I’m starting my late July birthday child (boy) in kindergarten on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the poster who is saying she is holding her May kid back, this is exactly the issue.... because of all of you doing this, those of us with June kids who have not done it, now have kids who do not have same age peers. Your child is now 13 months older than mine and in the same grade. So your quest to make sure your child is at the top of everything now makes my kid who is 13 months younger have to keep up academically, socially and athletically with your child who jas been developing, etc for 13 months more. This may not be a problem for all kids bit its a problem for those kids who are 13 months younger who may have issues themselves with maturity etc!

Its not a maturity issue when a child is a year younger. Its adults having unreaslistic expectations. And, often its 16-18 months, not 12.

[Anonymous]

I saw this today. My May son who is 6 was playing a rec baseball game. There is a child in his grade also born in May but the year before. The child was not redshirted for any developmental reasons- the parents just wanted him to be the oldest. So everyone is singing his praises at the first rec baseball game tonight- wow look at him! Hes the best on the team! I wonder how many of them realize he was supposed to be in 2nd grade, not first. He also was complaining that he wanted to do kid pitch and not coach pitch. My 6 yr old NEEDS coach pitch to learn how to bat. This child doesnt need it anymore because he is approaching 8. Maybe if he was in the grade he was supposed to be in, then hed be doing the kid pitch he is ready to be doing and not taking a spot from kids who are in the right grade. Ive seen this time and time again since I have multiple boys and its extremely annoying because its clear these kids were held back to be on top and to be better than everyone else at everything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to ask the private school how many boys born in the spring or summer are redshirted. At my son’s private school they all are! He is born in April and is one of the youngest boys in his grade. He is in 6th grade and still is 11 (his birthday is in a couple of weeks). He just got invited to a birthday party next month for a boy turning 13. It is crazy the size difference and whose voice has changed between him and some of his classmates who are turning 13.

When your child who just turned 5 is wiggling in the rug and being compared to 6 year olds or is on the playground with 6 year olds and has a hard time keeping up then you will see the issue.

Yah that’s the problem.
I was overly confident like you and sent my late May boy on time and he’s the youngest kid in his class and grade level sports.

Ugh. Maybe try caring less about sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you're questioning your decision if you're posting here. Why are you not confident?

She asked what is she not seeing. Why are people surprised her son is starting on time. I don’t read a lack of confidence.

No. She’s providing a counterpoint to the umpteen posts made on DCUM justifying and rejustifying redshirting their kids.

It is the anti-redshirters who post incessantly on DCUM. Idk why. But they are endless. (Did not redshirt.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my community it's the opposite, there is literally one boy who is red shirted who has an August birthday- but he is tall for his chronological age (so the tallest, easily, in first grade this year in his class since he is the oldest). He is also relatively bright, and very athletic. He stands out as clearly older, and there is every now and then a "... how old is he?" comment. All of the other August kids I know were sent on time (sept 1 cutoff). I have some sort of hard to shake grudge against the mom of this kid, because her kid is kind of exclusionary and not particularly nice towards my kid, who is a July boy who was sent on time so in his class but almost a year younger. He will say things like , "you can't come into my fort, I don't want to play with you" and invite in the older boys. I feel like he has a sort of "king of the castle" attitude and in my opinion it probably comes at least in part from being the oldest, tallest, and fastest kid in the class- because, no s***, he is supposed to be in the next grade up. I don't really think his attitude is going to do him a lot of favors in the future and I feel like his parents could have avoided it by just sending him on time, where he would have been middle of the pack in second grade.

Wow you’re incredibly judgmental of a child. Sad for you

+1

That is really sad. I have a hard time imagining what sort of mental state I would have to be in to write that kind of nasty rant about a child. It wouldn’t be a good one, that for sure.

NP I think you are overreacting. I didn’t see a nasty rant at all. Just a parent unhappy about a kid who is being exclusionary to their kid. Perhaps the criticism hit too close to home and that is why you are defensive?

To answer the question - I have an August girl in a wealthy part of Fairfax County and literally everyone I know with July-Sep birthdays is redshirting. Boys and girls! It’s messed up. I’m going to send on time and hope for the best. She would be bored in another year of pre-K. If I had a boy I would more seriously consider redshirting, but luckily my younger boy is an October birthday.

No, I didn’t redshirt. I just think DCUM anti redshirt parents are pretty universally nasty, and that post demonstrates it. It’s over the top and mean about a very young child.

But I guess as a DCUM anti redshirter you are fine with nastiness.

