Why are so many parents fumbling raising boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

Tell me you don’t have school age children without telling me.

Are you kidding?

Basically all male centric traits are swept aside now under the new banner of “kindness.”

But they are not biologically boy traits. They are traits some children have and perhaps more boys have those traits, but it’s not just boy traits.

Are you saying that a girl who is a tactile learner and learns by doing and who needs more outside activity shouldn’t receive that because she’s a girl?

DP, but this response is an excellent example of the confident stupidity and ignorance that now dominates almost all of our societal discourse. People seem to be less and less capable of perceiving nuance as time goes on; everyone is engaging in black and white thinking and just trying to “win” rather than even attempt to *think* about what another person is saying before responding with their own (most likely) incorrect and/or irrelevant counterpoint.

Dp, hut this kind of response is an excellent example of the failure of parents- avoiding responsibility, blaming others, and not offering any real action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we did pretty well with our DS. Post-covid he tried online and sitting in college classes and didn't like it. He went to trade school and is doing very well. He has a very mature respectful relationship with a young woman his age who is headed to law school soon. He's kind to animals and all living things. He has several different and diverse friend groups. He's paying his bills and we are generous with large gifts b/c he's respectful and it's a tradition in both our families to support the adult kids well - when they're young and they need it (not hoarding the big inheritance until the end when they're senior citizens and don't need it).

Sounds like you did a great job raising him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

Post in 20 years with your results.

Try 5-10.
These things work in lower ages but toxic masculinity and hyper masculinity is still valued in adulthood because there are men and women who grew up with that as the norm. These kids will be considered simps. Its reallllllllly hard to balance boys being able to be masculine without them falling into societal toxic traps. Especially for boys of color.
Also rough housing is good for all kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Boys who are naturally sensitive, caring, and know to treat girls, are their grandmas secretly favorite grandchild, same with teachers, they usually do not become friends with the those stereotype macho boys. And it’s not unusual for those “boys will be boys” types to bully the boys who aren’t like them.

Someone earlier said it’s not the parents, it’s everyone else. No. It’s the parents.

Yup. we have a boy like the type you described, and eventually had to move him to private school. He was fine in k-2, but then the toxic alpha male atmosphere bgan to take a toll socially. And it was clear many of the teachers preferred girls, and he easy pickedu p on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just finished reading Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. It discusses the reasons why many boys fail to launch, many of which have been mentioned in this thread.
I highly recommend this book if you are raising a boy.

Does he imagine it’s just harder now to compete on a level playing field?

Does he really think that meat milk eggs are causing problems?

Revenge of the forsaken God phenomenon… I mean, can’t he just admit men work too much and they’re not home with their children?

He does not say that it is harder to compete on a level playing field. But he does say that schools having more emphasis on direct instruction and testing rather than discovery is less conducive in teaching boys.

He does not mention anything about meat, milk or eggs. He does talk about microplastics in the bloodstream and medicating stimulants for ADHD.

He does say a lack of good male role models also contributes to failure to launch. This is both within the larger culture but also within individual families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

Tell me you don’t have school age children without telling me.

Are you kidding?

Basically all male centric traits are swept aside now under the new banner of “kindness.”

But they are not biologically boy traits. They are traits some children have and perhaps more boys have those traits, but it’s not just boy traits.

Are you saying that a girl who is a tactile learner and learns by doing and who needs more outside activity shouldn’t receive that because she’s a girl?

DP, but this response is an excellent example of the confident stupidity and ignorance that now dominates almost all of our societal discourse. People seem to be less and less capable of perceiving nuance as time goes on; everyone is engaging in black and white thinking and just trying to “win” rather than even attempt to *think* about what another person is saying before responding with their own (most likely) incorrect and/or irrelevant counterpoint.

What’s the most interesting about your ignorant and uneducated response? Is that the post you are responding to is saying it’s way more nuance than the black-and-white thinking that schools are bad for boys and good for girls.

It’s simply not true. It’s way more nuanced..

