Anyone else here struggle with your feelings about ppl who don’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting thread. I am a working mom that struggled with student loans early on and am behind my peers financially because of them. Paid off now but I recently heard about at malecoworker that has just fallen upward that is about 15 years younger and just bought a house in Arlington and a BMW. I had a flash of jealousy and it’s been on my mind. Yes I amjealous of him and his wife with no kids that could just buy a house and new car. I wonder about her and what it’s like not to worry about money or be limited by debt.

Fallen upward?

Also, are you sure that he is the one buying all the stuff? Maybe he has family money, or a wife who is paying for it, or a side hustle? I just bought my husband a car..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are women so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Not everybody in this thread is a woman.

Okay, revised for you. >> Why are women and MEN so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Although TBH a thread about WOHM hating SAHM or *checks notes* believe they are parasites, really isn't inclusive of men.

I'm the one using the term parasite. I'm a man. Keep trying.

WOW! Low earning men or men from LMC/MC dysfunctional families are the only ones who call SAHMs parasites. :puke:

In my experience, most of my high earning friends whose wives are still at home full time after the kids are at school full time, carry some level of resentment. It’s a dirty secret they don’t tell their wives bc no one wants to be the one who ‘forces the woman back to work’ - but it’s a burden that men have carried for - well - ever, and I think many have feelings about it their wives don’t fully realize.
It’s just logical though - if you sah and your dh works full time - beyond early childhood - of course he feels resentful! Why would he not.

Nope. Low class men. So called "high earning friends" are only high earning compared to you.

One of these is an equity partner at a big 4 (so that is big money), one is in m&a, one is fed. I am about between all in salary.
It happens. You just don’t want to think it happens

No, it doesn't. And if it does, it is with the bro kind of White dudes.

Nonsense. An actual high earning man is happy to have his children well cared for, his home in nice condition, and an attractive/fit wife. Whether she works or not in the time remaining isn’t of huge interest. Resentment happens if the house is a mess and the kids are a mess AND she SAHM.

You forgot about the evening cocktail on the mahogany side table next to his easy chair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are women so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Not everybody in this thread is a woman.

Okay, revised for you. >> Why are women and MEN so quick to judge women rather than a society that doesn't help working mothers thrive? The opt-out is real.

Although TBH a thread about WOHM hating SAHM or *checks notes* believe they are parasites, really isn't inclusive of men.

I'm the one using the term parasite. I'm a man. Keep trying.

WOW! Low earning men or men from LMC/MC dysfunctional families are the only ones who call SAHMs parasites. :puke:

In my experience, most of my high earning friends whose wives are still at home full time after the kids are at school full time, carry some level of resentment. It’s a dirty secret they don’t tell their wives bc no one wants to be the one who ‘forces the woman back to work’ - but it’s a burden that men have carried for - well - ever, and I think many have feelings about it their wives don’t fully realize.
It’s just logical though - if you sah and your dh works full time - beyond early childhood - of course he feels resentful! Why would he not.

Nope. Low class men. So called "high earning friends" are only high earning compared to you.

One of these is an equity partner at a big 4 (so that is big money), one is in m&a, one is fed. I am about between all in salary.
It happens. You just don’t want to think it happens

No, it doesn't. And if it does, it is with the bro kind of White dudes.

Nonsense. An actual high earning man is happy to have his children well cared for, his home in nice condition, and an attractive/fit wife. Whether she works or not in the time remaining isn’t of huge interest. Resentment happens if the house is a mess and the kids are a mess AND she SAHM.

You forgot about the evening cocktail on the mahogany side table next to his easy chair.

Or god forbid if the wife stops being both attractive and fit.
So per this poster you can be a sahm and your partner not resent you if you are housekeeper and keeping it tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

I look down on paper pushers who hate their job and say they’d give it up in a heartbeat but do nothing to try to find something more fulfilling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

I look down on paper pushers who hate their job and say they’d give it up in a heartbeat but do nothing to try to find something more fulfilling

Even though they need the job because it pays money and fulfilling pursuits do not?

You must look down on a hell of a lot of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

PP here and I definitely agree that it's natural to wonder. I wonder about things that are none of my business all the time. But being curious doesn't have to lead to harsh judgment, and there is straight-up vitriol here. I so admire OP's self-awareness to realize that these feelings, while normal and understandable, are not helpful and deserve examination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

I look down on paper pushers who hate their job and say they’d give it up in a heartbeat but do nothing to try to find something more fulfilling

Even though they need the job because it pays money and fulfilling pursuits do not?

You must look down on a hell of a lot of people.

Ridiculous to say ‘fulfilling pursuits do not’.
If you can’t find a single fulfilling pursuit that also pays money- the problem is you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

PP here and I definitely agree that it's natural to wonder. I wonder about things that are none of my business all the time. But being curious doesn't have to lead to harsh judgment, and there is straight-up vitriol here. I so admire OP's self-awareness to realize that these feelings, while normal and understandable, are not helpful and deserve examination.

