only half way through rush. If that scenario is ok with your DD, then it’s ok.

That’s how the process works, both the girls and sororities winnow down so no girl will have more than 3 options on the last night. Other girls may have one or two. This is all explained to the girls beforehand.

If not getting invited back to any particular sorority is going to be traumatic for a girl, rush isn’t for them. Some girls aren’t as invested in a particular sorority or are fine with dropping out of rush if they don’t get into the one they want.

Do you understand that PP isn't talking about not getting invited back by any particular sorority, she's talking about not getting invited back by any sorority that a girl was interested in.

Same difference. Every girl should enter the process knowing she may not get into the sororities she thinks she wants. All that is promised to girls who rush to the end is a bid, it may not be their initially preferred bid. If that prospect is upsetting, they should not rush, but all of this is explained upfront.

Exactly, some girls need to learn that their place is in the reject house.

Wow. So glad my daughter rejected Greek life completely before bothering with this incredibly shallow nonsense.
DP

[Anonymous]

Rush at UVA is nothing compared to southern state schools. You cannot compare those experiences at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To summarize op, if your daughter will be traumatized if she is not given a bid to a “top” sorority, she should consider whether sorority rush is right for her. If she is open minded and looking for a group of girls that she might be compatible with, then she will likely do well.

The trauma is not about “top houses”. It’s about getting dropped by all but one house (and maybe one they didn’t like) only half way through rush. If that scenario is ok with your DD, then it’s ok.

That’s how the process works, both the girls and sororities winnow down so no girl will have more than 3 options on the last night. Other girls may have one or two. This is all explained to the girls beforehand.

If not getting invited back to any particular sorority is going to be traumatic for a girl, rush isn’t for them. Some girls aren’t as invested in a particular sorority or are fine with dropping out of rush if they don’t get into the one they want.

Do you understand that PP isn't talking about not getting invited back by any particular sorority, she's talking about not getting invited back by any sorority that a girl was interested in.

Same difference. Every girl should enter the process knowing she may not get into the sororities she thinks she wants. All that is promised to girls who rush to the end is a bid, it may not be their initially preferred bid. If that prospect is upsetting, they should not rush, but all of this is explained upfront.

Exactly, some girls need to learn that their place is in the reject house.

Wow. So glad my daughter rejected Greek life completely before bothering with this incredibly shallow nonsense.
DP

I think this was sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

and guess what? you still have the opportunity to do that once you accept a bid. Plenty of people do and find, hey I don't really mesh with these girls, we have not as much in common as I thought and it's not what I want, and they depledge. No harm no foul.

Obviously one can choose to not join or to depledge. But there is harm done to many in this process. Everyone wants to be liked and have friends. To be Judged not acceptable at many places (only having 1 left when everyone else has 4 at a stage) has a toll on girls mental health. To hear someone say "your not pretty enough, you dont dress the right way" is mean and demeaning. You cannot tell me it's not unhealthy for many girls---just read the comments. Most of what is achieved by going greek (the camaraderie, friendships, teams, etc) can be done in a much nicer manner with clubs and activities and in general just making friends---where anyone who wants to join can join--there doesn't need to be a selection process. But systems that for years have created a social hierarchy at the expense of many are not the best.

Sounds like greek life isn’t for your family. Most of the girls I knew didn’t take rush particularly seriously and were fine with the outcome. It probably isn’t a good match for sensitive kids.

Yes, it's just not for some people and it's obvious there are some repeat posters that are simply sensitive and dug in. The process is not a secret... do it or don't. There are 750,00 active Greek and 9M alumni members in America, so obviously it works for plenty of people.

+1 not to mention, the PP who posted the quote you responded to, clubs can be just as exclusive as greek houses. My DD has tried three times to get onto a particular club sport team, to no avail. She was also in another club sport which was filled with mean and competitive girls. SO... clubs are just as bad. A group of kids together are naturally going to tend to want to be exclusive and competitive. Its their nature. I don't know many clubs that are truly impactful that are completely open to anyone. I'm sure there are many, but at my kids school, the clubs sports teams all have tryouts, the debating clubs have interviews, the finance clubs are super competitive. Your sensitive kids are going to struggle.

I say this as a mom whose DD was cut from 11 sororities after the first day of rush. So you can't tell me I'm looking a it through rose colored glasses because it all worked out brilliantly for her. It didn't, it was a bit stressful during rush, and a hit to her self confidence, but she is resilient and got past it by focusing on what really matters, which is not popularity.

I posted this on a different thread. The clubs haze also, here are the last two organizations to be referred to the judiciary committee for adjudication...Club gymnastics and the University Guide Service. When people get together and form "tribes" than tribal behavior both positive and negative will happen, the Greek system is an easy target.

https://studentaffairs.virginia.edu/subsite/hoos-against-hazing/reports

^ at UVA

There's a reason my kid had no interest in UVA

Because it's unique to UVA? smart

did you even read the article? The girls in club gymnastics had to "sing songs" and "pick up sticks" as well as "do shots of water" Oh the humanity! And people who are familiar with the situation said that the new members were told at the outset that could decline doing ANY of it. You're right though, any school that encourages singing and picking up sticks is off my kids list!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, remember that each house has a large number of sisters. A girl may have 10 girls she knows and likes in the sorority. If she goes to a rush party and just talks to them, she likely won’t get in. Not because they “turn” on her because the other girls in the sorority who she doesn’t know still don’t know her after the party. It’s critical that a girl meet as many sisters as possible at each party.

In 20 minutes.

The whole process is strange. Pick "your best friends" for the next 4 years from 3-4 meetings, of 3-5 mins with 4 or 5 girls each time, all while you are working your hardest to "present yourself"---or rather let others pick your best friends for the next 4 years.

That's not how normal people pick friends. You hang out with people, get to know them by spending hours with them, not minutes. Hang out watching movies, go to dinner, shopping, playing games, going to parties, playing sports, studying, etc.. And you decide if they are for you once you really get to know them, not the other way around.

+ a million

Right there with you