Who is right? Son accidentally took item - disagreement results

[Anonymous]

The kid can go swimming in a pair of shorts.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care what DCUM thinks?

Your child took someone's swimsuit, and you did not return it to the other person. Both these acts (your son taking something, and you not returning it in time) has already happened. Why do you need DCUM to approve or disapprove? We do not know you. The other person knows you somewhat, and she does not have a good impression of you. Worry about her impression because she knows you IRL.

I think once the crazy lady's request starts getting out there, she's going to be the one who has to worry what people think of her.

Over a bathing suit.

She sounds self-absorbed. There will be more stories, after this one, I imagine.

How can she be self-absorbed, when it wasn't her suit that was taken by mistake? I don't think there's anything crazy about asking for a stolen by accident item to be returned immediately. OP doesn't want to return it immediately, which means she should keep closer tabs on her child who takes other people's things, if she doesn't want to be doing this for the next 10 years.

Again the word stolen. The kid is 6/7 . Really you need to let it go and just enjoy your vacation.

Again- you don't read very well. Try it again. Sound it out.

The word stolen, by definition, requires intent. Grabbing the wrong swim suit by mistake is not stealing.

Seriously. I'm on the Jersey shore right now and I'm pretty sure I could WALK to the Target here in 15 minutes.

?

The jersey shore isn't a town, people. I assure you that you won't find a Target or a kid's swim trunks for under $40 in Stone Harbor or Avalon. And you won't pass a target on the way there. Those beach towns don't have a boardwalk---just a little Main Street with upscale shops. And the family probably planned to leave at 6am and can't hit a local target on their way out of town.

You get to the Jersey shore by driving up 95 for hours. A big box store is not hard to find and don't most people stop for stuff along the way when going on a driving vacation? Come on. You can't possibly be arguing that it is impossible to replace a Target bathing suit while driving through the mid-Atlantic States.

It is an inconvience and the whole finding a target, pulling off, finding and buying a suit will probably take 50 minutes. Why should the other mom be subjected to this inconvience but not OP? OP is clearly outsourcing her childcare (see: she didn't go to party or maybe this wouldn't have happened) so of COURSE she thinks she shouldn't have to drive anywhere.

Because that is life with kids. Her kid went to a pool party, took off his suit, didn't immediately wrap it in a towel and put it in his bag, another kid had the same suit in a different size, the suits got switched. So, on the way to the beach she stops and picks up a new one along with some extra sunscreen. While they are stopped they get some lunch. No one stresses about it and everyone has a lovely weekend.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with only one swimsuit per kid. If it happened to me, I would be pissed off that OP didn't try to return in the same day after offering to do so.

It cost a lot more to buy at the beach, which will take away some money from the travel. We have limited budget and time to make the travel.

I would definitely blacklisted the parent. She spoiled the beginning of the vacation. I'll reminded of her antics everytime I see swimsuit that I have to buy (pricey low quality swimsuit) to replace it.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with only one swimsuit per kid. If it happened to me, I would be pissed off that OP didn't try to return in the same day after offering to do so.

It cost a lot more to buy at the beach, which will take away some money from the travel. We have limited budget and time to make the travel.

I would definitely blacklisted the parent. She spoiled the beginning of the vacation. I'll reminded of her antics everytime I see swimsuit that I have to buy (pricey low quality swimsuit) to replace it.

That's cool, you're obviously not a happy person and have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with only one swimsuit per kid. If it happened to me, I would be pissed off that OP didn't try to return in the same day after offering to do so.

It cost a lot more to buy at the beach, which will take away some money from the travel. We have limited budget and time to make the travel.

I would definitely blacklisted the parent. She spoiled the beginning of the vacation. I'll reminded of her antics everytime I see swimsuit that I have to buy (pricey low quality swimsuit) to replace it.

If you told me this story and tried to get me to blacklist this mom is wonder about your sanity and maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with only one swimsuit per kid. If it happened to me, I would be pissed off that OP didn't try to return in the same day after offering to do so.

It cost a lot more to buy at the beach, which will take away some money from the travel. We have limited budget and time to make the travel.

I would definitely blacklisted the parent. She spoiled the beginning of the vacation. I'll reminded of her antics everytime I see swimsuit that I have to buy (pricey low quality swimsuit) to replace it.

If you told me this story and tried to get me to blacklist this mom is wonder about your sanity and maturity.

Seriously. You definitely don't have kids at private school. Nobody's budget (and I mean nobody, including the kids who get FA) is so tight that they would care about an extra bathing suit. I can't even imagine this being discussed amoung the parents. It would just never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did anyone read "Where'd You Go, Bernadette" by Maria Semple? This thread feels like an episode from that book. Pretty soon the other mom is going to say that the OP ran over her foot in the school parking lot.

