Feel like a fish out of water in Vienna

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.

Stop making yourself (and Vienna) look foolish. OP's post suggests nothing of the kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.

Stop making yourself (and Vienna) look foolish. OP's post suggests nothing of the kind.

OP, why are you posing as other people for? We all know it’s you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.

Stop making yourself (and Vienna) look foolish. OP's post suggests nothing of the kind.

OP, why are you posing as other people for? We all know it’s you.

I’m the poster to whom you’re responding. Feel free to ask Jeff if I’m OP (hint - I’m not).

I thought OP’s thread had run its course and then you had to come along and bash her. It’s fine if you love Vienna but you don’t have to be such a bully about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.

Stop making yourself (and Vienna) look foolish. OP's post suggests nothing of the kind.

OP, why are you posing as other people for? We all know it’s you.

I’m the poster to whom you’re responding. Feel free to ask Jeff if I’m OP (hint - I’m not).

I thought OP’s thread had run its course and then you had to come along and bash her. It’s fine if you love Vienna but you don’t have to be such a bully about it.

Sure op

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP. Some of us in Vienna are chill. I think a lot of people are stressed out though. I don’t see many smiles at pick up or drop off. At least not genuine ones. So maybe if they are not welcoming, it’s about them more than you. I hope you find your crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can tell OP spends all her time on Nextdoor complaining about everything, like if they see a car with a trump sticker on it or if she sees kids outside playing without masks on.

Stop making yourself (and Vienna) look foolish. OP's post suggests nothing of the kind.

OP, why are you posing as other people for? We all know it’s you.

I’m the poster to whom you’re responding. Feel free to ask Jeff if I’m OP (hint - I’m not).

I thought OP’s thread had run its course and then you had to come along and bash her. It’s fine if you love Vienna but you don’t have to be such a bully about it.

Sure op

Again. I'm the poster to whom you're responding, and I'm not OP. Feel free to ask Jeff to confirm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend like OP and man can I only take her in small doses. She's always up in arms, she's always arguing. You can't just have a chill conversation with her.

OP I'm a single Mom, was a single Mom in Vienna then moved to Falls Church and found my single Mom friends. It's a different dynamic, but married friends were ok hanging out too.

+1
but with me it is my cousin
as it seems to be with the OP here, she sees everything through the lense of "making a statement" and "telling it like it is"
sure there is a place for that but so many other times I just want to hang, chat and live my life - she is exhausting and I sadly can't be around her for long periods
OP, you may mean well but you also may be pushing people away and they are to polite to let you know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess, you don’t have any female friends and you “tell it like it is.”

She's Not Like Other Girls, duh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess, you don’t have any female friends and you “tell it like it is.”

She's Not Like Other Girls, duh!

When it comes to Vienna that’s probably a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I feel like it’s much worse in TOV proper. We love Vienna but our ES is Freedom Hill. Still have tons of families who value education and ECs but are not hyper competitive. Also not slated for Madison *which is a great school* but very much sports focused/you need to be in travel to play. I get what OP is saying having lived in Vienna for over a decade. I didn’t fit in at all with Vienna Moms group and I’m married and not a controversial person. Honestly it’s about finding your people and not buying into the craziness. I think a lot of people got defensive at your post.

[Anonymous]

Wow, most people can freely express their views on this site - about communities, houses, schools, etc - and when other posters push back, it's usually to try to rebut the specific criticism that's been voiced. But in all my time reading this Real Estate forum, I don't think i've ever seen such a weird sustained barrage of personal attacks on an OP -- "no, OP is the problem, she sounds like a real b****, doesn't she? i know people like her, ugh."

Honestly, if these other posters were trying to prove her point about the unwelcoming and problematic personalities in Vienna (who knows where they hail from, but something in her comment about Vienna triggered them), they couldn't have done better job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, most people can freely express their views on this site - about communities, houses, schools, etc - and when other posters push back, it's usually to try to rebut the specific criticism that's been voiced. But in all my time reading this Real Estate forum, I don't think i've ever seen such a weird sustained barrage of personal attacks on an OP -- "no, OP is the problem, she sounds like a real b****, doesn't she? i know people like her, ugh."

Honestly, if these other posters were trying to prove her point about the unwelcoming and problematic personalities in Vienna (who knows where they hail from, but something in her comment about Vienna triggered them), they couldn't have done better job.

It is very much a Vienna thing - both the conformity of the residents and the hostility to criticism.

The people who live there generally work in mid-level jobs (they are the VPs, not the C-suite members; the law firm senior associates and counsels, not the partners; and a ton of defense contractors and consultants). They are people pleasers who don't rock the boat. But at the same time they make enough money to feel like they should be admired and looked up to by others.

Put those traits together and you have a mob with pitchforks whenever the downsides of living in Vienna are discussed. They are the same folks who shave 10-15 minutes off their commute to make it seem like a breeze, or talk about the walkability of Vienna as if a series of strip malls on Maple Avenue is a walker's paradise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.

The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.

