Shocked at how many families in nice DMV neighborhoods are living in relatives' homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meritocracy is out and inheritance is in is the message from OP.

OP is just jealous and doesn’t seem to have a clue about how the world works.

I disagree.
She is answering the frequently asked question of “how are young people affording this crazy house prices.”

I moved here in the early 80s and young couples couldn't afford anything more than a townhouse a long commute away or a condo you'd never make money on close in. We all had to wait to move up in our jobs to save money for the down payment. Once we got on the property ladder we were able to move up.


What type of house are you talking about affording op? Clearly you get to skip living in a townhouse 1.5 hours in rush from your house because you are more special than the rest of us.

And I walked ten miles to school every day, in waist-high snow, without any shoes ...

C'mon. Stop it with this boomer nonsense. Sure, there is entitled stupidity rolling off of the OP, but you sound stupid too.

[Anonymous]

Not quite your point OP but in my area of dcumlandia, many are shocked that there’s even poverty; I do outreach work for a hyper-local charity. An uphill battle to convince citizens that the need is there but it’s carefully hidden. I point out that in the SFH multiple families and even non relatives are living together. Same for townhouses and apartments.

There are failure to launch adult DC living in their parents’ large homes, some are addicts, some unemployable for various reasons. Some elderly aging in place but failed to plan and so bring in tenants for rent money. Immigrant family will pool their money and buy or rent and are always housing family members sometimes temporarily sometimes permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overreacting to OP. I just think their point was that if you assume that everyone living in a million dollar (or more) home just has a very high income and is better at saving or financial management than you-- you are missing part of the picture. This is true of some people but many people are getting into those homes other ways often by inheriting money for a down payment or inheriting the house itself. I don't view this as a value judgment but just information. I think people in their 20s and 30s have a tendency to think that everyone in their same industry or with similar education background is working from the same resources and this misunderstanding actually LEADS to the jealousy and resentment people feel at times. But if you understand that people are working with very different resources and from different starting points then I find it harder to be resentful of it because it makes me realize that we are doing fine.

We have friends who were gifted large sums to buy homes. We also know people who inherited money or homes. We also know people with high incomes who could simply afford more house. We also know people who are just extremely scrupulous savers. And we know people who are some combingation of the above. The point is that everyone is on their own path and figuring out what works based on their situation. Understanding this liberated me to make choices that made sense for me and not worry about whether I was on the same page as peers becasue it turns out we just have very different lives and comparing doesn't make sense.

But that also cuts the other way. Occasionally I come across people who are impressed with themselves for what they have even though they have major advantages most people don't have. I roll my eyes at these peopel who I think are often naive and lack context. There are people who believe "everyone" gets money from their parents for a house or that "everyone's" parents paid for their education or will pay for their kids education. These people are as insufferable (perhaps more so) than people who complain all the time about things being unfair imo.

But why compare at all? You presented this like the only options are to jealously stare at what other people have and either make assumptions or become resentful. You could also just focus on you and your family. Build your wealth. Create your joy. Appreciate what you have. Be grateful for your own life.

Your happiness is never in your neighbor's yard. It’s always on your own side of the fence.

[Anonymous]

I know very few people that want to inherit their childhood home. OP thinks it’s prevalent around here but it isn’t.

The one family I know that did this had to move in to help a sick parent. They made a life with their kids but plan to sell it immediately when empty nesters.

All the elderly neighbors here in CC MD wish their kid wanted their house…but talk to the kids and they wish their parents would sell and either move in with them or to an apartment.

Nobody is looking forward to cleaning out and selling the house…even though they accept that is the likely outcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not surprised those who participate in this kind of arrangement jump to defend it. Entitled people tend to not see or care about the larger macro issues here - this directly contributes to shortage of housing supply which continues to drive up prices, making it all the more unaffordable for those who do not come from generational wealth.

This is why certain neighborhoods in DC and around - many already identified here like CCDC and CCMD - are insufferable. Full of old boomers and their entitled children.

Wait, so you think they should sell the family home, send the elders to a nursing home and the young family to an apartment across town where they will rarely see Grandma, all so you can buy their family home? Who's entitled here?

And how does this family living in one home instead of two create a housing shortage?

If we are talking about CCDC and CCMD PP is referring to people who own more than one house, and instead of selling, they give the other house to their kids for free or subsidized “rent.” Intergenerational living is another matter and quite rare in these wealthy, predominantly white DC neighborhoods. More common in Asian families.

