I have 8 kids, ask me anything!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I agree. A report on the U. S. fertility rate came out recently and the nation's
Total fertility rate is below replacement level. This fact should concern many of
us, and has potential negative consequences for our future.

Why should it concern us? What do you feel that the potential negative consequences of some degree of population decrease are?

Not PP but there might not be enough people working to contribute to a healthy tax base and not enough people to fill jobs eg, related to a majority aging population. This could also decrease the size of the military. It might threaten the country's safety and stability.

The "birth dearth" is a looming crisis for the world. Now that the US is below replacement, every developed country is piling up old people against a shrinking working base. Japan is a case study, but all of Europe is facing the same crisis, and China.

"Demographic Winter" is a brief documentary that explains why overpopulation is not the concern: humans are no longer reproducing at the rate necessary to support the present population. The ramifications are frightening. And the rate at which this is happening is accelerating faster than anyone imagined possible.

[Anonymous]

Someday in the not so distant future PP, when you are trying to collect your social security and our country is bankrupt, you will be grateful for OP and her 8 kids.

Your argument is naive, ill informed and short sighted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have a few logistical issues you might be able to help me with:

--Do you have set "special times" with your kids, or do you just grab opportunities as they arise? I used to have a certain day of the week designated for my kids, but for one, I have more kids than days of the week, and for another, it just set me up to disappoint them when life got in the way or one kid got a Starbucks drink while another got a milkshake. But now that they had a taste of it, they aren't satisfied with haphazard special times! I despise myself when they look crestfallen with disappointment, but I don't have a solution--help!

--Do your kids have issues sharing their rooms? Even if we were fabulously wealthy, I would still have them share, but the older they get, the more disputes arise. We have a girls room and a boys room, and there are nonstop issues of neatness or personal decorative tastes...I get tired of being the mediator. Do you have any hard and fast rules that minimize these issues?

--Do any of your kids require an exceptional amount of attention? If so, how do you satisfy them without rewarding negative attention-seeking?

--How do you keep up with the mess?? We homeschool, so everyone is always home, and it seems impossible to keep on top of things, but once we get behind, we get REALLY behind. Am I just temperamentally unsuited to the situation? Remember, I'm actually a crazy cat lady

--Do things get easier once you have a driver? My oldest will have her license in the spring, and I am just holding on until then.

--(These questions are just for fun) Did you ever have a homebirth? Were your kids able to be at any of your births?

You know, people always tell me I look impossibly young to have nine kids, but I think you have me beat! You look lovely, like you are enjoying every second. I think that's inspirational.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can share!

No we don't do set special times because like you said, it will set them up for disappointment. We do special times randomly and try not to make a big deal out of it. We don't sit them down and make a list on who gets to talk to me one on one that day. I like to think I am pretty good at reading my kids and when I see that someone needs some time to just talk or be with us(my husband and I) then we plan something. Earlier I said how even a trip to the grocery store can be used as bonding time and it's very true. I've had some very good talks with my kids just the 2 of us in the car on the way to the store. It's not some big special day but they get the chance to be heard loud and clear and I get the chance to fully listen. Also by NOT making these days in to a big deal it lessens what you are talking about. Instead of saying "Colby for your big special day we are going fishing and Alex for your big special day we are going to get gas", we say "Hey Alex, could you ride with me to get gas?" then later "How about we go fishing next weekend colby?". That way it doesn't give room for the kids to compare who had better bonding time. They just see those things as a random trip with mom and dad.

Miraculously, I have been blessed with kids who are sound sleepers and don't mind sharing a room. They actually love it! We live in a 6 bedroom house. 17 year old has her own, 15 year old has her own, the 2 boys share, the 3 little girls share, and the youngest gets her own. I do think it's important that kids have their own space but that doesn't necessarily mean they need their own room. As long as their siblings are taught to be respectful then things should run smoothly. We have had times where the girls get a little sassy and want to be alone but how does that work when someone else's favorite toy is in that room?! That's where the respect plays in. The child who wants to be alone has to understand that she can't hog the room to herself all day and her siblings need to understand that it won't kill them to wait an hour to get to that toy. As for decorations and such, compromise! I say that word nearly 10 times a day I think. Our house would be nothing without that word. Before we lived here our oldest 2 shared and they both have very different tastes. My 15 year old is girly and bold while my 17 year old is more in to soft colors and not a lot of girly things. It was hard because both REALLY wanted to paint their rooms to match bedspreads and accessories that they loved. My 15 year old wanted dark purple and lime green. My 17 year old wanted a very pale yellow. We compromised by doing the North and South walls a toned down lime green with yellow East and West walls. It looked really nice and the lime green made our 15 year old happy while the yellow made our 17 year old happy. It didn't completely fix things but it did stop the arguing a bit. Once we moved and they got their own rooms, WOW. They were ecstatic!

None of my kids are huge attention seekers. As individuals, most of my kids are shy and keep to themselves but even the most shy need attention from time to time. We do what we can to stay on top of balancing the attention between all but it's very easy to put a lot of focus on the crazy toddler while our 12 year old just quietly sits in his chair. I think we've made it very clear that negative actions will be "rewarded" with negative outcomes. No one wants to be punished. If they do for some reason start acting out to look for attention we will first correct that behavior then focus on what he or she needs from us.

