What's weird about where you are staying - Thanksgiving 2024 edition

[Anonymous]

Every year, MIL (now 85) insists on still hosting. We arrive, she’s in her pajamas and still cleaning. Her fridge is bursting at the seams and things literally fall out when you open it. She makes a ton food and is not a very good cook. There’s only 8 people and she has cooked enough for 20. I try to get things organized, get out serving dishes, and set the table. She’s still cooking. Dinner is finally served and it’s dark outside. This happens every year. It was a little better when my FIL was alive because he helped. Happy Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re driving to my in laws today. It promises to be a disastrous thanksgiving. My son is meeting us tomorrow, and hopefully he’s up to helping out. My MIL refused to cater thanksgiving 6 weeks ago when we still had the option, and now there will be no caregiver for my ill FIL on thanksgiving day, so now she wants to cater.

It’s too late to cater - and we bought a turkey. And all the fixings to bring with us. So I will be cooking (hopefully with my sons help), while my husband is on urinal duty and caring for FIL. My husband usually cooks the turkey. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the oven is on the fritz.

Why on earth would you cook a regular Thanksgiving meal? That's giving her an out, and now she'll expect the same from you going forward. You should fix (or order) something that doesn't have any association with Thanksgiving. That way she will get things catered next year and you won't be on duty to cook.

Sigh. My husband insisted. It’s ok, we don’t normally go to their house for thanksgiving, we usually spend it with my family and Christmas with his family. It usually works out better but this year got crazy because my family is coming at Christmas instead…it’ll be fine. Or it won’t but I’ll be walking the dogs.

[Anonymous]

My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

[Anonymous]

Ok in defense of cold houses, when I host, my body temperature goes through the roof. The oven on all day, constant activity of cleaning and cooking, lots of wine, my low level social anxiety mixed with the stress of getting shit done all over heats me (honestly I love hosting but it's just very hot). I've been known to have the back door wide open while people are saying with confusion "hmm gee why is it so cold? How strange, did the furnace stop working?"

My immediate family also likes to sleep in a cave like environment but I do turn up the heat for everyone else for sleeping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re driving to my in laws today. It promises to be a disastrous thanksgiving. My son is meeting us tomorrow, and hopefully he’s up to helping out. My MIL refused to cater thanksgiving 6 weeks ago when we still had the option, and now there will be no caregiver for my ill FIL on thanksgiving day, so now she wants to cater.

It’s too late to cater - and we bought a turkey. And all the fixings to bring with us. So I will be cooking (hopefully with my sons help), while my husband is on urinal duty and caring for FIL. My husband usually cooks the turkey. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the oven is on the fritz.

Why on earth would you cook a regular Thanksgiving meal? That's giving her an out, and now she'll expect the same from you going forward. You should fix (or order) something that doesn't have any association with Thanksgiving. That way she will get things catered next year and you won't be on duty to cook.

Sigh. My husband insisted. It’s ok, we don’t normally go to their house for thanksgiving, we usually spend it with my family and Christmas with his family. It usually works out better but this year got crazy because my family is coming at Christmas instead…it’ll be fine. Or it won’t but I’ll be walking the dogs.

Excuse me, but he's not allowed to insist that you cook for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I already got in trouble for reorganizing my in-laws' fridge. I couldn't find anything because it was so so packed with items. I consolidated 4 jars of mango salsa and then tossed a beer six-pack holder that only had 2 beers in it. My FIL was annoyed with me for the six-pack bottle holder, so I put that back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re driving to my in laws today. It promises to be a disastrous thanksgiving. My son is meeting us tomorrow, and hopefully he’s up to helping out. My MIL refused to cater thanksgiving 6 weeks ago when we still had the option, and now there will be no caregiver for my ill FIL on thanksgiving day, so now she wants to cater.

It’s too late to cater - and we bought a turkey. And all the fixings to bring with us. So I will be cooking (hopefully with my sons help), while my husband is on urinal duty and caring for FIL. My husband usually cooks the turkey. Wish me luck.

Oh, and the oven is on the fritz.

Why on earth would you cook a regular Thanksgiving meal? That's giving her an out, and now she'll expect the same from you going forward. You should fix (or order) something that doesn't have any association with Thanksgiving. That way she will get things catered next year and you won't be on duty to cook.

Sigh. My husband insisted. It’s ok, we don’t normally go to their house for thanksgiving, we usually spend it with my family and Christmas with his family. It usually works out better but this year got crazy because my family is coming at Christmas instead…it’ll be fine. Or it won’t but I’ll be walking the dogs.

