I'm reconciling with my husband who had an affair. Honestly, what do you think about me?

[Anonymous]

My husband of 7 years (two kids) had a brief sexual affair on a business trip with a woman who we are casual acquainted with. A few people in our social circle know and so does everyone at his work (people we occasionally see at work functions and happy hours). We are working it out and I think are at a point where we've decided to stay together and get on with our lives.

Based on this tiny snapshot, do you think I'm an idiot for staying with a cheating husband? Do you give me the benefit of the doubt since you dont know everything about the situation? How would you feel about me and my decision?

[Anonymous]

well if you are on here doubting it , i doubt you are really ready to move on. For him he is thinking -whew, i got caught but I got away with it... and it just rolls off his back.

[Anonymous]

I don't judge you but I think you should take a step back and ask yourself why he cheated and whether he will likely do it again. If you can't answer this question then perhaps you should seek individual or marital therapy to dive into the deeper issue. I always said I would leave right away if my husband cheated but two kids later it is hard to say what I would do. I still hope I would but if I was to contribute to the reason why he cheated then I may reconsider. If he cheated because he is a cheater then I would not be able to trust him and I simply could not live like this.

[Anonymous]

I trust you to take it day-by-day and make the best decision you can at every step.

Right now, you're doing what you think is best for your family. You're taking a brave stance. If things change enough that you feel confident about a true reconciliation, then you'll stay the course. If, after working at it a while, things don't seem to be getting better, you'll make another decision at that time.

More than anything, I think it's your business and I wish you the best in finding your way through this----whatever the outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I trust you to take it day-by-day and make the best decision you can at every step.

Right now, you're doing what you think is best for your family. You're taking a brave stance. If things change enough that you feel confident about a true reconciliation, then you'll stay the course. If, after working at it a while, things don't seem to be getting better, you'll make another decision at that time.

More than anything, I think it's your business and I wish you the best in finding your way through this----whatever the outcome.

This. I also think it says that you are a hopeful person. Only time can tell if it is misplaced. Best to you OP, I hope he is worthy of your forgiveness. There was a name of a therapist in Georgetown posted who is supposed to be good with affair recovery, you might be able to find it with a search. Having been in your shoes you need to get help figuring out what was wrong before so you can build something new that will meet both of your needs consistently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I trust you to take it day-by-day and make the best decision you can at every step.

Right now, you're doing what you think is best for your family. You're taking a brave stance. If things change enough that you feel confident about a true reconciliation, then you'll stay the course. If, after working at it a while, things don't seem to be getting better, you'll make another decision at that time.

More than anything, I think it's your business and I wish you the best in finding your way through this----whatever the outcome.

I agree with this. I think you are stronger than you even realize. I'll add that I'd prepare a nest egg… just in case. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I would really admire you, OP. It takes courage and love to do what you're doing, and it happens to be the best thing for your kids. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide what's best for you.

I think that it's tough until your in that position. My DH cheated on me. He's now my ex-DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only you can decide what's best for you.

I think that it's tough until your in that position. My DH cheated on me. He's now my ex-DH

In retrospect, did you make the right decision? Was he willing to reconcile?

[Anonymous]

Are you the OP that started the other thread about this? That OP was in the process of reconciling and I was curious if it was you again and now you were regretting your decision to try it?

Your last post on the othe thread seemed positive if it was you?

[Anonymous]

I really think you should post on SurvivingInfidelity if you searching for understanding.

For one thing, you won't have to deal with morons like the poster who asked you how you were at fault. People who have been there know what you are going through and that you are not to blame for your husband's decisions.

[Anonymous]

I would think nothing apart from wishing you both well in this difficult task that is reconciliation.

However maybe he needs to change jobs, because his workplace will surely judge!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I trust you to take it day-by-day and make the best decision you can at every step.

Right now, you're doing what you think is best for your family. You're taking a brave stance. If things change enough that you feel confident about a true reconciliation, then you'll stay the course. If, after working at it a while, things don't seem to be getting better, you'll make another decision at that time.

More than anything, I think it's your business and I wish you the best in finding your way through this----whatever the outcome.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

I have a couple of friends who have stayed after an affair. One was many years ago and one was last year. So far, both are glad that they stayed. It's not without its struggles, but it can be done. I think that it takes a lot of strength either way - to stay or to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the OP that started the other thread about this? That OP was in the process of reconciling and I was curious if it was you again and now you were regretting your decision to try it?

Your last post on the othe thread seemed positive if it was you?

No response from the OP. Perhaps she started another thread.