How do I keep up with the mess? I don't homeschool, that's for sure! lol. I think that is really great that you can and do but it's not for us. I just would not be able to keep up. I wish I could give you some advice in this area but I can not. Those 7 hours spent in school help out a lot. Even with them in school we get behind on stuff! We just do our best to stay in a routine and do things according to schedule.

Our oldest driving is honestly the best thing that could happen to this family. Just kidding(sort of), but she LOVES driving so she is always offering to take this kid here or go pick something up for us. It's wonderful.

Our last 4 were home births. I sincerely wish I had the guts to deliver all 8 at home. My homebirths were incredibly smooth, relaxing, and comfortable! Don't get me wrong, all of the births of my children were amazing but I wish I would have had them all at home. It made everything better to have them in my home. All of our kids were home during the births and the older ones would come in sometimes to check on me(which was so very sweet). None of them actually witnessed me giving birth to any of the children though.

Thanks so much for the complements! You guys are really making me blush I do feel like my kids keep me young and full of life.




P.S. Sorry for being so lengthy with this post! Once I get to talking, I just don't stop I guess.

OP, I am so grateful for your response! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer!

--I have been making the little things count since our old "day of the week" system fell apart after #9 was born, and I think you are exactly right. They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?" Sometimes we have deep conversations, sometimes we just sing along to the radio, but it is always so special to really see and know them for a bit...

--Compromise is a good lesson in life

--We have one son who would have been labeled special needs if he were in an institutional school, and sometimes, he sucks the air out of the family...but you are also right, that everyone has his/her days! That becomes so apparent in a big family--there's no hiding our fallen natures, especially with homeschooling!

--I fantasize about having seven hours to clean every single day! It's a crutch! Well, the day will come, to everything there is a season...

--Just a few more months to having a driver--you gave me the necessary hope to make it there! Thank you!

--Home births are AWESOME, aren't they?!? I also wish I'd been able to afford to have them all at home, but I treasure every experience as priceless, because without my hospital births, I never would have appreciated how completely FABULOUS it is to give birth in my bedroom! My three oldest girls were with me the past three times, and the little guys came pouring in the room the second the baby was born and given a perfect Apgar. There are no words to describe the bliss, the pleasure, the peace, and the comfort of those labors and births and postpartums. I wish I could give birth every day.

In fact, I just became AMA, and I had a really hard time with that, realizing that this time of my life will come to an end--so I am now a DONA-trained doula, and I hope that as my little guys get bigger, I can help more and more women enjoy the awesomeness that is unmedicated birth. Love it, love it, love it!

Honestly, OP, I think there is something about the hormones that women get through birthing at home that keep them looking young. Not a scientific study, of course, and we all look old eventually, but I can't count how many mothers of many, whom I have had the privilege to know, who have had a few homebirths and look like they are still in their 20s. I still get mistaken for a college student when I'm out alone or just with the baby!

Thank you for a few moments of sisterhood. DCUM is not usually the place to find affirmation

--C9BL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Not PP but there might not be enough people working to contribute to a healthy tax base and not enough people to fill jobs eg, related to a majority aging population. This could also decrease the size of the military. It might threaten the country's safety and stability. "

There is a long, long line of educated/skilled people trying to get into this country. No need for me to be a baby machine.

Exactly. Immigration will go up, and the world population will become more migratory, as it should.

[Anonymous]

OP, You need to stop having kids. You needed to stop at three, actually. Now go on the thread that asks what you've learned about yourself on DCUM and tell them.

[Anonymous]

OP, beautiful picture! What does your college savings plan look like? Are you and your husband from well-off families?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take my hats off to you. My mom would have had 8 kids too if she could've SAH and I'm sure she would've been great.

How many boys/girls? Catholic? Mormon? Who did your household vote for?

2 boys, 6 girls. Baptist. We voted for Romney.

So you are an anti-feminist, as you play a submissive role to your husband?

I pity your daughters.

I see we have another "open-minded" liberal whose only contribution is to put other people's choices down and judge. How nice.

[Anonymous]

"They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?"

This makes me so sad to read. How desperate for maternal attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?"

This makes me so sad to read. How desperate for maternal attention.

I have one kid and she jumps for joy when I ask her if she wants to go to Walmart with me. I don't think it has anything to do with lack of attention. My daughter gets plenty of it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?"

This makes me so sad to read. How desperate for maternal attention.

Not the OP. But it shouldn't make you sad. What does it take to make your children happy? A trip to Disney? Not enough? A new ipad doesn't quite do it anymore? New car? Well, her BFF has a nicer one, right? Ask yourself what you/your children really need to be happy. It will tell you a lot about the type of life you are choosing to lead.

Some of us just don't put all that much value in the "best" daycare/school, elaborate vacations, expensive strollers, name brand clothing, pricey homes and cars, etc.... Sometimes a trip to Costco with mommy really is a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Large or small families are very individual choices.

