Disaster coming with brother and fiancé

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just spent a week at the beach with my brother, his fiancé and her tween. My DH and I rented a house for a month and invited them and my parents. I can’t even put down some of what’s so crazy because it’ll read as fiction. (My brother is anxious about the step-parent dynamic and went shopping multiple times a day - not an exaggeration, going to the one market 3 to 5 times a day to satisfy whims - to buy all kinds of food for just his fiancé and the picky girl, to the point where DH could not fit in a bottle of wine or a pack of hot dogs into the fridge; my much younger DD was told and did leave the shared room so the girl could sleep in every morning, and had to “be quiet” - I stepped in).

I’m just venting. I’m so distressed by the imminent marriage. The dynamic seems incredibly messed up, not a partnership, but rather a guy taking on a burden to an absurd degree. He doesn’t have a high salary but pays for everything. Would you try to talk to your sibling about this or simply accept that as an adult he makes his own calls and offer no thoughts? That’s what I’ve done but it feels crazy to see crazy and say nothing.

I'm genuinely so confused my your post. I don't see any signs of abuse in the slightest just a man who wants to show his fiance and future step daughter that he cares about his step daughter's well being. Do you not have careers, friends, hobbies/activities, interests of your own because you are WAYYY to highly invested in your brother's personal love life which is non of your business. Yes, his step daughter definitely sounds a little high maintenance but that literally has zero to do with you and is instead between your brother, his fiance, and the step daughter. I don't know how it effects you in the slightest or why you care so much over the fact that your brother has to run to the store 7 times to get different types of pizza rolls for his step daughter.

They are engaged I bet he probably considers his fiance and his daughter his immediate family and at this stage in their relationship more family to him than you are. You are the outsider to your brother's core/immediate family. Who the hell are you to say what he should or shouldn't be spending money on or putting up with. Unless your brother tells you every last detail of everything happening in his relationship you have no way of knowing how they handle their money.

Chances are since they are enaged about to be married they might combine each other's finances instead of viewing it as "my" money or "your" money but rather "our" money. That is highly likely nowadays and very common where the majority of couples now live together before marriage. For all you know he isn't spending his money on the stepdaughter but rather "their" family money. How would you like it if your brother helped your out financially with something you needed and his fiance told him he shouldn't help you out? That wouldn't be right either. At this stage of the game fiance and future step daughter > sister.
'

[Anonymous]

OP, if you’re worried about your brother, the thing go do is talk to him with some open ended questions: “How are you feeling about the delay in the wedding date?” “How are you and tween getting along? Is it hard stepping into a dad role for a tween?” And see what he says. If he’s unhappy, you can encourage him to set his own boundaries and decide what will make him happy.