Anyone experience jealousy or friendship problems because your child got into AAP?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has a daughter the same age as my DD. My DD got into AAP, friend's daughter did not.

My friend did not react well to learning my child got into AAP. A mom we both know whose child already goes there was talking to me about it. My friend overheard the conversation and basically turned her back and pretended not to hear the conversation. she never acknowledged my daughter is in a whole new school this year.

This person used to be one of my child's emergency school contacts. She threw my baby shower, I sang in her wedding, our kids have grown up together. Our kids are (were?) good friends. And there's NO acknowledgement whatsoever about this significant change in my child's life??? Has anyone else had weird reactions from friends about who did or did not get into the AAP program?

[Anonymous]

If she's that jealous and can't get over it, then you're better off not being friends. The division between your kids is only going to get more pronounced, not less. Alternately, she may not be jealous (you might be projecting), she might be upset and think that you're bragging and being insensitive, or she may just need time to get over it. Either way, you should try to be sensitive - a good friend would know that. Just as her actions could be seen as rude or jealous, yours could be seen as bragging and being insensitive. (my kid's not yet elementary age so I don't have a horse in this race... yet.)

[Anonymous]

None of my dd's friends mother's had any issue with my dd getting into AAP. None of them were anxious about it, so didn't care that their child didn't get in. They were thrilled to hear that dd got in, and when their child has a success in something I make sure to sing their child's praises as well. One kid is a great sportsman, one is extremely funny, one is a black belt.

Was your friend particularly anxious about their child getting in? Did her daughter make the pool and then didn't get in? Was this something you both talked about last winter and spring while they were going through the process? That could have a lot of bearing into why she's having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

PPs summed up things nicely.

We did not have issues with other friends. I will say, however, that friends change over time anyway. As activities change (from soccer to Boy Scouts, from Boy Scouts to baseball, etc.) the circle of friends seem to change as well. (At least that's what we are seeing for us.)

[Anonymous]

What kind of "acknowledgement" are you expecting? Just call her and see if the kids can have a playdate. This is not a big deal ... and not a predictor of relative success in life of your child v. her child. At least if you reach out, you will know if your impressions about her are right. You will also find out if you are overblowing the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of my dd's friends mother's had any issue with my dd getting into AAP. None of them were anxious about it, so didn't care that their child didn't get in. They were thrilled to hear that dd got in, and when their child has a success in something I make sure to sing their child's praises as well. One kid is a great sportsman, one is extremely funny, one is a black belt.

Was your friend particularly anxious about their child getting in? Did her daughter make the pool and then didn't get in? Was this something you both talked about last winter and spring while they were going through the process? That could have a lot of bearing into why she's having a hard time.

No, we never discussed it before. It was obvious that she was not happy for us, that's all. I expected, I dunno, some kind comment like, "Janie is going to (center) next year? That's great!". If the roles had been reversed I would have said something to acknowledge it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe call or email her to arrange for a play date.

She might be feeling exactly the same as you are, only in reverse. "We were such good friends, and now that Susie got into AAP they don't even talk to us anymore."

Especially if you were her buddy to discuss the AAP program during the selection process. She just might be feeling left out and left behind.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to expect congratulations on your child's AAP placement. Would you congratulate a friend if their child was placed into special ed, or speech therapy, or the top reading group?

It's really not a big deal. It's not something your child earned or accomplished. It's just that the teachers feel the she would be well suited to a faster paced classroom.

When my oldest was accepted to AAP no one really cared, and I didn't think twice about it. I didn't even mention it until it was asked, and it still isn't a big deal. I see no need for my child to be exalted above the others. She just learns differently.

It sounds like you would be happier if your friend was jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to expect congratulations on your child's AAP placement. Would you congratulate a friend if their child was placed into special ed, or speech therapy, or the top reading group?

It's really not a big deal. It's not something your child earned or accomplished. It's just that the teachers feel the she would be well suited to a faster paced classroom.

When my oldest was accepted to AAP no one really cared, and I didn't think twice about it. I didn't even mention it until it was asked, and it still isn't a big deal. I see no need for my child to be exalted above the others. She just learns differently.

It sounds like you would be happier if your friend was jealous.

Nice sanity check. OP seemed to be expecting a lot, and then reading too much into the situation. Could be as simple as her friend was at a momentary loss for words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to expect congratulations on your child's AAP placement. Would you congratulate a friend if their child was placed into special ed, or speech therapy, or the top reading group?

It's really not a big deal. It's not something your child earned or accomplished. It's just that the teachers feel the she would be well suited to a faster paced classroom.

When my oldest was accepted to AAP no one really cared, and I didn't think twice about it. I didn't even mention it until it was asked, and it still isn't a big deal. I see no need for my child to be exalted above the others. She just learns differently.

It sounds like you would be happier if your friend was jealous.

Nice sanity check. OP seemed to be expecting a lot, and then reading too much into the situation. Could be as simple as her friend was at a momentary loss for words.

I totally agree.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your friend was / is expecting YOU to talk to her about it if you want to talk about it with her at all. It is YOUR news and a change for your family. If you were talking about it with another parent and never brought it up with your good friend, she might be thinking you don't want to talk to her about it (and possibly even feel hurt that you didn't bring it up).

Good ideas above, call for a playdate and such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's a bit presumptuous of you to expect congratulations on your child's AAP placement. Would you congratulate a friend if their child was placed into special ed, or speech therapy, or the top reading group?

It's really not a big deal. It's not something your child earned or accomplished. It's just that the teachers feel the she would be well suited to a faster paced classroom.

When my oldest was accepted to AAP no one really cared, and I didn't think twice about it. I didn't even mention it until it was asked, and it still isn't a big deal. I see no need for my child to be exalted above the others. She just learns differently.

It sounds like you would be happier if your friend was jealous.

That's exactly my reaction to OP's post.

[Anonymous]

She may just be upset that the children won't be at the same school anymore more than the AAP status. That changes friendships a lot. I know I rarely see the children on my street now who go to a different school.

[Anonymous]

Friend may also worried that her daughter will be upset that her friend (your child) is going to the new school and she is not. It can be hard to explain changes to kids. Who wants to have the "you didn't get in because you weren't smart enough or didn't test well enough?" convo with a 7-year-old? Yuck.

[Anonymous]

I vote with the PP's that you just go on and act normally. Invite your friends dd over for a playdate. Call and initiate a get together. Be the grownup.

If your friend doesn't respond to this, then it's clearly her problem and not yours.