Lazy, careless DH stories

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Your husband vents about you being “careless and lazy”?

I would be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

I have no problem with my DH venting about the little annoying things I do or don't do to his closest friends in an anonymous message board. It is normal and healthy to vent in this way. If he were trashing me by name on social media that would be weird and awful.

I don't have an expectation that DCUM posts be a holistic examination of a person or a marriage. That would be a bizarre expectation to have. You are taking OP's post way too seriously.

Dp. These people are psycho. There’s no rationalizing with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

+1

Lol you guys are psychotic

My guess is you are using these boards to process your complicated feelings about the woman whose leftovers you married.

[Anonymous]

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Omg you have a daughter? That is horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Lol so many laughs on this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Omg you have a daughter? That is horrifying.

Because she wants her daughter to communicate effectively with a spouse? You should give it a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Many men have vented about their wives on these boards and have not gotten attacked any more than this OP has. OP described a humorous, annoying, careless and lazy behavior by her DH. She communicated directly to him about that behavior, and he declined to address it. You are offended that she has anonymously relayed that story on these boards. Why does that trigger you so much?

She did not call his behavior in this one circumstance lazy and careless; she used the story to support the idea that he is lazy and careless. And then she invited others to help her by posting stories of their husbands being lazy and careless. Her point is that her husband is lazy and careless and that you (gentle reader) should affirm that this is a common condition in men by posting similar stories.

Trying to say that someone is triggered is glossing over the inherent bigotry of this thread. Bigotry bothers me. It should bother you.

Lol so many laughs on this thread

DP. Thank you for confirming your messed up views. It’s good for all of us to remember who gives advice around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

[Anonymous]

S/O I guess my husband is a saint for putting up with my lazy and careless activities. I am working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

DP+1

Calling someone “lazy” is never a kind thing. It’s a decidedly bad attribute.

If you feel it appropriate to characterize your spouse as “lazy”, it’s time to have an adult conversation to make changes and avoid that word.

Many behaviors are lazy and it is accurate to describe those behaviors as such. What you are saying is women should not describe those behaviors accurately because it's "not nice". However, what is not nice is inconsiderate, lazy behavior. Of course, marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on, and the other partner can and should try to communicate about lazy or careless behaviors that impact them, but that is beside the point of this thread which is to vent about careless,.lazy behaviors that characterize many men today because of how they have been socialized (thanks, MIL!)

Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it.

I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution.

I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet. I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me one and other .

Omg you have a daughter? That is horrifying.

PP finds these remarks horrifying:

1) "Communication eliminates inconsiderate behavior; venting perpetuates it."
2) "I would be concerned about my self esteem if my spouse was inconsiderate towards me and I felt unable to communicate the matter to resolution."
3) "I would never want my daughter marrying someone who disrespected her where venting was her outlet."
4) "I would want her and her husband to be capable of not being inconsiderate towards me[sic] one and other."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

NP. I completely agree with your first statement. I try very hard to own my role in any conflict with others.

I don't understand your second sentence as it relates to this issue - what was OP's role here other than being annoyed that her husband didn't put the watermelon away properly? He said he would get food for the girls' lunch, OP suggested watermelon, and he agreed it was a good idea, so this wasn't a case of OP insisting that he buy watermelon even though he didn't want to/didn't think it made sense for whatever reason. Then he leaves it in a careless manner in the fridge when he won't be home. What does OP need to acknowledge is her role in this conflict?

This poster wrote a fantastic response:

Her role is failure to express her annoyance with her partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Instead, OP asked people to tell negative stories about their husbands.

This applies both ways. If her response annoyed her husband, his role would be to express his annoyance with his partner, discuss, and resolve to avoid future conflict. Her husband would be wrong to respond by asking people to tell disparaging stories about their wives.

My response (

However, when one party cannot accept that they may have contributed to the conflict, you know that they are a significant source of the problem.

) addresses all the posts made up to the time I posted. Is the conflict that the OP's DH once did a poor job taking care of a food item, or is that the OP's DH is lazy and careless in general? The title of the thread is "Lazy, careless DH stories", and the role in this conflict the OP needs to express is how disrepectful her post is (e.g., He did X (once). Therefore, he is lazy and careless and I want to others to talk about how lazy and careless husbands are as well.)

For all the posters who want to hear more stories from women bashing husbands, do you bash your DH (like this) in front of your children? If so, you give your sons and daughters the idea that their dads are lazy and careless.

Would you like it if your DH bashed you to them about your shortcomings? You need to answer this question in any reply.

Ok but what if DH is lazy or careless? Should we not point it out so his feelings aren’t hurt? Should we not say anything in front of our kids even when it affects them? At some point they are going to realize that they are wearing dirty socks for a week on vacation or pulling dirty clothes out of a drawer or have a giant watermelon wobble out of the fridge onto their feet, and then what?

You should point about the behavior. Calling someone lazy makes them defensive and doesn’t solve the problem. Talking to your children can be damaging. They want clean clothes, not characterizations of their parents. Posting anecdotes on a message does not help your relationship at all.

I’m sorry that you have children but cannot see those basic issues.

I think it would make children feel better and feel validated. If they’re constantly encountering things done in a lazy way, at some point they will internalize that they are not worth their fathers’ energy. It’s better to characterize their father as lazy than have kids label themselves as worthless.

DP

Is it even an option to talk to your spouse and work toward being two mutually considerate, co-equal parents to your children? Is your spouse incapable of mutual consideration?

How sad if this is the case. How terrible for these children.

I think the point of these anecdotes is to vent about spouses that are incapable of mutual consideration and that it is sad and terrible, but people are trying to find some company and humor in it.

And to further add: it’s socially acceptable to vent a little. It’s not socially acceptable to say “my DH doesn’t give a sh-t about me or the kids but I’m stuck until they’re more independent or I’m more financially independent.” That’s isolating. Let people vent here, sheesh.