Lazy, careless DH stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends or in an anonymous message board.

It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Missed a word above

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DP. I don’t mean to disparage PP’s work but my guess is that she didn’t take long and is poking back at a very unhealthy poster. I don’t think she is the one who is unhinged here . . .

+1

In any conflict, most people seek to understand why each person feels the conflict started and how it can be resolved.

However, when one party cannot accept that they could have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

NP

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

From the OP:

Me: there’s no room for anything else in the fridge. And would you mind cutting it?

DH: I don’t have time and there are no containers that fit it.

So at that point you're saying OP was THEN responsible for saying to her husband, "your response is frustrating to me because I feel like you don't see how this is going to cause problems for me, etc."?

I find it a bit ridiculous that OP is supposed to explain to her husband how what he did made her feel instead of him being an adult and figuring out why it's a problem after she told him what the issue is and asked him to address it. He had all the information he needed to understand the issue. So instead of making it into a bigger thing, OP decided to vent on an anonymous forum to feel less alone and then will likely move past the watermelon issue.

It's already been established that venting is unhealthy.

The watermelon isn't the issue. OP and her husband have a communication problem if they can't resolve these simple matters without unhealthy venting.

Lol to you any time any woman describes poor behavior in a man it is "unhealthy venting". OP needs to be a good wife and understand that her DH is too busy and important (unlike her) to cut up the massive watermelon he chose to buy.

Men venting about their wives get even less sympathy on DCUM. You sure are hung up on thinking we women are keeping down other women.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I complain about each other to each other (with love and humor) in front of DD all the time. I don't see what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I complain about each other to each other (with love and humor) in front of DD all the time. I don't see what the problem is.

With love and humor is the key. Your kid doesn’t want to hear actual complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I complain about each other to each other (with love and humor) in front of DD all the time. I don't see what the problem is.

With love and humor is the key. Your kid doesn’t want to hear actual complaints.

Okay?

[Anonymous]

My DH used to not wash DD's straw cups when it was his turn to wash up. He would just leave them in the sink or worse put them back in the fridge. He also just doesn't notice when they get moldy so doesn't think washing them is important. I told him that a fairy died every time he put an empty cup in the refrigerator and he has been doing a lot better now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to not wash DD's straw cups when it was his turn to wash up. He would just leave them in the sink or worse put them back in the fridge. He also just doesn't notice when they get moldy so doesn't think washing them is important. I told him that a fairy died every time he put an empty cup in the refrigerator and he has been doing a lot better now!

Mine does that. Anything that is “weird” stays in the sink until it’s my turn to do the dishes. Same with anything that is remotely hard to put away (like 4 steps and opening a door instead of 2 steps and a shelf) when unloading the dishwasher. It would sit on the counter for years if I didn’t intervene.

[Anonymous]

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Your post is confusing and complicated to apply to the topic. Do you mean that it is normal for your DH to vent to his closest friends about "little annoying things" you do? I agree. Would calling you lazy and careless to these friends be more than venting? Yes.

OP's post creating a thread titled "Lazy, careless DH stories" is trashing him on social media. The fact that she did not name him does not make it less weird and awful.

Someone comes to this website and calls her husband lazy and careless. If the genders were reversed (a DH posted about how lazy and careless his DW is), this board would light up for days. By suggesting that I (and many other posters) am taking the post too seriously, you are attempting to diminish rude behavior by implying it is not serious. In other words, you cannot excuse awful manners (as shown by the OP) by saying "you are taking this too seriously."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Your post is confusing and complicated to apply to the topic. Do you mean that it is normal for your DH to vent to his closest friends about "little annoying things" you do? I agree. Would calling you lazy and careless to these friends be more than venting? Yes.

OP's post creating a thread titled "Lazy, careless DH stories" is trashing him on social media. The fact that she did not name him does not make it less weird and awful.

Someone comes to this website and calls her husband lazy and careless. If the genders were reversed (a DH posted about how lazy and careless his DW is), this board would light up for days. By suggesting that I (and many other posters) am taking the post too seriously, you are attempting to diminish rude behavior by implying it is not serious. In other words, you cannot excuse awful manners (as shown by the OP) by saying "you are taking this too seriously."

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

[Anonymous]

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

+1