But I could never justify having a large family because of the effect of over-population on our planet. It seems so incredibly selfish and myopic.

All the recycling and good environmental things that you may do on a daily basis will never mitigate the effect of all those kids---and their descendants-- on our shared environment over time. The planet cannot sustain it.

Most people who do this are only thinking about themselves---quite literally--- and they are teaching their kids that it is OK not to consider the wider world, the bigger picture, or the effect of their actions on others.

Large families spend alot of time emphasizing sharing, but very little time pondering the impact that they are having on our shared planet. It is quite a contradiction, and one day, I suspect their kids might wonder about that.

I'm confused where you're getting this from. There are plenty of families with no kids or one kid who don't recycle, have huge vehicles, waste food and resources, etc. We all need to make responsible choices, regardless of how many kids we choose to have. And we should teach that to our children, regardless of how many we choose to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?"

This makes me so sad to read. How desperate for maternal attention.

Not the OP. But it shouldn't make you sad. What does it take to make your children happy? A trip to Disney? Not enough? A new ipad doesn't quite do it anymore? New car? Well, her BFF has a nicer one, right? Ask yourself what you/your children really need to be happy. It will tell you a lot about the type of life you are choosing to lead.

Some of us just don't put all that much value in the "best" daycare/school, elaborate vacations, expensive strollers, name brand clothing, pricey homes and cars, etc.... Sometimes a trip to Costco with mommy really is a big deal.

I agree that you do not need expensive toys and trips to make you or your children happy. The pp who thinks a child who looks forward to a trip to Costco must be desperate for maternal attention, must not have children. Little kids love to be helpers! My two girls love to help me shop for what we need and they are big fans of the free samples at Costco.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Large or small families are very individual choices.

But I could never justify having a large family because of the effect of over-population on our planet. It seems so incredibly selfish and myopic.

All the recycling and good environmental things that you may do on a daily basis will never mitigate the effect of all those kids---and their descendants-- on our shared environment over time. The planet cannot sustain it.

Most people who do this are only thinking about themselves---quite literally--- and they are teaching their kids that it is OK not to consider the wider world, the bigger picture, or the effect of their actions on others.

Large families spend alot of time emphasizing sharing, but very little time pondering the impact that they are having on our shared planet. It is quite a contradiction, and one day, I suspect their kids might wonder about that.

The U.S. uses more resources than any other country, including China and India.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"They each look like they've won a million bucks when I say, "Do you want to be my helper at Costco?"

This makes me so sad to read. How desperate for maternal attention.

Not the OP. But it shouldn't make you sad. What does it take to make your children happy? A trip to Disney? Not enough? A new ipad doesn't quite do it anymore? New car? Well, her BFF has a nicer one, right? Ask yourself what you/your children really need to be happy. It will tell you a lot about the type of life you are choosing to lead.

Some of us just don't put all that much value in the "best" daycare/school, elaborate vacations, expensive strollers, name brand clothing, pricey homes and cars, etc.... Sometimes a trip to Costco with mommy really is a big deal.

I agree that you do not need expensive toys and trips to make you or your children happy. The pp who thinks a child who looks forward to a trip to Costco must be desperate for maternal attention, must not have children. Little kids love to be helpers! My two girls love to help me shop for what we need and they are big fans of the free samples at Costco.

I'm glad everyone did not misunderstand me!

We are all always together, all the time. (except when we're not, but you know what I mean). But it's the simple things that mean the most. "Do you want to help me cook dinner?". "Let's go read a story in the hammock!" "Want to walk the dog with me?"

Costco (free samples!), Harris Teeter (free sugar cookies!), Wegmans (the train!)--they are all awesome in my kids' eyes. We enjoy each others' company as a family and one-on-one, or three-on-one, or all girls or all boys, or whatever the combination of the day. With all that needs to be accomplished every day, there is not always time to stop the world and stare in each others' eyes, but there is always time to go to the library, or scrub down a bathroom, or declutter a closet, or bake a cake...and commune a little

All this applies whether you have one or ten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Large or small families are very individual choices.
But I could never justify having a large family because of the effect of over-population on our planet. It seems so incredibly selfish and myopic.

All the recycling and good environmental things that you may do on a daily basis will never mitigate the effect of all those kids---and their descendants-- on our shared environment over time. The planet cannot sustain it.

Most people who do this are only thinking about themselves---quite literally--- and they are teaching their kids that it is OK not to consider the wider world, the bigger picture, or the effect of their actions on others.

Large families spend alot of time emphasizing sharing, but very little time pondering the impact that they are having on our shared planet. It is quite a contradiction, and one day, I suspect their kids might wonder about that.

I'm confused where you're getting this from. There are plenty of families with no kids or one kid who don't recycle, have huge vehicles, waste food and resources, etc. We all need to make responsible choices, regardless of how many kids we choose to have. And we should teach that to our children, regardless of how many we choose to have.

Yes. I would say that a family of 1-2 kids where each parent drives a big SUV or minivan and who live in a mcmansion with 4+ bedrooms for a tiny family and buy everything new waste just as many resources as a family of 10 who use hand me downs, never buys mor than they need, recycles everything, etc.