Am I the only one who doesn't feel bored as a stay at home mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Where did I ever say that?

But since you asked if I’m happy, yes, I’m honestly happy. He’s a wonderfully involved husband and father in the evenings and weekends. He sees his clients M-Th and puts in 12-14 hours a day and then we spend all day together fridays, and then have the weekends as a family. I have never been happier. But yes, we do have a mutual agreement that during the workweek, he is mostly focused on his work, and I am focused on things at home, so that he can get everything work related done before Th night, and we can then spend the weekend together.

Okay. What do you do for adult companionship M- Th?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

Don't know. But I won't go back to a big firm. I spent their very young years doing that and missed too much. And the pay isn't worth the effort.

Let me guess, the pay isn't worth effort for you because your biglaw husband is working a lot of hours and paying down your school debt?

Full tuition and living stipend scholarship for law school. No loans. Husband doesn't work in biglaw.

[Anonymous]

I was never really bored. I left an airline job that allowed me to travel the world, so I did miss some of the excitement from that. But at the same time, I knew the career I was in wasn't one I wanted to stay in, so I used my time as a SAHM to prepare for a career change. Besides that, I was constantly on the move - even with just 2 kids - doing everything from cleaning to driving them to places to taking care of paperwork and you know...all the typical mom stuff. Not much free time for myself! My kids are and always have been talkative, interesting, complicated bundles of life. I'm thankful I got to witness their growth at the level I did through their formative years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Where did I ever say that?

But since you asked if I’m happy, yes, I’m honestly happy. He’s a wonderfully involved husband and father in the evenings and weekends. He sees his clients M-Th and puts in 12-14 hours a day and then we spend all day together fridays, and then have the weekends as a family. I have never been happier. But yes, we do have a mutual agreement that during the workweek, he is mostly focused on his work, and I am focused on things at home, so that he can get everything work related done before Th night, and we can then spend the weekend together.

Okay. What do you do for adult companionship M- Th?

I visit with my parents and sister (retired, and also SAH), I visit with a neighbor (we have coffee weekly), I run with a friend once a week (she works nights), my child plays at the playground after school while the moms chat (for about an hour almost daily, I volunteer at the school with another mom making copies and other tasks twice a month, I also socialize at sporting events.

Why is there this idea and misconception that women who stay home are completely isolated from adult contact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Where did I ever say that?

But since you asked if I’m happy, yes, I’m honestly happy. He’s a wonderfully involved husband and father in the evenings and weekends. He sees his clients M-Th and puts in 12-14 hours a day and then we spend all day together fridays, and then have the weekends as a family. I have never been happier. But yes, we do have a mutual agreement that during the workweek, he is mostly focused on his work, and I am focused on things at home, so that he can get everything work related done before Th night, and we can then spend the weekend together.

Okay. What do you do for adult companionship M- Th?

I visit with my parents and sister (retired, and also SAH), I visit with a neighbor (we have coffee weekly), I run with a friend once a week (she works nights), my child plays at the playground after school while the moms chat (for about an hour almost daily, I volunteer at the school with another mom making copies and other tasks twice a month, I also socialize at sporting events.

Why is there this idea and misconception that women who stay home are completely isolated from adult con
I was pretty isolated when I worked. Now that I don't, I see way more people. And a much bigger range than group I saw at work.

[Anonymous]

I don't get the confusion at what someone does all day. I go once or twice a week to visit my MIL in a nursing home and deal with her stuff. Its 45 minutes away so it takes most of the day. One day grocery shop and another day errands. Lunch with one of my parents (separate) or friends. Clean the house, pay bills, do house repairs, etc. and sometimes a nice nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Threads like these are why I couldn't care less about my next door neighbor's situation. She has been one of those smug SAHMs for years now. Well, turns out her DH has been having sex with a mutual friend of theirs. He moved out recently and my neighbor has hit hard times. Sometimes, I want to help, but then I kind of think this serves her right. She sat at home for years holding court over our homeowner's association and now, she's heading to an apartment.

You sound like a really nice person! May you be blessed with similarly kind-hearted neighbors when you inevitably hit a rough patch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the OP, but I'll answer the PP's question.

Highest education level - I have a Masters Degree

What do I do all day? - Clean, bake, cook, organize, decorate, shop, garden, take care of animals, do laundry, meet friends for lunch, work out (yoga and run), volunteer, hang out with my sisters, visit my parents, watch HGTV (way too much), pay bills and manage finances, run errands, ......... not sure how many more to list.

I'll really blow your mind. I don't have any young children at home. My youngest is a high school senior. The other are grown and gone. I am still never bored.

I would love to be this kind of SAHM. I get SO STRESSED being home all day with my 2 year old. I don't have time to cook or clean or do stuff on the internet, all my energy is focused on him. I feel much more balanced when I work full time with a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was never really bored. I left an airline job that allowed me to travel the world, so I did miss some of the excitement from that. But at the same time, I knew the career I was in wasn't one I wanted to stay in, so I used my time as a SAHM to prepare for a career change. Besides that, I was constantly on the move - even with just 2 kids - doing everything from cleaning to driving them to places to taking care of paperwork and you know...all the typical mom stuff. Not much free time for myself! My kids are and always have been talkative, interesting, complicated bundles of life. I'm thankful I got to witness their growth at the level I did through their formative years.

Makes you wonder how WOHMs have any free time if you had not much free time without a 40 hour a week job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Where did I ever say that?

But since you asked if I’m happy, yes, I’m honestly happy. He’s a wonderfully involved husband and father in the evenings and weekends. He sees his clients M-Th and puts in 12-14 hours a day and then we spend all day together fridays, and then have the weekends as a family. I have never been happier. But yes, we do have a mutual agreement that during the workweek, he is mostly focused on his work, and I am focused on things at home, so that he can get everything work related done before Th night, and we can then spend the weekend together.

