Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Where do you live that the working moms don't have childcare already lined up and judge you like that? Not our experience at all in Arlington.

I mean, it's all over this website.

But you are the one posting like it actually happened to you. We both work and split schedule as well as have SACC and have no problems managing our kids transport. We do have SAHM falling over themselves to give us rides and play dates, but we don't take them up that often and are careful to reciprocate. But all the working parents I know have SACC or the like so not even sure where your kid and their kid would be collocated for a pickup? I think you are making that's up.

You do know that PP doesn't know you and wasn't posting about you, right? And that your particular situation has nothing to do with the situations of so many other WOHMs that she actually does know? Sounds like she touched a nerve.

I asked where she lived. Never heard of such a thing, really can’t even see how it could happen.

Nerve? What does that even mean? Like I actually have asked a SAHM for a favor or something? Again, losticially that would be MORE work for me, working parents have to have their sh*t together, so it just doesn’t make sense. Maybe she lives in a depressed neighborhood and her working class neighbors need some help bc their boss pulled them in for a second shift and they are in a bind, but talking bad about someone in that situation would be gauche.

You're just digging yourself further and further into your hole of sanctimony. Regarding the first bolded statement - what a narrow worldview you must have if you have actually "never heard of such a thing, really can't even see how it could happen." Give us all a break. This happens all the time, in every kind of neighborhood. Which brings us to the second bolded statement - yes, I'm just *sure* the PP lives in a "depressed neighborhood." :lol:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Where do you live that the working moms don't have childcare already lined up and judge you like that? Not our experience at all in Arlington.

I mean, it's all over this website.

You are not helping you case for intellectual prowess by offering 'I heard it on DCUM so it must be true' as your defense BTW.

DP. You sound extremely defensive. Why is that?

And btw, I don't think PP is the same as the top PP. At any rate, who are you to doubt the top PP's experience? And "as for all over this website," that comment is true. All one has to do is read some of the repulsive posts criticizing SAHMs and calling them any number of names. So, please. Don't pretend that isn't true.

I have never experienced judgment in real life. But the trope about WOHM asking for rides from SAHM PP is making up, bc where would their kids even be in the same place to BE picked up?? WOHM needs a ride everyday, going to go round robin thru her neighborhood SAHM?? That doesn’t happen. Totally made up.

Ok, exactly who's the one making things up?? Nowhere did PP say there are WOHMs going "round robin through her neighborhood SAHMs," looking for rides every day. You just completely fabricated that, and for what - effect? She stated there are "some working moms" who have asked PP to pick up their kids. Which is absolutely believable - I've encountered this too. And while I don't mind giving the occasional ride to anyone who needs it, there are indeed some WOHMs who assume that their kid is going to be brought home every.single.time. from whatever event - sports, dance, scouts, etc. There are two moms I can think of right off the bat who never, ever participate in carpool to OR from our kids' practices. While it's understandable that they aren't able to take the kids there, they can certainly bring them home on a regular basis, just like all the other parents do.

So hop off your silly soapbox and realize that your experience is not at all the same as everyone else's and PP makes a very valid point.

They are just lazy moms then, and being working moms have nothing to do with it. Thank you for proving my point. There are lazy SAHMs and WOHMs, so don't paint such a broad brush just from a few examples. Just like I don't say that most SAHMs seem kind of dim because I've met some that really seem out of it.

Likewise. Simply being a WOHM doesn't mean one is more intelligent than a someone who chooses to SAH, not by a long shot. In fact, many SAHMs are more highly educated than WOHMs - the DC area is just one example where that is often the case.

At any rate, why are you on this thread to begin with? The OP was asking SAHMs to relate their experiences. Doesn't seem like you have anything to add to that conversation.

That's what I was saying? Why are you repeating back what I said?

I was on this thread b/c my DH is campaigning for me to stay home, and when I did it during maternity leave I *did* find it boring, so curious if it get better like wine (or maybe with MORE wine?).

The PP who basically portrayed WOHM as leeches was the first volley in the mommy wars in this thread, BTW.

Uh, no. The first shot was PREDICTABLY fired by the bitter WOHM who said she'd rather kill herself than be a SAHM. Thanks for playing, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

Amen, sister. It's a great life - everyone benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the thread was a question directed to SAHMs. And we ended up with a bunch of angry, bitter WOHMs hurling insults. I have many, many, many happy SAHM and WOHM friends. None of them hurl insults like I see here. As I said earlier, happy people just don't do that.