In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]

DP. Do you know how many people in this area spend most of their hours working on social justice and a myriad of other policy issues? After spending ten hours on Capitol Hill or at a think tank or law firm debating and writing, the last thing these people want to do is talk about those issues in the few hours they have to spend with their family and friends. It *is* rude and “bad form” to insist on talking about things other people don’t want to talk about. Certain political issues are controversial because they are complex and don’t lend themselves to easy solutions. I really don’t want or need to stand around at a neighborhood party being “educated” on topics I’ve spent my adult life studying and discussing 40+ hours a week. So, when you bring it up, I’m going to politely change the subject. If you continue, I’ll find an excuse to walk away and probably avoid you in the future. So, yes, I will “shun” you, and it doesn’t mean that you’re just too “edgy” and “passionate about social Justice.” It means I’m tired and want to find out what’s been going on at my kid’s school or scout troop or whatever while I’ve been at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.

The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.

In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]

DP. Do you know how many people in this area spend most of their hours working on social justice and a myriad of other policy issues? After spending ten hours on Capitol Hill or at a think tank or law firm debating and writing, the last thing these people want to do is talk about those issues in the few hours they have to spend with their family and friends. It *is* rude and “bad form” to insist on talking about things other people don’t want to talk about. Certain political issues are controversial because they are complex and don’t lend themselves to easy solutions. I really don’t want or need to stand around at a neighborhood party being “educated” on topics I’ve spent my adult life studying and discussing 40+ hours a week. So, when you bring it up, I’m going to politely change the subject. If you continue, I’ll find an excuse to walk away and probably avoid you in the future. So, yes, I will “shun” you, and it doesn’t mean that you’re just too “edgy” and “passionate about social Justice.” It means I’m tired and want to find out what’s been going on at my kid’s school or scout troop or whatever while I’ve been at work.

Nice try but few people in Vienna are working on cutting-edge social justice issues. To the extent they get involved in policy, it's about things like coal subsidies or increasing defense appropriations. If they don't want to talk about it, it's because they know it's mundane and anything but progressive. And then, if someone tip toes around the issues of the day, they get shunned as a rabble-rouser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I moved from DC to Vienna three years ago for more space (and also because my work moved completely remote). I thought that the tight-knit sense of community would appeal to me and my two kids (late elementary school), but that hasn’t really been the case.

I feel like a fish out of water. I’m a single mom, and already I feel like that separates me from the family-oriented nature of Vienna. I also don’t really fit into the suburban soccer mom stereotype that Vienna is known for. I’m not super interested in playing politics with my neighbors. I’m pretty vocal about social injustice and I curse a lot — I don’t really buy into the “don’t rock the boat” ethos around me.

The competitive nature of the other parents and the Type A pressure cooker of the schools also concern me. I’m a psychologist and I’ve seen WAY too many teens in this area break down because of the intense pressure, and I sometimes feel like I should’ve chosen a “lower performing” school that doesn’t have the relentless pressure to succeed.

The tightly-wound nature of the other parents bother me, and sometimes they make comments about how I’m not “pushing” my kids by putting them in travel sports or extra academic enrichment. It just seems like most of the people around me are Type A rule-following lawyers, which feels really weird as someone who spent my teens and twenties going to punk shows and making lots of (bad) art…

And the conservatism of the area is unsettling. I don’t really find any Trump supporters/far-right people in the area, but there is a general social conservatism and intense conformity that feels uncomfortable.

Is this just what living in the suburbs is like? Or is it intensified in Vienna? Is there another NoVa/Moco/DC neighborhood where parents like me congregate?

A lot of people in this area have political beliefs that you wouldn't know about. I know a ton of people on both ends of the spectrum including social justice types that keep a low profile because of their work or their spouse's work. Come on. Think about where we live.

Just because people don't shout it from the rooftops doesn't make them what you're assuming they are.

Get over yourself.

I am the PP who used to live in Vienna who has OP's back.

The issue isn't that there are people on both ends of the political spectrum who live in Vienna or other places in the area. The issue is that, in other places, you can generally engage in a political discussion with others that acknowledges you may well have different perspectives. Hopefully it doesn't end in shouting, and perhaps sometimes it even does, but topics (as opposed to confidential information) aren't off-limits.

In Vienna, you run the risk of being shunned for "bad form" because you've brought up controversial political issues at all, when you should have known the acceptable topics of discourse were (1) VYI sports, (2) the Madison HS band, (3) AAP, (4) the local Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts troops, (5) slots on local PTA committees and (6) whether Caffe Amouri has gone downhill. [I'm exaggerating slightly, but not as much as you might think.]

DP. Do you know how many people in this area spend most of their hours working on social justice and a myriad of other policy issues? After spending ten hours on Capitol Hill or at a think tank or law firm debating and writing, the last thing these people want to do is talk about those issues in the few hours they have to spend with their family and friends. It *is* rude and “bad form” to insist on talking about things other people don’t want to talk about. Certain political issues are controversial because they are complex and don’t lend themselves to easy solutions. I really don’t want or need to stand around at a neighborhood party being “educated” on topics I’ve spent my adult life studying and discussing 40+ hours a week. So, when you bring it up, I’m going to politely change the subject. If you continue, I’ll find an excuse to walk away and probably avoid you in the future. So, yes, I will “shun” you, and it doesn’t mean that you’re just too “edgy” and “passionate about social Justice.” It means I’m tired and want to find out what’s been going on at my kid’s school or scout troop or whatever while I’ve been at work.

Nice try but few people in Vienna are working on cutting-edge social justice issues. To the extent they get involved in policy, it's about things like coal subsidies or increasing defense appropriations. If they don't want to talk about it, it's because they know it's mundane and anything but progressive. And then, if someone tip toes around the issues of the day, they get shunned as a rabble-rouser.

“Coal subsidies?” You just proved that you have no idea what you’re talking about.