Okay. What do you do for adult companionship M- Th?

I visit with my parents and sister (retired, and also SAH), I visit with a neighbor (we have coffee weekly), I run with a friend once a week (she works nights), my child plays at the playground after school while the moms chat (for about an hour almost daily, I volunteer at the school with another mom making copies and other tasks twice a month, I also socialize at sporting events.

Why is there this idea and misconception that women who stay home are completely isolated from adult contact?

Because I was too tired while on maternity leave to go out of the house much, and I have no local family, and I never SAH past the first 12 weeks of maternity leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

Don't know. But I won't go back to a big firm. I spent their very young years doing that and missed too much. And the pay isn't worth the effort.

Let me guess, the pay isn't worth effort for you because your biglaw husband is working a lot of hours and paying down your school debt?

Full tuition and living stipend scholarship for law school. No loans. Husband doesn't work in biglaw.

If you had six figures of law school debt, it might have been worth it for you to continue to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get the confusion at what someone does all day. I go once or twice a week to visit my MIL in a nursing home and deal with her stuff. Its 45 minutes away so it takes most of the day. One day grocery shop and another day errands. Lunch with one of my parents (separate) or friends. Clean the house, pay bills, do house repairs, etc. and sometimes a nice nap.

I do a week's worth of laundry and the week's grocery shopping in 4-5 hours on one weekend day. No elder care demands. I outsource house cleaning and repairs, and I pay most of our bills online. I can't really see one whole day for grocery shopping and another whole day for errands.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot depends on the temperament of your kids. Some kids are easy, and others have very demanding personalities or needs.

FWIW, I have no dog in this fight. I have a PhD with tenure at a university and my income is in the low $100s with really good benefits--a "dream" job, for sure--and there are certainly days, weeks, even months, when I feel like I would rather be a little bored at home than feel the pressure of publishing (yes, it exists, even after you have tenure) or deal with the petty politics of academia. DH makes 7-figures, so I certainly don't need to work for the money. I can easily imagine filling SAHM days with working out, cooking nice meals, home improvement, shopping, reading good books, hanging out with friends, and volunteering. I would be happy, even if a little bored at times.

But, I do go to work because I think that lowering stress for my family is not the end-all-be-all of life--especially if you have the means and ability to contribute to society in a meaningful way. It's not an issue of wanting to contribute to society, it's more like a moral obligation. I accept that most people, especially women, have been conditioned to not think about contributing to society as imperative, but rather as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back on topic

I never expected to be a SAHM but then DH got a great offer from his company to transfer to an overseas office. I had just had my first child so it seemed like a good opportunity to take a year or so off before returning to the workforce. Flash forward ten years and one more kid and we're still expats though we've moved countries a few times and I still stay at home. It's not quite what I expected to happen when I was in college or doing my master's or my initial years in the workforce. But do I have regrets? No. Life has been good. Even though we are expats it sounds more exotic than it really is and most of my daily activities are similar to what has already been described on here by other SAHMs. I run the house, prepare the meals, keep everyone's lives in working order, plan the vacations, manage (remotely) our rental property in the US and I am also involved with the family finances. DH makes the money but he's happy to leave the investments to me. In our case, it's also quite helpful having a SAHM to sort out all the little bureaucratic hurdles of being an expat. I also volunteer and I have a good social life with other families and play tennis frequently.

We will return to the US someday and I don't really have plans to return to work, although I also won't rule it out either. I'm actually quite happy being a SAHM and I don't base my self worth on going to an office every day and pushing paper around. I'm very, very happy for those who work and I'm thrilled it's not the 1950s with its conformist expectations for women. But I am also very happy with my life.

The one thing happy SAHMs that I know have in common is no matter how intelligent or well educated, they don't have a strong professional drive.

SAHM here who left biglaw counsel position. This is true. I would rather spend time with my kids and take care of them than sit on yet another conference call while everyone argues about whether there has been a MAC and they are going to sue to force the deal to close. Life is too short!

I found I can spend plenty of time with my kids even while working full time. What are you interested in doing once your children are in high school, or are you just thrilled to be no longer billing?

Don't know. But I won't go back to a big firm. I spent their very young years doing that and missed too much. And the pay isn't worth the effort.

Let me guess, the pay isn't worth effort for you because your biglaw husband is working a lot of hours and paying down your school debt?

Full tuition and living stipend scholarship for law school. No loans. Husband doesn't work in biglaw.

If you had six figures of law school debt, it might have been worth it for you to continue to work.

I hope that I could have figured out how to get it paid off in the 10+ years of working at a big firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The implication in this thread is that staying at home is preferable to working and the women posting that they aren’t bored seem to be gloating about it. So that is what is bringing out the venom from the working moms. Maybe I should start a thread about how great it is to be a working mom and see how the SAHMs respond.

Go ahead. I do think staying home is great. That is why I do it. Why should I pretend that it sucks? If you prefer working, fine by me.

Does your husband ever get jealous of all your free time?

Mine does not. He’s very career focused and loves his work and his contribution there. I did not. I went the college-career route and was miserable. He is not. I didn’t feel I was contributing to anything other than my unhappiness when I was working. I’m very happy and fulfilled now, and my husband is very happy and fulfilled now. It works for us now.

You're happy being married to a man whose main focus in life is work?

Wait- are you not focused on your career?

And yes, of course my husband gets jealous when I'm out golfing and he's on a long flight or very stressed. I used to get jealous of him when I was home with three sick kids and he was in Europe. Life ebbs and flows.