I can't handle the competition at K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I didn't call her "psychopath". And no, we're friends with her mother, not really her father. Her mother is a very nice person.

Yes you did. 19:02 yesterday.

No, I did not. I was not talking about her.

Of course you were. She was lumped in with all the other kids who will do whatever they want and still get awards while your child toils away in neglect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I didn't call her "psychopath". And no, we're friends with her mother, not really her father. Her mother is a very nice person.

Yes you did. 19:02 yesterday.

No, I did not. I was not talking about her.

Of course you were. She was lumped in with all the other kids who will do whatever they want and still get awards while your child toils away in neglect.

OP--you're getting piled on because you won't let it go. It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).
My thoughts are that you might consider homeschooling- based on your reaction to these awards for five year olds, it may be your best course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).

Each and every child is special and should be treated as an individual.

I don't know who deserves this award. These are all kids who are just learning to function in the new system. I was in the room with them today and they're all great kids, I couldn't pick one over the other, they're all different and wonderful in his/her own way.

The girl who won the award deserves to some extent. She tries very very hard to do things perfectly and follows teacher's instructions to a tee. But she's not better than other kids in her class. She has issues and has to learn that her friends are not her possessions and she cannot control them. Knowing her family, I can tell she's picking up the dominating behavior at home. Which I find troubling for my DD, because I don't want her to be around such personalities.

I'll look into the best option for my DD. I think we should close this thread since there is no more to add.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So what I'm seeing is that the elementary school system values good behavior and obedience above all. That's sad.

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

My son has only been in kindergarten for 6 weeks and has not been inducted to any honor societies. However, he is well mannered and loves his teacher. Pleasing the teacher pleases him. He likes to achieve and get praise by both his teachers and parents.

I agree with the previous poster. You seem like you are the one who is projecting that you don't need to have good behavior. You are the one who is competitive. You are the one who is insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Then I don't understand at all. Your daughter's friend get an award for something you don't value anyway. Why does this upset you? Why are you being competitive about this?

I guess I'm upset because it seems that introverts and non-cookie cutter kids don't get as much attention at school. My DD is pretty well-behaved and is at a good level academically. But she's not the one to yell "Me! Me! I know the answer!". She's also shy so she knows a lot more than she'll volunteer to disclose. She doesn't actively seek approval from others. And I worry that she is not valued by the teacher and the school as much as extroverted kids.

I also think that all this focus on compliance and good behavior (which is what K is really about) is mostly for teacher's convenience so that the class is manageable, but doesn't benefit the children as much. I'm starting to sympathize with complaints of boys' parents.

PS

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

I was a really shy kid. I rarely spoke up in class. I looked up to my teacher. I always scored at the top on every test. I eventually went to Harvard.

If your kid is bright, the teacher will know. If your child is average, does not speak up, does not try to please the teacher, etc., she probably won't be winning any awards. That is fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Right. Wow. OP you are way over the top. If the girl is mistreating your daughter, talk to the teacher. Who cares about awards in kindergarten?? My DS (second grade) is amazing, has never gotten a special award, and we don't care. Moreover, we don't fume and ruminate over who should and shouldn't get awards. We don't assume our son is a victim because he didn't get a medal or award, and we don't encourage him to think that way either.

Sheesh. Why don't you, people, get that it's not about the awards. I'm looking at the big picture.

I'm judging the environment where my child will spend the next 10+ years. This is the place where she spends most of her waking hours. It will shape my DD, her education, her character and her future life. So it is very important. It's important what will be re-enforced, what will be rewarded, what will be held back.

She's not a victim now, but I don't want her to become one down the road.. of an education system that provides mediocre education while promoting obedience and competition while killing individuality. Now I understand why homeschooling is becoming increasingly popular.

I understand some of you are teachers and are getting a little defensive. But you are the ones that make up this mediocrity.

Based on your writing style, I'm fairly certain you also did not receive any awards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).

Each and every child is special and should be treated as an individual.

I don't know who deserves this award. These are all kids who are just learning to function in the new system. I was in the room with them today and they're all great kids, I couldn't pick one over the other, they're all different and wonderful in his/her own way.

