Reply to Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has anyone here seen the statistics on affairs? It's not exactly anti-social behavior.

I'm not the OP, but I'm one of the OW posters who was called a sociopath. I'm definitely not a sociopath, but I don't feel like I need to decide to feel shame because people on a message board said I should. I think adults are capable of making these decisions for themselves. My AP talks about an open agreement between he and his wife. That's between them. I'm not sure that I believe him, but he's a grown man and can decide for himself. [/quote]

Yes, that is true.  He can decide for himself.  But I truly do not relate to the idea that "it's okay that he's lying to his wife, and lying to me about not lying to his wife."  I mean, I don't think it's wrong to keep a relationship discreet, because some things truly are no one's (or at least not everyone's) business.  But I do think it's wrong--very wrong--to deliberately deceive people who rely on your honesty.  If I were screwing a married person, I would want to have no doubt that my AP was being honest about his marital arrangement.

Again, my husband's parents are still married (on paper) but live many miles away from each other and consider themselves definitely separated and apart.  They do not care if the other person has a boy/girl friend (and one does).  The lover does not call or come knocking on the door or involve him/herself in the life of the spouse at all--that's called being discrete and polite.  But, again, all of this is done in within the context of full agreement and acknowledgement. I find this to be not at all shameful, indecent, or "bad" even though I did think it was unusual at first, and couldn't understand why his parents didn't just divorce -- but they have their reasons, and it's none of my business, really.

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