Yes! Great book.

While the request to return the suit at night was unreasonable (and I agree- who only has one bathing suit???), I have a feeling there's more to the story. I bet OP repeats this story to the whole school and paints the bathing suit mom as being psycho when there just might be another side to the story.

A PP who thinks she knows OP suggested she's entitled, which don't sound too unlikely and perhaps is why bathing suit mom was so annoyed about the whole situation.

[Anonymous]

Two wrongs.

I'd be mad at my own son he didn't check for his suit.

Baby lady is a little whacky.

Now we know what happens when two selfish, self-entitled people meet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I could see her actions being viewed as reasonable if we were total strangers. But we will meet eventually - we both have boys in the same grade at a private school. Even if she's "right" - how is she not embarrassed to ask me to wake the baby and drive an hour?

?

How are you not embarrassed? I would have totally put the kids in the car (where most kids would simply fall asleep) and drop off the damn bathing suit that MY kid took. Just imagine how this woman might spin this. You are already coming off like a self-centered jerk on dcum...just imagine what the other moms at school will think when they hear her side of the story.

Yup, I agree. My kid, my problem.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand that the lady was crazy.

However, if it was me, I would have made sure that she gets it somehow. Even if I had to send my neighbor on Uber to drop it at her house or something. Mainly because it was my DS's fault. After that I would have never had any communication with that person because best to leave toxic people out of your life. This would be called taking the high road.

Agreed. Her unreasonable request should not outweigh taking responsibility for an unfortunate mistake.

You teach your kids to take responsibility for someone else's mistake?

javascript:emoticon(''); The kid took the swimsuit. He needs to fix this mistake. Since he is a kid, his parents need to fix the kid's mistake. You are teaching the kid to take responsibility for his own mistake. The other lady did not commit a mistake. She also offered alternatives to the OP, that the OP refused.

OP is entitled. She will raise entitled brats.

OP husband is gone away. She is alone with an infant and 6 year old. You do not ask a mom to drive alone with an infant and 6 year old to meet that distance. You either drive and get your suit or buy another one. She is not entitled. Her child and the mom driving the child made a mistake. Mistakes happen. OP can return the suit on Monday. Other mom can return the suit on Monday. OP can do a Target instore pick up or fedex the suit... lots of options but its not ok to ask someone to drive at that hour.

I would agree with you EXCEPT OP offered. OP should not have offered if she was unwilling. Yes, offering to return something and then refusing to do so is bitchy.

It sounded to me like the OP offered because she assumed that the family lived the same 10 minutes from the private school that she does (and that most normal people would say to just bring the suit to school on Monday). If most of the families live close to the school (which is pretty much true of our private school) but this one family lives far away, she probably assumed it was a much shorter trip when offering and only realized that it was so long when given the address. We go to a NW private but live on Capitol Hill. It's not 50 minutes, but I would never expect another family to drive over here in the middle of the night, with or without a baby, for something so small. Karma is a bitch and my kid is definitely going to screw up the same way at some point because kids just do stuff like this.

I feel like this thread is 99 normal people who agree with the OP and understand the concept of the normal aggravations that come along with having kids and one person who keeps responding (in a fairly easy to spot writing style) who disagrees and is filled with moral outrage. That level of moral outrage must be exhausting to maintain!

How do you know OP isn't the one who lives far? Why are you assuming the other mom is crazy based just on OPs retell?

OP said she offered to meet at the school, which was 10 minutes away from her house. It sounds like the other family lives far from the school.

Of course we have to go on OP's retelling. That is the nature of DCUM. But, based on the facts as she presented them, the other mom clearly has unrealistic expectation for how much effort a person should be required to expend before she replaces a cheap bathing suit. I honestly can't see any scenario in which I would expect another mom to bring back a bathing suit before I go on vacation, especially if I am going to a beach where they will definitely sell bathing suits. If we lived in the same neighborhood, I might ask if I can drive over and pick it up (not ask the other woman to drive) because that effort is less than me stopping to get a new one. Anything over 10 minutes and I would just send an email to the mom asking her to bring the suit to school Mondsy (or maybe not even bother to figure out what happened it it in the first place) and I would pick up a new one along the way. I can't think of a single mom in DS's class who would do anything differently. We are all busy and have plenty of $ and would never bother each other with crap like this.

Nice humble brag on how rich you are.

Ha! These people's kids go to private school. I don't think having "plenty of money" to buy a second Target bathing suit really constitutes bragging about being rich.