The girl who won the award deserves to some extent. She tries very very hard to do things perfectly and follows teacher's instructions to a tee. But she's not better than other kids in her class. She has issues and has to learn that her friends are not her possessions and she cannot control them. Knowing her family, I can tell she's picking up the dominating behavior at home. Which I find troubling for my DD, because I don't want her to be around such personalities.

I'll look into the best option for my DD. I think we should close this thread since there is no more to add.

What's wrong with following the teacher's instructions? Sounds like an excellent student to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).

Each and every child is special and should be treated as an individual.

I don't know who deserves this award. These are all kids who are just learning to function in the new system. I was in the room with them today and they're all great kids, I couldn't pick one over the other, they're all different and wonderful in his/her own way.

The girl who won the award deserves to some extent. She tries very very hard to do things perfectly and follows teacher's instructions to a tee. But she's not better than other kids in her class. She has issues and has to learn that her friends are not her possessions and she cannot control them. Knowing her family, I can tell she's picking up the dominating behavior at home. Which I find troubling for my DD, because I don't want her to be around such personalities.

I'll look into the best option for my DD. I think we should close this thread since there is no more to add.

What's wrong with following the teacher's instructions? Sounds like an excellent student to me.

Perhaps after reading these responses, she sees things more clearly? This was the most reasonable post she's written. It isn't a full reversal, but it is as good as she can do I'm guessing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).

Each and every child is special and should be treated as an individual.

I don't know who deserves this award. These are all kids who are just learning to function in the new system. I was in the room with them today and they're all great kids, I couldn't pick one over the other, they're all different and wonderful in his/her own way.

The girl who won the award deserves to some extent. She tries very very hard to do things perfectly and follows teacher's instructions to a tee. But she's not better than other kids in her class. She has issues and has to learn that her friends are not her possessions and she cannot control them. Knowing her family, I can tell she's picking up the dominating behavior at home. Which I find troubling for my DD, because I don't want her to be around such personalities.

I'll look into the best option for my DD. I think we should close this thread since there is no more to add.

What's wrong with following the teacher's instructions? Sounds like an excellent student to me.

Perhaps after reading these responses, she sees things more clearly? This was the most reasonable post she's written. It isn't a full reversal, but it is as good as she can do I'm guessing.

I don't find "I don't want my kid to be around kids like that" particularly reasonable.

I'm guessing that the OP will find homeschooling the best option, because it allows the OP to have the most control over the OP's child's environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you love your daughter, you don't think the school recognizes what's special about her, and you think that the kid who got the award is far less deserving and a bully to boot (and apparently you're not too crazy about the little girl's family either).

Each and every child is special and should be treated as an individual.

I don't know who deserves this award. These are all kids who are just learning to function in the new system. I was in the room with them today and they're all great kids, I couldn't pick one over the other, they're all different and wonderful in his/her own way.

The girl who won the award deserves to some extent. She tries very very hard to do things perfectly and follows teacher's instructions to a tee. But she's not better than other kids in her class. She has issues and has to learn that her friends are not her possessions and she cannot control them. Knowing her family, I can tell she's picking up the dominating behavior at home. Which I find troubling for my DD, because I don't want her to be around such personalities.

I'll look into the best option for my DD. I think we should close this thread since there is no more to add.

Do you mean she is not better than others at trying very very hard to do things right and follow instructions? Or is she somehow not "better" than others in some existential sense?

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't like the award thing. However, your attitude is over the top about this. In the scheme of things, it is just a piece of paper. If your daughter wants an award, help her get one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So DD started K this year and she ended up in a class with her friend and our good friends' daughter. The other girl is pretty bright, she's also very competitive and has a people-pleaser personality. So she tries extra hard. She became teacher's pet. The teacher is an older country woman who likes the proper manners and "nice" girls.

My DD isn't competitive at all. My DD is a little quirky and shy, and although grasps things quickly, she's not as verbal.

I've just read that the other girl got into the special honors club already and ouch, that hurts that my DD didn't. Despite the fact that I supplement an hour a day with her at home and she's making good progress.

OP, This is your first post. I wonder why you are good friends with the parents if the father is indeed the devil. Get your stories straight. More importantly, get your thinking clear. It is not that hard to separate your daughter from an undesirable friend if you don't like the parents either.