I agree. OP doesn’t owe anyone an apology for internal thoughts, but she clearly is struggling with it and needs to feel less anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

+1 to this part
I always wonder what these umc sahms finding meaning in their lives through volunteering and hobbies would think of their husbands, if these guys followed the same path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

+1 to this part
I always wonder what these umc sahms finding meaning in their lives through volunteering and hobbies would think of their husbands, if these guys followed the same path.

DH and I have spoken extensively about this and so wish we could go back in time to switch roles. (and no we cannot, I can't get a job that pays a decent amount because I was a SAHM which tanked my earning power)

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM because one of my children has hidden special needs. Don’t be jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are all crazy. You are so quick to judge individuals based on like 4 facts about their lives. This reflects your own limitations and unhappiness, not theirs. Claiming to be worried that they will be in a bad position if they divorce? Girl, please.

Most SAHPs work. They are scrubbing toilets and wiping butts and doing laundry and running errands and making dinner. Even the stuff people complain is "make work" -- some of the school organizing, the decorating and organizing, the trips to Target... every job has some BS make-work in it. You really want to sit there and line your day up with a SAHMs to see which of you is more productive? Y'ALL ARE COMPLAINING ON DCUM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORK DAY. Me too. None of us is busting our butts.

Sure, some of them might have wealth from their spouse or their family that enables them to outsource everything and lead lives of leisure. If you were independently wealthy without needing to work... would you go into an office every day and send your little emails and attend your little meetings and deal with the petty beaurocracy in your little organization? Where do you work? Law? Lobbying? Consultant? Insurance industry? I know you aren't nurses and school teachers because if you were, you'd be working not right, not fussing about "lazy parasites" on DCUM.

Your really going to tell me that you would work even if you absolutely didn't have to, and that whatever it is you do is more inherently valuable than taking care of children or a family home.

I'm a working mom and I think you all are self-important and ridiculous. My DH and I joke often about how long it would take us to quit our jobs if we were suddenly wealthy. As long as it takes to communicate my decision to leave to my employer, that's how long. I'm not a jerk, so I'll give you my standard two weeks to "ease the transition." Then I'm taking a year off to relax, then I'm finding some "life purpose" type job that probably doesn't even pay money where I can contribute without having to do all the dump little BS that I do in my money-making job because I need the money.

And you'd all do the same. Some of you wouldn't even go find your life's purpose, you'd just just keep going on vacation. You'd start decorating the house.

You are all full of it! You're just mad because you are working and work isn't that fun and you resent people who don't have to work. The end.

I don’t think this is true and I’m sad for you that you hate your job that much

Where did I say I hate my job? I really like my job. Great coworkers, flexible schedule, interesting work. And I’d still quit it if I didn’t have to work. I’d start a foundation and take up painting. Or open an art gallery. Or build a museum somewhere that doesn’t have one. I would not report in to my weekly team meeting or take calls from my one needy client or give up two weekends a year for retreats.

I love my job in the relative sense, as in this is a great job for a person who must work for a living with my temperament, education, and skill set. I don’t love it in the absolute sense like I love my children, fresh air, the sound a well-played string instrument makes, art museums, gentle animals, or freshly baked bread. I would not do my job if they didn’t pay me and I will bet you wouldn’t either.

Those things you mentioned are work. And I don’t think anyone looks down on SAHMs who have meaningful pursuits like those. Or meaningful responsibilities like young kids, SN kids, aging parents to care for, medical issues to handle. Also, I don’t think SAHMs should care if someone looks down on them. They should live their best life. We all should.

I believe PP's point is that a lot of people who look down at SAHMs for not working have no room to criticize. Many are just paper pushers who write emails to help a big company make more money and would jump at the chance to leave. And many of those would just relax and start doing the things these "lazy" SAHMs do like spend a good chunk of a workday decorating the house.

I think that defensiveness is getting in the way some of you understanding PP's point.

Also, no, SAHMs shouldn't care if somebody looks down on them, but I'm sure you can also agree people shouldn't look down on SAHMs and instead just live their best lives.

There is sexism at play here though. I wonder how many would struggle not to find it weird if a dh had stayed home when kids were young and then once they are at school during the day he still didn’t have any other strings to bow. There is no way that ppl would not privately wonder what is up there. It’s just that as society modernizes, more ppl are having this same thought about sahms. Esp now that work is so much more flexible and volunteering can be remote - it is sort of more and more salient. I guess it feels like where previously it was kind of an un questioned societal ‘given’, now there’s naturally a move to kind of noticing it.
Should anyone care what any other human being does is a different question but clearly that happens whether it should or not

Wait, I think I missed your point. You're saying that while yes, we shouldn't look down on SAHMs with kids in school, it's natural that some do, right? Well the same is true for SAHMs who care if somebody is looking down on them. SAHMs have feelings and it's normal to get hurt when you hear a ton of judgment from others about your life. You can't just say mean things about people and then when somebody complains, shrug and say they shouldn't be bothered that they are saying mean things. Own it.