Check your phone at the door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they get uncomfortable or need to get out of an unsafe situation I’d like them to be able to reach me directly. Period.

The difference in having her phone and calling me from the bathroom to be picked up, or having to screw up her courage to get it from a basket at the door could make a difference. We like to think nothing bad is happening, and most likely it isn’t, but I want her to have access to ME if she needs me.

I totally get the intention of device free hangouts. But also think that’s something we need to suggest versus try to control.

So your children never went to anyone's house or birthday party without you for all of elementary school?

Well that’s a leap! Why are you trying to make this an argument?

Not pp, but it sounds like you need to get a handle on your anxiety and then try to cut the cord between you and your child. What kind of messaging are you sending the kid if danger lurks around every corner that they need to have a device within reach to call their mother when having it at a friend's house? That kind of anxiety is contagious and could either leave the kid incredibly nervous about life or rebelling against their tethered parent.

Oh ffs. I’m teaching her how to notice when people are not cool. Sex predators happen. Middle schoolers can be awful to one another emotionally and socially. She could get her period and not be prepared. Something minor and less extreme - she simply isn’t into being there and wants to head home. If she’s not into being there I don’t want her to have to run the gauntlet of a controlling parent that might not perceive the situation clearly. She’s learning how to be independent by keeping it in her pocket except for emergencies instead of not being trusted to use it judiciously. I trust my kid.

So many girls have come to me when over to see my kids saying they just got their periods. We have supplies here. Do you make your kids wear clothes with pockets that fit a phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1 Stuff comes up and my kid is expected to have his phone on him at all times when he is out of our house. It's a rule.

That's fine. Your rude kid doesn't need to come to my kid's house and stare at his phone here.

Not PP, but my kids are also expected to have their phones with them at all times when they are away from home. But it's ok, I'm pretty sure our kids are not friends

How old are they and why do they need their phones in their pocket AT ALL TIMES?

What places do you travel do where you leave your phone at home? Just curious. Do you leave your phone at home when you grocery shopping? To the mall? To work? Because heaven knows you don’t need to be glued to your phone! Or DCUM.

Hmm. You didn't answer the question. Interesting.

Because I wasn’t that PP. And you didn’t answer mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

Not your problem. Just your kid's problem, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

omfg no one here is talking about the parents taking the phones. They are talking about phone free gatherings. IF the kid wants to come over they understand they all put their phones in the same place and have a night without screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

You are an idiot. Advocating for young tweens and teens to have some nights without a cell phone has NOTHING to do with 5+ years when they will be in college as an ADULT. Give me a break with this dumb ass analogy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

Nobody is taking it just asking them to leave it in a specified spot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1 Stuff comes up and my kid is expected to have his phone on him at all times when he is out of our house. It's a rule.

You are ridiculous. How did you ever survive as a teen without a phone? My kids all go to a school where phones thankfully have to be in their lockers all day except for 10min after lunch - or they receive morning detention. I guess that wouldn't fly with helicopters like you.

I have kids over all of the time and we have a bin by on the foyer table. The kids can come up and use their phone anytime they want - in the foyer. If they sit there in the foyer all night on their phone to wait for Mommy texts, so be it. The kids that come over my house spend the entire night in the basement and come up 1-2x over a 4 hour period to check their phones. All kids are encouraged to give their parents my cell if there is an emergency. I have had one parent text me about a change of ride. That's it.

Parents that need phones attached to their kid's hip are the absolute problem

I love this and I am going to try this. What a great idea. We have a fun basement and a pool in the backyard in the summer. No need to sit and stare at phones all of the time. More parents should do this. I would love it. But I also wish schools wouldn't allow cell phones to enter the buildings either.

[Anonymous]

I just don’t see the big deal or purpose of arguing. I would not do this to kids at my house (my kid would be mortified and would never invite anyone again!). More importantly, if a kid that comes over is too tied to his phone to be fun for my kid, they won’t be invited back. If my kid goes to a house with this rule and doesn’t like it, he won’t go back. The issue solves itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I am in a weird place with this thread. On one hand, I think it's absurd to force kids to give up their phones, especially as they get older. I can't decide if it's infantalizing them, and expecting they do do things much younger than age-appropriate, or Boomer-esque by assuming they will sit around and chat like Grandma does before her bridge game.

On the other hand, I think the people who insist that their kids never, ever be separated from their phones because they have to be able to be contacted all the time, or because here may be a scary dog, or someone might be mean to them, or whatever other nonsense they have come up with are equally, if not more ridiculous.

So, I guess I have no home. Verdict, ESH.

