Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Wait- are you not focused on your career?

And yes, of course my husband gets jealous when I'm out golfing and he's on a long flight or very stressed. I used to get jealous of him when I was home with three sick kids and he was in Europe. Life ebbs and flows.

No, my career is not my main focus in life. I have children to raise. That's the great thing about two parents working - we both get to work but not so much that work is the main focus of life. I don't work 12-14 hours a day four days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every once in a while, I read threads like this and I feel like taking my husband up on his offer for me to stay home.

And then I think of all the former stay-at-home moms I know who got divorced, often not due to their own choice, and are now in very tough positions. I also think of those I know who are still married and miserable and trapped. I also know a couple whose husbands lost their jobs and who are now in very bad economic situations. In case it is not obvious, I am from an area with very privileged stay-at-home moms. Seeing what happens to the majority keeps me working.

Same feeling here. Of course people with money don't feel bored. It's like partial retirement after about age 8. You have money to do things you want. The majority of SAHM's who aren't enjoying life are the ones without money.

I am a WOHM with a lot of money. I don't feel bored either, and that's because I don't have to do Costco runs, clean up the yard, straighten up the house, etc. Whether I worked or not, I wouldn't want to do that stuff. I really don't miss not getting to watch TV.

+1. Ditto to your bolded, and I am a SAHM.

Being a SAHM has allowed me to pay attention to my needs, my DH's needs and my kids needs. So as far as family and relationships are concerned, I am fine. Since there is no pre-nup and we hold all assets jointly (plus I have money of my own), the fear that I will be left destitute after a divorce is not applicable to me. We also have great savings and insurance so we are covered to the extent one can be covered for unexpected hard times. Living below our means have also given us financial options.

The comments of many WOHMs on this forum are spot on. All women need to be financially secure else their being a WOHM or SAHM is not really their own choice but a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

Wow! Being in Academia does not preclude you from being close minded, so I pity your students. People who volunteer are contributing to society. Most of the volunteerism and advocacy at schools and our society are done by people who are contributing without any remuneration and rewards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

Sorry, but selling cupcakes to pay for an extra aide at recess is not the same as working as a cell biologist publishing papers about cancer research. Not even close.

Wow! Being in Academia does not preclude you from being close minded, so I pity your students. People who volunteer are contributing to society. Most of the volunteerism and advocacy at schools and our society are done by people who are contributing without any remuneration and rewards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

Wow! Being in Academia does not preclude you from being close minded, so I pity your students. People who volunteer are contributing to society. Most of the volunteerism and advocacy at schools and our society are done by people who are contributing without any remuneration and rewards.

I work and I volunteer, as do many working moms I know. Not sure what your point is?

[Anonymous]

I work as a nanny/house manager. Even without the kids for 6 hours of the day, I’m still busy. There’s a lot to do. Throw in sports practices and event planning, and it gets hectic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

Some people do not feel the way you do that parenting and raising children is meaningless or not a contribution to the world. You may only get your meaning from work but surely you can fathom that people find meaning in different ways and contribute to the world in different ways. Some of the people I know who have made the most contributions to the world did not do so through their jobs. Not everyone is defined by their jobs and their purpose and meaning is broader than career achievement.

[Anonymous]

Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

+1

Some people do not feel the way you do that parenting and raising children is meaningless or not a contribution to the world. You may only get your meaning from work but surely you can fathom that people find meaning in different ways and contribute to the world in different ways. Some of the people I know who have made the most contributions to the world did not do so through their jobs. Not everyone is defined by their jobs and their purpose and meaning is broader than career achievement.

I think that most people understand the difference between a meaningful contribution to society vs personally meaningful. Why elide the difference? Of course staying home to care for your family is meaningful, but it's not meaningful in the way that doctors, teachers, firefighters, etc. are meaningful (and many of these workers have families they care for, as well, and find their familial roles personally meaningful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Exactly how I felt while on the 9-5 treadmill. Couldn't wait to end that misery and be at home with my children. Yes, there are some "boring" days while at home, but I'd much rather have a few of those with my kids, than be bored at work, without my kids. Different strokes and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

I know I should’t feed the troll, but I’ll bite.

I don’t feel I’m “just taking up space”, and that’s a pretty cruel thing to say to anyone. My husband doesn’t think I’m “just taking up space”, and neither does my DD. Most importantly, I feel very fulfilled in life. I don’t have to explain myself to you, but your comment is mean spirited and may be hurtful to someone else who may not be as contented or happy as me.

Ladies, you are not just taking up space. You serve an important purpose in your family, even if you are misunderstood by others. If you’re happy, good for you! If you aren’t happy or this wasn’t your choice and you feel trapped, I encourage you to find a niche in something meaningful to you.

Why can’t we all just accept others for what they are?

Clearly, I hit a nerve. The truth often does.

Ehh. My kids love that I am home with them, my husband thinks it makes his life more pleasant, we have plenty of money, vacations are easy to schedule and I am confident in my intelligence. I am pretty happy with my life. I worked for 10 years in a high paying job. It was usually boring, occasionally interesting and way too hard on my family.

+1,000
Same situation here. I actually think it's funny, in a sad kind of way, to read all the bitterness some WOHMs love to spew. There's no reason, other than complete dissatisfaction with their own lives and choices, that they would feel the need to do so. Why come on a thread addressed to SAHMs in the first place, if not because they're all riled up and need an outlet for their bitterness? I feel sorry for them, I really do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't feel comfortable knowing that my life is made entirely possible by someone else's largesse. I've always felt this way, even as a child when I realized some moms don't work outside the home. It's an uncomfortable feeling.

I've been married 30 years and have been at home all but about six of them. DH and I are both 50. I feel 100% comfortable knowing my life is made entirely possible by my DH's income. He would tell you that his life is made 100% possible by me managing our home. So it works out well in our family.

But if it gives you an uncomfortable feeling, you should definitely continue working.

Fantastic answer and 100% true. I worked for 11 years and have been fortunate enough to be home for 12. I just laugh at the simpletons who can't grasp that marriage is a team effort, not an exercise in bean counting. My husband is my biggest champion, and I am his - no matter which way our "division of duties" is divvied up.

PP married at 20? Did you go to college?

What are you babbling about? I'm the PP who worked for 11 years and yes, I have a Masters. I can't speak for the PP before me who's been married 30 years, but plenty of people get married while in college. Why would it matter to you either way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.