When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

SMBC. I'm responsible for it all---my retirement, the kids college fund, getting the kids to/from activities, attending BTS night, the IEP meetings, helping with homework, buying food for the house, hiring things to be outsourced.

I don't really care when people call themselves single mom/dad. I object when they do it to evoke sympathy.

I'm a single mom/dad and my kid needs.... I'm a single mom/dad can you lower the price
I'm a single mom/dad can you take my kid to practice

Just ask for what you want and leave out the I'm a single mom/dad part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend is divorced and has a 50/50 schedule. She doesn’t call herself a “single” mom, she says she is divorced. Even with a helpful, involved ex-husband who co-parents amicably, there is a privilege that comes from having a 2 adult household. Married or partners cohabitating, sharing expenses is a huge help. Having 2 adults to coordinate dinner and car pool is a huge help.

We have talked about the pros and cons of a 50/50 schedule. When you are married to a decent partner, you are a partial parent all the time. You know you can tap out and ask for help if you need to. When you have 50/50, you are 0% parenting or 100% parenting. When you are on, you are fully ON. Then when you are off, you have all the home chores to do alone - dishes, laundry, home repairs, landscaping, holiday decor, etc. On the days she doesn’t have kids, she is technically off kid duty, but she has to squeeze in errands and other things because she can’t pop out to pick to groceries and leave kids home with the other parent. She can’t work late once in a while - on kid days she has to stop and pick up kids.

Yes, and *actual* single parents are ON *100%* of the time.

But they aren't, though. They can have nannies or sitters or use relatives or friends.

By this inane logic, no one is a single parent, because anyone could use nannies or sitters or relatives or friends.

But that's the PP's logic. Only women with no help at all are single mothers.

Incorrect. Only women who don’t have the help of the child’s *other parent* in the physical and financial support of the child are single mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single parent if there is another parent actively involved in raising the kids at the same time as you. Regardless of your romantic status.

Fixed it for you.

Why do you insist on begrudging a divorced mom the hardship of being the solo parent every time they have their kids?

Because she’s a liar. She isn’t a single mom, she’s a divorced mother co-parenting with her ex and trying to pretend he’s not parenting their children as well, presumably for sympathy.

Military spouses aren’t single parents every time their spouses deploy, even though they may be “solo parenting” for awhile and it’s really difficult.

You have a crazy chip on your shoulder about your spouse being a bad co-parent.

I can’t even follow this logic. I’m not the one pretending my child’s other parent doesn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend is divorced and has a 50/50 schedule. She doesn’t call herself a “single” mom, she says she is divorced. Even with a helpful, involved ex-husband who co-parents amicably, there is a privilege that comes from having a 2 adult household. Married or partners cohabitating, sharing expenses is a huge help. Having 2 adults to coordinate dinner and car pool is a huge help.

We have talked about the pros and cons of a 50/50 schedule. When you are married to a decent partner, you are a partial parent all the time. You know you can tap out and ask for help if you need to. When you have 50/50, you are 0% parenting or 100% parenting. When you are on, you are fully ON. Then when you are off, you have all the home chores to do alone - dishes, laundry, home repairs, landscaping, holiday decor, etc. On the days she doesn’t have kids, she is technically off kid duty, but she has to squeeze in errands and other things because she can’t pop out to pick to groceries and leave kids home with the other parent. She can’t work late once in a while - on kid days she has to stop and pick up kids.

Yes, and *actual* single parents are ON *100%* of the time.

But they aren't, though. They can have nannies or sitters or use relatives or friends.

By this inane logic, no one is a single parent, because anyone could use nannies or sitters or relatives or friends.

But that's the PP's logic. Only women with no help at all are single mothers.

Incorrect. Only women who don’t have the help of the child’s *other parent* in the physical and financial support of the child are single mothers.

No, they also have to have no in-home help. Get real. Rich women who can't say they are single mothers. They don't meet the hardship requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single parent if there is another parent actively involved in raising the kids at the same time as you. Regardless of your romantic status.

Fixed it for you.

Why do you insist on begrudging a divorced mom the hardship of being the solo parent every time they have their kids?

Because she’s a liar. She isn’t a single mom, she’s a divorced mother co-parenting with her ex and trying to pretend he’s not parenting their children as well, presumably for sympathy.

Military spouses aren’t single parents every time their spouses deploy, even though they may be “solo parenting” for awhile and it’s really difficult.

You have a crazy chip on your shoulder about your spouse being a bad co-parent.

I can’t even follow this logic. I’m not the one pretending my child’s other parent doesn’t exist.

Assuming the PP was the OP. The OP purely is angry about her friend, but is angry that she doesn't have time off because her spouse sucks. So she's here calling her friend a 'liar' and other names because she can't look at her own issues.

