Shocked at how many families in nice DMV neighborhoods are living in relatives' homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent" (whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

I'm surprised you are surprised. This is pretty normal and conventional.

[Anonymous]

Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

[Anonymous]

That’s what happens with restricting housing supply via zoning and giving tax breaks for homeowners. It creates this perverse feudal system of land ownership

Taxing the land properly fixes this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

OP here: we actually saved a six figure down-payment and closing costs without any family help. Paid for our own wedding too. Also paid off our student loans. But we got "lucky" by pivoting multiple times in our careers for better jobs, striving for big promotions, etc.

Vast majority of our friends who had a similar profile as us - i.e., had to pay for their own house, their own wedding, their own student loans - had to leave the area completely or moved very far out to make it work.

So, no, I do not feel entitled to other people's things. But it wasn't until our kid was in school that we really had no idea how "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

OP I get what you are trying to say.

It is frustrating when you don't have that generational wealth. Money doesn't go as far and also more frustrations in childcare.

I don't envy others this position, but I do agree that they sometimes forget how much the rest of us must hustle/struggle.

I have lived all over the country and this is more predominant here than anywhere else I have lived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always amazes me how people like OP feel entitled to other people's things.

OP here: we actually saved a six figure down-payment and closing costs without any family help. Paid for our own wedding too. Also paid off our student loans. But we got "lucky" by pivoting multiple times in our careers for better jobs, striving for big promotions, etc.

Vast majority of our friends who had a similar profile as us - i.e., had to pay for their own house, their own wedding, their own student loans - had to leave the area completely or moved very far out to make it work.

So, no, I do not feel entitled to other people's things. But it wasn't until our kid was in school that we really had no idea how "things really work" in nicer DMV neighborhoods.

This is how things work in a variety of aspects when you come from an upper middle class/rich background.

[Anonymous]

Gross! People are living in your neighborhood and they can't actually afford it? So disgusting. Make sure you don't let your kids play with their kids. Living in your parents house in an expensive "elite area" like the ones you name is cheating. Gross, gross, gross.

Seriously, make sure you protect your kids by not allowing them to play with those kids. And if you see that family at the CC? Well, they are surely cheating with that -- clearly they couldn't afford the dues if they weren't "living at home."

Ugh. Only people who can afford the down payment on a 2M home -- right this minute -- should be able to live in those areas. Is there an HOA? Maybe you could petition them? Find a way to get rid of these freeloaders?

[Anonymous]

If OP goes to one of the "good" DCPS schools I would wager that a decent amount these families claiming to rent from a relative are not living there at all but just using the relative's address to get in-bound for the neighborhood school while they actually live elsewhere in DC or even in MD.

They just tell you they're "renting" from grandma because they don't want to admit to attendance fraud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been living close to downtown Bethesda for more than 10 years, know hundreds of people from elementary, middle and high schools in the area because my kids are older teens, and NO, this is not a common occurrence, OP.

Why are you so obsessed with other people's living arrangements? We have no family help or high salaries, yet I have zero issues with the people who do. DH and I will be the generation who helps their children. If you have money, you'll do the same for your children. See how that works? Why is it a problem when others do it, but not when you do it?

Your jealousy is making you really stupid.

I think maybe some of the OP's response is because when you are trying to make sound financial decisions for your family, it certainly helps to have full information. I remember spending a lot of time when my kids were in elementary school trying to figure out "what we were doing wrong" that everyone else our age claimed to have a beach house where they spent all of their vacations, when in reality it was their parents' beach house, their parents' time share, etc. I was raised in a family where we didn't really talk about money, so I honestly had no idea that people came from such different financial situations than we did or that there were all of these ways to play the system of which we were unaware. (OFf the top of my head I can recall the dude in my foreign service class who used his housing allowance to pay the mortgage on a house that his parents put up a down payment for, when I was paying for a furnished apartment with my housing allowance since I didn't own any furniture, etc. Some other guy who rented a room in a friends' house, friend charged him the maximum housing allowance, and then they split the money, etc.)

I am now in the situation of being the person who presumably other people wonder about. I think it's a social class thing. Those at the top don't share their insider knowledge with the proletariat, and so you don't know that they do things like combining a vacation with a business trip so that they can save money on plane tickets and hotel rooms, they are able to deduct payments on one of their fancy car leases because someone has a 'business' that generates very little income and they declare it a loss every year, someone who you occasionally see at the ski slope is actually a 'disabled vet' whose kids are getting to go to college for free, someone got a big settlement from an insurance company for some kind of injury, etc. There is a lot of underhanded and quasi-legal stuff taking place that you generally don't know about. Think about all of the news about Trump's finances -- the way that he didn't pay any taxes, and claims to be a billionaire who somehow also didn't generate any taxable income. The older I get, the more cynical I get.

[Anonymous]

A lot of families in nice DMV neighborhoods moved there long ago to provide a better life for their loved ones. Does that shock you?

Now their children are grown and have children of their own. Does that shock you?

We live in a world where you cannot afford to buy a home in a nice neighborhood as easily as you could in the past. Does that shock you?

I'm just curious where the shock is coming from. Are you just unable to connect the dots?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent"(whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

You found me. Our family is living in CCMD in a house that's been held in the family for decades. It's in a good location that will only increase with value, and so the family has no intention of selling it. We've rented and owned our own places before, but we chose to live there to save and be closer to parents, without actually living with them. Our HHI is $300-500K and we "pay rent" (below market rate).

For the most part, this arrangement is a win-win-win. We benefit from saving more of our take home income and reduced need for childcare outside the family. Our parents enjoy having us closer to them and watching the kids. And the family is happy to have someone living in the house and taking care of it.

We plan to move out in a few years, when we'll have enough saved up to move where we want to outside the DMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent" (whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

I'm surprised you are surprised. This is pretty normal and conventional.

In this area? Yes.

In the rest of America? No, it's not.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised that you’re surprised. But I’m from this area. Our families stretched to buy these homes back in the 90s/2000s— and the homes have only become more desirable since then. Of course grandma wants her grandkids to also live in a desirable neighborhood with good schools. Makes no sense to sell when you have family looking for that exact type of home.

[Anonymous]

The people that do this in my neighborhood are fat slobs and don't respect the HOA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kid (only-child) just finished kindergarten at a school in an upscale DMV neighborhood.

We've met at least a dozen families at our school who are living in a childhood home or a living in a house own by an elderly parent/relative and "paying rent"(whatever that means)

Though extracurricular activities we've met other families with the same arrangements in Chevy Chase, Bethesda, and upper NW DC. This is, in fact, pretty widespread.

So, if you're slogging away saving for that down payment, paying for child care and wondering "how do all these people do it????"....just know that this is one of the ways you're getting shut out. I'm honestly surprised at how widespread this is happening.

You found me. Our family is living in CCMD in a house that's been held in the family for decades. It's in a good location that will only increase with value, and so the family has no intention of selling it. We've rented and owned our own places before, but we chose to live there to save and be closer to parents, without actually living with them. Our HHI is $300-500K and we "pay rent" (below market rate).

For the most part, this arrangement is a win-win-win. We benefit from saving more of our take home income and reduced need for childcare outside the family. Our parents enjoy having us closer to them and watching the kids. And the family is happy to have someone living in the house and taking care of it.

We plan to move out in a few years, when we'll have enough saved up to move where we want to outside
the DMV.

I thought the irs was quite picky about not allowing paying below market rent to relatives?