No, your exact words were that you all "have plenty of $." You have no idea if the family is on scholarship or anything but regardless, IN GENERAL, "we have so much money!" Is T-A-C-K-Y in ANY context.

No. We are clearly talking about this scenario. Everyone has "plenty of money" to handle this scenario differently than the mother did. My advice would be different if the OP's kid had totaled the other kid's Tesla. Then I would have been bragging about being rich. It is not a brag but a fact that no one of my acquaintaince at DS's private school would make a big deal over $10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids only have one swimming suit each. We washed and air dried after each usage.

Why ?

Why would anyone have one suit? What is your HHI?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It is an inconvience and the whole finding a target, pulling off, finding and buying a suit will probably take 50 minutes.

50 minutes? Maybe if you're a turtle.

Clearly you've never tried getting off the turnpike, buying something and getting back on with kids.

[Anonymous]

People are under no obligation to own more than one suit per kid because other people are unwilling to make things right. Jeesh.

I'd have taken the baby and dropped the suit. Sure it would be nice if the other mom was willing to come get it, but she has her own schedule, and when it's your kid who messes up you fix it. Yeah waking a baby is a pain but it's also a pain and stressful to be packing a family to go on vacation and realize your kid's suit in no longer in residence through no fault of your own. So the woman who's packing has to stop, pack up her kids, drive to a store, find a suit, spend more money, drive home, and then hope that OP deigns to return the suit at some point because it doesn't appear from this thread that OP plans to do anything other than mock the woman and roll her eyes at her. And we wonder why our kids seem incapable of making the right decisions.

Sorry, OP is in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, why do you care what DCUM thinks?

Your child took someone's swimsuit, and you did not return it to the other person. Both these acts (your son taking something, and you not returning it in time) has already happened. Why do you need DCUM to approve or disapprove? We do not know you. The other person knows you somewhat, and she does not have a good impression of you. Worry about her impression because she knows you IRL.

I think once the crazy lady's request starts getting out there, she's going to be the one who has to worry what people think of her.

Over a bathing suit.

She sounds self-absorbed. There will be more stories, after this one, I imagine.

How can she be self-absorbed, when it wasn't her suit that was taken by mistake? I don't think there's anything crazy about asking for a stolen by accident item to be returned immediately. OP doesn't want to return it immediately, which means she should keep closer tabs on her child who takes other people's things, if she doesn't want to be doing this for the next 10 years.

Again the word stolen. The kid is 6/7 . Really you need to let it go and just enjoy your vacation.

Again- you don't read very well. Try it again. Sound it out.

The word stolen, by definition, requires intent. Grabbing the wrong swim suit by mistake is not stealing.

Seriously. I'm on the Jersey shore right now and I'm pretty sure I could WALK to the Target here in 15 minutes.

?

The jersey shore isn't a town, people. I assure you that you won't find a Target or a kid's swim trunks for under $40 in Stone Harbor or Avalon. And you won't pass a target on the way there. Those beach towns don't have a boardwalk---just a little Main Street with upscale shops. And the family probably planned to leave at 6am and can't hit a local target on their way out of town.

You get to the Jersey shore by driving up 95 for hours. A big box store is not hard to find and don't most people stop for stuff along the way when going on a driving vacation? Come on. You can't possibly be arguing that it is impossible to replace a Target bathing suit while driving through the mid-Atlantic States.

It is an inconvience and the whole finding a target, pulling off, finding and buying a suit will probably take 50 minutes. Why should the other mom be subjected to this inconvience but not OP? OP is clearly outsourcing her childcare (see: she didn't go to party or maybe this wouldn't have happened) so of COURSE she thinks she shouldn't have to drive anywhere.

Because that is life with kids. Her kid went to a pool party, took off his suit, didn't immediately wrap it in a towel and put it in his bag, another kid had the same suit in a different size, the suits got switched. So, on the way to the beach she stops and picks up a new one along with some extra sunscreen. While they are stopped they get some lunch. No one stresses about it and everyone has a lovely weekend.

Returning things your child accidentally takes because you choose not to be responsible for your own child and your child doesn't know how to read sizes is ALSO a part of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was inconvenienced because of your son's fault. That is the fact. It does not matter if you think that her inconvenience was small. That is your opinion.

You are feeling inconvenienced because you are supposed to fix your son's fault. That was your moral obligation. But you did not allow yourself to be inconvenienced to fix your son's fault. That is your selfishness and entitlement. You are not a good role model to your children in doing the right thing. Sorry, but I am not on your side. Even though I have sympathy for your situation.

Sometime doing the right thing is not easy, but not doing the right thing is wrong.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Can't believe most of the posters are putting the obligation on the wronged party and NOT the OP. Unbelievable.

I agree with this as well.