Pot calling the kettle.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my community it's the opposite, there is literally one boy who is red shirted who has an August birthday- but he is tall for his chronological age (so the tallest, easily, in first grade this year in his class since he is the oldest). He is also relatively bright, and very athletic. He stands out as clearly older, and there is every now and then a "... how old is he?" comment. All of the other August kids I know were sent on time (sept 1 cutoff). I have some sort of hard to shake grudge against the mom of this kid, because her kid is kind of exclusionary and not particularly nice towards my kid, who is a July boy who was sent on time so in his class but almost a year younger. He will say things like , "you can't come into my fort, I don't want to play with you" and invite in the older boys. I feel like he has a sort of "king of the castle" attitude and in my opinion it probably comes at least in part from being the oldest, tallest, and fastest kid in the class- because, no s***, he is supposed to be in the next grade up. I don't really think his attitude is going to do him a lot of favors in the future and I feel like his parents could have avoided it by just sending him on time, where he would have been middle of the pack in second grade.

Wow you’re incredibly judgmental of a child. Sad for you

If you read my post you’ll see I’m actually judgmental of his mom . I state it pretty explicitly. And no, I don’t particularly like her kid because he is rude to mine and treats him like he is a baby. But I clearly state I think it’s his moms fault not his! (Yes I should probably blame dad too but I don’t know dad, only mom)

Have you ever thought that red-shirting was for the parents and not for the kids? So parents can be proud of their tallest, brightest, fastest first-grader?

100%

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey back with us in MS. That’s when parents post that they wish they had waited.

Our oldest went on time and is doing great in HS. Thanks for caring though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Multiple kids is not the same as a experience with classrooms fulls of kids.

Sure. My sister the experienced teacher says the same thing, though. And she has many years of teaching experience.

Doubt it.

Yeah, just a little too convenient there, PP. Try harder next time.

[Anonymous]

You can tell someone to care less about sports but sports can be important for some kids. My son has ADHD and sports are basically like therapt for him. They give him the sensory input he needs, help him with coordination, etc. Sports are also a great way to make friends and socialize and learn how to be a part of a team. Sports also provide an activity outside of video games and ipads for those kids who dont have other activities. Sports can be important depending on the child and when a very athletic and big May 2014 kid and an average/smaller May 2015 kid are in the same grade, that 2015 kid has to compete for spots on teams all the way thru high school with the older kid. Had the 2014 kid just been in the grade he was slated to be in, the 2015 kid gets his fair shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t be overly weird about your kid being young for grade, like a lot of DCUM posters are, and to be frank, you sound like you are heading towards. It’s just not that big a deal. Don’t brag about your kid being the youngest. Don’t teach them that it makes them somehow special. Don’t be invested in your kid’s identity as the youngest. Don’t drop their birthday into as many total unrelated conversations as you can, especially when they are standing right next to you. Don’t make a big deal about how much older some of their classmates are. Just please, if you possibly can, please be normal and not supremely weird about age.

Signed,
The youngest in the class

I think a lot of parents need to hear this.
Thank you.

Yeah, there are a lot of posters here who definitely need to hear this, but they won’t. Their egos are too tied up in their children being the youngest. So they’ll continue to awkwardly bring up their child’s age in every conceivable situation, even it’s totally unrelated to the conversation at hand. They will not see the polite bored stares from the other parents who have to pretend to listen (but their kid will see those stares). They also won’t see their kid wishing they could be literally anywhere else in the world while they talk once again about their kid’s birthday. It’s too bad, but they just won’t hear the advice.

This is hilarious, because it’s actually the redshirt parents who are using their kids for attention. “Look! My Larlo is the star player on a team he’s too old for! Isn’t he great?”

[Anonymous]

Lady, how many really old posts from this thread in a row are you going to respond to at once? Give it a break, crazy anti redshirter. We see you updating every 30 seconds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t be overly weird about your kid being young for grade, like a lot of DCUM posters are, and to be frank, you sound like you are heading towards. It’s just not that big a deal. Don’t brag about your kid being the youngest. Don’t teach them that it makes them somehow special. Don’t be invested in your kid’s identity as the youngest. Don’t drop their birthday into as many total unrelated conversations as you can, especially when they are standing right next to you. Don’t make a big deal about how much older some of their classmates are. Just please, if you possibly can, please be normal and not supremely weird about age.

Signed,
The youngest in the class

I think a lot of parents need to hear this.
Thank you.

I will say as a parent of a youngest, I rarely mention it. The only time I will is when the conversation turns to birthdays (like what month) and when I say her late July birthday, it’s almost always assumed that she’s turning a year older than she actually is. And that really irks me that the assumption is we held her vs. sending on time. Redshirting should be the exception, not the norm. I get a little annoyed feeling like we’re the odd ones for just sending our kid on time.

