Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why didn’t you look in Hyattsville/Riverdale/University Park area? You’d fit right in there.

I can't move to Prince George's County due to my divorce decree. DC and MoCo are within limits.

Well move to Takoma Park or Silver Spring. Vienna is basic and uptight for the DMV, and that’s saying something.

Silver Spring would be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Also the geez you're embarrassing us is specifically the type of thing that OP says she doesn't like about Vienna. Watching what you say all the time. That's a shame you get embarrassed so easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

Must be your group and the people you attract. Not a lot of parents send their kids to TJ from Vienna. It's too far. They do private or local schools. I've had two discussions about TJ in the 20 years I've lived here and I'm one of the moms that OP wouldn't like. It's a good school and worth looking into but only for the right kid. I think that's pretty normal for any part of Virginia since there are Governor's schools all over the state.

The funny thing is when I go to other school districts and talk to moms I meet through activities or FCPS, there is way more talk about TJ and other high-achieving draws than in Vienna where there is more money and people don't have to strive too hard. Many more strivers especially of other races. They didn't get the memo that it's cool to look like you don't care about academics.

Dear god the racism at the end. I love Vienna so much but geez you’re embarrassing us.

That would be you not being comfortable with the fact that Vienna has more white people than other areas of DC. You are projecting again.

Please stop. Cringe cringe cringe.

No. Go to any FCPS regional meeting and you will meet parents who simply do not care about the mental health effects of TJ to the same level as OP. Of any race. Nor do they make issues about race. In fact, they just changed the rules of that school so more regions could get in easier so it's not the pariah of schools in other districts that OP thinks it is. I'm not saying TJ is good or bad, but Vienna parents do not place a larger emphasis on this school compared to any other district in FCPS.

I don’t give a s#%* about TJ, my kid is 4. I’m calling out that bullshit racist statement above. But you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also the geez you're embarrassing us is specifically the type of thing that OP says she doesn't like about Vienna. Watching what you say all the time. That's a shame you get embarrassed so easily.

I’m not the OP but yes blatant racism embarrassed me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also the geez you're embarrassing us is specifically the type of thing that OP says she doesn't like about Vienna. Watching what you say all the time. That's a shame you get embarrassed so easily.

I’m not the OP but yes blatant racism embarrassed me.

Well those blantant racists of other races are more than happy to take your spots at TJ, so don't you worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend like OP and man can I only take her in small doses. She's always up in arms, she's always arguing. You can't just have a chill conversation with her.

OP I'm a single Mom, was a single Mom in Vienna then moved to Falls Church and found my single Mom friends. It's a different dynamic, but married friends were ok hanging out too.

[Anonymous]

Is this thread still in real estate? Shouldn’t it be moved to health and wellness or mental health for op?

OP has serious delusional interpretations of human social interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do parts of me feel like the weird posts agreeing with OP is simply OP replying to herself?

Apparently because you’re defensive enough to want to believe that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

Must be your group and the people you attract. Not a lot of parents send their kids to TJ from Vienna. It's too far. They do private or local schools. I've had two discussions about TJ in the 20 years I've lived here and I'm one of the moms that OP wouldn't like. It's a good school and worth looking into but only for the right kid. I think that's pretty normal for any part of Virginia since there are Governor's schools all over the state.

The funny thing is when I go to other school districts and talk to moms I meet through activities or FCPS, there is way more talk about TJ and other high-achieving draws than in Vienna where there is more money and people don't have to strive too hard. Many more strivers especially of other races. They didn't get the memo that it's cool to look like you don't care about academics.

Dear god the racism at the end. I love Vienna so much but geez you’re embarrassing us.

That would be you not being comfortable with the fact that Vienna has more white people than other areas of DC. You are projecting again.

Please stop. Cringe cringe cringe.

No. Go to any FCPS regional meeting and you will meet parents who simply do not care about the mental health effects of TJ to the same level as OP. Of any race. Nor do they make issues about race. In fact, they just changed the rules of that school so more regions could get in easier so it's not the pariah of schools in other districts that OP thinks it is. I'm not saying TJ is good or bad, but Vienna parents do not place a larger emphasis on this school compared to any other district in FCPS.

Wow OP I haven’t been to VIenna but I completely see what you are talking about!

[Anonymous]

I still can’t get over the fact that some PPs think that the populace of every suburb in the nation is exactly the same same and you’re going to find exactly the same type of people, as if the temperament, politics, and interests of the average person in Huntington Beach CA, Vienna, and Penn Hills PA were exactly the same. The level of ignorance and myopia it takes to make that statement and actually believe it is mind boggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hear you. I live not too far away though not Vienna. A year after moving in, I thought I'd invite some Mom acquaintances out. It was my birthday. I was inviting them. Eight to a nearby restaurant. There was good food, drinks. I thought we'd all loosen up and get to know each other. Laugh. Connect. Nope, it was the same talk. Same talk as always, teachers, AAP, getting into TJ. No fun. No fun at all even adding alcohol and music.