I live in CCMD in a desirable school district and two families are like this. There was a house that for many years was basically abandoned. Owned by an older couple in CCDC who are wealthy enough to not have to sell. Eventually they fixed it up and gave it to the kids to live in. The other house was given to adult children after parents decided to downsize and moved into an expensive condo in FH. So yes, situations like this contribute to the low supply esp in good school districts. Properties stay in the same family as opposed to going on the market and allowing new families to enter - some of which will be like OP who get no parental help, others buy with help.

Wrong and it's amazing you can't see how ridiculous your logic is. There is a housing shortage for their children too but, nope, you're more entitled to their home than their children. Go outside, stomp your fit, ball up your fists, throw yourself on the ground and have a good cry. Maybe someone will come along and give you milk and cookies.

Agreed. This isn't a situation where a house is demolished, or converted into four 1 BR condos. A family lives in that house, just like it did before, and just like it would if it were up for sale. But since the family that lives there didn't pay full price for it, it somehow diminishes the housing supply in good school districts? Makes no sense.

Also, if the “undeserving” family didn’t live there, they’d still be on the market for a house. They also need a place to live. So you’d be competing with them for the same limited housing supply. (Or is the thought that the “undeserving” family should eff off to some other area, where they have no family connection, so that the more deserving transplants get the house?!)

I just can’t understand being mad about this situation. A family gets to live in a desirable area because grandma bought in 1983. So what? The house isn’t sitting empty, and it’s not being razed to make “luxury” condos. If grandma sold instead, you’d be fighting tooth and nail with them to buy it, possibly driving up prices even more.

This particular situation is not causing the housing crisis. This is all so silly.

[Anonymous]

About 70 percent or more of the houses on my block in CCDC are people over 70 years old, all happily aging in place. None have their adult children, failure to thrive adult kids or otherwise, are living with them. The handful of young families on the block don’t have elderly relatives living with them, either. I have lived here for over 20 years, know the neighborhood well and I don’t know anyone living in a family house and sending their kids to schools. I wish this weren’t the case because I think inter generational living could be helpful to everyone.

OP’s observation is obviously overblown and not the reason for the housing crisis, his or anyone else’s. However stupid as the post was it did jumpstart a lively conversation and so 👍 OP!

As a prior poster said, look for happiness and satisfaction in your own backyard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to live in your head and at least at the moment you wrote your "at least a dozen" and "that is, in fact, pretty widespread" (given your exhaustive and meticulous research... in your head), it seems like you want to let the world know that that... people help their kids! With the invitation to "shock" us ... you ought to smoke something different!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone missed the point that it’s a sign of how unaffordable housing is and that much of what you might think is people affording homes is actually an illusion.

Yep. Welcome to America in 2024.

It’s called welcome to the victim mindset and learned helplessness. People that actually want to improve their life don’t worry about stupid stuff like this.

“Stupid stuff” like housing increasing at a much faster rate than incomes? What’s stupid is pretending like it’s not a problem.

So many posters here defensive and judgmental, and jumping on an opportunity to criticize someone that they aren’t even thinking beyond “me me.me.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meritocracy is out and inheritance is in is the message from OP.

OP is just jealous and doesn’t seem to have a clue about how the world works.

I disagree.
She is answering the frequently asked question of “how are young people affording this crazy house prices.”

by having jobs, doing without, and saving money. She is a person who has never lived below her means because she is entitled to have all the nice things including other people's houses just because she is more special than others.

You are the most repulsive kind of poster here. You know nothing about other people’s lives but congratulate yourself and insult others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people are overreacting to OP. I just think their point was that if you assume that everyone living in a million dollar (or more) home just has a very high income and is better at saving or financial management than you-- you are missing part of the picture. This is true of some people but many people are getting into those homes other ways often by inheriting money for a down payment or inheriting the house itself. I don't view this as a value judgment but just information. I think people in their 20s and 30s have a tendency to think that everyone in their same industry or with similar education background is working from the same resources and this misunderstanding actually LEADS to the jealousy and resentment people feel at times. But if you understand that people are working with very different resources and from different starting points then I find it harder to be resentful of it because it makes me realize that we are doing fine.

We have friends who were gifted large sums to buy homes. We also know people who inherited money or homes. We also know people with high incomes who could simply afford more house. We also know people who are just extremely scrupulous savers. And we know people who are some combingation of the above. The point is that everyone is on their own path and figuring out what works based on their situation. Understanding this liberated me to make choices that made sense for me and not worry about whether I was on the same page as peers becasue it turns out we just have very different lives and comparing doesn't make sense.