The problem is we believe schools should be one way for everyone and when that doesn’t work, we change to another one way. But we need to do is offer different options for kids, depending on the way they learn..

Your post is almost incoherent.

Only to you, hon

You dumb, girl

Still can’t name a trait. But sure keep posting nonsense and pretend we forgot that you can’t think of one trait.

Dp and still waiting…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Boys who are naturally sensitive, caring, and know to treat girls, are their grandmas secretly favorite grandchild, same with teachers, they usually do not become friends with the those stereotype macho boys. And it’s not unusual for those “boys will be boys” types to bully the boys who aren’t like them.

Someone earlier said it’s not the parents, it’s everyone else. No. It’s the parents.

Yup. we have a boy like the type you described, and eventually had to move him to private school. He was fine in k-2, but then the toxic alpha male atmosphere bgan to take a toll socially. And it was clear many of the teachers preferred girls, and he easy pickedu p on that.

It’s your child’s personality. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just finished reading Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. It discusses the reasons why many boys fail to launch, many of which have been mentioned in this thread.
I highly recommend this book if you are raising a boy.

Does he imagine it’s just harder now to compete on a level playing field?

Does he really think that meat milk eggs are causing problems?

Revenge of the forsaken God phenomenon… I mean, can’t he just admit men work too much and they’re not home with their children?

He does not say that it is harder to compete on a level playing field. But he does say that schools having more emphasis on direct instruction and testing rather than discovery is less conducive in teaching boys.

He does not mention anything about meat, milk or eggs. He does talk about microplastics in the bloodstream and medicating stimulants for ADHD.

He does say a lack of good male role models also contributes to failure to launch. This is both within the larger culture but also within individual families.

He should talk about competing on a level playing field because that is what is causing more boys strife since they can’t measure up.

Less direct structure, and less testing is good for all students stop pretending that that is biological from boys. It completely invalidates the statements.

You missed the whole chapter if you missed the meet eggs and milk or maybe you just didn’t understand it.

Again, micro plastics only affect boys?

He says that ADHD medication is fine if it is given to children who have been analyzed by physician and prescribed it. Obviously taking ADHD medication when you’re not supposed to be taking it is bad and guess what it’s bad for girls too.

Guess what dad’s not being home ever because they work too many hours or they’re traveling or they just don’t want to be engaged or they think that’s the wife’s job. It’s bad or boys and guess what? It’s bad for girls too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

Tell me you don’t have school age children without telling me.

Are you kidding?

Basically all male centric traits are swept aside now under the new banner of “kindness.”

But they are not biologically boy traits. They are traits some children have and perhaps more boys have those traits, but it’s not just boy traits.

Are you saying that a girl who is a tactile learner and learns by doing and who needs more outside activity shouldn’t receive that because she’s a girl?

DP, but this response is an excellent example of the confident stupidity and ignorance that now dominates almost all of our societal discourse. People seem to be less and less capable of perceiving nuance as time goes on; everyone is engaging in black and white thinking and just trying to “win” rather than even attempt to *think* about what another person is saying before responding with their own (most likely) incorrect and/or irrelevant counterpoint.

What’s the most interesting about your ignorant and uneducated response? Is that the post you are responding to is saying it’s way more nuance than the black-and-white thinking that schools are bad for boys and good for girls.

It’s simply not true. It’s way more nuanced..

The problem is we believe schools should be one way for everyone and when that doesn’t work, we change to another one way. But we need to do is offer different options for kids, depending on the way they learn..

Your post is almost incoherent.

Only to you, hon

You dumb, girl

Still can’t name a trait. But sure keep posting nonsense and pretend we forgot that you can’t think of one trait.

What are the traits of “toxic” masculinity?

(And FTR I’m not arguing with you about biological traits. I’m pointing out that are a self proclaimed mathematician who doesn’t understand basic statistics.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

This. They’re told by all their authority figures that they’re the ones who caused the harm to all those who have been victimized throughout society. Then they have to reconcile guilt that they never should’ve had with their own masculinity and instincts. This isn’t wholly a parent problem although I’ll be the first to say that parents who pile on to this nonsense don’t help.