Must be your group and the people you attract. Not a lot of parents send their kids to TJ from Vienna. It's too far. They do private or local schools. I've had two discussions about TJ in the 20 years I've lived here and I'm one of the moms that OP wouldn't like. It's a good school and worth looking into but only for the right kid. I think that's pretty normal for any part of Virginia since there are Governor's schools all over the state.

The funny thing is when I go to other school districts and talk to moms I meet through activities or FCPS, there is way more talk about TJ and other high-achieving draws than in Vienna where there is more money and people don't have to strive too hard. Many more strivers especially of other races. They didn't get the memo that it's cool to look like you don't care about academics.

Dear god the racism at the end. I love Vienna so much but geez you’re embarrassing us.

That would be you not being comfortable with the fact that Vienna has more white people than other areas of DC. You are projecting again.

Please stop. Cringe cringe cringe.

No. Go to any FCPS regional meeting and you will meet parents who simply do not care about the mental health effects of TJ to the same level as OP. Of any race. Nor do they make issues about race. In fact, they just changed the rules of that school so more regions could get in easier so it's not the pariah of schools in other districts that OP thinks it is. I'm not saying TJ is good or bad, but Vienna parents do not place a larger emphasis on this school compared to any other district in FCPS.

Wow OP I haven’t been to VIenna but I completely see what you are talking about!

Makes so much sense you are on this thread then

[Anonymous]

NP. I moved from Petworth to Vienna and have not had OP's experience. I think it all depends on your perspective and level of effort. There are pressure cooker environments everywhere, we live in the DC area after all, but you attract what you put out. Everyone has been really welcoming and I've found that there are a variety of different groups if you're willing to put yourself out there.

I truly hope you find your friend group, OP but I don't think it's fair to characterize the entire community this way. If you feel cooler than most and everyone else is "conformist", I think it's important to consider what you're putting out there and if you are truly interested in finding a community or just being validated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like to rock the boat but also want everyone to like me.

get it. I don't want everyone to like me. I just want a couple good friends, which is really hard to do with the herd-like mentality and intensely conformist nature of my area.

I agree with the poster above, OP. I think people are being unfair here and seemingly reading much more into what you are saying than is accurate, which of course is easy to do when you are posting anonymously. It sounds like they are in a lather over your use of the phrases "herd-like mentality" and "intensely conformist." I think I get what you mean, however.

I've lived in three different states and in each of the towns that I've lived there was a group of parents or a group of their kids who were very competitive about how many sports their kids/they played, how many AP classes their kids/they took, what schools to which they applied and were accepted to (any Ivy Leagues?), where they chose to go, and ultimately what jobs their kids got after they graduated. The more impressive the better. Is this possibly your definition of “conformist?” It would be mine.

I didn't move to Virginia until I was an adult, but in the state in which I grew up, we lived in two different towns within our county. The first town was very diverse with a lower-class demographic on one side of town and a more middle to upper-class element on the other side of town and everyone co-mingled once we hit junior high and high school. The town we moved to right before I went to high school was more affluent and homogeneous. There were pros and cons to each one.

I don't think it matters where you live unless, as one poster suggested, you live in an area where the schools have lower scores/minorities and no AP classes, etc. I think that people who need to compete find each other wherever they live.

Suburbs close to big cities will always attract highly competitive, success-driven people who will commute to “the big city” so they can get their kids into better public schools, a big house, nice cars, and land – the whole stereotype in my opinion.

When we relocated here, I wanted to live in Vienna also. I was very jealous of the people I knew who lived there. We couldn’t afford it. OP, reading your post and the responses makes me happy in hindsight that we didn't move there because I too would have felt very ostracized for different reasons. Politics aside (I'm liberal too), I just can't play the "my kid is better than your kid game."

To me, it sounds like OP is a non-conformist who wants to find a few friends who are on her wavelength and it sounds like she’s not finding them which can feel very isolating. I’m sure like-minded people are out there but I get it—making new friends as an adult, and especially as a single adult, is hard especially when you feel like "a fish out of water."

One thought I had for you, OP, is to consider volunteering for a local political candidate who shares your values, as you'll meet more like-minded people if volunteering is your thing. I discovered when doing so that there are other things to do beyond knocking on doors.

As for a suggestion for where you might consider living if you were to move, mine would be Del Ray in Alexandria. It’s pretty artsy there and driving through the streets you'll find several yard signs that say "hate is not welcome here" among others. The schools aren't rated highly, but I’ve read many posts here on DCUM from parents who have said their children have flourished despite that. I don't know what honors programs are offered if any. It’s a cute area. I have no idea whether or not it would work for you--just my thoughts as another anonymous poster.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

You really need to move to Takoma Park, Its more your speed.

[Anonymous]

I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.