But that also cuts the other way. Occasionally I come across people who are impressed with themselves for what they have even though they have major advantages most people don't have. I roll my eyes at these peopel who I think are often naive and lack context. There are people who believe "everyone" gets money from their parents for a house or that "everyone's" parents paid for their education or will pay for their kids education. These people are as insufferable (perhaps more so) than people who complain all the time about things being unfair imo.

But why compare at all? You presented this like the only options are to jealously stare at what other people have and either make assumptions or become resentful. You could also just focus on you and your family. Build your wealth. Create your joy. Appreciate what you have. Be grateful for your own life.

Your happiness is never in your neighbor's yard. It’s always on your own side of the fence.

People compare both because it natural to do so and because they find it informative. I think one reason people compare in this situation is because they may have certain goals and look to peers who have achieved those goals for guidance and ideas. If your neighbor or colleague or college classmate seems to have achieved goals you share, it's normal to think about how they did it and see if you can use the same strategy.

But the whole point here is that sometimes you realize their path can't be replicated by you if it involves family wealth or assistance you don't have access to. This can be both a hard realization (life is not fair) and a liberating one (I don't have to keep up with the Jones's because the Jones's have generational wealth and I don't).

If you are the Jones's I recommend get comfy with the fact that this happens and letting go of it. It is as unrealistic for you to demand people never compare or look at what their neighbors have as it is for someone like OP to demand they too be given a valuable home in a nice neighborhood.

This is just how the world works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s so funny that people who literally got a free house from their parents are jumping on OP for being entitled, when OP literally only said it’s helpful to know what s/he describes, and does not claim that s/he deserves any kind of shot at those houses.

Again, most PPs accusing op of being entitled purchased their home, like op, without help. Since so many bought their home, they don't feel "shut out" by these inheritors like op feels they are doing to her friends. It's weird to care about these few living situations and act like it's rampant or a problem raising home values or keeping homes off the market in any significant way. It's not related and just plain wicked to wish other families would move so friends with their own earned money can move into another available home. It's entitled.

[Anonymous]

Housing is too expensive so multi-generational living is becoming more common. Sign of the times.

To people bashing OP, you missed the point that she’s telling people who may be puzzled why others are pulling off “homeownership “ and they aren’t that this could be why: they didn’t actually buy the home - they’re adults living with their parents. So it’s also not “they don’t buy Starbucks” and “they lived off Ramen for 10 years” or “they commuted for 15 years first.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Housing is too expensive so multi-generational living is becoming more common. Sign of the times.

To people bashing OP, you missed the point that she’s telling people who may be puzzled why others are pulling off “homeownership “ and they aren’t that this could be why: they didn’t actually buy the home - they’re adults living with their parents. So it’s also not “they don’t buy Starbucks” and “they lived off Ramen for 10 years” or “they commuted for 15 years first.”

Exactly. I don't get the level of defensiveness on this thread. OP isn't making a value judgment she's just trying to share contextual info that might help people who feel shut out of the housing market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meritocracy is out and inheritance is in is the message from OP.

OP is just jealous and doesn’t seem to have a clue about how the world works.

I disagree.
She is answering the frequently asked question of “how are young people affording this crazy house prices.”

by having jobs, doing without, and saving money. She is a person who has never lived below her means because she is entitled to have all the nice things including other people's houses just because she is more special than others.

You are the most repulsive kind of poster here. You know nothing about other people’s lives but congratulate yourself and insult others.

A nerve has been hit! Finally someone explained the reason we (even those of us who didn’t have rich parents, or maybe ESPECIALLY those of us who didn’t have rich parents) view his post as entitled. Thank you poster who suggested OP live within means. That is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Housing is too expensive so multi-generational living is becoming more common. Sign of the times.

To people bashing OP, you missed the point that she’s telling people who may be puzzled why others are pulling off “homeownership “ and they aren’t that this could be why: they didn’t actually buy the home - they’re adults living with their parents. So it’s also not “they don’t buy Starbucks” and “they lived off Ramen for 10 years” or “they commuted for 15 years first.”

But OP is wrong. I bet he met one family like this rather than “dozens” and is telling himself it is the system (which he benefits from since he is in the fancy school district) of generational wealth rather than his own bad choices - Starbucks, Birkin bags, real estate you can’t afford - keeping him down.