Am I out of line? Refusing to host ILs for Xmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Some of us taught our children manners. Are you even a parent?

You aren't a parent.

Is this non-answer an answer? Either you aren't even a parent, or you chose not to parent your children properly and teach manners. I'm going with random reddit loser bro who's bored.

I'll go with dementia addled Boomer for you who claims her kids never ever acted up ever. Save it for your daughter in law, nobody cares about your rose tinted glasses view you have now of your "perfect" children you raised 40 years ago.

That was not the claim that was made, you illiterate drama queen.

STFU. She most certainly did say her kids were taught manners and therefore would never miss a beat.

LOL excellent trolling, PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I never claimed that I am perfect, or that my kids are perfect, or that they have never acted up.

They’ve acted up plenty and still do on occasion. What I DID say, and what is 100% true, is that they would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else. That doesn’t mean they always like the food that is put in front of them. It doesn’t mean they will always eat the food that is put in front of them. But they will NOT insult it. Because despite being imperfect human beings, they have basic manners and sense of empathy and gratitude.

You are lashing out because you forgot ti actually RAISE your kids, it would seem.

Get bent. Your perfect kids have obviously messed up or else you wouldn’t have had to teach them manners they should have already known out of the womb. There’s no way someone as rude as yourself could teach any empathy or gratitude as you sneer and condescend. You sound despicable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

[Anonymous]

There are some really unhinged boomer MILs on this thread that’s all I gotta say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some really unhinged boomer MILs on this thread that’s all I gotta say.

It’s just the one. She was all over the last thread too. She should try being genuine and appreciative of her daughter-in-law, but I have a feeling she’s already cut off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

So you were a jerk some times but talking about food really crosses the line? Ok. All it means is no kid is perfect which we all know but some seem to think their particular kids are real angels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

So you were a jerk some times but talking about food really crosses the line? Ok. All it means is no kid is perfect which we all know but some seem to think their particular kids are real angels.

No, I was a jerk sometimes but was raised with clear expectations for how to behave when a guest in someones home. You never were taught “company manners” or raised your kids with any?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

So you were a jerk some times but talking about food really crosses the line? Ok. All it means is no kid is perfect which we all know but some seem to think their particular kids are real angels.

No, I was a jerk sometimes but was raised with clear expectations for how to behave when a guest in someones home. You never were taught “company manners” or raised your kids with any?

Nobody’s kid on this thread insulted food in a guest’s home. This entire exchange started b/c someone said their kid insulted the parents food in what sounds like a hypothetical. Cue the freaking out and pearl clutching about how their kids would never…!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

So you were a jerk some times but talking about food really crosses the line? Ok. All it means is no kid is perfect which we all know but some seem to think their particular kids are real angels.

No, I was a jerk sometimes but was raised with clear expectations for how to behave when a guest in someones home. You never were taught “company manners” or raised your kids with any?

Nobody’s kid on this thread insulted food in a guest’s home. This entire exchange started b/c someone said their kid insulted the parents food in what sounds like a hypothetical. Cue the freaking out and pearl clutching about how their kids would never…!

Setting aside the fact that you are clearly unhinged, my kids have actually never insulted my cooking. They have politely told me that they didn’t like the food sometimes, but believe or not there is a way to do that without being offensive. Maybe it’s because we set a good example in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

+1000000

My kids insulted my Thanksgiving dinner. Should I skip Christmas Eve dinner?

Really your in-laws are like young kids. Once you understand they are simply large children it gets easier.

Actually it sounds like you just have a problem that runs through all generations of your family. You think raising your kids to be ungrateful little shits is normal because you were raised by ungrateful big shits. Judging by your post this shitty behavior didn’t skip a generation.

NP. You sound intolerable. Do you have kids? Did your teenager ever say something ungrateful or stupid? When they did, curious what you did. Kick them out if the house? Call them little shits? How’s that working for you?

It’s working great. My kids would NEVER insult the food prepared for them by someone else.

Your kids sound intolerable, and that sounds like it’s your fault.

There is no way you have kids of speaking age. There's a reason the saying "From the mouth of babes" exists. Kids have no filter they say honest shit all the time. You're a clown.

Two teenagers and an elementary schooler, actually. Just because you were raised to be a jerk and you’re raising your kids to be jerks doesn’t mean that’s how everyone does it. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Nobody believes you have perfect perfect children who are always seen but never heard. You’re a lying smug ass. Nobody is perfect and certainly not you or your kids.

I’m a DP and I absolutely believe that two teenagers and an elementary schooler would be taught to behave with good manners and never dream of speaking this way when guests in someone’s home. That is a far cry from perfection and if you don’t see that you are raising heathens.

Another insufferable mommy. You keep talking about how your kids act as guests but the PP above said her kids insulted her own dinner they weren’t even guests. I’m sure your kids just rave every night about your dinners and say it was the Best. Dinner. Ever.

I wasn’t actually thinking it from the perspective of a parent, but the perspective of a child. My siblings and I would never ever have insulted food in someone else’s home, Does that mean we were perfect, absolutely not, but my mother would never have stood for that sort of behavior.