This is so true. This thread was such a breath of fresh air, until the predictable, bitter harpies showed up to show their disdain. I've always been so happy at home. Not only happy, but grateful - incredibly grateful for our good fortune. We're living the life we had hoped to live when we got married. A SAHP was always part of our plan, and I'm the lucky one who got to fill that role. I've been home for about 11 years and contemplating a return to work in the next year or so. But regardless of what I choose to do, I know I'll never find a role as fulfilling as being a SAHM.

Your gratitude has certainly paved a path for good fortune

Is this sarcasm? B/c someone who calls someone 'bitter harpies' doesn't feel like it fits with someone who is gracious?

Hilarious. How would you describe the women who deliberately infiltrate a thread that has *nothing* to do with them, for the express purpose of spreading their signature venom and hatefulness? Happy, charming, secure people? Nope. They're bitter harpies, period. Not sure how you can argue that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Yep, only SAHMs posted for first 4 response, and then this dig on working moms. Classy.

If you'd read it closely then surely you'd understand she wasn't digging on working moms. She specifically mentioned working moms that tried to take advantage of her flexibility as a SAHM to pick up their children, and then also insinuated that she was lazy or stupid for being a SAHM. I can understand where she is coming from. The vast majority of women have never treated me any differently for being a SAHM but every now and then I do come across someone who thinks less of me and my intelligence and capabilities because I'm not "working" outside the house. That I'm either a dumb blonde, a trophy wife, or lazy, or all of the above.

Exactly. The PP specifically said, "SOME of the working moms." Not sure how it could be clearer, but she obviously hit a nerve. At any rate, I don't concern myself too much with people who get offended over an innocuous remark like that. Not after reading all the very blatant insults to SAHMs here on this thread and on every other thread that even mentions a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 graduate degrees, education & biology.. Worked 15 years, stayed home with my kids for the past 12 years. I love being SAHM and I am definitely not bored. My husband (and children) appreciate my efforts. I am very creative and love to cook, and do many things DH doesn't particularly like to do, like plan vacations. I spend my time raising (and enjoying) my children and buidling a strong relationship with DH. The only thing I don't like is some of the working moms., particularly those that have asked me to pick-up their kids and then insinuate that I am lazy or stupid for being a SAHM.

Yep, only SAHMs posted for first 4 response, and then this dig on working moms. Classy.

If you'd read it closely then surely you'd understand she wasn't digging on working moms. She specifically mentioned working moms that tried to take advantage of her flexibility as a SAHM to pick up their children, and then also insinuated that she was lazy or stupid for being a SAHM. I can understand where she is coming from. The vast majority of women have never treated me any differently for being a SAHM but every now and then I do come across someone who thinks less of me and my intelligence and capabilities because I'm not "working" outside the house. That I'm either a dumb blonde, a trophy wife, or lazy, or all of the above.

So it would've been OK if she shit said the black or Latino moms? It's obvious what she meant. She was generalizing across all working moms.

Wrong. She wasn't generalizing at all. I've helpfully bolded the exact words she used, just for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay op - tell us, how do you fill your days? (plus what is your highest educational degree level, if at all?)

Not OP, but this was my day today:

I’m a SAHM with a SAC

Got DD to the bus at 8:30. Came home, made beds and tidied up, and then went for a run. Got back, showered, sat down to have coffee and breakfast and catch up on some news and check emails, etc.

Turned on a podcast and cleaned the bathrooms. Put away some laundry. After that, I drove to pick up something I bought on a mom2mom site, went to the post office to throw some cards in the mail, then went to Costco.

Came home, put away the things from Costco, and then ate lunch. After lunch, I went outside and cleaned up some yard debris for garbage day tomorrow. I came inside, put on another podcast and prepped a casserole for dinner. I then cleaned the kitchen.

Next, I sat down to watch a 30min episode of a Netflix show, and then left for school pickup at 3:45.

I have a BA and I’m happier at home than I ever was at work. I’m never bored. I find ways to fill my day. Sometimes with mundane tasks, always with exercise, and always with either a book or some other literature, or interesting podcast.

I am beginning to understand why 30 years of this would make someone has unintelligent as my MIL. You are just taking up space.

When I asked the OP how she filled her day I did not hope for this kind of mundane minutae. I think I am just going to have to kill myself now, so bored.

