H is not happy with sex only once a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As far as I'm concerned, a "low drive spouse" is a FAULT in a divorce.

I'd say a "Low drive spouse not willing to try and increase their drive" is a fault.

Yes, that's a fair fix to the statement.

Sigh. That's why I studied acting in college. I'm just hanging out, waiting for my husband to die, so I never have to suck another dick, ever again.

What a sad existence.

How does it relate to the quoted posts? It doesn't make sense.

It is still flying way way higher over your head than I thought.

Way to go on figuring out I don't understand it. You're a super sleuth!

If you care to explain it, that would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

The sad fact is that these issues cause a lot of pain on both sides, which makes it difficult to deal with rationally, as one can see from this thread. Generally speaking, this problem seems to me unfixable in most cases and the real question is the allocation of misery between the spouses.

[Anonymous]

Step 1 is the low drive spouse giving the high drive spouse to get sex elsewhere. A few posters back is a good example of a spouse who lost her sex drive, tried to get it back, can't get it back, and has given permission for her husband to get what he needs elsewhere. That's a good egg since she doesn't expect her husband to go without forever simply because she doesn't.

And unlike the "just divorce, then..." crowd, these two people probably still love each other very much. Love and sex overlap, but are not synonymous. She loves him. He loves her. She wants him to be happy.

And even then, she has intercourse once a week and
gives him oral once a week, which is far more than some spouses are willing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Step 1 is the low drive spouse giving the high drive spouse to get sex elsewhere. A few posters back is a good example of a spouse who lost her sex drive, tried to get it back, can't get it back, and has given permission for her husband to get what he needs elsewhere. That's a good egg since she doesn't expect her husband to go without forever simply because she doesn't.

And unlike the "just divorce, then..." crowd, these two people probably still love each other very much. Love and sex overlap, but are not synonymous. She loves him. He loves her. She wants him to be happy.

And even then, she has intercourse once a week and
gives him oral once a week, which is far more than some spouses are willing to do.

I think you could Venn diagram Love, Sex and marriage and what people find acceptable.

Everyone's would be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as I'm concerned, a "low drive spouse" is a FAULT in a divorce.

I'd say a "Low drive spouse not willing to try and increase their drive" is a fault.

Yes, that's a fair fix to the statement.

Sigh. That's why I studied acting in college. I'm just hanging out, waiting for my husband to die, so I never have to suck another dick, ever again.

What a sad existence.

How does it relate to the quoted posts? It doesn't make sense.

It is still flying way way higher over your head than I thought.

Way to go on figuring out I don't understand it. You're a super sleuth!

If you care to explain it, that would be helpful.

If you don't get it by now, it is not going to happen. I cannot help your poor critical reading skills. Those skills were covered for about 2 years between 9th and 10th grade, but I will say, a good place to start it The Great Gatsby and then you can try Jude the Obscure.

[Anonymous]

You could give clear communication a try, but rock on with that need for superiority. I'm starting to wonder if you have any idea what it means.

[Anonymous]

Once a week is totally typical for a married man 40 to 49.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#frequency

51 percent of those 40 to 49 have sex once a week to a few times monthly.
another 16 percent have sex a few times a year, and 9 percent had now sex at all the previous year.

Only 20 percent have sex 2 to 3 times a week.

And for those living a fantasy that if they were single they'd be having all sex all the time, the numbers show much less frequent sex for those who are single. Like 8 percent of single men have sex 2 or 3 times a week.

Show those numbers to your childish husband OP!

[Anonymous]

I guess I just know high drive, in shape, men in their 50s. Twice a week seems pretty minimal for a 52 year old, but maybe not for a 58 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once a week is totally typical for a married man 40 to 49.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#frequency

51 percent of those 40 to 49 have sex once a week to a few times monthly.
another 16 percent have sex a few times a year, and 9 percent had now sex at all the previous year.

Only 20 percent have sex 2 to 3 times a week.

And for those living a fantasy that if they were single they'd be having all sex all the time, the numbers show much less frequent sex for those who are single. Like 8 percent of single men have sex 2 or 3 times a week.

Show those numbers to your childish husband OP!

And, what about divorce statistics? Should everyone file for divorce because such a high percentage of couples go that route?

Personally, I don't care about how often my neighbors or friends have sex. I know what I need and am upfront about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Once a week is totally typical for a married man 40 to 49.

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/resources/FAQ.html#frequency

51 percent of those 40 to 49 have sex once a week to a few times monthly.
another 16 percent have sex a few times a year, and 9 percent had now sex at all the previous year.

Only 20 percent have sex 2 to 3 times a week.

And for those living a fantasy that if they were single they'd be having all sex all the time, the numbers show much less frequent sex for those who are single. Like 8 percent of single men have sex 2 or 3 times a week.

Show those numbers to your childish husband OP!

Who cares? According to Kinsey statistics, 69% of white men have paid a prostitute for sex. Since the majority do it, it is OK if I do it too? I mean, I find it file, but heck, just about everyone is doing it, right?

In that "average" there are people like me, who have sex 2-3 times a week. Just because the majority are doing it does not make it OK in my unique marriage.

Anyways, everyone knows median is a much better indicator of what most people are doing.

[Anonymous]

Ah, people and their statistics to prove why they don't need to up their sex game. The low drive partners will grasp at ANYTHING to not only not have sex, but to suggest they're normal for being that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ah, people and their statistics to prove why they don't need to up their sex game. The low drive partners will grasp at ANYTHING to not only not have sex, but to suggest they're normal for being that way.

They are just fooling themselves. Next they will join their friends in chorus on the "If your husband is a Cheater (like mine)" thread.

[Anonymous]

What the low drive spouse fails to understand is:

Sex won't save a relationship if everything else is shitty.
Everything else won't save a relationship if the sex is shitty.

There was a woman on here who claimed she didn't give her husband "blowies" but hoped that making him sandwiches every morning for work would make up for that.

I still don't know if she was real. Who calls the act "blowies?"

[Anonymous]

As a former low drive spouse (it is cured and that is another thread), I'm NOT with the chorus of women who think it is OK to be low drive. I hated when I was low drive and it really made me upset. I know how important sex is to my DH and truly wanted to want more sex. He also is not into duty sex, so there really was not a good solution at the time. I'm so thankful this is no longer a problem.

It is the women who make excuses for it and who think it is A-OK to be low drive and that their DHs are "babies" about wanting more. I feel sorry for their husbands. It sucks to be in a problematic relationship with someone who refuses to acknowledge there is a problem or worse, just shift blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Saying so doesn't make it so.

I'd say that a high drive spouse who is obsessed with sucking and fucking like he/she is 20, when he/she is really 40, is a pervert and a freak who should be engaged in more productive adult past times. That doesn't make it so, though.

Pissing away your marriage with all of the financial issues and kid issues involved is not the best idea. Doing it because you are trying to recapture the sex life you had in your 20s is folly.

That's just the thing, I didn't have sex when I was 20. I got married at 27, very inexperienced. Now, at almost 40, I do not think I can live with only vanilla sex for the rest of my marriage. There's so much more out there that I never even knew existed. And what is a more productive adult pastime? I'd rather have sex than watch TV, surf the 'net or drink. Is that wrong?

If that's your definition of "productive," then you are not just wrong, you're socially retarded. No wonder you didn't have sex until you were 27.

I work 45 hours a week and am raising two children. Is that what you think is more important and incompatible with sex at 40?

You need a hobby. Have you considered gardening?

I would like sex to be my hobby (I do volunteer and exercise also).

You should ask your wife to swing, then. She can hang out by the buffet while you get it on.