So you were a jerk some times but talking about food really crosses the line? Ok. All it means is no kid is perfect which we all know but some seem to think their particular kids are real angels.

No, I was a jerk sometimes but was raised with clear expectations for how to behave when a guest in someones home. You never were taught “company manners” or raised your kids with any?

Nobody’s kid on this thread insulted food in a guest’s home. This entire exchange started b/c someone said their kid insulted the parents food in what sounds like a hypothetical. Cue the freaking out and pearl clutching about how their kids would never…!

+1. I’m more interested in the OP than this side quest to discover which anonymous poster has the best or worst kids.

Personally, I definitely think she should discuss this with DH and I don’t think it’s out of line to bring up not hosting with him. Given what we know, it sounds like he and his mom have a complicated relationship and if I was OP I would want to make clear that I’m not participating in this bickering/fighting/insulting dynamic they’ve got going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand why you're upset and you have every right to be.

But I think refusing to host the ILs over one comment, with less than a month until Christmas (ie, late to arrange other plans) is an overreaction and would be a bit out of line, particularly without a conversation. I mean, these are your husband's parents.

So, yes, talk to your husband. But I would recommend some other options rather than going nuclear and refusing to host.

Can you guys (or just him) talk to the ILs about how that comment made you feel? While I understand how it stung when you do so much work to host them, that may not have been what they meant and they might be sad to hear you felt that way. They may have meant that this difference in opinion on whatever makes them feel emotionally separated from your nuclear family - not that they felt they were treated poorly. I agree that a forced apology (ie, one they give just so they can go to Christmas) is not helpful, but a true apology, along the lines of "oh, no, Larla, not at all! I'm so sorry, that is not what I meant! Your home is always so well prepared for us, and you do so much work to host and we really appreciate that. We just wish you aligned with us politically, and that wedge always seems to come between us, that's what we meant by that! Your home is always lovely" Wouldn't something like that, spoken honestly and given freely, make you feel much better? At least give them the chance.

Pending the results of that conversation (if it goes great, maybe you welcome them with open arms, if it goes really poorly, maybe you do rescind the invitation, but there's a good chance it goes more... medium) then maybe you take the hosting down a few notches? Hand more stuff over to your husband, that's for sure (especially if in the end he wants them to come and you really don't). And just lower your standards. I know some on DCUM will be horrified to hear this, but we don't do any extra cleaning for guests. We have a bi-weekly house cleaner. If it's been 1 week and 5 days since she's been here, then our guests get a 12-days-since-a-cleaning house. So what? Your husband can make dinner reservations. You can make something basic for dinner like you would any other night, just a double recipe. You can tell them when they get to you to "make themselves at home and help yourselves to anything in the fridge" and stop refilling glasses. You don't even have to make up the guest bed, just put clean sheets on a pile on top. They'll live.

Absolutely not. Actions have consequences. It doesn't matter if it's the day before or the year before. They behaved inappropriately and now have to lay in the bed they've made.

I love how so, so many of the responses here on this forum are like, “these are your husbands parents” or “these are your kids grandparents”. Or, “it’s Christmas. You need to be gracious.” Like, what am I? Am I not my husbands wife ? My kids mother? Does Christmas mean I need to let my own needs and wants fall by the wayside for other adults , year after year, without any thanks? Why does this standard apply ONLY to me? Why aren’t people saying, gosh, that’s your son’s wife, you need to be a gracious guest in their home. Or, gosh, that’s the mother of your grandchildren, you need to treat her with respect and kindness. Is it just a bunch of grandmothers on the family forum sometimes?

They’re just like the (one?) person who comes into every thread about setting boundaries for bad parent/in-law behavior with “What?!?! You simply MUST let them steamroll over you, behave any way they like and treat you any way they damn well please while you roll over and take it. My mother is DEAD and I’d give anything to be in your shoes! Don’t you know your parents will DIE and THEN you’ll be sorry?!?!” 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idiots will say idiotic things. I just don't react when that happens.

OP, you are right to feel offended. But, refusing to host for this reason is unnecessarily confrontational. I just do not give weight to any nonsense that others speak. Elderly tend to lose their filter and will say such things. This is age-related cognitive decline.

Not hosting isn’t confrontational. It’s literally nothing. MIL can offer to host them and show them how it’s done, or else she can figure out Christmas di. We herself.

It is confrontational to disinvite. She can decide not to host next year, but it’s too late this year. Time to tell her husband that she is done doing all the work to get ready for his mother.

Nope, that’s not what confrontational means. Sorry.

And three weeks is MORE than enough notice for them to make other plans, including, if all else fails, Christmas at home with their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How in the world does it take you a week to plan menus and make reservations? This is 2 hours TOPS.

And did you really just complain about refilling glasses? Is that hard or even necessary? Just pass that 4 second chore off to guests..." here is the bar/bottle/pitcher/ water..help yourself when you need a refill"

You’re absolutely right. It’s not necessary. This is why she shouldn’t do it for Christmas!

This is an OP problem not a hosting or IL problem!!

You are incorrect no matter how many overly dramatic exclamation points you use.