[Anonymous]

[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single parent if there is another parent actively involved in raising the kids at the same time as you. Regardless of your romantic status.

Fixed it for you.

Why do you insist on begrudging a divorced mom the hardship of being the solo parent every time they have their kids?

Because she’s a liar. She isn’t a single mom, she’s a divorced mother co-parenting with her ex and trying to pretend he’s not parenting their children as well, presumably for sympathy.

Military spouses aren’t single parents every time their spouses deploy, even though they may be “solo parenting” for awhile and it’s really difficult.

You have a crazy chip on your shoulder about your spouse being a bad co-parent.

I can’t even follow this logic. I’m not the one pretending my child’s other parent doesn’t exist.

Assuming the PP was the OP. The OP purely is angry about her friend, but is angry that she doesn't have time off because her spouse sucks. So she's here calling her friend a 'liar' and other names because she can't look at her own issues.

Why would you assume that in a 10+ page thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single parent if there is another parent actively involved in raising the kids at the same time as you. Regardless of your romantic status.

Fixed it for you.

Why do you insist on begrudging a divorced mom the hardship of being the solo parent every time they have their kids?

Because she’s a liar. She isn’t a single mom, she’s a divorced mother co-parenting with her ex and trying to pretend he’s not parenting their children as well, presumably for sympathy.

Military spouses aren’t single parents every time their spouses deploy, even though they may be “solo parenting” for awhile and it’s really difficult.

You have a crazy chip on your shoulder about your spouse being a bad co-parent.

I can’t even follow this logic. I’m not the one pretending my child’s other parent doesn’t exist.

Assuming the PP was the OP. The OP purely is angry about her friend, but is angry that she doesn't have time off because her spouse sucks. So she's here calling her friend a 'liar' and other names because she can't look at her own issues.

Why would you assume that in a 10+ page thread?

Because PP seems as nasty as the OP.

[Anonymous]

Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I don’t know why anyone brought up who has it better or worse. Some of us are just stating the FACT that if you are co-parenting with your child’s other parent, you are NOT a single mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[google]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not a single parent if there is another parent actively involved in raising the kids at the same time as you. Regardless of your romantic status.

Fixed it for you.

Why do you insist on begrudging a divorced mom the hardship of being the solo parent every time they have their kids?

Because she’s a liar. She isn’t a single mom, she’s a divorced mother co-parenting with her ex and trying to pretend he’s not parenting their children as well, presumably for sympathy.

Military spouses aren’t single parents every time their spouses deploy, even though they may be “solo parenting” for awhile and it’s really difficult.

You have a crazy chip on your shoulder about your spouse being a bad co-parent.

I can’t even follow this logic. I’m not the one pretending my child’s other parent doesn’t exist.

Assuming the PP was the OP. The OP purely is angry about her friend, but is angry that she doesn't have time off because her spouse sucks. So she's here calling her friend a 'liar' and other names because she can't look at her own issues.

Why would you assume that in a 10+ page thread?

Because PP seems as nasty as the OP.

I’m sorry that reality upsets you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I don’t know why anyone brought up who has it better or worse. Some of us are just stating the FACT that if you are co-parenting with your child’s other parent, you are NOT a single mother.

Well “coparenting” is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Do you know the OP’s friend and her situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I don’t know why anyone brought up who has it better or worse. Some of us are just stating the FACT that if you are co-parenting with your child’s other parent, you are NOT a single mother.

Exactly. No one who has any help at all is a single parent. I had a friend who lived with her mother. Mom was rich so the daughter didn’t even have to work. No way that that person gets to say she’s a single mom. Obviously she’s got money and full time help so she can’t claim the mantle. Stolen valor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I think a few people are making the "who has it worst" argument, but most are debating the definition of the term.

To me it actually means there is no second parent in the picture (dead, single lady with sperm donor, incarcerated for life, no father's name on the birth certificate, completely disabled, never or rarely sees the kid and only with supervision), and has nothing to do with income or available childcare or how often you are alone.

Single mom =/= mom, who happens to be single, but Dad's around too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I don’t know why anyone brought up who has it better or worse. Some of us are just stating the FACT that if you are co-parenting with your child’s other parent, you are NOT a single mother.

Exactly. No one who has any help at all is a single parent. I had a friend who lived with her mother. Mom was rich so the daughter didn’t even have to work. No way that that person gets to say she’s a single mom. Obviously she’s got money and full time help so she can’t claim the mantle. Stolen valor.

She is a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there a need to claim who has it worst? This is as pointless of a debate as the SAHM / WOHM

I don’t know why anyone brought up who has it better or worse. Some of us are just stating the FACT that if you are co-parenting with your child’s other parent, you are NOT a single mother.

Well “coparenting” is doing a lot of work in that sentence. Do you know the OP’s friend and her situation?

OP stated her friend’s ex has the kids half the time. What else do you need to know?