Pray tell what are these stereotypical boy traits that are no longer valued,,?

Tell me you don’t have school age children without telling me.

Are you kidding?

Basically all male centric traits are swept aside now under the new banner of “kindness.”

But they are not biologically boy traits. They are traits some children have and perhaps more boys have those traits, but it’s not just boy traits.

Are you saying that a girl who is a tactile learner and learns by doing and who needs more outside activity shouldn’t receive that because she’s a girl?

DP, but this response is an excellent example of the confident stupidity and ignorance that now dominates almost all of our societal discourse. People seem to be less and less capable of perceiving nuance as time goes on; everyone is engaging in black and white thinking and just trying to “win” rather than even attempt to *think* about what another person is saying before responding with their own (most likely) incorrect and/or irrelevant counterpoint.

What’s the most interesting about your ignorant and uneducated response? Is that the post you are responding to is saying it’s way more nuance than the black-and-white thinking that schools are bad for boys and good for girls.

It’s simply not true. It’s way more nuanced..

The problem is we believe schools should be one way for everyone and when that doesn’t work, we change to another one way. But we need to do is offer different options for kids, depending on the way they learn..

Your post is almost incoherent.

Only to you, hon

You dumb, girl

Still can’t name a trait. But sure keep posting nonsense and pretend we forgot that you can’t think of one trait.

What are the traits of “toxic” masculinity?

(And FTR I’m not arguing with you about biological traits. I’m pointing out that are a self proclaimed mathematician who doesn’t understand basic statistics.)

You didn’t put forward any statistics.

[Anonymous]

“There is a very apparently systemic problem so each of you go around the table and confess how you have individually failed.” Ok Snowball. Just what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys need a lot more free time than UMC are getting. They need a lot of outdoor self directed play. Instead they spend all day inside directed at school and then they come home to more directed activity in sports.

Or worse they go straight to a math class followed by takeout food and then some sport. Maybe a tutor comes to the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve raised our four boys like you’d raise girls as the social/ emotional skills of girls are more valued in school-aged years. They all play a string instruments and began ballet at 2 (they still all are in dance at 4,6,9,13). They don’t play traditional boy sports so we can avoid the toxic masculine energy. They speak two languages. We require exquisite manners and don’t tolerate rough housing. They also have no access to screens without a parent present.

While kind of extreme, I don’t disagree. If we celebrated “softer” boys things would be better in the classroom and outside it. It’s not fair to girls to be surrounded by toxic masculinity from such an early age.

Boys who are naturally sensitive, caring, and know to treat girls, are their grandmas secretly favorite grandchild, same with teachers, they usually do not become friends with the those stereotype macho boys. And it’s not unusual for those “boys will be boys” types to bully the boys who aren’t like them.

Someone earlier said it’s not the parents, it’s everyone else. No. It’s the parents.

Anyone who claims that sensitive boys don’t bully has never been involved closely with youth chess. Ridiculous claim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one girl and one boy (teens) and they’re both awesome.

What’s so bad with boys now? My guess would be video game addiction is a big problem, but also we have taken away a lot of opportunities for them to problem solve. There’s not as much free range sand lot games where the entire neighborhood showed up and they handled conflicts and scraped knees. Now it’s travel baseball teams and a ton of parent oversight. Less risk-taking. Fewer opportunities to fail because we are all so scared to let them make their own mistakes because college is so much harder to get into these days.

Fathers of middle schoolers played a lot of video games growing up so that’s no excuse and video games are not the cause of anything.

Travel teams instead of the local kids playing games on their own or at least sticking with their home town is the result of pushy parents. They thought they could pay to make their kid a D1 sports star but reality is very few end up there.

The video games of the 80s and early 90s were VERY DIFFERENT from the video games of today, PP. you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.

Everything is SO DIFFERENT isn’t it? Did you play video games as a kid and now play as an adult. Otherwise how would you know?