Does your DH watch pornography?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It made my ex fantasize about younger and younger women until he was no longer attracted to me (we were in our late 40s).

Male or female, it is completely irrelevant.

Why can’t late 40 year-old people just be sexually attracted to other 40 year-old people??

Why can’t people be attracted to whomever they are attracted to?

- you mean like a 50 y.o. husband attracted to a 20-something woman?!

Ewwwwww! No!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

The point I made from the start is that it doesn't interfere with our marriage. What my wife and I share is not another dessert - it's the main course. You seem to think there are two kinds of guys: Those who are so devoted to their significant other that they abstain completely, and those who are complete porn addicts. I am saying that it's possible to watch porn in moderation. Somebody who has a drink once a week is not an alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

The point I made from the start is that it doesn't interfere with our marriage. What my wife and I share is not another dessert - it's the main course. You seem to think there are two kinds of guys: Those who are so devoted to their significant other that they abstain completely, and those who are complete porn addicts. I am saying that it's possible to watch porn in moderation. Somebody who has a drink once a week is not an alcoholic.

Good point.

Moderation does in fact exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

The point I made from the start is that it doesn't interfere with our marriage. What my wife and I share is not another dessert - it's the main course. You seem to think there are two kinds of guys: Those who are so devoted to their significant other that they abstain completely, and those who are complete porn addicts. I am saying that it's possible to watch porn in moderation. Somebody who has a drink once a week is not an alcoholic.

Do you only consume once a week? Be honest now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

The point I made from the start is that it doesn't interfere with our marriage. What my wife and I share is not another dessert - it's the main course. You seem to think there are two kinds of guys: Those who are so devoted to their significant other that they abstain completely, and those who are complete porn addicts. I am saying that it's possible to watch porn in moderation. Somebody who has a drink once a week is not an alcoholic.

Do you only consume once a week? Be honest now.

Yes, being fully honest. I'm anonymous here - why would I lie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

I think it's more like going out to restaurants. They're nice and all. Variety. Trained cooks. But you can't deny that they're only good in small doses. I think most of all come to want a home cooked meal pretty fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My drive is higher than hers, so yes I do watch porn. But I don't let it interfere with our marriage - I will only watch porn after having sex, when I know it won't happen again for a few days. The scenario I want to avoid at all costs is where she initiates but I have to decline because I just took care of myself. In 20 years together this has never happened.

I don’t buy this mismatched libido excuse as the reason you watch porn. It seems pretty flimsy from an outside perspective. If your drive is so high, why do you have to use porn to take care of yourself?

I understand taking care of yourself when you are turned on and your wife isn’t interested, but what you are saying is that you are using porn to get yourself turned on specifically at times you think your wife won’t be interested (not that you ask her). This isn’t about your high drive. This is about the dopamine release you get from watching porn.

You sound really clueless. Something tells me you are perfectly fine turning your husband down for prolonged periods of time but God forbid he get a release somewhere else.

What? Why would you think that?

If my kids eat potato chips before dinner, does that mean that I don’t feed them regular meals?

I'm the PP who started this line of discussion, and I like this analogy. But I think of it more like dessert. If I eat a big dessert before dinner I'm not going to be hungry for whatever is on my plate during the meal. That's why when I do eat dessert, it's always after dinner.

In terms of taking care of myself with or without porn, I liken that choice to eating a cookie for dessert vs eating a slice of triple chocolate fudge cake. One of those is a lot more unhealthy but also a lot more fun.

Okay. I mean, first of all, we know that you are having a smorgasbord of desserts. It’s not just one piece of cake that you have over and over again.
And then if your wife wants to do something special and make you a dessert, there is just no way for her to compete. You are expecting your daily smorgasbord of triple chocolate fudge cake and anything else you can imagine, and she bakes you an apple pie. Maybe you are appreciative of the effort she put into it, but you aren’t actually going to be excited about eating it.
There is literally nothing that she can bake that’s going to be as exciting as you taking bites out of 10+ different desserts until you find the one you like and then eating your fill of it.

And then, to top it all off, she doesn’t even know that you are doing it. Or at least not how often. So she doesn’t get why the most exciting dessert she can think of still seems kind of bland to you.

This is a great analogy. Too bad men won't listen and care what their woman thinks/feels, because who cares, they get their rocks off on other women and that's more important to them.

[Anonymous]

If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

I agree that it would warrant a conversation but not an immediate veto. Sometimes what we are uncomfortable with is not totally reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

I agree that it would warrant a conversation but not an immediate veto. Sometimes what we are uncomfortable with is not totally reasonable.

You have to give a lot of respect to subjective feelings, but you can't completely ignore the concept of reasonableness. Like, if I'm uncomfortable spending the holidays with my in-laws, that's worth listening to. Maybe they are abusive or dangerous in some fashion. But, if they are merely boring, maybe my "discomfort" is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

All you've said is "I'll hear you complain and then do what I want."

What a great marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

Some of us don't know if they are uncomfortable. My wife has never brought it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

Get a grip. I don't want my DH monitoring what I watch, read, etc. If it is not causing problems, what do you care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If men know their partner is uncomfortable with it, why do they continue? Do they not care about their partner?

Get a grip. I don't want my DH monitoring what I watch, read, etc. If it is not causing problems, what do you care?

It is causing problems, like for the OP. Why so hostile?