What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Ooooh boy. I hope you're not avoiding discussing safe sex under the guise that your kids just aren't interested in it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Ooooh boy. I hope you're not avoiding discussing safe sex under the guise that your kids just aren't interested in it...

Historically this is also how a lot of teen pregnancies happen. Amazing how teens get pregnant and their parents are absolutely flabbergasted that they were having sex. Surprise! Teens have sex with or without parental approval or knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

Did you go to school with your kids? Did you go with them to socialize with friends? You have no idea of they acted upon romantic interests.

Yes, I did. I was very involved in the school so I knew what was happening at the school. Plus, dropping them, picking them up, being at home with them, tutoring them. They were socializing mainly with same gender friends within their programs and the parents were also those that prioritized education. I know it is hard for you to believe but there is a group of immigrant kids (you know those who play the violin, win robotics, hackathons and Math competitions, program apps, have perfect GPA and ace SAT, win spelling bees and science competitions, write research papers and start non-profits) - who just have a different aim in life. Also, they are leaning on parents for logistical support and so they are always under the watchful eyes of parents.

It's hilarious that you think this precludes romantic interest, or actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

Ooooh boy. I hope you're not avoiding discussing safe sex under the guise that your kids just aren't interested in it...

Historically this is also how a lot of teen pregnancies happen. Amazing how teens get pregnant and their parents are absolutely flabbergasted that they were having sex. Surprise! Teens have sex with or without parental approval or knowledge.

Worked with a guy who studies this. He said that evangelical teens were more likely to get pregnant because they somehow saw “being overcome by passion” as less evil than “planning to have sex”, so even if the signs were heading towards a sexual relationship they were unlikely to go
See a doctor about birth control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't let our teens stay out late. They complain that we pick them up at 10pm unless it's a special occasion. No having their own car as teens.

They're going to cut loose as soon as they're out of your sphere of control. Seen that a few times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

[Anonymous]

Why do people want their kids to figure out dating and sex when they are in college with complete strangers and not close by to ask for advice/help? My daughter, who is a senior in high school, dates a nice boy and his parents are lovely. I am glad that she has gotten to learn about some stuff while home with someone who has been "vetted." I think this helps avoid her running into the open arms of the first male stranger who gives her attention once she gets to college. Sending her off with zero understanding of dating/sex/men feels dangerous.

Is the worry that God won't be happy? Where is the rule from? Your great grandmother who had few choices in life as a woman? Sounds like some patriarchal nonsense. Why is that important to you? How does this help your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

Do most people refer to "American families" when they talk about friends and neighbors? I'm not American, (well I am now, but not born and raised here) but I never talk about my "American" friends vs whatever other nationality. That's not normal. I agree, she gives immigrants a bad rap. I don't complain about the US (well Trump, but not US in general), nobody is forcing me to live here.

PP's attitude is rampant on DCUM. Some immigrants have a totally transactional view of being in the US. They want to extract whatever wealth and resources they can, while having no interest in assimilation and looking their noses down on Americans. And then they wonder why Americans don't like them,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people want their kids to figure out dating and sex when they are in college with complete strangers and not close by to ask for advice/help? My daughter, who is a senior in high school, dates a nice boy and his parents are lovely. I am glad that she has gotten to learn about some stuff while home with someone who has been "vetted." I think this helps avoid her running into the open arms of the first male stranger who gives her attention once she gets to college. Sending her off with zero understanding of dating/sex/men feels dangerous.

Is the worry that God won't be happy? Where is the rule from? Your great grandmother who had few choices in life as a woman? Sounds like some patriarchal nonsense. Why is that important to you? How does this help your child?

Previous poster here who had strict parents and I completely agree with this. I'm so glad that my daughter's first experience/relationship was with a nice boy in her high school and she was able to talk to me about questions, concerns, and have a general sense of how relationships work. Many teens are absolutely not ready for dating/sex and that is absolutely fine but forbidding age appropriate dating or shaming an adolescent about their sexuality is very unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't let our teens stay out late. They complain that we pick them up at 10pm unless it's a special occasion. No having their own car as teens.

They're going to cut loose as soon as they're out of your sphere of control. Seen that a few times.

Not necessarily. Some do, some don’t. You’re clearly blocking out evidence that conflicts with your views.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't let our teens stay out late. They complain that we pick them up at 10pm unless it's a special occasion. No having their own car as teens.

They're going to cut loose as soon as they're out of your sphere of control. Seen that a few times.

Not necessarily. Some do, some don’t. You’re clearly blocking out evidence that conflicts with your views.

I love how you think you would know if your kids were going wild or not. It may surprise you, but many students are able to maintain stellar grades while being wild in other ways. As a parent separated from them while they are in college you would have literally no idea either way. You think they are going to tell you??? HAhahahaha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

Did you go to school with your kids? Did you go with them to socialize with friends? You have no idea of they acted upon romantic interests.

Yes, I did. I was very involved in the school so I knew what was happening at the school. Plus, dropping them, picking them up, being at home with them, tutoring them. They were socializing mainly with same gender friends within their programs and the parents were also those that prioritized education. I know it is hard for you to believe but there is a group of immigrant kids (you know those who play the violin, win robotics, hackathons and Math competitions, program apps, have perfect GPA and ace SAT, win spelling bees and science competitions, write research papers and start non-profits) - who just have a different aim in life. Also, they are leaning on parents for logistical support and so they are always under the watchful eyes of parents.

It's hilarious that you think this precludes romantic interest, or actions.

That PP you're responding to is one of the biggest morons I've encountered here, and that's saying a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Refusing these on principle is bizarre.

My kids have each done one sleepover in their lives, I believe. They're not dating as teens and young adults. And my second did have a yearlong carpool at some point.

But we didn't set off to refuse those things. It just happened that way.

Why don't you live your life in a more organic way? You seem extremely mentally rigid.

TBH - I see no value in them while my kids are young. There are many other things that I do for the socialization of my kids, so I don't think they are missing anything but dangerous situations. I do not want to normalize these things or distract them from their academics, ECs, traveling and having fun with similar kids.

In my interactions with American families, I have not walked away with feeling that I want them be around my kids when I am not around. I don't want to do the detective work to find out what the intentions of people around me are especially when it comes to the safety of my children.

My kids and I do have these discussions all the time, and I feel I will be more comfortable when they are adults and able to have their own boundaries.

You're exactly the kind of person that makes Americans wish immigrants would have stayed in their country of origin, and also wonder why they didn't. Congrats.

Totally different poster. Why are you assuming this person is an immigrant?

DP. Because they're slamming Americans...