NP. Yes, this.
Where we live, our cutoff is Oct 15z My 3rd grader has kids in his grade, where August is the oldest redshirt. That is one thing. However things have drastically changed in the younger grades and my first grader with a June bday has many many kids a full year older than him. It is a thorn in our side now because other peoples choices to do this now impacts my son. Developmentally, kids grow a lot in one year. I see it with my older son every year he is just so much stronger, bigger, able to handle academics more, etc. So when my younger son is now doing everything with kids a year older than him, he is immediately at a disadvantage and on an unfair playing field. I can only imagine the opportunities he wont have for sports as he gets older considering he will be competing for spots on teams with kids who are a year older. So, for those of us with kids born in months that didnt used to be a redshirted month, but now it is and we didnt get that memo, it is very frustrating.

Hm. As a former youngest in the class, I am pretty skeptical that you both don’t mention it much and aren’t weird about it. You clearly spend a lot of time thinking about how old your kid is compared to the others. I just don’t believe that you spend all this time thinking about relative age and observing the entire class closely but then are totally chill about relative age. I’m sorry but as a youngest kid, that does not ring true to me.

Also, it is one thing to be the youngest in a grade without the redshirting situation (like when us 40 somethings grew up) and its an entirely different thing to be the youngest among a group of kids who are actually supposed to be in the grade above you by many months. So all the adults here chiming in that they were the youngest didnt necessarily have the experience our kids are having now.

THIS. You hit the nail on the head. It's less about their actual age, it's more about the gap. If everyone feels 5 is too young for kindergarten, fine, make kindergarten start at 6. But I really feel like kids in the same grade should be close in age. There's a kid that 16+ months older than my kid ... that's just... odd.

And for the person saying they don't believe that I don't mention her age much at all after "closely observing the class"... I've had very few opportunities to closely observe the class due to Covid. We just recently were able to go into her school this year and I wasn't once allowed into the building last year. I honestly, don't know how she compares academically to her classmates. I just know she's bright for her grade (notice I didn't say age). I'm sure there are smarter kids in her class. I'd expect that even if she was the oldest - there's always someone smarter. The closest I've gotten to "closely observing the class" is at playdates/parties with a select group of kids. Socially/emotionally/behaviorally, I can't tell a difference, so I have no need to point out that she's the youngest. Honestly, I'd feel bad doing so, because one of her best friends is over a year older than her and I don't like to point out that disparity. It's not like I need to make excuses for her being behind in any way due to her age, because she's not. She's right where she needs to be and I can assure you the kids don't care, so why should I? I actually think she'd struggle more socially being a grade behind, because the kids with behavior issues/kids that are less mature drive her bonkers. That's just her personality.

Yes, its not about age at this point. It is about the gap, the disparity, within the grade.

I disagree. My birthday was the week of the cutoff and I was the valedictorian of my class. My kid is a late July BD in 2nd grade and has 3 kids I know of who are 12-14 months older than him in his class. Those kids were held back for a reason and they are not leading the class. I coach an after school activity and the red shirted kids are not rockstars, they are on level maturity wise and probably would have struggled if they went on time. Parents know their kids. My kid needed to go on time and is fine being “young”. Other kids need the gift of time.

I know plenty of redshirted kids who are leading the class. My neighbor has an April birthday and redshirted because he was short and guess what he still is. Another one has a February birthday and the mom said she redshirted him because older brother with summer birthday was redshirted. Another bragged that he scored highest on MAP test than classmates. Severe developmental delays need the gift of time.

tHe gIfT oF tImE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw this today. My May son who is 6 was playing a rec baseball game. There is a child in his grade also born in May but the year before. The child was not redshirted for any developmental reasons- the parents just wanted him to be the oldest. So everyone is singing his praises at the first rec baseball game tonight- wow look at him! Hes the best on the team! I wonder how many of them realize he was supposed to be in 2nd grade, not first. He also was complaining that he wanted to do kid pitch and not coach pitch. My 6 yr old NEEDS coach pitch to learn how to bat. This child doesnt need it anymore because he is approaching 8. Maybe if he was in the grade he was supposed to be in, then hed be doing the kid pitch he is ready to be doing and not taking a spot from kids who are in the right grade. Ive seen this time and time again since I have multiple boys and its extremely annoying because its clear these kids were held back to be on top and to be better than everyone else at everything!

Who cares? When the kids start playing real baseball, Little League or Pony it's by age. A birth certificate is required. Calm down, it's rec baseball which means nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All states should do what New York did and ban it. That would solve this whole ridiculous problem.

This. Solve the problem once and for all. Have a process for severe special needs only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread should just end because the people who dont understand never will and the people who do understand are labeled "anti red shirters."

If you need to hold back your child, they need to be seen by a developmental ped, get evaluated and into services.

+1