Excuse me, but he's not allowed to insist that you cook for everyone.

He knows that. The plan was that a caregiver would take care of FIL (who is terminally ill and incapable of self care), and now they don’t have one that day. So my husband will be doing FILs care instead of the cooking. My husband nearly always does the turkey on thanksgiving and at least 2 sides. He will help me as much as possible Thursday - god I hope he can do the turkey cause I never have! I will have to do the sides though.

It really will be fine. Or, I will be walking the dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For confusing guests we had my SIL and BIL. After Thanksgiving dinner last year we had coffee (they are coffee lovers and drink it constantly), and SIL asked for almond milk. I didn't have any, and felt like a terrible host - had I forgotten they drink almond milk? She declined to have any coffee with her pie.

So Friday morning I woke up at the crack of dawn to run out and get almond milk. What did she do? She drank the 2%.

I bet she just has dairy tummy issues and had lactaid in the morning. Don’t sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are only allowed to eat in the kitchen. No snacks in the living room (which is where we all hang out, next to kitchen.) Once they found a bag of chips that were in the upstairs bathroom garbage and they lost their minds. One of the kids had it in their bags from a rest stop before we got there and threw it away. We heard about it for weeks after we left.

My mom still talks about my brother’s ex-girlfriend who left a snack wrapper in the upstairs trash can. Not only is eating only allowed during meals, but “everyone knows that trash cans outside the kitchen are only for tissues.”

You can’t even take a tag off new clothing and leave it in the bathroom trash without a comment. It was really fun going through puberty as a girl under those conditions.

Wow! This is ridiculous and hilarious.

I remember a dcum poster saying she was very outraged that a houseguest left a used maxi pad wrapped up in the bathroom trash. She thought the guest should bring used bloody pads to the KITCHEN trash or notify the host "hey I left a pad in your bathroom trash" because nobody takes out the bathroom trash frequently right?

I swear it was one of the craziest out of touch things I've ever heard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom proudly told me on Monday that she just finished cooking the turkey so she can re-heat it for us Thursday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not put up with that. If I’m not comfortable. I’m staying in a hotel.

Of course MIL also lives relatively far from nearest hotel etc. DS is now wearing a hat and puffer jacket...

This is why I have no shame about day drinking here

Since it’s not a money issue, just go turn the thermostat up to 70. Have one of your kids distract everyone if necessary.

Not all at once. You have to do it a degree or two at time.

I am that person -- I grew up with the house at 60 and have it set to 63-64 pretty much all the time. (We also have bad circulation, so even when it is higher there are rooms that are too hot and too cold). We have some targeted space heaters in certain places that we can turn on/off if we want. We have the money, and I know I drive my husband nuts, but I can't get over the feeling of wastefulness. its a hard habit to break!

(my father still turns it to 55 downstairs overnight, so at least I'm better than that).

My dad kept it at 55 when we were kids. I had to sleep with an electric blanket and on my puffer coat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m hosting so I am the weird one this year I guess.

My mom arrived after visiting my brother and falling down the steps. She keeps showing my DH and kids her bruises…on her butt. DH wants to die of embarrassment, I literally think she revels in his discomfort.

She then pulled her crack apart for me so I could see that her lady bits were bruised. They aren’t but I really didn’t need to view…that. I’m seriously questioning if I can permit our other guests to come Thursday, they might sue us after for IIED.

Omg this is bad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a twist on this thread. How about clueless house guests? I’m hosting SIL and she arrived over the weekend for an 8 day stay. We have had numerous discussions and conflicts in the past about how disruptive her visits are to the kids sleep. Both kids have sleep disorders and my biggest stressor in life is getting my youngest to sleep and ensuring she gets the maximum sleep possible. My husband and I were looking forward to sleeping in Saturday morning (only day for the next week) and was woken up at 6:40am to giggling and screaming laughter from SIL and daughter together in the next room. SIL seemed confused when husband went in and asked them to be quiet and asking why daughter was awake. My son woke up moments later. I couldn’t fall asleep after that. Daughter was up almost 2 hours earlier than a normal Saturday. And his family wonders why visits are so exhausting!

How old are your kids that you expect them to sleep until 9am or later? 6:40 is a typical waking time for young kids and it sounds like they were staying in their room. I’d be interested to hear your SILs take on this visit.

+1 do you mean the SIL and her own young daughter? If this is like a toddler/preschooler, they can't really be quiet for several hours after waking up...

