What American "cultural" things you don't do or allow your kids to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Honestly, we believe this too, but the problem now is that kids are not really dating at all. Teach your kids how to date properly in high school while under your roof. How to ask, how to accept, how to refuse, how to plan, how to treat someone. Encourage group dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eat sausage, fries, bacon, and sugar-full pastries for breakfast.

Who eats fries for breakfast? Where did you notion of Americans come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Honestly, we believe this too, but the problem now is that kids are not really dating at all. Teach your kids how to date properly in high school while under your roof. How to ask, how to accept, how to refuse, how to plan, how to treat someone. Encourage group dates.

Nope. No need to do all of that. Dating is not serving the teens well. There is not one redeeming reason for it.

However, I will agree that you teach them various scenarios of casual dating safely in college. They should know that they don't have to have sex with someone. My DD dated in college but always had her own car, decided on where she wanted to go, and paid for her own share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

This whole thread is very bizarre and truly divorced from reality.

What is bizarre? It is considered ok for American kids to fornicate from their teen years by their parents. Around the world it is not the norm. From an immigrant perspective - there is no need for our children to follow this practice. But, if they do? There is something legally that can be done by the parents only as long as they are minors, but otherwise what can you do? Maybe cut them off from the family or something. I mean in many families there will be consequences.

On the other hand - It is ok for American kids to not love Math. Around the world, it is a cause for great concern for parents if their kid is not proficient in Math. It is just the way things are. Maybe American parents do not see the value in getting upset over Math. And if that is the case - isn't that their choice and cultural preference?

Congratulations on equating sex and math. That might be a DCUM first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

I knew plenty of people in HS whose parents “forbid” them from dating. Guess what? They definitely still had boyfriends and girlfriends. They were just sneaky about it and had parents that “trusted them completely” because of course their kids never lied.

+1

My daughters had a friend over the other day and that friend has a boyfriend but her parents don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Just like the Duggars!

Are you arranging marriages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will go first.

- No sleepovers. I have held 1/2 sleepovers...(kids wear PJ's, have fun but get picked up at 11:00 pm).

- No dating in HS.

- No carpools for my kids. We did offer rides and ran carpools for our friend's children if they asked for it but never for mine.

I'm curious about the no dating in HS thing. How do you prevent your 16 year old, for example, from having a boyfriend? She is out of the house at school for a large part of the day, and then presumably is allowed out with friends at least occasionally. How do you prevent her from having a romantic interest, which is so natural and normal at that age?

My kids were high achieving and liked being in a very demanding and rigorous academic program (4th -12th grade). However, they had very little free time for romance. Between ECs, sports, volunteer work, field trips and academics, my kids had an insanely long school day. Weekends was usually competitions, tournaments, travelling, homework, test prep, catching up on sleep, socializing with friends, leisure time and family time. Also, students in their cohort were as busy as them - so there was no one who was really dating. Maybe one or two couple. I am sure romantic interest and crushes did happen but there was no time to act upon them.

That sounds like a f*@&ing miserable childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eat sausage, fries, bacon, and sugar-full pastries for breakfast.

Who eats fries for breakfast? Where did you notion of Americans come from?

I think they meant home fries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Being a Bridesmaid.

The worst guest experience of being in a wedding!

This is a great thing not to *want* your kids to do- right up there with going into space or extreme spelunking. But if your kid is old enough to get married and has friends getting married it fits more in the Adult Kids theme and not here.

This is "Off topic" forum. Not Elementary School or Adult Children. I think this is in the right forum.

Being a Bridesmaid is horrible guest experience.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why out of all things, the preventing dating/sex thing is the biggest problem. Who wants their teen kids having sex? Most UMC white parents do not. So why judge immigrants for not letting their kids date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

Honestly, we believe this too, but the problem now is that kids are not really dating at all. Teach your kids how to date properly in high school while under your roof. How to ask, how to accept, how to refuse, how to plan, how to treat someone. Encourage group dates.

Nope. No need to do all of that. Dating is not serving the teens well. There is not one redeeming reason for it.

However, I will agree that you teach them various scenarios of casual dating safely in college. They should know that they don't have to have sex with someone. My DD dated in college but always had her own car, decided on where she wanted to go, and paid for her own share.

Sounds like you're an expert. So she drove herself to dates and paid for herself? Sounds like she had a lot of first dates and had no idea how to enter or maintain a relationship. Hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not American, but I don’t see the issue with carpooling. What’s wrong with that? We don’t do sleepovers due to a fear of SA, and we wouldn’t allow dating, because we don’t believe in intimacy before marriage, but what is wrong with carpooling?

How will you control this when your kid is in college?

We don’t. We have three, one in MS, one in HS, and a college freshmen. They won’t do it because they just aren’t interested, and would rather wait.

This whole thread is very bizarre and truly divorced from reality.

What is bizarre? It is considered ok for American kids to fornicate from their teen years by their parents. Around the world it is not the norm. From an immigrant perspective - there is no need for our children to follow this practice. But, if they do? There is something legally that can be done by the parents only as long as they are minors, but otherwise what can you do? Maybe cut them off from the family or something. I mean in many families there will be consequences.

On the other hand - It is ok for American kids to not love Math. Around the world, it is a cause for great concern for parents if their kid is not proficient in Math. It is just the way things are. Maybe American parents do not see the value in getting upset over Math. And if that is the case - isn't that their choice and cultural preference?

Damn. I need to call my sister and let her know that even though she lost her virginity on a high school trip overseas, she must have imagined it since teenagers outside of the US don’t do that! Thanks for letting me know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why out of all things, the preventing dating/sex thing is the biggest problem. Who wants their teen kids having sex? Most UMC white parents do not. So why judge immigrants for not letting their kids date?

Most UMC white parents are fine with later in high school kids having sex with girlfriends and boyfriends actually. Do you have a teenager?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why out of all things, the preventing dating/sex thing is the biggest problem. Who wants their teen kids having sex? Most UMC white parents do not. So why judge immigrants for not letting their kids date?

Because it’s simply not preventable. You can talk to your kids about how you “forbid” it all day long. It’s much more predictive to make sure your kids know hot to be smart and safe about it if/when they may choose to engage in sex. Unless you lock your kids in the house and never let them out, they will find a way if they want to.

[Anonymous]

Wasting food and being selfish/greedy.

Serving more food then you can eat at parties. Piling your plate with food instead of leaving food for others and just going for seconds if you need it.

Pouring milk down the drain if they cannot finish it, instead of refrigerating it.

Hopefully since food is costing more, people will stop doing it.