Life IS mundane minutiae. A bunch of boring, routine moments with sprinkling of excitement. I know so many people who go to work every day thinking, I’m so bored; kill me now!

and the 2+ hours in traffic five days a week? Now that's a life waster. How many people are sitting in their cars on 495 thinking "kill me now"? That would be me.

+1
Talk about soul-sucking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

OMG, I must be superwoman! I do all the above plus I am also a working mom.
But good for you, PP.

And you win the competition! Even though you're the only ones who actually look at life as a competition! So... congratulations, or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but I'll answer the PP's question.

Highest education level - I have a Masters Degree

What do I do all day? - Clean, bake, cook, organize, decorate, shop, garden, take care of animals, do laundry, meet friends for lunch, work out (yoga and run), volunteer, hang out with my sisters, visit my parents, watch HGTV (way too much), pay bills and manage finances, run errands, ......... not sure how many more to list.

I'll really blow your mind. I don't have any young children at home. My youngest is a high school senior. The other are grown and gone. I am still never bored.

Yeah, I wouldn't be bored either if I could do what I wanted all day. Being an SAHM to someone who is almost an adult isn't the same as staying home with a toddler. So much kid stuff is mind-numbing.

I know, right? Those pesky kids. Can you believe there are parents who actually *enjoy* spending time with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Oh, that's rich. Because there have NEVER been threads like that, ever!

This is a great thread, precisely because it lets us SAHMs talk about why we love being SAHMs. It was one of the happiest threads I can recall reading, until the usual bitters barged in. I'm perplexed as to why you WOHMs wandered over in the first place. Was it the "stay at home mom" in the title that triggered you, and you simply couldn't stop that finger from clicking on it? It's like you guys have an itch that you just have to scratch, and the only way you can is by seeking out all mentions of SAHMs and then dumping on them. Insecure? Very much so.

And really, please tell us you're not serious that there haven't been multiple (usually, weekly) threads whose sole purpose is to bring WOHMs together to "gloat" about why they love their jobs and why they'd NEVER want to SAHMs. Because, you know - we can all read for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

If you are not a troll, you have zero self awareness, zero. You might benefit from counseling to address your pathological resentment (jealousy) of sah moms.

Personally, I don’t know any woh moms leading after school Brownie or volunteering at the school three times a week. I certainly don’t have time for it, and I work a 40 hour week as a government attorney. My guess is you don’t do these things either,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash: Raising kids is a contribution to society.

Of course it is, but let's not be thick here. My kids pediatrician is a mom, and her work as a physician is contributing to society in a way that is different Han her raising her own kids.

This is a ridiculous argument. I am a woh, but can think of many ways that sah moms in my community have benefitted my kids, not just their own—by volunteering at school, planning the big fundraiser, and leading a Brownie troop,

Anyone arguing that being a sah or being a woh has more intrinsic value just looks overly defensive and foolish.

If you are truly happy with your own choices, why post about how much better (or more “valuable”) that makes you than someone else? That is the territory of the insecure.

All those volunteer activities can and are done by both SAH and WOH moms (and dads).

If you are not a troll, you have zero self awareness, zero. You might benefit from counseling to address your pathological resentment (jealousy) of sah moms.

Personally, I don’t know any woh moms leading after school Brownie or volunteering at the school three times a week. I certainly don’t have time for it, and I work a 40 hour week as a government attorney. My guess is you don’t do these things either,

I personally know many WOH homes who volunteer for the big fundraisers, work in the library, and coach sports teams. I also know SAH moms who barely volunteer. Somehow this reality just boggles your mind to the point that it must be fictitious or the product of mental delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

You are on a thread directed to SAHMs. The vast majority of SAHMs have chosen to leave the workforce in order to be home with their children - either temporarily or permanently, or some combination of cycling in and out. Of course people who have consciously made this decision feel it is preferable to WOH, or else they wouldn't have made it! Just as the many women on DCUM who WOH love to tell us that they would never, could never, envision themselves as SAHMs. Why? Obviously, because they feel their choice is preferable.

Would it make you feel better about yourself to hear SAHMs say that they "hate" what they do and wish desperately that they were working? I don't know any SAHM who feels that way. I would certainly never say this because it isn't true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a very true old saying - Bored people are usually boring.

True. Some of the most boring people I know work in cubicles day in and day out. Yawn.