Exactly. OP's daughter's biggest problem is having an irrational and immature person for a mother, from what I've seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously though, why the false dichotomy here? Well-mannered =/= conventional. It's possible to be a creative thinker and an unconventional person who has decent manners, treats others well, and isn't disruptive in a classroom environment.

Because our school, and perhaps the society, doesn't recognize quiet, smart introverts. They recognize extroverts who are loud and visible and suck-up to the teachers.

The girl who won the award has good leadership qualities and is bright. But at the same time she's controlling and pushy. DD said she pushes her in the back in line if she walks slow, she doesn't let DD play with other children, is mean with her, yells at her for not playing the way she wants to play, etc. So I'm appalled she's getting a "good citizen" award.

It just shows me that the school is stupid and I can't count on the them to be fair, with my child or others and to stimulate their development. My daughter will always be overlooked, but any psychopath will get a lot of awards.

OP, just to put your behavior in this thread out there for you to see, you certainly DID call the other girl a "psychopath," if not directly than certainly by suggestion. You can't keep your stories straight here and you are demonizing a FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD who is still learning social skills, just like your daughter is. You need to take a hard look at yourself and figure out why you are having these utterly irrational, over the top reactions, and ask yourself what you think you are gaining for yourself and your daughter in the process.

My opinion is that the other little girl's family would do well to stop socializing with YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are clearly making every excuse in the book about this situation and are back tracking, backing down, changing stories, etc. First you said it hurt that your child didn't get the award but later said you didn't care about the award. Then the school is mediocre and the counselors are poorly trained.

Yes, it keeps evolving. At first I was upset about the award. But the next day what my DD told got me much more upset at a whole new level. Now I don't care about the award, I want my DD to be out of this unhealthy relationship. I'd willing to sign an contract that she never ever receives an award as long as she stays away from such personalities.

I can't believe the teacher hasn't caught on to that, until DD told me I had no idea. This just shows how clueless teachers are.

Or how clueless YOU are. I too have a 5yo who just started K, and I don't believe every single thing that comes out of his mouth, because I know my child is prone to drama and that his reactions to things are not always the same as what actually happened or are not proportional to the situation. Instead of demonizing children and parents I don't know, and assuming that the teachers are incompetent idiots, I try to help my child work through his feelings and understand that life isn't fair and people aren't always nice but that you always have control over your own actions/reactions. A lesson YOU would do well to learn.

Get a grip - seriously. I'm sure the teachers will be THRILLED if you leave the school, even though that may not be the best thing for your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Knowing the family doesn't affect what is happening at school. If your child was so quiet, wouldn't she be one of the more compliant ones? How is she quiet and then also distracted to the point that you need to work on it.

She's compliant. But she does not actively try to get teacher's attention.

Anonymous wrote:I seriously doubt she said write a letter S and then they spent 30 minutes writing S's. Now way this is the whole story. No. Way.

If you were volunteering, were you helping the kids understand what a setting was? Sounds like a great lesson - but she probably needs volunteers who will actually help the kids not be there snooping to bolster created issues.

Excuse me, I have a right to "snoop" to see what's going on in my DC's class.

Yes, I went to each child and repeated to them what a setting, because they didn't catch the definition. And yes, they spent 30 minutes on a single worksheet writing S four times and coloring the pictures next to it - a snake, a saw. Half way through the teacher realized that this not was the task - they were supposed to color the pictures of words that end with "S", not start with "S". Then they rushed through the setting worksheet, although that one required more time. They were running out of time all the time and the teacher was just trying to get through it all. You know, just to get it over with.

Like I said I expected it, but it still feels very sad that DC is not going to get any individual attention. The kids in class are all very different, the teacher never asked called out a single one of them to answer. She just kind of shouted the question out, while doing something else. Few participated.

You seem to be taking it rather personally. Perhaps, you're a teacher?

Not a teacher but if you think you are so fucking smart, OP, and can do such a better job, why don't you pull your precious snowflake out of school altogether? You can homeschool her the way you want - because the real issue here is that you are fucking control freak on top of being the most ridiculously irrational poster of all time ever on DCUM. Congrats on that illustrious award OP - it takes a lot to rise to the top of absurdity here!