I’m with you. I don’t like the idea of another parent taking my kid’s phone. But it’s not because I need to be in contact with them. It’s more the principle. It’s their belonging, and another parent has no right to take it from them.

It was interesting hearing one poster explain they do it to PREVENT drinking or inviting more kids over. So it’s a good intention, but I’m still not a fan.

Ultimately I think it’s incredibly uncommon for parents to do this and I don’t imagine my kids will run into this

omfg no one here is talking about the parents taking the phones. They are talking about phone free gatherings. IF the kid wants to come over they understand they all put their phones in the same place and have a night without screens.

+1

This has to be some rogue parent here. This can not be normal thinking. Parents against parents is sad. I was raised by many people besides my parents. Grandparents, aunts/uncles whenever cousins houses, neighbors parents, etc...

Why is this generation of parents so negative and over controlling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be weirded out if I found out my kid was forced to check their phone at the door in your house.

+1 Stuff comes up and my kid is expected to have his phone on him at all times when he is out of our house. It's a rule.

That's fine. Your rude kid doesn't need to come to my kid's house and stare at his phone here.

Not PP, but my kids are also expected to have their phones with them at all times when they are away from home. But it's ok, I'm pretty sure our kids are not friends

How old are they and why do they need their phones in their pocket AT ALL TIMES?

My kid has to have his phone at all times because he's a type 1 diabetic. His phone relays to him all information from his Dexcom (glucose monitor) and insulin pump. You wouldn't believe how many times he's had substitute teachers in school try to take his phone or had random strangers comment on his phone use while at dinner.

No one is advocating taking the phone away from your diabetic kid FFS.

I never understand the posters that parachute in with a completely irrelevant point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t see the big deal or purpose of arguing. I would not do this to kids at my house (my kid would be mortified and would never invite anyone again!). More importantly, if a kid that comes over is too tied to his phone to be fun for my kid, they won’t be invited back. If my kid goes to a house with this rule and doesn’t like it, he won’t go back. The issue solves itself.

Just curious do you think parents stand at the door and say "Hand over the phone!"

The perk of when we have my 13yr old's friends over is that they know we ask to pile the phones up in the foyer, but there is a basement of pool table, ping pong, a tv for movies/video games, a poker table for card or board games (they love What Do You Meme) and there is a backyard with a fire pit, trampoline, corn hole, and 6 laser tag vests/guns. They also play Capture the Flag a lot too. We order food and snacks and supply drinks. They can decide ahead of time if they rather choose their phone and stay home. No big deal. And the type of kids that choose that aren't the fun type of kids my teen would want to hang out with anyway. So yes, the issue resolves itself but WAY before the event. Not after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

You are an idiot. Advocating for young tweens and teens to have some nights without a cell phone has NOTHING to do with 5+ years when they will be in college as an ADULT. Give me a break with this dumb ass analogy.

This is a teen forum. It’s not just for “young tweens and teens” and I do think age matters here. But so does self advocacy. And so does recognizing that just because OP’s daughter doesn’t want to look at Tik Tok videos on a Friday night, doesn’t mean the other teens agree with her. This is an issue for the girls to resolve on their own as a group, and Mom coming in to force the issue doesn’t help her develop those tools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to derail the party thread, but a couple people mentioned having teens/tweens leave their phone and bag at the door when socializing.

How does this work in practice? You tell your guests to leave their phones? Or have your kids do it? A pile of backpacks in the entryway? If a kid wants to keep theirs with them, do you say no?

I actually think my oldest would like this since she complained about get togethers when everyone is staring at their phones and she doesn't love the TikTok culture that a couple of her friends are getting into.

Should I just have her throw me under the bus and say "my mom came up with this lame rule that you can use your phone in the kitchen but they stay in this basket there when we go hang out"?

I don't have drug or alcohol concerns yet, but better to start the policy before I do, right?

I think the healthier way to handle this is to brainstorm with your teen about ways she can encourage her friends to drop the phone. Not to swoop in as a parent to force it. Can she explain to her friends that she wants to chat with them and not be in Tik Tok? Can she suggest an alternate activity? She should be learning to handle this on her own.

You really think a teenager is able to get a phone out of another kid's hand? When their parents and schools can't?

That shouldn’t be the goal. The goal should be to connect, to chat, to engage in activities together and yes I think OP’s teen should be advocating for the type of engagement with friends that she wants. What is OP’s plan for her teen when she is off to college and her friends are looking at phones? Call mom and demand mom set up a basket at the dorm?

You are an idiot. Advocating for young tweens and teens to have some nights without a cell phone has NOTHING to do with 5+ years when they will be in college as an ADULT. Give me a break with this dumb ass analogy.

Do you always name call and curse when people are discussing a topic with you?