My SIL doesn’t have kids. She was with my 10 year old daughter who has sleep apnea and needs a minimum of 10 hours of sleep. This is a child that normally has to be woken up out of a dead sleep for school at 7:45 each day. On a weekend, she could easily sleep until 8:30am. Besides being annoyed my daughter is awake 2 hours early, the bigger issue is why would you be super loud and wake up everyone in the house at that hour. What about whispering? It was still dark out. I would never be a guest in someone else’s house and wake every one up because I didn’t feel like talking quietly. This issue has been discussed in the past. It is not new.

I wouldn't whisper if I was up with your kid in your house. It really seems weird that you expect this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know the kind of people who spend a lot of money on renovations but make the absolute worst choices that end up making the house a more ugly and less functional place to live? That's my in-laws. Over the past few years, they have:

**Redone the entire den, but left the asbestos ceiling that has a hole and flakes of asbestos falling out of it because rehabbing the asbestos "would have meant we couldn't afford to renovate the den."

**Redid the outdoor patio with slippery indoor tiles that are a super hazard whenever it rains because "they look better. you won't believe how much I had to push the tile salesmen to sell us the tiles, i had to tell him we were going to use them inside! what's it to him where we put the tiles after we buy them??"

**Re-did front and back steps to the house, but refuse to put in a hand-rail because "It would make it look ugly"

**Replaced the 100+ year old solid mahogany wood doors throughout the house with particleboard doors because MIL decided she wanted "white doors." She told us happily, "the renovators took all those old doors away for free!" New doors don't close properly, squeak, paint is already peeling, drafts and sounds carry, etc.

**Re-did the bathrooms. Refused to put in grab bars ("those are for old people!"). No tub, just a shower that already leaks, tiles cracked, the door swells with resultant humidity making it impossible to close.

**Put in a roof deck but didn't put in a staircase to the roof deck because they thought the wrought iron staircase maker their roof guy recommended was "a crook" because he wanted 5k for a custom staircase and they thought they could find a cheaper source. It's been 5 years and no, they have not found a cheaper staircase maker.

Is the asbestos ceiling covered with non-asbestos material? Meaning, is the asbestos contained?
Because the fact is, anyone living in a house built between 1930s thru 1960s has asbestos in their home. The concern is open exposure. If it's contained, or entrapped under layers of paint, you are fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are obsessed with the garbage too. To a point I get it - they are in the South where you have the giant roaches - palmetto bugs. But there house is so clean. I'm like relax for a week or few days while we are there. Everything goes down the disposal that can - if it is a banana cut the stem off. If it is smelly it immediately gets double bagged and put into the garbage. We are all afraid to throw anything out and tend to just leave piles of stuff by the kitchen sink.

Only they can clean up the kitchen. Or cook. To be fair - they buy good food and are awesome cooks. But you can't help. Then they complain about how tired they are. I try to remind them that they trained me how to load a dishwasher but its not good enough.

Can't drive their cars anymore - this is new one - because it new car is too complicated and we can't manage it. Nevermind that we had the same car in stick.

Can't have a key to their house because they only have one good one. But, the door must always be locked. Can't go out for exercise and not lock the door.

Never enough food in the house and if there are good left-overs - you cannot eat them. I used to do grocery runs but now not allowed to drive car. And yes, next time I will rent a car but again - this is a new one. Had to Uber to see friends last visit.

Cannot open a second bottle of wine if it might not all get drunk but also not allowed to bring your own wine because they have plenty.

We have a similar key situation at my mom's. There are two good keys but we are not allowed to borrow my parents' keychains. Fortunately I still have my housekey from when I was in high school, so if I need to run an errand or go for a run, I use that. But I can't tell my mom that I have a key because she will have a total freakout about a "good" key that is out in general circulation.

My parents also have doors that cannot be opened because they might not close again. You basically walk around their house holding your breath and hoping you don't accidentally violate one of the many rules that may be actually be arbitrary or may be the only reason the house is still standing.

What is a good key?!?

My ILs have forgotten to return our keys more times than I can count. Last time my MIL was here, she forgot again and she had borrowed our daughter’s key because we simply hadn’t gotten around to having yet more sets cut from their previous visit and H insisted she mail it back this time. We had to share house keys for a couple days before it arrived. Where the numerous other keys have gone, I know not. I do blame H for this one as it is now my ritual when they depart to say “John, Sue, we need the keys back.” I wasn’t home for the last visit.

In their minds, the original keys they were given when they bought the house. And they have no copies around...don't believe in locksmiths?